Mairi stilled, blinked. Dear God, she loved him. Loved Duff. Finally understood her deep unquenchable need to know him and for him to know her in every possible way.
He lifted his head, his mouth releasing hers. She stared up at him as they fought for air, but with the moon at his back she couldn’t see his face. He hadn’t spoken words of love, but neither had she. He thought she was beautiful and he made her feel it was so. Feelings of happiness and of wonder suddenly swamped her and Duff was the cause.
Worry that someone would come and stop them from experiencing their hearts’ greatest desire, and fear that she would stop herself, sent her hands to cradle each side of his face. She hoped he could see her love for him in her eyes. Hear it in her words. ‘Please, Duff,’ she whispered. ‘Make me yours.’
Duff’s mouth claimed hers, his hands shifting to cup her face and angle her head for a mind-stealing kiss that left her weak and warm and wanting more. Mairi’s hands wrapped about his neck and she tightened her hold as she rode the growing waves of desire like a raft tossed high on an ocean’s storm.
Her moan clashed with his groan, lips fought for ground and shared breaths held them together.
He lifted his head and stared down into her eyes. ‘I love you, Mairi.’
Duff’s whispered words penetrated her chest and shot into her heart like the straightest of arrows. It felt like a wound, yet the hurt was like nothing she’d ever known, like nothing had ever touched her as deeply. Tears welled, borne of happiness and wonder and awe. She loved Duff with her entire being, and with a desperate wanting she couldn’t control. She blinked them away, and with eager fingers pulled the man who loved her down for a kiss that spoke of her feelings when words could never suffice.
Lips crashed into her mouth and drank in her elated gasp. His body shifted over hers, warm fingers traced the length of her leg from knee to hip, igniting a trail of flames. Her breathing quickened, her heart knocked about in her chest and her wanting only increased.
Her questing fingers clasped the slickened flesh covering his back and kneaded and explored every part of him she could reach. A featherlike touch between her legs caused her body to still and she inhaled an uneven breath. The brush of fingers drew a swirling path around her woman’s core, as if he were accustoming her to his touch.
Anticipation grew like a living thing, awakening a restless need. There was more to come, she knew, but she wanted it now. Her hips rose of their own accord and pressed higher into his hand. It wasn’t enough.
‘Please, Duff.’ Words spoken without thought, just need.
His fingers stilled, shifted. Something warm and hard took their place. Warm palms cupped her face. Mairi opened her eyes and looked up into Duff’s.
‘I want to see you,’ he said softly. He lowered his head and skimmed her lips with his, before lifting his head once again and looking down into her eyes.
Mairi stared up at him; the pressure between her legs grew greater as he nudged deeper inside her. She swallowed and closed her eyes, only to have his lips press a gentle kiss on each lid. ‘Look at me, Mairi.’
Her eyes opened at the gentle command and he kissed her harder once more, before pressing closer, pushing deeper. Grasping each side of his face, Mairi pulled his head down to hers and kissed him with all the want and need flowing through her. The moment he pressed even deeper again, she thrust her hips up to meet his.
Pain shot through her core. She stilled, ceased to breathe, to move, to think. Simply held onto Duff, her mouth melded to his and her eyes shut tight.
A whisper of movement at her lips was the first thing that drew her mind from the pain. A fluttering softness that slid across her mouth, first this way, then that. Mairi concentrated on its gentle beauty and felt some of the tension holding her body rigid slowly loosen its grasp.
‘Forgive me.’
Warm breath and words of worry slipped between and brushed her mouth. She blinked open her eyes and imagined his darkened by concern.
‘Am I yours?’
‘Aye.’
‘Then there’s nothing to forgive.’
A low growl seemed to rise up from Duff’s chest at her words and he kissed her with a ferocity she craved. His hips rocked against her and Mairi was relieved that with each movement, her discomfort was replaced by a physical pleasure.
She clasped him tightly against her and joined in the rocking movements with him. The pleasure increased tenfold and it felt like a race to something beautiful, something that became a necessity for her to reach.
