The Rest is Silence

by Chii Rempel

  I am about to head out, as I feel something holding me back. It’s probably just my imagination, but the room feels several degrees colder than before. I turn, but there is nothing out of the ordinary – the windows are closed and I am alone. Still, as I huff I can see my breath forming a transparent cloud in front of me. That’s when I spot the skull. It is still resting on the mantlepiece, just where I left it, but something about it is not how I left it. Something is out of the ordinary. I could swear its hollow black eyes are staring at me.

  “Erm,” I say, walking slowly towards the white, grinning face. “Hello?”

  I feel a little stupid talking to nothing, but hey, there’s nobody there to witness my humiliation. At least I hope there’s nobody there.

  The chill isn’t ceasing, if anything, it’s getting even colder in here. Looking around the room, I can’t detect any signs of disturbance. “Dad?” I ask finally.

  It could be him, couldn’t it? If he showed himself to Xavier, he could be trying to get in contact with me. Invisible eyes follow me, as I lower myself down to examine the skull. It feels cold to the touch, colder than I remember. But everything feels cold right now, so that doesn’t have to mean anything. A shiver runs down my spine and my breath catches on the bone as I exhale a shaky laugh. What am I doing here? This is ridiculous. The skull is just a skull, it’s not looking at me. Even if it were … when looking at it, I feel intrigued, maybe a little on edge … but I don’t feel scared.

  A cold puff of air hits the back of my neck and I spin around with an embarrassing shriek. Emptiness greets me with open arms, blackening the edges of my vision. I vaguely register that my breath comes shorter – why is it so hard to breathe? Everything seems so far away right now … has my room always been this big?

  A sudden knock on the door has me crashing back into reality. I suck in a deep breath, my lungs filling with air greedily and I blink, staring at the door in confusion. My vision is back to normal and I notice that I’m not cold anymore. If anything, I feel rather hot in my robes. Another knock sounds from the door impatiently.

  “C-Coming!” I stutter hoarsely.

  The sight that greets me is not entirely pleasant. Sylva’s eyebrows are drawn together tightly on her high forehead, the disapproving look apparent on her face.

  “The Lady Maleth expects you downstairs. You have visitors.”

  I nod, still a little delirious after what happened – what exactly did happen? – and trod wordlessly out of my room. The maid gives me an odd look, seemingly prepared for more protest from my side, but I ignore her in favour of concentrating on moving down the stairs without falling. My knees feel a little wobbly.

  There are voices coming from the dining hall, different voices, voices that I haven’t heard in years. My heart speeds up a little, as recognition dawns in my brain and a massive grin plants itself on my face. I shove the doors open and the voices fall silent at my entrance. The first people I see are my mother and uncle, sitting unnecessary close at the grand table. Behind them, there is Lord Riverstone, eying me scornfully. I spot Xavier standing by the back door, gaze fixed on me, and I have to avert my eyes to keep from blushing. Last night is still a bit of a blur, it’s embarrassing to think about it. If Xavier finds my reaction odd I don’t let myself see it, as my eyes immediately travel to the newcomers resting comfortably at the table, a glass of wine in hand.

  “Rosencrantz, Guildenstern,” I announce loudly, spreading my arms invitingly. “I haven’t seen your arses here in ages!”

  The two men jump from their seats and crush me in a nearly violent hug. Their laughter roars through the room as they crush me between them. They are both about half a head taller than me and definitely not lacking in strength, but I can only laugh, even while struggling for breath. It’s good to see some well-known faces, especially when they belong to long missed friends.

  “I see your skinny arse is still the same!” Guildenstern roars and picks me up, crushing me even more between his arms. I suppress a yelp as I’m heaved into the air. “You’re not a pound heavier and not a centimetre taller.”

  I look down into my friend’s grinning face and roll my eyes. “We haven’t seen each other since I was fourteen. Obviously, I’m heavier and I let you know, I am about a head taller!”

  “Nah, don’t see it, kiddo” Guildenstern says, putting me back down and still grinning madly.

