by Mia Ford
I connect my eyes with his and my breath catches in my throat. He’s got such a new look in his eyes, I’ve never been stared at with such desire and lust before. It’s absolutely intoxicating. I want to swim in it, I’d even drown in it, just because it makes me feel that much more amazing than I am. It’s as if he thinks I’m beautiful.
I part my lips, I feel like I need to say anything to break the silence, but before I get the chance to his mouth is all over mine again. He’s kissing me hard, claiming me with his lips, and I love it. I find the courage to snake my arms around his waist to hold him in place. I don’t want him to stop kissing me now that it’s finally happened. I might well want him to kiss me forever more. God, I hope this isn’t just a one-time thing…
“I like your dress,” Jordan murmurs against my skin as he hooks his fingers underneath the hem line. “It looks really good on you. I think you should wear dresses more often… unless it gets you lots of attention…”
I feel suddenly horror struck by the idea this might just be a jealousy thing. Maybe he’s only interested in me now because he saw me with Tom. Should I be worried about that? Maybe it just made him realize how he feels about me. I can’t be mad if he just needed that tiny little nudge in the right direction.
“Can I take this off you?” he continues, seemingly oblivious to my internal dilemma. “I want to see you.”
The idea of Jordan seeing me so raw and vulnerable is terrifying. If I didn’t trust him so much, this might have been my moment to run, but I do. I don’t think he’ll judge me for anything, so I nod. I feel his fingers curl tighter and the material peel upright. I lift my hands above my head while a deep pulse pounds within me.
This is it, I think half gleefully, half frightened to myself. The moment where he actually sees my body.
Not so long ago, the concept of this happening would have been utterly ridiculous, but so much has changed since starting college, so much is different between us now, it’s actually the most natural thing in the world.
“Wow.” A bright smile breaks over Jordan’s face as he steps back to run his eyes up and down me. I guess it’s lucky that Rachel convinced me to wear my nicest black lacy underwear for confidence reasons. It means I can look my best now. This moment might be so very different if I wearing anything else. “You’re stunning.”
The funny thing is, under the weight of his stare, I actually do feel it. He’s filled me with confidence.
“You aren’t so bad yourself,” I comment with a smirk. “Although, I guess I haven’t really seen you yet…”
I’ve seen Jordan topless before, he doesn’t think twice about changing his tee shirt in front of me, but this time will, of course, be different. I won’t feel compelled to avert my eyes. I can really, properly see him.
I bite down on my bottom lip as he makes a bit of a show of taking his top off which fortunately makes me giggle. This situation has been so intense so far, it’s nice to have a moment to break that. A bit of laughter reminds us both that we have the powerful foundation of friendship for all of this to build upon. It’s reassuring.
Once his top is off, I can’t stop myself from gasping loudly at the sight of his rippling, muscular chest. Strength runs all the way down his body, including a sexy as hell V shape that runs all the way into his underwear. God, I want to see where that goes, the idea is making my mouth water desperately already…
Then, he takes it one step further and he unzips his trousers. My breath balls up in my throat while he slides his trousers down leaving only the thin cotton material of his boxers between us. I can see a thick, throbbing erection there, calling out to me, needing me, and it makes my core ache for him. That pleasure is all for me and I can’t wait to explore it. there’s a deep squirming in me, a deep passion that needs him right now.
I travel my eyes back up his body and reach his gaze once more. There, I realize that his breaths are as ragged and panting as my own. We’re both keen to make this moment happen, now it’s just up to one of us to make that happen. I almost move forward and take that step myself, but then Jordan strides in my direction, closing the gap for us. He scoops me up in his arms, carrying me as if I weigh nothing and he carries me to his bed.
As he lies me down on his bed sheets I feel a deep shiver racing up and down my spine. I can’t wait to feel his body upon me and to explore every part of him. He climbs on the bed too and hovers above me, smiling as he does. I grip onto his hips, enjoying how flushed and warm his skin feels as I rub up and down him. It’s a sweet moment, filled with romance, and I absolutely adore it. I roll my hips and grind into him so he knows how much.
That action sets him alight. All of a sudden, the romance takes a back seat and passion over rides it all. He grips me hard; his fingers dig into my skin and he bring my hips back to him. A small groan flies past his lips as he hardens even more in those boxers of his. The damn things I need off now. They’re in my way, damn it!
Jordan’s needy fingers unhook my bra and he hungrily slips my nipples into his mouth. I arch my back, pushing more of my breast between his lips because his rough tongue teasing me feels so good. Then he tears my panties down and I hear a shredding noise as they go. They might be my best underwear but I don’t care because right now, they’re just a nuisance. Underwear can be replaced, this moment can’t.
He traces a finger along my soaking wet slit, taking great care to brush past my clit. I feel like I’m on the edge of desire, I’ve been that way since he kissed me for the first time, so this makes me buck against him right away. I moan so loudly I’m sure the people in the next room can hear us, not that I care.
