Black Out

by Lila Rose

  Smiling at her, I asked, “Why are you nervous?”

  “I get nervous when I meet new people. But they said I could come in here and meet you while Fox is in a meeting with his biker brothers. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all.” After all, she’d given me the answer I was too worried to ask. It was, after all, my Blue’s room I was staying in. There could only be one Blue, right? That name wasn’t a regular name, like Joe or Harry. It had to be my Blue.

  Suddenly, anticipation took over my body and I felt giddy. I was looking forward to seeing Blue when he got back.

  I just hoped he would be happy to see me.

  “Do you want to play a game?” Ivy asked.

  “Um…I’m not sure if anyone has mentioned I don’t have full sight.”

  “Really? Oh, no, they didn’t, or I wouldn’t have said anything. Now I feel like a tool asking to play a game. Though, I could probably think of a game to play without using our eyes. How did that happen anyway? Oh, my God, sorry; I shouldn’t have asked. See? I can be really inappropriate sometimes, too.”

  While I laughed, I just knew I was going to get along wonderfully with Ivy. I knew because I found myself telling her all about my horrid past.

  A few days away turned into a week and a half. However, it felt longer, way longer. While I bloody enjoyed my time getting to know my mum again, I also enjoyed the home-cooked meals from Adele and even Jason annoying the hell outta me when he asked question after question.

  Though, I didn’t only stay for my family, but also to get the Caroline Springs Hawks charter under control. The place not only looked a fuckin’ mess on the outside, but it was chaotic on the inside, as well. The books were up the shit. We had spread the word through town that Motley was no longer in charge, and until Talon could find another president, Memphis was taking over the roll.

  Ah, Memphis. He was a fuckin’ surprise. I kinda regretted not spendin’ more time with the dude. Since I’d been around him in a one-on-one situation, especially at the compound organising shit, I learned there was more to him than what he showed back home. Not only was he a good brother to the club, I learned he had the smarts to be a leader, and I was going to suggest to Talon when I got home that we should make the change for Memphis to become President of the Hawks charter in Caroline Springs more permanent.

  He was ruthless when he needed to be, mean, funny and compassionate. The funny and compassionate part I saw more when he joined us for dinner at home, or when he was just hangin’ in the living room, or even spending time with Jason.

  The only thing that freaked the crap outta me was the way him and my mum got…cosy with each other. Little looks here, little touches there when he’d help her from a chair or something, or when she’d be cooking and he’d offer to help. I noticed she’d get close to him, touch his arm to get his attention.

  So then, when Memphis came to me before I left and asked for my blessing to see if my mum would be interested in going out on a date, it didn’t shock me. It was awkward as hell, but I was never shocked.

  Of course, I threatened his arse to take care of her. I wouldn’t be the proper son if I didn’t. He took it in stride and swore on his life that he would.

  I already knew he would, and the thought of leaving Memphis in Caroline Springs with my family—because mum offered him to stay at her house instead of the compound—eased some of the tension I had been feeling about leaving.

  Jason was pissed I had to go, but I couldn’t stay in a place which no longer felt like home to me. My home was with my brothers. I suggested to him that when he turned twenty-one, if he was interested, he could think of joining Hawks, but he’d have to come to Ballarat to do it. He’d been so fuckin’ happy I’d even suggested it.

  However, the tension built inside of me had eased a bit knowing Memphis was there, steppin’ up to take on the care of my family, ‘cause he was hot for Mum—shudder. Yet, the guilt I felt for leaving was still there, which was why I knew I’d be making more trips down to see them, even after I expressed that to Mum one night and she told me I should never feel guilty. She said I had taken on more than what any other son would have, and it was my time to live free with less stress. It was all worth it. That’s what family did; they took care of each other.

  Riding my baby home with the words from my mum helped settle some of the guilt. In my eyes, every goddamn man should have a bike, to feel the thrill of the power between your legs, to know you’re in control of such a big beast.

  Damn, all this emotional shit. While I get my arse waxed, maybe I should look into getting my balls done, as well.

