The Reeducation of Savannah McGuire

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Want to go swimmin’?”

  “What?” she scoffs. “I don’t have my suit and where would we go?”

  The pond comes into view and from where we are the sun is casting an orange glow over the valley.

  “I thought we could swim here and I’m fairly certain no one is going to see us.”

  Savannah looks around and turns slightly to look at me. “You know, I think I do want to go swimming.”

  Hallelujah! I scream on the inside. Now the only question left to answer is – what will she wear?

  Savannah

  Tyler helps me off Sundance and right into his arms. I let my hands slide ever so slowly over his shoulders before taking off his hat, setting it on my head as I wink at him. He presses his lips to mine, his tongue moving fluidly with mine. He holds me in his arms with his hand spread across my back, keeping me pressed tightly against his chest. My legs wrap around his waist causing my dress to bunch. Had I known we were heading out on the horses, I would’ve changed into shorts. Somehow I have a feeling that Tyler didn’t want me to know and I’m okay with that.

  His lips move to my shoulder as his arm goes under me for support. I want to kiss him back but his hat is blocking me. The thought of taking it off now that I have it on doesn’t appeal to me, but I need to kiss him.

  “Leave it on,” he mumbles against my skin as if he’s reading my mind. The words sexy, beautiful and gorgeous are coming out of his mouth and each word ignites a slow burn inside of me. The strap on the dress is slowing being moved down my shoulder.

  “I need to stop before I do something we’re not ready for.” He sets me down gently even though I’m not ready to let him go. I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth to keep from balking. “God, you look sexy in my hat. Are you sure I can’t buy you one?”

  I shake my head, pursing my lips. “I like yours just fine.”

  “Of course you do,” he says, playfully. “Do you want to eat first or go for a swim? The pond is warm, and it’s clean. Jeremiah ran a pump to keep the water fresh.”

  My eyes fall upon the pond and notice there’s a beach-like landing. “What about fish? I’d really hate to get bitten by a fish.”

  Tyler laughs as he steps away and starts unbuttoning his shirt. I’ve seen him almost naked, but standing here, watching, makes my heart beat a little faster. A gentle warmth spreads across my stomach, causing my cheeks to flush, and I bite down on my tongue and twist my hands together to keep from reaching out to touch him. He kicks off his boots and pulls his belt loose. I focus on his fingers as they undo each button on his jeans. He removes his shirt, letting it drop to the ground. I look around for any prying eyes or Jeremiah. I wouldn’t put it past him to follow us out here.

  “No one here but us, sweetheart.”

  “And Sundance,” I add for good measure.

  “She’s not going anywhere.”

  “Well, that’s good to know,” my voice cracks and even though I want to be here with him, I’m nervous.

  Tyler pushes his pants down, letting them pool at his ankles. He hops on one foot while trying to remove each pant leg. I laugh and cover my mouth.

  “Darlin’, I can assure you that looked a lot sexier in my head.”

  “You’re sexy,” the words pour out of my mouth before I can stop them. His eyes widen and I know there’s no taking it back. I don’t want to. Tyler’s eyes gleam as he steps forward and I try to keep my eyes focused on his, but they trail down his chest and below his waist. His dark briefs are holding back his bulge. I take a deep breath at the realization that I make him that way. That knowledge alone is exhilarating. My body temperature rises. Even in this heat I can feel myself getting hotter, even though I get goosebumps when he brushes up against me.

  “Savannah,” he whispers huskily as his hands trail up my arms and over my shoulders. My head turns slightly to watch him pull down the thin straps of my dress. They rest just above my elbow and I know he’s waiting for me to take the next step. I turn, pulling my hair to the side and wait.

  Tyler’s lips dance along my skin while his fingers pull the zipper down. I don’t know how far we’re going tonight but everything feels right. Being out here, in the open with him… this is where I’m meant to be.