  “You sure you’re eating enough?” Rosencrantz adds, his hand playing with the full beard covering his face, which he must have grown in the years we haven’t seen each other. Well, it has been five years …

  “Gentlemen,” my uncle says, clearing his throat, “As unwilling as I am to interrupt your clearly precious moment, I am afraid I don’t have all day. If you’re so kind, I would like to cut straight to the purpose of your visit.”

  Guildenstern and Rosencrantz exchange a quick glance before returning to their seats.

  “Of course, uncle,” I drawl as I plant myself beside Rosencrantz. “We wouldn’t want to keep you from your hard work.”

  Lord Riverstone looks like he is about to snap something very impolite in my direction, but my uncle silences him with a wave of his hand. I can feel my mother’s disapproving look on me – is she even capable of looking differently at me these days, really?

  “Right,” I say, turning to look at our guests, “what is the purpose of your visit? Not that I am not happy to see you, mind you, but it’s a little suspicious given that I haven’t heard from you ungrateful bastards in years.”

  “Alexander!” my mother chides horrified. I ignore her in favour of watching the wicked grins form on my friends’ faces.

  “Oh, so we are the ungrateful ones now, are we?” Guildenstern asks.

  “I don’t seem to remember getting masses of letters from you, little princeling,” Rosencrantz adds mischievously.

  “Not even a thank you note!” Guildenstern says in mock dismay.

  “Can you believe that, Guildenstern? After all we’ve done for him.”

  “We’ve taught him fencing –”

  “– and swimming.”

  “– and fighting.”

  “– and hunting.”

  “And even how to pick up women.”

  “Even though we failed at that.”

  “Massively.”

  “Should’ve seen it coming that the little lordship would prefer –”

  “Thank you, gentlemen, that is quite enough,” I interrupt, shooting them a glare. The two men burst into a fit of laughter, earning annoyed and slightly confused stares from the rest of the audience. “I guess you didn’t come here to reminisce about old times?”

  “They didn’t,” my uncle clarifies. “They came here to attend the wedding, as is very gracious of them. And afterwards, they are to accompany you to Withberg to make sure you arrive there safely.”

  Seriously? He’s recruiting my friends for his side, now?

  “You mean to make sure I arrive there at all,” I spit. My chair makes ugly scraping noises as I leap out of it, slamming my hands down on the table.

  “I am not going to any boarding school. I am not leaving this castle.”

  My voice echoes loud and clear through the dining hall. I don’t see anything or anyone besides my uncle, my eyes fixed completely on his hollow face. I am surprised by the silence that follows. Of course, it doesn’t stay long.

  “How dare you speak to your king that way?” Lord Riverstone’s face is red with anger, as he soars from his chair. “You pathetic, little –”

  “That is quite enough, Lord Riverstone,” my mother interrupts suddenly. “Please bear in mind that we have guests present.”

  The man doesn’t look pleased, but he shuts his mouth and sits back down slowly, still eyeing me with a stare that could melt steel.

  “Mother, I can fight my own –”

  “You keep your mouth shut, young man!” she says in a voice so sharp it makes me jump. “There is absolutely no reason for you to be so difficult –
”

  “Difficult? You think this is me being difficult? You don’t know me at all, do you, mother? I’ll show you what difficult really means.”

  With that I leave the table, leave the room, leave the castle. I imagine Xavier’s voice calling my name, but I ignore it. There’s nothing he can do.

  10

  Xander

  I am running. My vision is clouded by my tears and the darkness is not helping, but my body seems to know where it is going. I have no idea where the rest of the day went, I must have spent it in a haze of anger and desperation. I don’t even know where I’ve been. Night-time came sooner than I anticipated, but I’m not about to complain. This feels right. I should be surrounded by darkness, it is where I belong. I don’t deserve the golden light. It only reminds me of happier days.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind I am aware of where my feet are dragging me. I am desperate for the place I last felt any happiness at all. The forest is darker than the deepest night. Without any moonlight to guide my way I should be worried about getting lost between the maze of trees, but I am not. I just don’t care anymore. This is as good a place as any other … if the forest intends to swallow me, so be it. It’s a far better grave than the palace.

