‘It was Iain,’ Alastair said solemnly.
Duff expected words of condemnation to be the first thing the Gordon laird said to him. He’d also believed Mairi’s attacker was one of her three suitors.
‘I am relieved I did not name Iain as her protector when Balfour was injured.’ Duff’s gut tightened further, knowing he couldn’t be happy having made Duff Mairi’s temporary protector either. ‘The position would have given him many more opportunities to …’ Alastair sighed. ‘He said he tried make her jealous by pretending to have feelings for the woman in the village named Paisley. And when that plan didn’t work, he tried to kidnap her instead, because he loves her.’ Alastair finally looked away and down, slowly shaking his head. ‘I believe he does love her, but he failed to realise or care that her feelings for him were not returned.’ The weight of his troubles seemed to hit the Gordon laird in that instant.
Duff reached around behind him and grabbed the small stool from the far corner of the cell. Taking two steps, he placed it down in front of Alastair Gordon.
Regret that he had added to this dignified man’s troubles made him feel sick. Like Iain, he loved Mairi, but as she hadn’t spoken the words, he had no proof she loved him. She’d said she wanted him but that didn’t mean she was in love with him. She’d also promised her father to fulfil her duty and choose one of her suitors to marry. His gut turned.
‘Does Mairi know it was Iain?’
Alastair took the seat and released an audible sigh. ‘Nae, but she will. Iain has been taken far to the north to spend the rest of his days working for a long-time acquaintance of mine.’
Duff understood that the rest of Iain’s life would not be easy, but at least he still lived.
‘How is Mairi?’ Duff could wait no longer.
Alastair looked up and studied Duff. ‘Perhaps you should be more concerned with your own welfare.’
Duff didn’t reply. His fate was already decided.
‘In all honesty, I do not know.’ He slowly shook his head. ‘I had thought …’ He shook his head again and stood. ‘I wished … I had hoped that things would turn out differently, Duff Elliot.’
Duff cringed at hearing his borrowed name. He’d lost his honour and couldn’t lose it twice. ‘Laird Gordon, you should know I live in the Borders with Lachlan Elliot. He and his clan took me in as a lad, but my real name is not Elliot.’
Alastair Gordon stared at him. ‘What is it, then?’
‘I came to the Highlands in search of my origins.’
‘And?’
‘I failed.’ The words escaped in a rush. ‘I have nae true name.’ It was the start of a string of failures.
The Gordon laird stood, held the burning torch higher and once again studied Duff as if he was seeing him for the first time.
‘Again, I wish things had been different.’ Alastair then lowered the light, turned and slowly walked out of the cell.
Iron slid on stone and Duff was left alone in the dark. How long would they make him await his fate?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Mairi had no idea how long she lay on her bed weeping eleven years’ worth of unshed tears. She hadn’t wanted to cry, but once she’d started she couldn’t stop. She cried for her mother and brother, for her horse and a hound she’d lost years later, but mostly she wept for the pain she’d caused her father. Then and now.
He never asked too much of her, only ever what was expected of her and always duties he knew she could fulfil. But she’d failed him. Disappointed him. Hurt him. Again.
But she could partially repair the damage she’d done. And save Duff’s life.
She sat up on the side of the bed, and with determined strokes wiped the moisture from her cheeks. She couldn’t believe she’d wasted so much precious time on hopeless tears.
She stood and shook out her crumpled nightgown and slid her feet into her soft slippers. She wouldn’t bother wasting time and changing. She prayed she wasn’t already too late.
Slipping passed the tapestry, she entered the secret tunnel. She didn’t light a candle, there wasn’t time. Instead she felt her way by holding her right palm against the cold, rough stone wall and headed up the stairway. She pressed her hands against the heavy tapestry leading into her father’s chamber and slipped into the alcove.
Weak light from the low-burning candle on the small table in the centre of the room pushed back the shadows within the shuttered chamber. She searched for her father, but he wasn’t there.