  His hands gently push my straps down, allowing the dress to settle at my feet. “Can I see you, Savannah?” he asks, with his chest touching my back. I nod and step out of my dress to turn and face him. I’m bare-chested with nothing but panties and boots on and the man in front of me is mesmerized by me. My face flushes as he takes me in. I try to cover myself, feeling self-conscious, but he holds my hands in his.

  “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  “Thank you.” My response seems lacking, but he’ll never understand the magnitude of that compliment. After being called a slut and a whore by my friends, he’s working to reverse the damage that has been done and doesn’t even realize it.

  “What do you say we go for a dip in the pond before we eat? It’s blazing out here and I think we could both cool off a bit. Besides, we’re both almost naked and it seems like the best thing to do,” he chuckles lightly.

  I agree and slip off my boots before taking his hand. He leads us to the edge and kisses me lightly before pulling us into the water.

  Tyler and I hold each other in the pond, basking in the mellowness of the water. We’re all lips and hands as we make-out in the water. I love being in his arms and know I want to take things further with him. I don’t want him to be hesitant or afraid I might rebuff him, I won’t. I’m just not sure how to tell him.

  The pond is refreshing and a welcome relief from the heat. I thought when I arrived, I’d hate it here. Truth is I’d take Rivers Crossing over New York City any day. There’s so much freedom to be who you are without being someone fake. I’m not blind; I know people judge you no matter where you live but at least here, with Tyler, Jeremiah and my aunt and uncle, I’m not judged because of what I did.

  When we get out, dripping wet and rejuvenated, Tyler pulls a blanket from the horse and lays it on the ground. I pick up his shirt and slip it on, leaving the top buttons undone. He sets out our food and while it all looks delicious, I want something else from him… but only after I tell him how I feel and what’s weighing on my mind.

  Sitting cross-legged in front him, his eyes widen when he takes in my attire. He trails his index finger down the exposed valley of my breasts. Everything I experienced in New York has been nothing compared to the way Tyler is with me.

  “I have something to tell you and I’m not sure how to say it. Actually, it’s a couple of things.”

  “You can tell me anything,” he says as he moves closer to me. His fingers caress my skin and he laughs when it pebbles.

  “Well…” I start, wringing my hands together. “I want to be with you.”

  “I want to be with you too, Savannah, but we don’t have to rush anything. I like that we’re taking our time and getting to know each other. I love that I’m learning your body and figuring out what turns you on. You fascinate me in the best way.”

  When he admits to romantic disclosures like that, it makes the next part so hard to say. “We don’t have time,” I spit out.

  His hand stalls on my leg and his brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

  “My mom… she called last night, I leave for Paris next week.”

  Tyler sits up immediately and I feel the loss of his touch as if he’s stabbing me in the heart. He shakes his head. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. The last time we talked she said I’d be lucky to survive the summer, but she called and told me that she made arrangements for me to go earlier. I told her I didn’t want to, but she’s not listening to me.” I crawl on my knees to Tyler and place my arms around him. “I don’t want to go, but I do. I’ve wanted to study in Paris for so long.”

  He nods. “It’s a good thing for you, Savannah.” He turns and pulls me into his arms. “I’ll miss you though, something fie
rce.”

  “Me too,” I reply, as I lean forward and kiss him. This time he doesn’t hold back and reclines. I shift so that I’m lying over the top of him and it’s only seconds before I feel his need pressing against me. I sit up and unbutton his shirt. Tyler watches my every move. The moment his shirt is off me, he’s maneuvered so he’s on top, resting on his arms so that he’s hovering over me.

  “I’m afraid that I’m falling hard for you.”

  “Me too,” my voice breaks, as I look into his eyes. He takes me all in, his eyes never leaving me as he sits back on his knees, hooking his fingers into my panties and sliding them down my leg.

  “I want this with you, Savannah. But if you don’t want to, just tell me to stop and I will.”

  I shake my head. “I want this. I want you, too.”

  He nods and reaches for his jeans, pulling out the square package that will take us past the point of no return. He shimmies out of his boxer briefs and sheaths himself, hovering over me, his lips finding mine as he makes us one.

