by Mia Ford
Jordan could just turn up of his own accord, couldn’t he? There’s no reason for Rachel to be suspicious. She’ll probably vanish not long after we arrive anyway. She has a tendency to vanish when she’s drunk. Now that I can always get hold of Jordan, that doesn’t bother me. She’s only flaky while drinking anyway, it isn’t that bad a personality flaw as things go. I’ve seen many other people very unhappy with the people they’re roomed with.
“What are you going to wear?” I ask with a renewed sense of vigor while I sit up. “Shall we dress nice?”
“I like your way of thinking!” Rachel pops up too. “I would love to go all dressy. Let’s look through our stuff.”
Deep down, I know that I’m only dressing up for one person which is so pathetic it hurts, but I just can’t help myself. Maybe he won’t ever ask me out, perhaps it’ll only ever be a crush, but for now, it is what it is.
***
I feel vulnerable and very exposed while we walk through the fraternity house. It’s clear that me and Rachel have missed the mark on the dress code. It felt all fun getting all fancied up while we were dancing around and gossiping in the privacy of our room, but among all these people we don’t know in jeans and tee shirts, I feel silly. We’re like the girls who missed the memo not to dress nice for prom. It makes me feel very childish.
“We should get out of here,” I hiss to Rachel. “I don’t know if this is a good idea after all.”
But Rachel smiles blandly, loving the attention. She has self-confidence brimming off of her, she doesn’t care about looking silly at all. She’s really enjoying all the eyes upon her, I think she’s getting a kick from it. Why can’t I be more like that? I would absolutely love to have that deep assurance.
“No, we’re staying. It’ll be fine.” She clutches tightly onto my hand. “You’ll be okay after a drink.”
I better be! I’m desperate to get some booze in my system now. To think, before I came to college I never would have drunk underage, but since being here, I’ve opened my eyes a little. It might not be the lesson I’m supposed to be learning whilst here, but I feel like I’m getting to know myself better along the way.
“Yes, get me a drink now,” I hiss back. “Otherwise I might freaking lose my mind.”
As predicted, by the time we get to the drink’s table, Rachel has become embroiled in a spirited debate with one of the fraternity brothers. There’s a fizzing sexual undertone to their words which tells me it won’t be long before I’m alone again. I grab my cell phone out and take a look at the screen, just to see no message from Jordan. He promised that he’d be here. He suggested that he might even arrive before me, but it seems that he’s been held up. I sigh loudly and grab the nearest cup, holding it close to my chest as protection. By myself, I feel even stupider in the dress. I’m like the nerdy school girl all over again who really obviously doesn’t fit in.
My eyes dart everywhere, I drink in the sights of this house which has descended into messy chaos already, and I wonder how long I’ll stay. If things don’t pick up soon, I don’t want to be standing on my own in this dress. Once I know Rachel is okay and happy, I’ll duck and dart out. The safety of my bedroom is already calling out to me, begging me to lie down on my bed sheets, to be anywhere but here…
This is the last time I get talked into something I’m unsure of, I think with determination. Next time, I’ll just tell Rachel no. I’m sure she doesn’t really need me around anyway.
“Hey,” a gruff voice captures my attention. Unfortunately, it isn’t the voice I want it to be. “How are you?”
“Erm, yeah.” I nod slowly. “I’m good thank you. I don’t know anyone here though.”
He holds out his hand and I shake it. “I’m Tom. So at least you know someone now.”
I smile at him gratefully. He seems like a nice person. Clearly, he’s come to rescue the damsel in distress here. “I’m Veronica. It’s nice to meet you. Are you one of the fraternity brothers?”
“No.” He shakes his head fervently. “Not me, but my cousin is. I’m here because of him. And he’s abandoned me much like it looks like your friend has done to you.” He points to where she’s now kissing the guy she was arguing with only moments before. “So, it looks like it’s just me and you for the night.”