  Pulling into the compound’s car park, I had a smile on my face. It was fuckin’ great to be back. It was late afternoon and some brothers were working out front of the mechanical area on some cars. I sent them a chin lift, and then walked through the front door. As I kept going, I heard voices in the main common area. Through the doorway, I spotted Talon with Griz, Stoke, Killer and Pick around the bar, talkin’.

  “Hey, brothers. What’s goin’ on?” I asked, making my way over to them. They all turned as soon as I spoke, and I knew straight away from their serious looks that something was up.

  “S’up, Blue?” Talon asked.

  “Spill the shit. What’s going down now, and why haven’t I been told?” I demanded as I came to stop beside Talon and Killer.

  “He’s gonna find out as soon as he walks through his door here anyway,” Stoke chuckled.

  “What’ya mean?” Someone was in my room? Who the fuck could it be? Holy fuckin’ shit, had I knocked someone up? I hoped to Christ not; all the bitches I’d been with were just that—bitches. While the pansies stood and eyed each other on how to start, I stalked off and headed to my room.

  “Blue, wait the fuck up,” Talon called. His footsteps were fast approaching.

  “Brother,” Killer warned on a growl. WTF? “You go in gentle. You’ll scare her otherwise.”

  Again, what the fuckin’ fuck?

  In the hall to the rooms, I spotted Billy sitting on the floor outside my room. He saw me, must have seen the damn annoyed, pissed state I was in and quickly stood, holding his hands out. “Blue, she’s sleeping. You go in there all gung-ho and you’ll scare the fuck outta her. She don’t know you.”

  “Not sure of that,” Griz uttered under his breath.

  Ignoring it, because I was confused as fuck and getting more pissed, I yelled, “Then what is she—whoever the fuck she is—doing in my room?”

  Suddenly, my door opened abruptly and Ivy filled the doorway, glaring at us. “Will you guys keep it down? She’s healing real well, but it’s only been a few days, so she still needs her rest.” She started to eye my brothers with annoyance, but then her eyes landed on me. “Oh, hey, Blue. Damn, will you want your room back? I’d hate to wake her up. She overdid it today with walking around here; her ribs were hurting her. But I’m sure she’d move if she knew the person the room belongs to is back.”

  “Billy, kid, you get back to the work. Help lock up; we’ve got it here,” Talon ordered.

  “Sure, boss,” he said, and ran off down the hall.

  “Someone please tell me what in Christ is going on?” I hissed through clenched teeth.

  Ivy stepped out of my room and shut the door behind her. She motioned with her hands at the men around her. “Come on, fill the poor guy in.”

  “Precious,” Killer smirked at his woman while shaking his head, and then he turned to me and shocked the fuck out of me. “Julian’s new friend had a situation. Her sister was using her for money she got for taking care of her. The woman found out when she overheard a convo between her sister and some guy, saying she needed another scare to stick around so they’d keep getting the money. She rang Julian. Talon and Griz went over with him and got her out. They took her to Wildcat’s old house. That’s when shit blew up. Literally, they sparked a car out front, and while Talon and Griz checked it out, they got into the house and took her, beat her before Talon coul
d get to her. She’s roughed up and scared. Still, there’s a tough side to her. No one has heard her complain, even after everything she’s gone through.”

  Griz cleared his throat. “The women have taken her under their wings. She a part of them now, so she’s a part of us, which is why she’s staying here at the compound until we get some fuckin’ answers.”

  “Why in my room?”

  “That’s the funny thing. I was carrying her down this hall and she yelled at me to stop. She wanted to stay in there.” He thumbed to my door. “She wouldn’t take no for an answer, and when I took her in, it was like her whole body relaxed. This is gonna sound strange as shit, but I think she knew your scent. She took in a breath and her body sagged in my arms.”

  “What’s her name? No one’s said it once.”

  “Clarinda,” Talon said.

