Sublime Wreckage

by Charlene Zapata

  "Not even a little. I know who I am. If you are struggling with that then that's your issue. I can't make you want me and I will not beg you to stay with me. I don't have any doubt in my mind that we are meant for each other but if you don't feel the same way then I will not waste my time trying to convince you. I think you are making the worst decision of your life. Because if you let me go, you will never get me back."

  "Please don't be like that. I'm not saying this is forever."

  "I am. I have been made to feel worthless most of my life. It's kind of ironic that the one person who taught me to value myself is the same person turning me away now. I won't go through the rest of my life wondering if you really want me. You need to make your decision now whether or not this is the life you want. A life with me."

  "I guess if you are making me choose tonight then I think we should take a break. I'm not saying this has to be forever. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me because I really do love you." He doesn't look at me as he says the words that will end my world.

  "If you think that I can just forget everything you just said to me about our future, about you not being sure of us, then you don't know me at all. If you don't know what you want, if you don't want me the same way I want you, then there is nothing left to say. So get out. Now."

  "Maggie, please don't hate me."

  "You need to go. I don't have anything else to say to you."

  He gets up from his chair and tries to comfort me but I push him away. I can't stand the feeling of his touch when his words have just destroyed me. I just want him gone. I walk over to the door holding it open so the love of my life can walk away. The minute the door closes I fall to the floor sobbing uncontrollably.

  Vincent Moreno stole my heart with his amazing love. I didn't ask for this. I fought it from the very beginning. Because now, I'm left with the wreckage that was our relationship.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Vincent

  As I drive away from the only girl I have ever loved, tears fall down my face. I left my heart with her even if she doesn't believe me. That was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. I knew she was stubborn but I never expected her to give up on us. I guess it shouldn't surprise me given her past. It rips me apart that I hurt her. It's something I never wanted to do. She's had enough hurt in her life. I pull up to my house ten minutes later. When I walk through the door I fall to my knees crying like I never have before. Tommy and Amanda come out of the kitchen.

  "You really did it?" Amanda asks while standing over me.

  "I had too. I didn't have a choice."

  "Shit. I better get over there. Tommy take care of Vince. I need to go check on my girl."

  Amanda leaves while Tommy pulls me over to the couch. I just cry and cry. I can't seem to stop. The last week has been torture. I struggled with my decision over and over. But I couldn't let her throw everything away for me. When she started talking about staying here instead of going to college I knew what I had to do. I refuse to take that from her. She has talked about nothing else since the first day I met her. I know how much she wants to get out of this town and start over. How much she wants to get away from her mother. I can't be the reason she gives up everything.

  I thought we could do the long distance thing but once Maggie makes up her mind about something there is no changing it. I knew if she made her decision final she would stay in this awful town forever just to be with me. What choice did I have? I can't leave. I have to watch out for my mom and Joey. I wasn't going to ruin her life. But right now, in this moment, I would do anything to take it all back. My heart is no longer mine. It's hers. How do I live without my heart?

  I have to admit how damn proud I am of her. She didn't shed one single tear in front of me. I could see the hurt in her eyes but she held it all in until I left. I could hear her heart breaking the minute I closed the door. She is the strongest woman I have ever known. It killed me to act so cold with her tonight. I almost gave in when she opened the door. All I wanted to do was hold her and show her just how much I love her. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around her and never let her go.

  I don't know how I get through the next several days. I stay in bed not wanting to eat, sleep or live in general. That's when Tommy sends in back-up. My mom.

  "Vincent, why don't you get up today? You can't live in this room the rest of your life."

  "I don't know how to move forward without her. She is my life. She has my heart and always will."

  "Then why did you let her go?"

  "I already told you why." My mother smacks the back of my head, hard.

  "And I told you it was the wrong thing to do. You took the choice away from Maggie. You didn't give her the opportunity to make her own mind up about her future."

  "Because I knew what she would choose and I couldn't let her ruin her life."

  "Why do you think that if she choose you that would ruin her life? I saw the way she looked at you. That girl loves you. Some people look their entire life for what you and Maggie have together. And you just throw it away."

  "I didn't throw it away. I set her free."

  After a couple more days I decide to get out of the house. I just start driving and before I even realize where I am, I'm pulling into her apartment complex. What am I doing here? I can't help it. Every fiber of my being is drawn to this girl. The girl who holds my heart.

  I get out of the car and head to her door. I don't know what I plan to say or even why I'm here. Maybe to beg for her forgiveness? I can't seem to turn away. Each step brings me closer to my heart.

  When I walk up to the door I notice the blinds are open. That's when my world ends. Her apartment is empty. She's already gone. I lost her. I'm too late.