He’s a nice enough looking guy, with a sweet preppy look and a nice lopsided smile, but he doesn’t stir up anything inside of me. Maybe if I wasn’t still harbouring this crush on Jordan things would be different, but I can’t see past anything but him at the moment. Still, talking to Tom is preferable to being on my own.
“Looks like it!” I smile up at him. “Sorry, you got stuck with me.”
“What are you apologizing for? You’re the most beautiful girl here, I’m lucky to be ‘stuck with you’.”
The compliment feels so nice, it washes over me and makes me feel a little better. I suppose if Jordan’s found somewhere more important to be then this is just fine for me. There are worse places I could be. The urge to be back in bed all by myself has died down a little bit. I’d love to make a new friend.
“So, Tom, since we’re stuck together, you might as well tell me all about yourself.” I see him react like me to that intrusive question, so to soften the blow I try a different tactic. “Such as who’s your favorite superhero?”
A neutral topic, one that doesn’t really tell me much about him but also lets me learn enough. It’s the perfect conversation starter and actually gets the ball rolling. This certainly isn’t where I expected the night to end up, but I could always stand to expand my circle. One of the things I’m learning is that I can’t have too many friends.
“Well, I mean, Batman is an obvious choice to the untrained eye… but you aren’t talking to someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about here. I’m an expert in this very subject.”
“Oh, well it’s a good job I asked it then,” I chuckle along with his joke. “I cannot wait to get your expert opinion. This is something I struggle with so much.”
As he launches into his tirade, I can’t keep the smile off my face. This party is starting to really look up now. Thank goodness!
4
Jordan
Idiot, idiot, idiot! I curse myself as I run to the party. I am such an idiot! Veronica is going to hate me.
I promised to be at this stupid party at nine PM, and I even planned on getting there a little bit before, but then I made the dumb decision to take a nap first so I could stay up much later if needed, and I overslept. What an idiot. I must have slept through my alarm and now I’ve missed out on hours I could’ve been with Veronica. I might see her a lot but it honestly never feels like enough, and now I hate myself for this error.
What if she’s already left? I think as a dart my eyes around this horrible, smelly frat house. I know that Rachel always ends up making brand new friends when she’s been drinking and she ends up leaving Veronica alone. There’s a chance that she might have given up waiting for me and gone back to her dorm. I don’t suppose I can go and see her to apologize for my error because there’s a chance that she’ll be asleep. I’m such a fool.
I quickly spot Rachel over by the drinks table which doesn’t give me enough but it’s a start. I make my way over there, ignoring the guy who’s stood beside her with a moony expression on her face while I speak.
“Rachel, have you seen Veronica?” I ask, a little desperately. “Is she here? Did she come with you?”
Rachel giggles at the wrong time, proving that she’s already had too much to drink. “She was dancing before.”
Dancing? There’s no chance in hell that Veronica would dance alone. She’s got great moves but she’s far too shy to do it alone. I know Rachel must be wrong, but it’s the only lead I have, so I chase after it. I go to where there are a few people gathered on a make shift dance floor and I flick my eyes all over it. Of course, she isn’t there, just as I knew she wouldn’t be, but I do spot a shock of flame red hair just outside… that could be her, so I
push past the crowds of people and follow it with my heart hammering in my chest. I feel oddly nervous, which is crazy because I know she won’t be mad at me. I guess I’m scared that she’s been all alone and is hurt.
I’m here now, I try to shoot across that telepathic message. Not that I truly believe we have a mental connection or anything, I’ve just become really desperate. I’m coming for you, Veronica. Just you wait…
It’s almost as busy outside as it is in, so while I know she’s out here somewhere – that was definitely her hair – I can’t immediately lay my eyes on her. It’s like I’m on a wild goose chase and I’m coming up with nothing. I need to find her, I feel utterly compelled to, it’s like I’m a drug addict and I really need my fix.