  My eyes widened. My heart stopped. It couldn’t be, but how many Clarinda’s were out there? No, fuck no. Someone beat her, touched her in ways she didn’t want. My fists clenched. My jaw tightened as I tried to rein the anger back in.

  Motherfucking Christ.

  “It’s hitting him and hard,” Stoke snapped.

  Hands grabbed my arms.

  “You need to cool it, brother,” Killer growled.

  After deep breaths through my nose, I then said, “I’m fine. I’m good. Let me go.” Griz and Killer stepped away from me. “When did this happen?”

  “So you know her?” Talon asked.

  My eyes snapped to him. I knew they were wild, because I sure as fuck knew I didn’t like the thought of anyone hurting my Clary. “Yeah, I do, but I’ll explain later. When did this happen?” I barked.

  “Last Friday,” Talon answered.

  “Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why wasn’t I informed something was going down?”

  “You had other shit goin’ on. We dealt with it. If we knew you knew her, we would have contacted you straight away.”

  I sighed. “I only met her a couple of times, but fuck, she made an impression. Still, there was confusion going on between us, mix-ups and shit. The last time I saw her was fucked up. Henry, one of the local drugos, was attacking her. I stopped it.” Shaking my head, I added, “I let her leave with her bitch of a sister. I shouldn’t have. I knew something was going on with her; I could see it in her. I shouldn’t have fuckin’ let her leave.”

  “Don’t take that one on, Blue,” Ivy whispered. “I’ve gotten to know Clary over the last couple of days, and I know she wouldn’t have listened to you. Back then, she believed her sister would keep her safe…not set her up.”

  I nodded. It was fine for Ivy to say that, but it still didn’t help the regret beating through me right then.

  Standing straighter, I said, “I’m going in to grab some shit. I’ll get another room here. If that’s where Clary wants to stay, then she stays.”

  “After you’ve done that, come to the office and we’ll talk more. Tell you what we’ve found, yeah?” Talon asked.

  I gave him a chin lift, and my brothers started off. Killer waited for Ivy as she stepped up beside me, placed her hand on my arm and uttered, “She’s going to be fine, Blue. I know you didn’t listen to me before, but none of this was your fault. It would be ridiculous if you keep thinking it.”

  “Precious,” Killer growled.

  I watched her roll her eyes at her man and look at me. “I think she knew this was your room, too. She feels safe in there, and I know you’ll keep her thinking it.” With that, she gave my arm a squeeze and went to her man, who curled his arm around her shoulders as they walked off whispering. I just bet Killer was warning her bikers didn’t like to be told they were being ridiculous, because we sure as fuck didn’t. Luckily for Ivy, she could get away with it.

  The only light in the room when I opened the door was coming from my TV attached to the wall on the right side of the room. I closed the door behind me, and the room fell darker. My eyes landed on the beautiful sleeping form of Clary on my bed. I couldn’t help myself; I crept closer to take all of her in. She was tucked tightly under the blanket on her back, and I could make out that her eye was bruised, her lips were cut, and she had small scratches on her face.

  Fuck! My fist clenched once again. I breathed deeply through my nose.

  Why did this have to happen to her?

  Jesus. Life was so fuckin’ unfair to people who didn’t deserve its crap.

  Shaking my head, I turned my back on her and went to my walk-in closet bedside my TV. I rummaged through my shit, found a duffle bag and piled clothes into it. I was gonna find a room close to her. No one was gonna touch her again.

  Back out in the room, I went to my drawers beside the bed on the far side, away from the door. As I slid one open, the bed shifted. My eyes went there straight away. She’d turned toward me. I quickly grabbed some boxers and shoved them in my bag. When I closed the drawer, I looked back down to Clary to find her eyes open and on me. Her brows were down; she seemed confused, but then she took in a deep breath, gasped and uttered, “Blue?”

  How in the fuck did she know I was there, when she couldn’t see?

  “Hey, sugar,” I said and knelt down beside the bed. Her eyes followed me. I had no idea how she was able to track me. “I heard you’ve been up to no good.”

