All's Well That Ends Well

by Roseanne Dowell

  “Who do you suppose that body was?” Ethel stopped laughing long enough to ask.

  “Hard to say. Callie’s there now. Won’t let us back in until she finishes her investigation. What there is to investigate is beyond me. Ed thinks it’s murder, but that’s just plain absurd.”

  “Why not a murder? You got to admit hiding a body in the fireplace ain’t a bad idea. No telling how long it’s been there to fall apart like that.” Ed took three cold drinks from the refrigerator and gave me one. “Here, honey pot, wet that whistle.”

  “No! No! No! I told you before no one would commit a murder and hide the body in the chimney. That’s just preposterous.”

  “To be honest, I think it’s ingenious. Who would think to look for a body there?” Ethel took the drink Ed offered.

  “Hell, the stench alone would make even a moron suspicious.” Was I the only one with common sense?

  “But not if the cabin ain’t used all winter. Come spring or summer, that stench would be gone. No one would be the wiser.” Ed grinned. “And no one would use it in the winter, perfect place to hide a body.”

  Now, I don’t mind telling you that got me thinking. What if someone did kill him? How would they ever prove it, and how would they ever find out who killed him? Callie just might need some help on this case.

  “Hey, don’t be getting no ideas, honey pot. Callie can figure this out all by herself. Besides, what could you possibly do to help?” Ed set his drink on the table. “Don’t try to deny it. You’re plotting something.”

  I laughed. “Now, Ed, don’t be silly. I ain’t plotting anything.”

  “I know that look, Bea. I’m telling you, don’t get involved.” Ed finished his drink. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

  “I’ll call you later, Ethel.” I set my empty bottle on the counter.

  Ed shook his head. “Ethel, I’m counting on you to keep her out of trouble.”

  “Me? What can I do?” Ethel picked up the empty bottles and threw them in the recycling bin.

  Ed laughed. “What was I thinking? Two peas in a pod. Maybe I should call Lillian. She’s the only sensible one in the family.”

  “Oh don’t be asinine, Ed. We ain’t planning nothing. Come on, I want to beat the dinner crowd.” I’d talk to Ethel later. Surely there was something we could do. Maybe Lottie would help. Between the three of us, bet we’d figure things out a lot quicker than Callie.

  I called Ethel and Lottie later and we agreed to meet the next afternoon at Lottie’s because she was babysitting her grandkids. That worked for me because I had some errands to run in the morning.

  Chapter Three

  After a sleepless night, I managed to stay in bed until seven. Not that it surprised me. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep much. My mind just wouldn’t turn off. First thing I planned was to find the previous owners of the cabin and where they lived. Ed and I bought it at an auction as an abandoned property to pay the back taxes. All we knew was the place had been empty about twenty years, but up until five years ago, the taxes had been paid.

  Why would someone pay the taxes all that time but never stay in the summer? It wasn’t winterized, and Ed wanted to insulate it so we could use it all year long. After I set the coffee pot, I pulled up the county auditor’s office on my laptop to see if they listed the previous owners.

  Bingo! In less than a minute, the previous owners showed up. Elwood and Bernice Dubinsky built the cabin thirty years ago. So what had become of Elwood and Bernice? That was the next question. I put their names in the search engine just as Ed came into the kitchen. I closed my laptop just in time. Ed wouldn’t take kindly to me doing research. No matter, I’d look the names up at Lottie’s later.

  “Morning, honey pie. What’s for breakfast?” Ed leaned down, kissed me, and looked around the kitchen,

  “I thought we’d just have cereal or toast today. I have a lot to do this morning and Lottie invited me to lunch this afternoon.”

  “Uh huh. Lunch with Lottie. I suppose Ethel will be there, too?”

  “Probably. She usually is.” I didn’t much care for the forbidding look on Ed’s face.

  “Should have known you’d involve Lottie in this, too. The three of you are something else.” Ed shook his head and dropped a couple slices of bread in the toaster. “Want toast?”