She pressed on, her desire now a desperation. So close to something she hadn’t experienced before. So close to sharing it with Duff, the man she loved. Her heart tightened at the thought, as did her body, and suddenly she was there, high up in that special place she longed to be. Everything she craved and desired suddenly gathered to one small point deep inside her and erupted into a thousand shards of joy.
***
Mairi’s cry triggered Duff’s own shattering release. He held her to him and poured his seed deep inside her, a possessive growl rising from the pit of his belly. Never had he experienced such intense emotions and feelings. But then, never had he made love to a woman he loved. Protective instincts roared with added fury.
Mairi was his.
Heart pounding, he tightened his hold about her, drew her closer and breathed in her womanly scent. He kissed the flushed skin of her neck and her cheeks and her closed eyelids, before pressing a tender kiss to the side of her open mouth. Her panted breaths rivalled his own.
Duff stared down into her face, flushed in the moon’s glow, hardly believing he was deep inside her, holding her. This woman of strength, duty and fierce determination. This woman who did not weep or beg. This woman meant for another.
A chill rattled down his spine and he withdrew from her warmth. But Mairi had chosen him and they would face their uncertain outcome together.
He pressed a kiss to the other side of her mouth and watched as her fair lashes slowly blinked and lifted.
‘Welcome back, My Lady,’ he said.
A smile slowly shaped her luscious lips. ‘I think I’ve been to heaven.’
Duff’s heart clenched. He still was in heaven and never wanted either of them to leave. He wished he could light a torch to better see her, but he didn’t want to risk them being discovered and dawn was almost upon them. He climbed from beneath the furs, donned his plaid and sheathed his dagger at his waist. He then gathered the skin of water and two of the cloths from inside the sack.
He poured water onto one cloth and sat back down beside her. She pushed up on her elbows and looked at him.
‘May I?’ He indicated the cloth he held and pointed to her naked body, now covered by the fur.
‘I can do that,’ she said, reaching for the wet cloth.
‘I know,’ he said moving it out of her reach. He’d wanted to touch her and now that he had, he never wanted to stop.
She looked at him a moment more, and with a nod, drew the fur away from the lower part of her body.
With gentle strokes, Duff bathed his seed from her thighs and dried her skin with the other cloth, struggling to believe he’d just made love to Mairi, the woman he loved. She’d tasted of heaven and light and goodness.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered once he was done, and then she reached for her discarded nightgown and pulled it over her head.
Duff stood and rinsed the cloth with water from the skin and draped both over the wall to dry.
‘I need to refill the skin with water.’
Mairi looked up at him. ‘I’ll come with you.’
He offered his hand and taking it, she stood slowly. But when she’d gained her feet, she didn’t release him. Instead, she stepped closer and cupped his nape with her other hand, whispered, ‘thank you,’ and pulled him down for her kiss.
Duff fell under her spell the moment her lips touched his. He dropped the skin to the ground and closed his arms about her, pulling her into his body. He wanted to
make Mairi his all over again.
Heart hammering, Duff lifted his head and stared down at the woman he loved. Was this how Lachlan and Lundy felt when they gazed at their wives? These feelings of heat and wonder and strength, enough to slay a thousand dragons. He’d told Mairi he loved her, but wasn’t certain she’d heard his confession. She hadn’t spoken of love, but he was sure she wouldn’t have asked him to make her his if she didn’t. The urge to tell her again how he felt suddenly swamped him.
He cradled her face in his hands and watched as her eyes slowly opened. He turned them so they stood side on to the pale light cast by the rising sun. He wanted her to look at him, to be able to see the truth of his words in his eyes. He wanted to see her.
‘Mairi—’ the flesh at the base of his neck prickled. Duff looked up into the dawn’s shadows surrounding the crumbling arched entrance just as Duncan whinnied a warning. Instead of telling her he loved her, Duff said, ‘we have company.’