  Her bottom lip trembled, and she scoffed weakly. “You could say that.” That was when she burst out crying.

  Shit. Motherfuckers making her cry…or had it been because of me?

  All I knew was my whole being wanted to comfort her. I climbed onto the bed and gently drew her to me so her back rested against my chest and my arms wound around her waist. “Shh, baby. It’ll be okay. It’s gonna be fine.” I really didn’t know what to say. She shifted, her hands gripped tightly onto my arms as she nuzzled her head into my neck. “You’ve come to the right place for help, sugar. They’ve all taken to you; everyone is willing to help.”

  She sniffed and uttered, “I-I’m sorry.” She tried to pull away, but I held her close.

  “You’ve got nothing to apologise for, Clary. Nothing. From what I know, this shit has happened to you. You caused none of it.”

  How was this beautiful woman allowin’ me to comfort her?

  There was a knock at the door and Clary cringed in my arms, which was how I knew she didn’t want to see anyone.

  “Whoever it is, go the fuck away,” I called.

  I wanted nothing to break the moment. Clary was allowin’ me—a damned moody biker she hardly knew—to hold her after her ordeal. I just wished I was fuckin’ there for her when everything happened. I wished I’d fought harder to get in contact with her, but I’d suspected then she didn’t really want to. I also fuckin’ wished I’d stole her away that day, even though I knew she had troubles.

  Most of all, I wished I was the man for her.

  But I knew I wasn’t. She deserved more than me.

  All I could give her was the moment.

  Whoever had been at the door must have left. The room fell silent as Blue obviously ran through some thoughts in his mind. I didn’t mean to break down; I woke and the scent of him was so strong I just knew he was in the room. At first, I thought I had been dreaming when I saw an outline of someone standing in front of me. Then I called out to him, and his sweet, intoxicating voice spoke back. Emotions overwhelmed me. He’s here. My Blue, my saviour, is here in front of me.

  When he brought me into his arms, I had never felt so cherished. It was obvious someone had told him what had happened, and he was nice enough to show me he cared.

  I wanted to stay in his arms forever, though I knew that wasn’t going to be possible. Yes, he was showing me comfort, but his form was stiff. I wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to be there. I probably freaked him out by how I reacted. Maybe not many women cried in front of him and he didn’t know what to do, but what he was doing was enough. It was perfect.

  However, there was something else. From what I could sense, he was worried but standoffish, which caused me to think
he didn’t really want to be here in the room with me.

  His room.

  God, would he even be in here if it wasn’t his room?

  Probably not.

  I shifted away from him. At first, he fought it and held me tighter, until he let me go. I turned so he could see my face and I could see the blurred outline of his. “I’m sorry for intruding on your personal space, Blue. I’ll get my things and move.” I placed my palms on the bed and went to shift forward, only to stop when he placed his hand on my arm.

  “I’d feel better if you stayed here. There’s plenty of space in this place. I’ll go stay in another room.”

  Why would he give up his room for me?

  I didn’t know what to make of his kind gesture. I felt stupid, yet relieved. Stupid for allowing my emotions to take control and attach them to a man I hardly knew, and relieved he wouldn’t move me from a room which had me feeling like it was a home to me.

  Annoyance was also present, because for the first time in a long time, I felt something for a man I had never felt…lust, desire, even though I didn’t know him.

  Though, I knew I wanted to get to know him. I wanted him.

  Could a man like Blue ever want anything from me?

  “I-I can’t have you doing that. It’s your room.”

  “Please...for me, stay in here.” He gently tucked my wayward hair behind my ear. Oh, God, what did I look like? Terrible, I was sure. His finger glided over my cheek. “Clary...can I ask how this happened? You can’t see anything, right?”

  I bit my bottom lip, and with no thought at all, I rested my back against his chest and told him the story of my parents, the fire, everything. All that time, he remained silent and listened. When I came to the part of my parents’ death, his arms convulsed around me, warming me to the bone, because it showed he was truly listening and he hated that for me. He hated what I had been through, what I had witnessed.