  “Sure.” I got up and poured us each a glass of juice. I had to close that computer screen before Ed saw it. “Shoot. I forgot my glasses upstairs. Would you get them for me, please?”

  “Only if you watch the toast.”

  “Deal.” I quickly opened the laptop and closed out the screens. Just in time because the toast popped and Ed came downstairs. Talk about a close call. He’d never know I was doing a search. Ed only knew enough about computers to turn it on and open his email. Luckily he didn’t know anything about search engines and how you could see the last search. I toasted two more pieces of bread and got ready for the day.

  I kissed Ed goodbye and grabbed my keys. “I’ll be home in time for supper.”

  Next thing I knew, my car hit a brick wall. At least it felt like a brick wall. I looked out the back window and there sat Ed’s car, parked behind me. Good grief, was I losing my mind?

  Ed flew out of the house like it was on fire. “What the hell’s the matter with you?” He stopped behind my car and stared down at his.

  I didn’t want to look. I knew from the crunch it was bad. Unfortunately, I had no choice. I got out of the car. If looks could kill, I’d be dead from the scowl on Ed’s face. His car was his baby, and I’d just crumpled the bumper. My car fared much better, barely a dent.

  “I swear to God, Bea, you better get your head screwed on straight and give up any hare-brained schemes you have of helping Callie. Where the hell you going in such a hurry that you couldn’t wait for me to move my car?”

  I gulped back a sniffle. I hated when Ed yelled at me. Not that he did it often, but no one except him even drove that car, and I didn’t blame him. It was a restored ’57 Chevy. He paid a pretty penny for it. “I’m sorry, Ed. I’ll pay for the repairs.”

  “That’s not the point, Bea. You get something in your head and you don’t think about what you’re doing. Where are you going anyway?”

  “To get my driver’s license renewed.”

  Ed looked at me and shook his head. “You’ve got to be kidding. Good thing you don’t need to take the test again. They ought to take the damn thing away from you.”

  I’d never seen Ed so angry. Tears stung my eyes and I fought to hold them back. Ed could reduce me to tears with a look. His tone tore me apart. I’ve never gotten used to being yelled at by anyone, least of all Ed.

  One look at me and he melted. “Awe honey pie, don’t worry about it. I’ll fix it.” He hugged me and kissed my cheek. “Just try to focus on what you’re doing, okay?”

  One thing about Ed, he didn’t stay mad long. One of the many things I loved about him. He got into his car. “Go on get out of here and watch where you’re going for god’s sake.”

  I didn’t fare well at the license bureau. “Place your forehead here,” the clerk said. “Read the third line.”

  I read it.

  “Tell me when you see the blinking light.”

  I told her.

  She made an adjustment to the machine. “Now read the third line.”

  “I don’t see anything.”

  “Now?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Do you have a problem with your right eye?”

  Seemed I couldn’t see out of my right eye. Guess it was time for that cataract surgery. But they gave me my license. Obviously, you only need one eye to drive. I mean I couldn’t see anything out of the right eye, not the blinking light, not the eye chart. Absolutely nothing. I wasn’t about to argue. I took my license and left before they changed their mind. No way was I telling Ed about it, either. He’d probably take my license away.

  After I renewed my license, I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few th
ings for lunch. Lottie wasn’t much of a cook. Her lunches and suppers consisted of take out, frozen and boxed dinners. Not my cup of tea. How Hank let her get away with that, I’d never know. Truth be told, he probably did most of the cooking if he wanted a home cooked meal. It amazed me Lottie managed to feed four kids on frozen dinners. One thing Lottie did cook was homemade spaghetti sauce, but Hank had to make the pasta of choice when he came home from work. Lottie’s a dear sister and a great mother, but a cook and housekeeper she’s not.

  She always said, ‘if you’re coming to visit me, you’re welcome. If you’re coming to see my house, stay home.’ Lottie’s house wasn’t as bad now that the kids were grown and on their own. But it wasn’t unusual to see dirty dishes piled on her sink. Made me shudder to think about it. The woman has a dishwasher for heaven sake.