Her heart sank to her knees. Was she too late to save Duff? She turned and dashed to the door. Pulling it open, she gasped at the sight of her father striding across the landing toward her.
‘Mairi?’ He halted and stared at her.
‘Father, I …’
‘Have failed to do what I asked of you.’
Mairi shrank to one side to allow her father to enter his chamber. She watched him march into the room and stop with his back to her, hands on hips, head back as if appealing for help from above. Mairi swallowed, closed the door and turned to face her father.
Disappointment wafted from him in waves. After so many years of feeling like the failure she was, she couldn’t believe how much his disapproval still hurt. She’d come to beg for Duff’s life, prayed to God above shedding her useless tears hadn’t made her too late.
Before she spoke, her father turned and said, ‘What has caused this recent need for you to defy me and question my commands?’
Guilt rose to clog Mairi’s throat and left her momentarily speechless. She searched her mind and realised she had spoken out of turn on several occasions of late, when she would never have done so before … before what?
‘And then on the eve of announcing the man you have chosen to take as your husband, you … you dishonour me and shame yourself.’
Pain lashed her heart and stole her breath. She knew she’d disgraced her father and herself, but to hear him speak of it made her dishonour worse.
‘And now, when you’re finally taken to task for your shameful actions, have you naught to say?’ Every word he spoke grew louder, pitched higher. ‘Nae reasons, nae words of defence, nae excuses? Nothing?’
Mairi stood quaking on the inside and shaking without. She wanted her father to look at her with the pride she’d once glimpsed in his eyes, not with the anger and hopeless sorrow staring back at her now.
‘Forgive me, Father.’ Tears threatened. Mairi forced them back. ‘I know my dishonour can never be forgotten, but I promise to never shame either of us again.’ She licked her dry lips and continued. ‘I will show you that I can be relied upon to fulfil my duties as well as any man. I will name my husband from the men you have kindly chosen for me.’
Her father stared at her and slowly began to shake his head.
‘Please, Father.’ Desperation welled in her chest and her voice. ‘Your wishes can still be met. I will not fail you again. Please, give me one last chance to prove that I can. I’ll do anything you ask of me, but please don’t hurt Duff.’
Her father stilled and the look in his gaze sharpened as he stared at her. ‘You promise to choose a husband from your three suitors, yet in the same breath beg me not to harm the man who shares your disgrace?’
‘Father, nae one else needs to know.’
‘But I know.’
‘It only happened once and will never happen—’
‘In this, once is too often, Daughter.’
‘Father, please.’ Mairi could feel herself breaking. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t mean for it to happen. But I couldn’t help it. I will do whatever you say and marry whoever you want, but I wanted Duff to be my first. I love him. I beg you, please don’t hurt him. Please tell me I’m not too late. Please—’
‘You love Duff, yet will marry another?’
Mairi straightened. ‘If it means Duff will live.’ She held her father’s gaze as he stared at her so intently she had no clue what he was thinking. Did he doubt her word? She couldn’t blame him if he did. She di
dn’t know what more she could do to prove she spoke true. Didn’t know what to say to—
In the candle’s glow, something glistened on her father’s cheek.
‘Father?’ She took a hesitant step toward him. ‘Father, please forgive—’
‘I,’ her father said cutting her off. He searched her face as if he’d never seen her before. He drew a long, deep breath. ‘I have waited eleven years, Mairi, eleven years for you to stand up and fight for what you want. Fight for what you believe in. Something. Anything. Someone.’
Mairi stilled and stared at him in confusion.
Her father stepped forward and gently grasped her upper arms. ‘I have been proud of you every day of your life, Mairi.’ He looked into her eyes and slowly shook his head. ‘But never more than I am at this very moment.’
Something powerful grabbed hold of her heart and squeezed. She swallowed. ‘You’re proud of me?’
‘Ah, Mairi.’ His smile dimmed. ‘Now it is my turn to ask for your forgiveness.’
Mairi frowned. Why would her father need her forgiveness? ‘I don’t understand.’