  Excerpt From: Sublime Resistance

  Chapter One

  My eyes slowly open as I look around searching for understanding, trying to gain awareness of where I am. It's just after the car crashed into the pillar dividing the highway. Only I don't see all the people with panic stricken faces surrounding the car. My father is still next to me, bleeding and lifeless. I look down at my hands. But they aren't the hands of a six year old little girl. They are my hands now. I start to shake uncontrollably until I look up. There he is. Standing outside the car waiting for me. I look into those deep brown eyes as his hand reaches out for mine.

  I wake up, pulse racing, sweat dripping from every part of my body. It feels like something is sitting on my chest, weighing me down. It's been just over a year since he left me. I don't know when my dream started to change but it did. Now it's the same almost every night. I can't escape him. I have done everything I can to get over Vincent Moreno. It's just not working.

  I decide to get up and go for a run before class. The frustration with myself for not being able to move past him only fuels my desire to escape. I step into the warm summer air of Ann Arbor, Michigan. After Vince wrecked my heart I had to get as far away as possible. My Grandfather agreed that this school was the best choice because of its phenomenal marketing program. I tried so hard to hide my heartbreak from him but he saw right through me. He said my heart would heal with time and to focus on college. That I didn't need to get too involved with a boy at my age anyway. We never spoke about Vincent again.

  I love running on campus this early in the morning. It's just after 6 o'clock and the sun has just started to rise. I've discovered all the historic buildings on campus. There is one that is almost completely covered in ivy. It has grown for years creeping up along the sides and front of the building. It's really beautiful. I wasn't sure how I would like living in Michigan but it's really growing on me.

  I can't believe I'm already done with my first year. The college doesn't allow freshman to live off campus so I had to live in the dorms last year. It sucked big time. I had the worst roommate on the planet. All she wanted to do was blare her music until 3 in the morning while making out with every guy in our building. The one and only positive about living
in the dorms was meeting Heather. She lived down the hall from me. I would escape to her room whenever I needed to study. She's an engineering major and has as much focus as I do. She's also hilarious. So far, she is the only person that can make me laugh and forget what I lost. Now we live together in a small two bedroom apartment just off campus.

  After I run my route I head back to get ready for the last day of my summer job. I decided to stay here and work as much as possible. It just didn't feel right laying around taking advantage of the trust my father set up for college. I visited my Grandpa at the beginning of summer and the end. I try to go home whenever I can. But I haven't been to Milford since the day I moved out of my apartment. There is nothing left for me in that town except my best friend. Thank goodness Amanda got her own car shortly after graduation. Now she visits me here or at my Grandpa's when I drive down. She understands why I can't go back to Milford. She is doing awesome in her classes and loves college. I am so glad we found a way to stay connected. I don't know what I would do if she wasn't in my life.

  I walk into the apartment and almost run right into Heather. She is usually up by this time making coffee. She is another cheery morning person. I would love to sleep in but my dreams keep waking me up at the break of freaking dawn. It's pure torture. Especially to someone who loves sleep as much as I do.

  "Hey girl. Another bad dream?"

  "Same old, same old. What are you up to today?"

  "Just getting ready to leave for work." Heather got a summer internship with a local company. Apparently it was highly sought after and she got one of only three spots. She's pretty damn smart. She is here on a scholarship and couldn't afford to move out of the dorms but I begged her to live with me. I can afford the rent all by myself but didn't want to live alone. She finally agreed but only if I let her repay me in some way. We are still working out the details.

  "I'm going to hop in the shower. I have to be at the coffee shop by 9. See you later tonight." Ironic isn't it. I despise coffee but ended up working in a coffee house. After putting my uniform on one last time I head out the door. I know how fortunate I am that I don't have to work during the school year. I don't know if I could have survived my first year with a job and classes. I tried to take as many hours as I could handle, getting most of my general education classes out of the way. I finally get to start some marketing classes tomorrow.

  Just as my shift is about to finish, the door chimes. When I look up I see a gorgeous, long-haired surfer looking guy walking toward the counter. It takes me a little by surprise because we don't get much of his kind in this area. Usually guys who look like him attend the southern colleges surrounded by water. As he gets closer I notice his beautiful light brown eyes. I love it when someone with dirty blonde hair has brown eyes instead of the typical blue.

  "What can I get for you?"

  "What do you recommend?" He hasn't even made eye contact with me. He is too busy looking over my head at the menu.

  "The iced coffee seems to be pretty popular." I can't help myself. I decide to take a quick look at his body while he still seems distracted. At first glance it doesn't seem like there is much to look at but after I get a closer look I can see some muscle under his loose t-shirt. He seems to be in relatively good shape.

  "You don't have a favorite you could recommend?" He finally looks down and sees me. A huge smile spreads across his face while waiting for my response. It's pretty spectacular if I'm being honest. I look away not wanting to engage him further. And I don't smile back. I can't. Not after Vincent.

  "No. I pretty much despise coffee." He immediately starts laughing. "Don't worry, the irony isn't lost on me. So what can I get you?"

  "I guess I will try a large iced coffee with whip cream. I'm Asher by the way." Oh no. Not the introduction. I have no desire to get to know anyone of the opposite sex.