  Tyler

  It’s been a week since Savannah told me the devastating news. I had to hold back my emotions when she informed me that she was leaving early. I couldn’t let her know that I was breaking inside and each day since, I’ve done everything I can to show her how much she means to me. Each night when I lie in bed and listen to the hum of the air conditioner, unable to fall asleep, I wonder if it’d be so bad if I drove us to Vegas to get married. Right now, I’m willing to be as non-traditional as possible if it means she stays.

  As much as I want to keep her here, I can’t. Doing so makes me no better than her momma. I want to be the one person who doesn’t let Savannah down and the only way to do that is to keep up my façade that I’m okay, even when I’m dying on the inside.

  Never in a million years did I think I’d feel like this, especially when she stepped off the bus. Her attitude was such a turn off that I thought for sure we’d continue to butt heads, but she surprised me over and over again. The reemergence of the Savannah that I grew up with was just waiting to be triggered and when she finally started to show, she blew me away. She just needed to remember who she was and now that it’s finally happened, she’s leaving me all too soon.

  I’m supposed to have months, not weeks and now only hours. This goodbye isn’t supposed to happen until late August, but once again her momma is taking her away from me and this time I know I won’t see her again. I have no doubt she’ll meet her soul mate in Paris and fall in love under the Eiffel tower, forgetting what it’s like to live here. She won’t need me, not as much as I need her. Savannah McGuire has my heart. She’ll be boarding a plane with it in her hand and there ain’t jack shit I can do about it. Asking her to stay won’t do. I can’t ask her to give up her dreams for me. I have nothing to offer her except for me and I fear that I’m not enough.

  Resting my head against the steering wheel, I take a deep breath in an effort to calm my anxiety. Savannah thinks I’m going to drive her into town to catch the bus. That doesn’t work for me. I’ll be driving her to Austin and waiting with her until the very last possible minute. I know I’m torturing myself, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to let her go. It’s selfish of me to feel this way, but I just got her back and I’m not ready to lose her.

  I reluctantly start my truck and shift it into drive. My hand hangs over the top of the wheel as I navigate the main road back to the ranch. I could’ve driven through the road we created when I moved in but it shortens my trip and I’m not ready to load Savannah’s bags into the back of my truck.

  All too soon I’m pulling into the long driveway that leads to the house. Putting my truck into park, I refuse to shut off the engine. I wish I knew a way to stop this, but I don’t. The moment Savannah climbs into my truck for the last time, our lives are going to be forever changed.

  Savannah steps out with her stupidly big purse and her suitcase behind her. I close my eyes, hopeful that something, anything, will come to mind to make this moment go away. I slam my shoulder into my door, pushing it open. I can’t make eye contact with her as I take the steps two at a time, but when I’m there in front her I waste no time placing my lips against hers. My hands cup her face, holding her to me. Today, I need to call the shots and be as physical as I can with her. I need the memory of her lips ingrained in my mind.

  I hate that I have to pull away, but standing on this porch waiting for the inevitable to catch up with me is pointless. With another brush of my lips against hers, I pull away. My heart breaks at the sight of tears slowly falling down her cheeks. My thumbs wipe them away as I lean my forehead against hers.

  Clearing my throat, I step away and pick up her suitcase. It’s lighter than I thought, giving me hope that she’s left some of her clothes here for when she returns. Lord knows I’m praying that she does. Savannah follows behind, climbing in and slamming her door. I hope that it’s pent up anger from leaving that she’s taking out on my truck.

  When I come around to my side, I open the door to find her in the middle. I smile at her. She doesn’t know how much this small gesture means to me. I’m thankful we’re leaving so early so I can drive the back roads, because taking the highway and making her move away from me is not an option.

  I climb in and hold her hand as her head rests on my shoulder. I’m afraid the ride is going to be done in silence and that’s not what I want. I want to hear her voice and record it for my memories. It’s my choice to live out in the sticks and right now I’m willing to give up my house for an apartment with Internet. Phone calls are going to get very expensive. That’s if she calls me.