He briefly looked down and once more met her gaze. ‘What happened that day was not your fault, Mairi.’ His hands squeezed her arms. ‘I never blamed you, but I should have told you.’
Something heavy and ugly dislodged from inside Mairi’s chest. Her father didn’t blame her for her mother and brother’s deaths. She drew a shuddering breath, her first full breath in many years, and peered into his face.
‘It was my fault.’
‘Father, nae—’
‘Shh. It was my place to protect my family and I failed.’ Mairi grabbed hold of his arms and squeezed. ‘Part of me died …’ He swallowed. ‘I couldn’t fix it, couldn’t bring them back. But I still had you, Mairi. You were all that was left of your mother and me and I thought it was better to ensure you could survive on your own,’ he stopped and shook his head. ‘Nae. I had to make certain you could survive alone,’ he said softly.
A rush of sadness filled her throat and burned behind her eyes.
‘I didn’t mean to push you away. I wanted you to fight, to argue, to question everything I commanded of you, but you didn’t say a word.’ He gently shook her. ‘Not once. I could see that you disagreed with me at times, but you never voiced your doubts.’ He looked into her eyes. ‘Not until Duff rescued you.’
‘I did not need rescuing,’ Mairi stated without hesitation.
Her father slowly smiled. ‘Perhaps not in that particular instance. But I believe Duff has rescued us both in one way or another.’
Her father was right. ‘I need to see him.’
The smile fell from her father’s face. ‘‘Tis too late.’
Pain pierced her heart like an arrow. Dear God, she was too late. Her knees—
‘Duff lives, Mairi,’ her father reassured her. ‘I had Balfour release him soon after I’d spoken with him after bringing you home.’
Relief spiralled through Mairi, again almost sending her to her knees. Duff was alive. She’d been granted her greatest wish. But he was gone. Had left her. ‘Did he say … anything?’ Mairi swallowed. ‘Did he leave a message?’ For me?
Her father slowly shook his head. ‘Mairi,’ he stared directly into her eyes. ‘Duff is not exactly who we believed him to be.’
Mairi stared into her sire’s eyes. ‘I don’t care who he is or where he is from, Father. I love Duff. He is the man I want at my side. He is the man I want to marry.’
Mairi held her breath and watched as tears slowly pooled in her father’s blue gaze. Was he about to accept her choice of a husband or reject the man she loved? She didn’t want to upset her father. She wanted him to be happy for her and to give her his blessing, but she wanted Duff more.
‘Then I suggest you go after Duff and bring him home.’
A wave of joy swept over Mairi at her father’s words. Her vision blurred. She wrapped her arms about him and hugged him tight. Her father’s arms tightened briefly and then released her.
‘If we plan to catch him on Gordon lands, we’d best go now.’
Mairi straightened. ‘We?’
‘I can’t let you go alone.’
‘But you’re ill.’
Her father stared at her with a look of sadness in his eyes. ‘I promise I will not slow you down.’
Mairi smiled and kissed his weathered cheek.
‘Come,’ her father cleared his throat and grasped her hand. ‘We’ll take the secret passage to where the horses are still tethered.’
Excitement thrummed through Mairi as she and her father took the secret passage all the way down into the basement. She couldn’t believe her father had been trying to get her to speak her mind all these years. She smiled in wonder that he had played the greatest role in getting her and Duff together. She—
‘Castle Gordon is such a busy place.’
Mairi froze on the fourth last step at the sound of the familiar masculine voice in the darkness below. Her father stopped on the second last stair, tightened his grip on her fingers and lifted the candle he held higher, spreading the feeble pool of light wider.
‘Who, pray tell, has taken such an interest in Castle Gordon’s affairs at such an hour?’ Her father’s query echoed off the cold stone walls.
‘The man who will soon rule both your castle and your daughter.’
***
Duff swayed with Duncan’s easy gait and stared out at the landscape splashed with the morning’s first light. He was alive, but his heart weighed heavy and his body felt numb. He was returning south without discovering the origins he’d come to find. He’d failed his quest.