  "Nice to meet you. It will take a minute to get your order. You can wait over there." As soon as I finish talking, I turn my back to make his coffee. I decide it's best to avoid the situation and ask my co-worker to give him his order. I head to the back and clock out for the last time.

  On my drive home I keep thinking about the good looking blonde. What kind of name is Asher anyway? I shake it off reminding myself of what happened the last time I thought a guy was good looking. I don't need that heartbreak again.

  I don't see Heather the rest of the evening. She is probably staying over at her boyfriend's place. They just started dating over the summer and they have to keep things very hush, hush because they met at her internship. I think it's a disaster waiting to happen but I keep my mouth shut. If it makes her happy who am I to judge.

  After making myself a sandwich and checking that I have everything I need for tomorrow I decide to call Martina. After I left Milford she called my cell phone about a million times before I finally decided to answer. She never left a message, she would just call again. And again. We've developed a great relationship as long as she follows our number one rule. We NEVER talk about Vincent.

  "Maggie! How are you? It's so great to hear from you."

  "Hi Martina. Things are good. How about you?"

  "Everything is pretty much the same here. Why do you think I like talking to you so much? It brightens my day. I love hearing about your college adventures."

  "Martina, you know I'm the most boring college student you will ever talk to. I don't do parties and all my time is spent studying."

  "There is nothing wrong with that. So...have you met anyone?" There is a very long pause before I'm able to speak.

  "I...um...don't think we should talk about that. It just feels too weird. But no, I haven't." As much as I didn't want to answer her I also couldn't ignore her question. I have a small suspicion that she passes information along to Vincent. Or maybe I just hope that she does. This is yet another reason I can't seem to get over him. He is all I think about. God, I miss him.

  "It's ok Maggie. I respect your limits. I understand why you don't want to talk about that part of your life. I'm sorry."

  After that our conversation flows like it always does. I tell her everything I can about my summer. She is still disappointed that I didn't make it back to Milford but again she understands. I can't seem to hide the excitement in my voice about starting my marketing classes tomorrow. Martina knows me so well. I feel like she adopted me in a way. She gives me the love and support a mother should give her daughter. I love her so much. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

  "You better get some rest. You have a big day tomorrow. I am so proud of you, Maggie. I love you."

  "I love you too. Thank you. For everything."

  I didn't realize just how late it had gotten. We talked for over an hour. I really miss her. I really miss him. I don't know if I will ever get over him. And seeing his face in my dreams every night only makes losing him that much harder.

  Acknowledgements

  First and foremost I want to thank God. I am so grateful that I believe in something greater than myself. He has given me this gift and I hope to make it count.

  Thank you to my incredible family. My Husband who supported me throughout this entire process. Thank you for listening to me brainstorm about titles, book covers, marketing techniques and all other book related topics while encouraging this journey. Thank you for all your hard work formatting my book. You are one of the smartest men I know and I never had a doubt in my mind that you could do this. My wonderful children who have a way of demonstrating unconditional love daily. You give me more strength than you will ever know. I love you more than words can ever say. To my Grandfather who supported me and gave me encouragement. You told me I would never know if this would be a success without trying. I love you.

  Thank you to my closest friends and beta readers. Brenda Zapata (my sister from another mister) God knew that we would need each other in this life so he brought us together. You are my rock when I need you most. Jessica Lowery nothing happens by chance. We were brought into each other's lives for a reason. I
believe that with all my heart. We will forever be connected. Melisa Marvin who I have been friends with for years and stuck with me through moves across the country. Your encouragement and support mean everything to me. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for continuing to be my friend after all these years. Amanda James thank you for all your kind words and for being the best friend a girl could have in high school. You gave me that extra boost of confidence at the end of this process that I really needed. All of you did more than read my book. You encouraged me, gave me confidence and loved me for me. I can't thank you enough for taking time out of your busy lives to help me start my dream. I don't know where I would be without your support. Your feedback has been invaluable. Family isn't always blood, it's the people we choose willingly to share our life with. Not because we have to but because we want to. You are my family. I love each of you dearly. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  Thank you to every person who has supported me and shared my Author Facebook page. I couldn't have done this without the support from all of my friends and family. Thank you to all the readers. Thank you to anyone who took a chance on a new author. Your support is priceless. Thank you to everyone that has left a review of my book. Reviews are very important to authors. They help get the word out about our books. So thank you for taking the time to write a review! Thank you to every single blogger who supported my book and helped promote it. I want to give a special thanks to Sugar Shack Book Blog for doing my first blog tour. Thank you Author Ella Emerson for all of your support. It means the world to me.

  I want to give a very special thank you to Rebecca Donovan, Jamie McGuire, and Colleen Hoover. I don't personally know these wonderful ladies but they inspired me to write. After reading their amazing books I decided it was time to tell my story. I have loved every minute of creating this world and these characters. So thank you for giving me the inspiration to put my thoughts to paper.