  Against all odds, I find myself at the place that was calling me. The clearing seems smaller without any light to illuminate it. And colder without Xavier’s all-consuming presence. I come to a halt in the middle of the round space between the trees. The sky looms heavily above me, without a speck of light. This is my life, I realise. A dark and heavy prospect, as they are about to take the only source of light from me. Maybe I should just stay here. The ground is cold and wet, but somehow, it seems inviting nonetheless. Everything about this place seems more inviting than going back to face my mother and my soon-to-be-father. No, I’m staying here. It’s nice out here, it’s calm and peaceful. Yes. This is a good place.

  I am woken by a sudden burst of light, right above my face. My eyes squint in a desperate attempt to blind out the eerie glimmer. It dawns on me that I must have been found and I start up, panic rising in my chest, throwing heavy chains around my heart. I don’t want to go back. Don’t make me go back, just to force me to leave.

  Just as I am about to start my undignified plea, I realise that there is no one there. Well, that is not exactly correct as I find myself staring at the spectre of light currently levitating in front of my face. A spectre of light with quite the curious expression on it.

  I stare a few seconds at the floating phantom, blinking slowly, before my brain catches up with my eyes and my instincts kick in. My first thought is to run, which I would gladly consent to, if my feet had the decency to obey me for a moment instead of sending me to the ground again. At least my arms have the presence of mind to catch me before I can kiss the ground. I roll over in the grass, only to see that the spectre the size of a fist lowered itself to my eye-level. Two perfectly round eyes are looking at me unblinkingly.

  With the help of my hands and feet I drag myself backwards, but the little thing clings to me relentlessly. It doesn’t seem to be doing much else besides follow me. Its greenish light feels a little unnerving, but otherwise it doesn’t look dangerous. In fact, with the two ridiculously big eyes it looks rather … cute.

  “What … what are you?” My voice comes out hoarser than I intended.

  “what … what are you”

  Suddenly, a mouth opens right underneath those eyes and I do a double take at the hollow voice coming from the unknown creature.

  “Fucking hells,” I whimper, my hand flying to my chest from the shock, “you can talk!”

  “fucking hells you can talk”

  “No!” I immediately say, “don’t repeat that.”

  “no don’t repeat that” The high voice sounds distant, as if coming from far away.

  “Oh, you are just a delight, aren’t you?” I say irritated. “Are you going to repeat everything I say?”

  “oh you are just a delight aren’t you are you –”

  “Forget I said anything!” I interrupt.

  “forget I said anything”

  I let out a sigh but decide to shut my mouth as my shoulders relax a little, realising that I don’t seem to be in imminent danger. The thing imitates my sigh and looks at me expectantly. Crossing my legs, I position myself more comfortably on the cold ground and decide to examine the light-ball more closely. Reaching out slowly with one finger, I try to touch the little shiny creature, but my finger glides through nothing. I don’t know what I expected.

  “Huh.”

  “huh”

  “You are a strange creature, aren’t you?”

  “you are a strange creature aren’t you”

  “You are a strange creature indeed, Alexander.”

  I whirl around at the sound of my own name, only to find a familiar set of eyes looking at me. Eyes that I would recognise even in the deepest darkness.

  “Xavier” I breathe, relieved, and lift myself up clumsily just to throw myself into his arms.

  He lets out a surprised “hmpf” but closes his arms around me in a heartbeat.

  “Hey,” he mumbles into my hair, “it’s alright. You’re alright.”

  I feel his words more than I hear them and his earthy scent wrapped up with his warmth has me clinging to him in an embarrassing manner. I feel wetness on my cheeks.