  I think there must be a sign on my forehead that says talk to me. I’ve yet to shop without someone asking me something. Today was no exception. A nice looking gentleman, not much older than me, and yes, I fit the class as old people, said, “You're wearing glasses, can you tell me the price per pound on this?”

  I looked at the package of meat. “$5.59 a pound.”

  He picked up another package. “How about this one?”

  I took it from him and looked at it. “Same price.”

  “How can that be when this is a better cut of meat?”

  I smiled. “Darned if I know.” I pointed to the buy one get one free case, which was chuck roast. He walked to the counter and I followed because I was thinking of buying a couple for myself and grinding them. Not only is ground beef expensive, Ed and I like fresh ground beef.

  “So how much are these?” He picked up a package.

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “Yep, you guessed it, $5.59 per pound.”

  The man shook his head and sighed. I picked up two packages and left before he asked the price on every cut of meat in the counters.

  Lottie stood on the porch with Ethel when I arrived. Melissa, her granddaughter, and a girlfriend scampered up on the porch. “Grandma, Grandma, do you see that car?”

  “See it, the damn thing nearly ran me off the road.” I hugged my sisters and turned my attention to Melissa. “What about it?”

  “It’s stolen.” Melissa’s friend said.

  “Poppycock!” I said. How would a six year old know a car’s stolen?”

  “But it is,” Melissa said.

  “What makes you think that car was stolen?” Lottie stooped down next to her granddaughter.

  “Because the man broke the window to get in it.” Melissa looked straight into Lottie’s eyes.

  “Yeah and he drove away real fast,” Melissa’s friend said.

  “Well, I can attest to driving fast. But that doesn’t mean he stole it.”

  “Yeah, but people don’t break windows if it’s their car,” Melissa said in a sing-songy voice that only kids pull off. She tapped her foot, put her hand on her hips, and stared me down.

  Talk about insolent. What was going on with kids these days? No manners. No manners at all. That was the problem. Parents gave them everything they wanted and let them get away with murder. No discipline.

  “Still doesn’t prove anything. Here…” I lifted the bag of groceries and gave them to Lottie. “I brought lunch.”

  “You know, maybe Melissa’s right. Maybe that car was stolen,” Ethel said. “Think about it, Beatrice Lulu. Who breaks into a car if they own it? I think we should call the police.”

  “Balderdash. Sometimes I think you don’t have a brain in your head. Stolen car, the very idea.” One thing about Ethel, she’s naïve.

  “You think you’re so smart just because you use big words. Well, Miss Smarty-pants. You ain’t no smarter than anyone else.” Ethel crossed her arms and stomped her foot. “Sometimes you make me so mad.”

  “Now, ladies, let’s go inside. The whole neighborhood doesn’t need to know our problems.” Lottie hurried into the house.

  “Harrumph.” I followed Lottie into the house. Fact was I am smarter than Ethel. But Ethel did have a point. Why would someone break a window on their own car? He started it up so he must’ve had a key. Or did he? Definitely something to think about. Not that I was going to admit it. I filed the color and make of car in my memory bank. Late model Ford, a Taurus I think. Black or dark blue and a red bumper sticker of some sort. I’d know it in a minute if I ever saw it again.

  “Who wants coffee?” Lottie took three cups out of the cupboard and set them on the counter.

  “I do.” As usual, her table was so cluttered you couldn’t find a place to set anything. I pushed a pile of laundry aside. “Where’s your laptop?”

  “It’s on the buffet.” Lottie poured each of us coffee. “Cream and sugar or are you on a diet again, Beatrice Lulu?”

  “Just black.” I set the laptop on the table, opened it, and typed in Elwood and Bernice Dubinsky.

  “What are you looking for?” Ethel looked over my shoulder. “Who are those people?”

  “They’re the ones who owned the cabin before us.”

  “How do you know that?” Lottie set the coffee cup next to me and handed one to Ethel.

  “I looked it up.”

  “So what are you looking for now?” Ethel dragged a chair next to me and sat down.

  “I want to see where they live. Maybe they know something about that body in the chimney.”