***
The feeling of love and joy overwhelming Mairi suddenly fell away like a leaf stripped from a tree by a bitter wind. She straightened and kept her gaze on Duff’s face as his hands left hers.
‘Stand behind me,’ Duff instructed softly, one of his arms gently guiding her into position behind his naked back.
Mairi stood in his shadow, her heart pounding. Had her attacker somehow found them and returned to finish whatever he’d started on the battlements? She stepped closer to Duff until she could feel the warmth and gather strength from his bare flesh. She didn’t want to die, but if she did, she knew in her heart she’d never regret lying with Duff.
A glint of steel flashed in the moonlight as Duff drew his dirk. Her stomach turned and her heartbeat doubled with fear for Duff.
‘This is not the kind of protection I envisaged when I asked you to guard my daughter.’
Mairi’s heart stopped at the sound of her father’s voice. Dear God. How long had her father been watching them? How much had he seen? Mairi’s stomach rebelled at the thought and bile rose in her throat. Her knees suddenly went weak. She locked them in place and willed them to hold her upright.
‘The fault is all mine,’ she heard Duff say, but despite standing directly behind him, his voice sounded a thousand miles away. ‘I will not resist.’ He tossed his dirk at her father’s feet. ‘My sword is over by the wall.’
‘Mairi.’ Her father called her name. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She didn’t want him to see her. ‘Come to me.’ She didn’t move. Couldn’t. ‘Now.’ She’d not heard anger in his tone since … she hadn’t given him a reason to be angry with her. She’d always done what he asked of her, even when she hadn’t wanted to.
‘Mairi,’ Duff said quietly. ‘Go to your father. Do as he says.’
She wanted to stay hidden, but some small part of her knew she couldn’t. She had to face her father and his disappointment. Mairi bit the inside of her lower lip. A tangy, metallic taste flooded her mouth. She stepped out from behind Duff’s naked back. Dear God, he was only half dressed. Her shame doubled. Keeping her gaze lowered and her hands clenching fistfuls of her nightgown, she walked toward the glade’s entrance.
The shadows thickened as she neared her father. She welcomed them. She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t bear to see the disapproval in his eyes. She’d seen it once before, many years ago, and swore she’d never do anything to cause it to cloud his gaze again.
She stopped in front of her father, but didn’t look up at him. She’d failed him again. What must he think of her? What must he see when he looked at her? Time seemed to slow and she felt like she was standing there forever before he finally said, ‘Have you nothing to say?’
Her mind scrambled for words to make him believe in her. Make him believe she hadn’t failed him completely again. But she didn’t know what to say.
Her father stared at her and slowly began shaking his head. ‘Wait by my horse.’
Mairi wanted to run, wanted to be out of his sight. Instead, she turned toward the ruined archway and slowly headed toward it. Balfour stood a few feet behind her father, protecting his laird’s back. Doing his duty. Was he well enough? She ducked her head and walked out through the entrance. Seeing her old protector didn’t surprise her as she’d told her father to ask Balfour where to find her once her attacker had been caught. But she couldn’t look at him either. And, at this moment, she didn’t care who had attacked her. She only felt numb.
Two horses stood grazing in the dawn’s light. She stopped beside her father’s mount, but didn’t have long to wait before Balfour led Duncan out of her glade. Duff came next, closely followed by her father carrying Duff’s surrendered weapon.
Mairi didn’t look at either blade, she looked at Duff’s face, and in the weak light found him watching her, his expression one of strength, without fear, and something else. He was alive and unharmed. Her next breath filled her whole chest. She straightened, trying to pretend she wasn’t afraid. For him, for her, but he looked away to mount his horse and all her strength seemed to drain right out of her.
Her father sheathed his sword as he approached. Mairi stepped aside to allow him room to mount, then looked up at the hand he held out to her. The moment she placed her hand in his and his fingers closed about hers, her shame returned tenfold and felt like a crushing weight. He pulled her up and sat her sideways before him.