Then I spot her, and my blood runs icy cold. The sight before me stuns me to my core and tilts the world on a brand new, very unpleasant axis. I feel unsteady on my feet, dizzy and sick like I’ve been drinking for hours rather than that I’ve only just turned up a short while ago. I’m lost, bewildered, I’ve become the one alone.
There’s Veronica, I’ve finally found her, only she isn’t alone. She’s with some smart looking guy who’s staring at her like he adores her. His body is completely turned around to her and he has his head tilted forwards as if he wants to rest it on hers. As he laughs at something she says I’m left with no doubt. He’s one hundred percent into her. He looks like he actually likes her, and not just for some fun like most of the guys want around here. He’s giving her a look as if he wants to take her out on romantic dates, he wants to make her feel good about herself, he wants to kiss her, to hold her, to make love to her, to be the best boyfriend he can be.
I suddenly realize that my fists are balled up by my sides as if temper is coursing through me. There’s definitely an odd bitter snake coiling through my organs, but that isn’t rage, it doesn’t mean anything, I’m sure.
I turn my eyes away from him just so I can resist smacking him for some inexplicable reason, and I focus on Veronica instead. Immediately, my mind softens, my muscles loosen, I feel a strong sense of calm. She has this relaxing, delightful effect on me, one that I want to cling onto forever more. She’s amazing. There isn’t anyone else who can do that for me. If anything, they all stress me out. But not her, never her.
I can tell that she isn’t flirting back with the idiot boy next to her, Veronica is just being friendly, but still, I don’t like her being that close to him. It makes me feel possessive and needy. I want to be that person next to her, holding her, making her smile that way. I always want it to be me, it has to be me. No one else will do. The more I look at her, the more I think about being the person touching her, holding her, and making her happy. I want to take his place, I wish that I’d arrived on time so I could be, I want to have my head against hers.
Oh my God, what is wrong with me? I demand. What is going on here? Do I love her?
The thought that I might be in love is too much. I’m too young for love, plus this is my friend. I might have a bit of complex feelings towards her, but this is something else. It’s heavy and frightening, not what I want at all. I don’t know if I can cope with it, already my lungs feel tight and constricted. I don’t know if I can breathe properly. What’s that sound? Is it me panting? Am I falling apart here? I just don’t know. I might have had girlfriends before, but none of them have ever made me feel like this. She really is my whole world.
I don’t take me off of her the entire time as I delve through my emotions, and eventually, Veronica senses someone staring at her. Her eyes dart towards me but as our gaze locks, she doesn’t give me her usual bright smile. Her lips turn down into a confused frown and I have a funny feeling that’s much more to do with how I look right now than the fact that I’m late. I can tell I’m messy and raw, it’s obvious I’m vulnerable as hell.
Don’t abandon me for him, I beg her in my mind again. Please, choose me, come for me.
She doesn’t move, she remains seated where she is but she doesn’t take her eyes off of me. The guy next to her doesn’t seem to notice that she’s distracted. He’s so involved in whatever he’s telling her that he’s oblivious. I’m grateful to him for that, it’s important for us to just have this moment of shared eye contact.
Then something snaps inside of me. I don’t know what it is but I can’t just keep looking anymore. I need to take action, to claim what I think is mine. I don’t even plan it, I just start walking and by the time I get to Veronica my body knows exactly what it wants to do even if my brain doesn’t. I cup her face in mine, give her a much more intimate look than I’ve ever done before, and I finally let my feelings free. I dip my head down and I crash my lips against hers. I kiss her. Gently at first, with just a little soft touch, but soon the passion overcomes and the kiss deepens. It’s a wild kiss, one I really didn’t think was coming, and it feels so good. Even better than I expected. I’ve thought about what this might be like, but I never expected it to feel so intense…
There’s a real palpable chemistry between us, a powerful sensation that consumes me. My heart thunders like a jack hammer, I can feel a pulsing deep inside of me, immediately I want more. I want everything from her. I feel desperate needy. my hands work their way up into her hair as if we’re in the bedroom rather than at a very public party. I can barely remember the rest of the people here, never mind the guy next to her.