  “Told you, I’d find him,” I hear Xavier say and for a second I am confused, before I realise that he is talking to somebody behind us.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  Arcadia’s voice is no more than a whisper. Then, one of Xavier’s arms leaves me to grab for the girl beside us and press her close. I rake an arm from behind Xavier to circle around the waist of my other best friend and pull. We stay wrapped in each other until my tears have dried.

  “So basically, what you’re saying is that you’ve encountered a vættir,” Arcadia observes while we walk silently back to our floor. Nobody minds us, although I discover quite a few pitying glances along the way, which I gracefully ignore.

  “A what now?” I ask.

  “A vættir,” she repeats, sighing. “It’s a forest spirit. Really Xan, have you no knowledge of our culture at all?”

  “I refuse to acknowledge such brash accusations,” I say, “But dear Arcadia, pray tell, since when do you believe in ghosts?”

  She knocks her elbow into my side and throws me an annoyed look. “I do not. But you do, hence my whole point of explaining to you what you claim to have seen.”

  “I don’t claim, I know what –”

  “Oh come on guys, that’s enough,” Xavier interrupts, “didn’t we have enough fighting for one day?”

  Arcadia and I share a glance, before we both sigh and bump our shoulders lightly. Everybody must be tired – I know I am – and we all know there’s no sense starting a discussion in that state. A good night’s sleep will do wonders. Or in my case, any sleep at all will be a blessing. I had such high hopes for the day, and yet they have been crushed again. I’m afraid of what the night will bring. Peace, hopefully.

  Dread, most likely.

  “Well boys, that’s my door.” Arcadia looks every bit as tired as I feel. That’s one of the qualities I like best about her – she doesn’t hide her emotions behind an aristocratic mask of indifference. Her face reflects what’s on her mind and that makes her so real. “Good night.”

  She pats Xavier on the shoulder and gives me a quick kiss on my cheek.

  “Good night, Arcadia,” I say with a groggy smile.

  When her door closes behind her I turn to Xavier. “After you,” I say, stretching my arm and offering an exaggerated bow which he answers with an amused huff. We walk down the hallway to our rooms and as soon as I see the doors, I feel the sadness creeping up inside me again. I know exactly what is waiting for me behind those doors and I am not exactly keen on facing it. Maybe I should banish the thought of sleeping altogether and just spend the night in the library. There are a few poems th
at I wanted to reread for a while …

  My thoughts must be showing on my face, because Xavier turns to me with soft eyes.

  “You don’t want to be alone.”

  I don’t answer. There is no need to, because Xavier’s always been good at reading me. The next words leave his mouth hesitantly, more whisper than anything else.

  “Do you … do you want to sleep with me?”

  I raise my eyebrows and pull my lower lip between my teeth while I wait. I can see the exact moment Xavier realises what he said. His eyes widen and there’s a blush forming on his cheeks that I can see despite his dark complexion.

  “I meant in my bed!” he clarifies, louder than necessary. “You – sleeping in my bed – with me, gods that doesn’t sound any better, does it? You know what I mean, Xander, don’t let me ramble senselessly.”

  Yeah, unfortunately I know exactly what he means. It wouldn’t be my brightest idea to take him up on his offer, nor would it be fair to him, considering he has no idea what kind of thoughts I’ve been having involving us and a bed. The problem however is, I am weak and love to make my life more difficult. So I only nod and follow him awkwardly to his room. I wish I could read him as easily as he can read me.

  Xavier

  I wish I’d know what is going on in Xander’s head. It’s easy to spot when he is upset. He doesn’t hide his frustration or anger or even loneliness very well. All other emotions – the more complicated ones – are sealed behind a mask of indifference. My cheeks still feel hot from the accidental proposition … but he seems completely unfazed by it. It really shouldn’t bother me as much as it does. He has slept in my bed more times than I can count. However, we were kids back then … without all these bloody hormones and confusing feelings fighting the battle of the century inside my head. I feel so nervous around him when we are alone … that used to be different. Much easier. But I also feel the irresistible need to protect him, to shield him from all that’s out to harm him. Especially his uncle.

  I light the candle on my nightstand and try not to look at him as I shed my coat.