But he’d found the woman of his heart. The woman he loved. The woman he’d sacrificed his honour to have. Yet he was leaving the Highlands without her. Empty handed. Empty.
A stabbing pain pierced his foolish heart. He closed his eyes and willed the numbness to fill his chest.
Duff hadn’t known what it meant to fall in love or what it would feel like. He hadn’t realised what he’d be prepared to give up to be with the woman who’d captured his heart. He hadn’t known how much it would hurt to lose her.
He’d overstepped his own boundaries. Forgotten who he was. Believed for a time that because he loved Mairi, he was worthy of her. Now he would burn, was burning.
And the woman he loved would go on. She’d focus on her duty and choose one of the three men her father had chosen for her to wed.
But she gave herself to you.
Her father had said she hadn’t spoken one word of reason or an excuse as to why she’d lain with Duff. But she had. Duff halted Duncan with a gentle tug on the reins. I want you and Make me yours weren’t a confession of love, but they meant something. And worthy or not, she had chosen him to give her most precious possession and even a no one, a bastard, an unworthy, deserved to know why.
Duff turned Duncan about and retraced his steps into the west wood. He’d fought for many things in his life, mostly for others, and always gave his best. It had taken him twenty-six years to find the woman of his dreams, his heart, and he refused to leave without fighting for her. For him.
The sun climbed higher behind him as he entered the trees and rode back toward the clearing where Balfour had said farewell. He’d lived with uncertainty all his life and he loathed it. If Mairi said she didn’t want him, then so be it. But he needed to hear the words from her lips.
The trees thinned and Duncan walked out into the clearing, just as someone opened the entrance to the secret passage. The man’s dark head was bowed, but Duff knew it wasn’t Balfour. Duff rode closer. The intruder looked up. Recognition hit Duff like a physical blow. It was the dark-haired man who’d escaped uninjured from the original attack on Alastair Gordon and his party. The man who’d glared at Duff before crying out ‘away’. A planned attack then, as Duff had suspected. But why was he back? And how had he learned of the secret entrance?
Duff dismounted at a safe distance, and with a stroke down Dunc
an’s long nose commanded him to stay. He drew his sword from its sheath at his back, thanking the saints Balfour had returned it to him when he’d released him. ‘Most visitors use Castle Gordon’s front gates,’ he said, closing the distance and drawing his dagger. ‘But I doubt the laird is expecting you.’
‘He’ll know I’m here soon enough,’ the man said, climbing to his feet, sword in hand. ‘Once I’ve taken care of you.’
They circled one another as the morning sun blinked through the trees. The stranger wore a sneer that sent an icy chill down Duff’s spine. He’d seen a similar sneer on a man’s face this past sennight and the realisation could only mean one thing. Mairi and her father were in danger.
The stranger attacked first and sliced the air with his sword, first one way and then the next, proving he was both agile and skilled with his weapon. Duff deflected the blows with his sword, but ensured he showed nothing of his own skills. He’d save his energy while learning the cur’s moves and mind.
Birds squawked and took flight in the surrounding woods every time steel met steel, as they sought each other’s measure. The guards patrolling Gordon’s walls would hear the blades clashing and would come, but Duff planned to have dealt with the intruder before they arrived.
The intruder lunged forward, his aim to drive his sword into Duff’s stomach. But Duff saw the move coming in the man’s eyes and twisting his body, he knocked the blade aside, turned and followed up with a downward strike of his own. Duff’s sword sank into the man’s upper arm, almost severing the limb.
An agonised cry rent the morning air and Duff pulled his weapon free of flesh and bone as the attacker fell to his knees. The man used his sword like a crutch to keep him upright, his injured arm bloodied and hanging useless by his side.
‘Why are you here?’ Duff said, standing in front of his wounded opponent, who was struggling to stay upright.
‘Go to hell.’ Pained breaths followed the man’s response.
The Protector Page 28