“Oh, Veronica,” I gasp as I finally pull backwards. “I’m so sorry I’m late. I didn’t mean to be…”
She pushes me backwards as if she’s been electrocuted. I know she liked the kiss though because she got into it just as much as me. Maybe even more. I might have heard a little whimper in the back of her throat at some point. It’s just the after effects of that. She might actually want to leave this where it is for a moment despite my pleading looks. To be fair, Veronica looks extremely confused, like she doesn’t know what just happened, which is fair. I’m not too sure myself, that seemed to come from nowhere. All I know is it felt good.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Tom…” She turns next to him, but her new friend is gone. I guess the sight of us kissing was too much for him to handle. I can’t blame him, I wouldn’t much like it if I’d had to see it either. “Oh right, I guess Tom is gone. Erm…” She turns back to stare at me. “What was that, Jordan? Is that something? Are you just pretending that I’m your girlfriend? Because if so, a heads up would be nice. I don’t want to be…”
“No.” I take her hands in mine, loving the way the touch of her skin makes me feel. “No, that was real.”
“It was real?” I can understand her bewildered look. That was a bit nuts. I’ve tried so hard not to take our friendship to this level because it’ll wreck what we have, but that line has been crossed now, it’s too late. Seeing her with another guy made me realize what I’d lose if I let her go… and that scared me more. “What now?”
I give her a one shouldered shrug. “I don’t know, but we should probably go somewhere a little better than here, don’t you think?” A frat party isn’t the right place to have a life changing conversation. “Liam is away on a trip at the moment so my room is empty… we can always go back there if you like?”
I don’t necessarily mean for anything other than talking, but the suggestion earns me that gorgeous blush from her. It’s really hard for me to keep myself under control while she looks like that. All I want to do is grab her and kiss her inappropriately all over again. But I suppose, if we’re going to my room we have all the time in the world.
“Okay, yeah.” Veronica nods slowly. “Sounds good. Let’s get the hell out of here. To your room, sure.”
She holds out her hand and I take it, feeling a lot like her boyfriend now. It’s a nice sensation. She’s the most beautiful woman in this place, especially in that gorgeous dress of hers, and now she might actually be about to become mine for real. It’s something that’s been scaring me for months, but now I’m purely thrilled.
That kiss was filled with promise… I want to see
where it can lead.
5
Veronica
My heart races violently as Jordan leads me towards his bedroom, I can barely think about what I’m doing, this is just so crazy! How did this even happen? I’m really not sure. One minute, I was having a perfectly nice conversation with Tom, purely a friendly chat with absolutely nothing in it. Then I spotted Jordan across the garden. Immediately, I was struck by how odd he looked, he had a very strange expression on his face, like he wanted to eat more or something. I loved it, it was secretly delicious. But I still didn’t expect him to come for me. And boy did he come for me. He claimed me in the most incredible way possible. Then we came here…
This must be a dream. That’s the only explanation. This cannot really be real. It’s everything I want. Just because it feels real doesn’t mean it is. I have to be asleep and any minute now I’ll wake up.
God, I don’t want to wake up. This is everything to me. I so need this. I might have been trying to tell myself that everything is okay and I’m all fine with just being friends, but the truth is I crave him desperately.
“Oh, wow,” I chuckle nervously as we crash through into his room. “It’s tidy in here for a change.”
“You think the mess is me?” Jordan cocks one eyebrow at me. “It’s Liam. I took the time to tidy up now.”
“Oh yeah?” I try and picture him acting domestic but I can’t totally see it. “Wow, I didn’t realize.”
He twirls me around, tucking me under his arm as he does and presses me up against his rock-hard body again. The intensity inside of me racks up once more and I feel myself stiffen. All I want to do is mould into him, to give myself over completely, but I’m nervous. This is a whole different situation now, it’s much more real.