  “Where we going?” she asks, as we pass the solitary bench in the middle of nowhere. The same place where I picked her up not so many weeks ago.

  “I’m not letting you take the bus to Austin. I’m driving you.”

  “Tyler, you don’t have to.”

  Doesn’t she know that right now I’d do whatever she wanted me to? If she asked me to go to Paris, I’d do it in a heartbeat... but she won’t. She either doesn’t want to interrupt my life or doesn’t want me in hers. I’m praying it’s the former because not having her in mine isn’t going to be easy.

  “I know I don’t have to, but I need to be with you until the very last second.”

  “Thank you,” she says through her tears. I put my arm around her and relax into the seat so she can snuggle into me some more. She grips my shirt and sobs, killing me slowly with each and every shake of her body. I have to bite my lips to keep my own tears at bay. Savannah won’t see me cry. Maybe when she’s out of sight and I’m pulled off onto the side of the road I’ll let out some frustrations, but not in front of her. I, at least, need to try and be strong for the both of us.

  The drive is shorter than I had hoped and when I pull into the airport parking lot, we’re both quiet. I shut off the truck and wrap my arms around her, kissing her neck, cheeks, eyes and finally her lips.

  “I hate that our summer was cut short,” I whisper against her mouth. I honestly don’t know what else to say to her, except to ask her to stay, but I have nothing to offer her. She doesn’t need to be tied down to some ranch hand. This is the life I chose for me, she didn’t choose it for her. Her dreams are far too important to her and to me. She needs this opportunity to grow.

  “I love you, Tyler.”

  My heart stops at those three little words that mean so much. I pull back from her to look in her eyes. I can tell by the shine in them that she means it. She loves me.

  “I love you, Savannah, so much. It’s so hard not to and, believe me, I tried.”

  We hold each other and spend most of our time kissing until it’s time for her to go. I hold her hand as we walk through the airport, dragging her suitcase behind us. It’s only when she has her ticket in hand that I feel my throat closing up. I can’t cry in front of her. I just can’t.

  Savannah falls into my arms when we reach security. Her body shakes with sobs. I hold her to me, trying to take away he
r pain but my own is just as present. I can’t help but wonder if she’d be like this at the end of the summer or if we’d be okay with saying goodbye. Something tells me things would be worse.

  Savannah pulls me down for a kiss, this time her hands cupping my face. She peppers me with kisses, telling me that she loves me once again. Before I can reply, she’s running up to the TSA agent and checking in. All I can do is stand there and watch her disappear from me.

  I move to the side where I can have a better view of her and wait for her to turn around. I tell myself if she does I’m going to ask her, no beg her, to stay… to stay and be with me.

  Except she doesn’t turn around and I can no longer see her.

  She’s gone.

  Savannah

  The lights, sounds and people are why I’m here. Seeing the pictures and videos from my mother’s trips over the past few years has been what’s encouraged my yearning to spend time in Paris. My mom has been able to travel since she took the job in New York and I’ve always wanted the same experience. The difference with me is I want to do mine before starting college or settling down. It’s important for me to be different from my mother and not follow her path in life. At times while growing up, I’ve felt she resents my dad for dying so young and leaving her as a single mom working her way through college. Now I’m just in her way. Instead of demanding I go to college and work toward a sustainable career, like a levelheaded parent would, she sends me away.

  It’s been a month since I’ve left Tyler, the ranch and my aunt and uncle behind. Regret and longing weigh heavily on my mind, but I’m torn. I’m where I want to be, where I dreamed of being for so long, yet Paris doesn’t seem to fit me the way I thought it would. The shopping, the cafés, and the museums are everything I wanted, but I can’t help but feel that something’s missing. I don’t know if it’s Tyler, Aunt Sue, the ranch or even Jeremiah that’s missing. It may even be that I don’t fit anywhere, and this is my mind’s way of telling me to keep searching.