She bowed her head to hide her shame as his mount moved forward. For eleven years she’d believed she’d never know happiness again, believed she was undeserving and unworthy of feeling anything good at all.
Now, she’d finally experienced the joy she’d missed for so long, but her recent actions had proven her beliefs to be right. She was undeserving. She was unworthy. But again, it wasn’t only herself involved. This time, she’d dragged Duff, the man she loved, down into the depths of shame with her.
A sob caught in her throat at the thought of being the cause of Duff’s death. She swallowed it down, sealed her lips against its escape. She hadn’t wanted her mother and brother to die, but when her father had asked her not to cry, she’d failed him. Failed them. She’d wailed in fear, wanting to feel her mother’s arms around her and hide her face from the dark-haired stranger who’d stopped their small party so close to home.
She would not cry now as she had then, and certainly not in front of her father. She would prove that she could do some of the things he asked of her. She’d prove that she had grown stronger and had never shed a tear since. She’d prove that all was not lost and she could be the dutiful daughter he expected her to be.
Mairi was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t see any of the landscape on the journey home. But they didn’t enter Gordon Castle by the main entrance. Instead, her father took them to where they’d climbed out of the secret tunnel.
They all dismounted and Balfour secured all three of their horses to a nearby tree while her father opened the secret entrance. Balfour entered first, followed by Duff, then Mairi and finally her father. Two burning torches lit their way until they reached the cellar where the wine was stored on one side and three narrow, wooden doors marked the dungeons on the other.
Mairi watched as her father marched Duff toward one of the doors boasting an iron grill high in the centre. She didn’t know what to do or say. She didn’t want Duff left down here in the cold and treated like a prisoner, but Duff’s words played over and over in her mind. Go to your father. Do as he says. So she held her silence as the door echoed closed and then followed her father up the secret stairs to her chamber.
The warmth of her chamber enfolded her the moment she pushed the tapestry aside and stepped into the small alcove. But deep inside, she was chilled to the bone. She walked further into the room and stopped beside her bed, turning enough to see that her father now stood inside the alcove.
‘Remain in this room until I come for you.’
He sounded tired and sad and Mairi knew she was the cause. Her legs gave way at the thought and she sat heavily
onto the edge of her bed. She bowed her head in shame.
She’d failed her father, she’d failed Duff. Her chest hurt and her eyes ached.
‘What were you thinking, Mairi?’ Her father’s words weren’t a question, but disbelief.
She looked up, but heard the folds of the tapestry fall into place as her father left in disgust.
‘For once in my life I hadn’t been thinking. I’d been too busy feeling.’
Liquid warmth silently spilled over her lashes and ran down her face.
***
Duff stood in the dark, dank cell, his hands on his hips and his head tilted back, eyes closed.
God Almighty! What have I done?
He’d dishonoured Mairi, dishonoured her father and dishonoured himself. He’d lost his horse, his sword and his honour; the last, the one thing he valued most. He was nothing, he was a no one, but his honour had helped him to believe in himself. Now it was gone. Now he had nothing. Was nothing.
Falling in love with Mairi had blinded him into believing he was actually worthy of her. He was a fool. But now he’d ruined her, shamed her and shamed her father. Alastair Gordon wanted a strong match for Mairi, only wanted what was best for his daughter, and Duff had stolen that from them both when he’d made her his.
His body silently howled at the memory. But aside from his sword skills and a heart that ached with love for her, Duff had nothing to offer.
The sound of iron sliding against stone echoed behind him. Had they come to kill him? God knew he deserved to be put to death for his crime. It could never be undone. Something inside his chest clenched at the thought. A certain something that wasn’t sorry for being Mairi’s first.
Duff turned about to meet whoever had come for him and was surprised when the burning torch his visitor carried into the cell lit upon Alastair Gordon’s tired face.
‘Laird Gordon,’ Duff said standing taller. His stomach clenched as the older man looked directly at him and continued to stare. There were so many things Duff wanted to ask and to say, but respect for this man who had trusted him with his precious daughter held him silent.
The Protector Page 27