  “I thought Callie was investigating that.” Lottie pulled a chair around to the other side of me.

  “She is. Just thought I’d help her out a bit.”

  “She’s not going to like that.” Lottie leaned in to get a better look. “Looks like quite a few with that name. How’re you going to know the right ones?”

  “Process of elimination. According to the records they built the place thirty years ago. Even if they were in their early twenties, they’d be in their fifties now. So I look to see which ones fit with their ages.

  “Well, that makes sense. Then what are you gonna do, visit them?” Ethel sat back smugly.

  “Don’t be facetious. I’m just going to give the information to Callie. She can take care of that on her end.”

  “And what, you don’t think Callie can look this up her own self?” Lottie got up and poured more coffee.

  “Of course she can. I’m just helping out a little, that’s all. Good grief why are you two so negative?”

  “Maybe ’cause we know she’s not going to like you interfering,” Ethel said.

  “Gobbledygook. I’m not interfering.”

  Lottie pushed her chair back and laughed. “Tell her that when you give her the information.”

  It wasn’t like my sisters to discourage me. It was downright demoralizing. But darned if I’d quit. I was on a mission. “Ah, there! That’s Bernice. Has to be. No Elwood though.”

  “Maybe that was Elwood in the chimney,” Ethel leaned over to see what I’d pulled up.

  “Maybe Bernice killed him and stuffed his body up there to hide it,” Lottie said.

  “You two are as bad as Ed. Who in the world would kill someone and stuff their body in a chimney? Of all the dumb places to hide it. Not to mention how would they get it up there?”

  “How do you think it got there?” Lottie sipped her coffee. “Ethel’s right. You think you’re so smart.”

  “He probably went up on the roof for something and fell in.” It was so obvious to me. Why couldn’t anyone else see that?

  “Well, however he died. It doesn’t matter to us,” Ethel said.

  “It matters to me. It’s my cabin.” A chill ran up my spine. Just the idea someone died in my cabin didn’t set well with me. The thought someone might have been murdered there drove me crazy.

  “Grandma! Grandma!” Melissa ran inside. “The police went down the street after that car.”

  “How do you know they went after that particular car?” Kids had such wild imaginations.

  “Because we saw the car turn the corner real fast and the po
lice just went speeding by.”

  “They’re probably going someplace else, Melissa.” Lottie said. “That car’s long gone.”

  “Fine.” Melissa pouted, turned, and went to join her friend outside. “No one ever believes me,” she mumbled.

  I shook my head. That child had almost as much an imagination as Callie did at that age. Probably would follow in her footsteps, too. Why they’d want to be in law enforcement was beyond me. But, as they say, to each his own. I still wonder who ‘they’ are.

  I turned back to the computer. “Can I print this?”

  “Sure, go ahead. Just right click and select print,” Lottie said.

  “Where’s the printer?” I looked around the room. Of course with all the junk lying around, it could be anywhere. “Don’t I have to hook it up?”

  “No. Hank bought one of those wireless printers. It’s in the corner.”

  “Wireless. Hmm, what will they think of next?” I right clicked and hit the print button. “How far away do you suppose Lexville is?”

  “Never heard of it. Why?” Ethel found the printer and removed the printout. “Tell me you’re not thinking of looking Bernice up?”

  “Why not? I have as much right as anyone.”

  “Isn’t Lexville just the other side of Zeusville?”

  “Don’t encourage her, Lottie.” Ethel handed me the printout. “My advice, give this information to Callie if you have to, but keep out of it.”

  “If we’d have kept out of it, where would our mother be today?”

  “True, but no one’s in danger here.” Ethel stood with her hands on her hips.

  This was not like my adventurous sister. “Why are you so opposed to taking a ride with me?”

  Ethel shrugged.

  “Surely you’re not afraid of Callie?”

  “No. I just don’t think it’s any of our business.”

  “Of course not, it’s Ed. He made you promise to keep an eye on me. Like I need a babysitter.” I laughed. “You’re the one who thinks the body was murdered. Aren’t you even curious to find out where Elwood is and what Bernice has to say?”