“Oh God, Jordan, that feels so… so… so fucking good,” I pant out. “You’re amazing.”
I want to make him feel the same so I slide my hand down his body and I wrap my hand around the base of this rock-hard cock. I shudder purely because he feels so amazing, so big, I wonder how he’s going to feel.
“Not too much,” Jordan rasps out as I slowly pump my fist. “You’re driving me crazy.”
He pulls himself up into a sitting position giving me an amazing view of how my delicate little hand looks wrapped around him. It’s an image I want to see many, many more times. Never have I ever been so turned on. Jordan reaches into a night stand and pulls out a condom which he hands to me to roll on. I tremble as I pull it from the packaging, but somehow, I manage to work through the nerves just enough to roll it down over him. With Jordan’s intense gaze upon me, this moment is just as erotic as having him touch me all over.
“I need to be inside of you now,” Jordan practically growls at me. “Like, right now.”
He cups my butt which brings my hips up closer to him then he teases my entrance with his erection. I toss my head back and slide my eyes closed as I wait for him to slide in. I want him now, I need him so badly I could scream… and then I do scream. The moment he thrusts inside of me, all my desires come to life. Having Jordan on top of me, owning my body, it’s even better than I could have imagined. I wrap my legs tightly around him so I can get every inch of that delicious length of his. I want to make the most of this wonderful opportunity.
It isn’t long before my head begins to spin and the hot pool of bliss spreads throughout me. Every single one of my veins heat up with the intense sexual bliss. I’ve never experienced anything quite like this before. There’s a pressure building, intensifying, it’s deep, phenomenal, almost overwhelming…
And then I fall. I tumble head first into the abyss of pleasure which buckles and shatters so hard within me I barely know where I am anymore. My entire body flies off the bed and it’s left up to Jordan to hold me tight, to keep me connected to the planet while I float above it in awe of him. This sensation is everything.
I could love him, I think to myself, the only clear thought I can actually have while the orgasm swallows me up whole. This is a man I could actually fall in love with… if he’ll let me.
I have no idea where we’ll go from here. I don’t kno
w if this is a one-time thing or the start of something new, but right now I know I’m in trouble. My feelings for Jordan are more intense than anything I’ve ever had before, and I really don’t see any way of me turning them off.
I’ll just have to hope that he feels the same way too.
6
Jordan
Six months later…
“Six months,” I comment idly to Veronica as we walk hand in hand down the hallway. “Six long months since we first got together. Don’t you think that’s crazy? It seems like you’ve been my girlfriend forever.”
That isn’t exactly true. Sometimes it feels that way, I’m so used to having her in my life, of being able to kiss her and hold her whenever I want that I forget there was a time that wasn’t the case. But then there are times – and I think this might be more often – where I count my blessings that I get to have her. If I hadn’t been late to the party on that night, if I hadn’t seen her with the guy there, I might never have had the courage to kiss her. It may have happened eventually, I don’t think we could’ve denied these feelings forever, but still… I’m glad we don’t have wasted time. I honestly love her more than anything in the world. I couldn’t live without her.
“I know.” Veronica turns and pushes herself up onto her tiptoes. Then she places the sweetest kiss on my lips before she turns to walk into her classroom. I love the taste of her kiss, it’s just like berries. “See ya!”
I smile to myself, loving Veronica’s blasé way of treating our anniversary as if it isn’t an important date. She knows it is and I’m sure that will come about later on. She’s playing it cool right now. There was a point, right in the beginning, when we very first got together that I didn’t think we’d make it. Not because there wasn’t anything between us or the chemistry was dying after the first time, but because everyone seemed intensely obsessed with our relationship. I feared we might end up breaking up because neither of us could handle the pressure. It was very overwhelming, especially as we were just trying to navigate this brand-new territory ourselves. It was like high school actually, with everyone else making it hard, but different because I never cared too much about any of my girlfriends in school. But Veronica is everything to me. That’s why I’m so glad we made it through. I think we’ve proven that we can make it through anything now.
Well, anything while we’re in college anyway, it’s the afterwards I’m concerned about. I know me and Veronica have enough love to last that long, even if it’s only six months in, I’m just scared that life will get in the way. Vernonia has a career planned for the future, she knows exactly what she wants to do. She’s aiming to be a journalist and with her English qualification and drive, I know she’ll do it. It’s me I’m worried about.
I don’t know what I want to do, I haven’t come up with any plan at all. I need to figure that part out. I don’t want to be the let down in this relationship, which is why secretly I’m going to a careers fair today. I haven’t told Veronica about it because every time I mention my fears she chuckles and tells me not to worry, but I can’t help it. Now that I have her, I have to think about this stuff. I need to work out how I’m really going to become a man.
I watch her walk into her classroom and take her seat, smiling to myself the entire time. She really is perfect. We’re perfect together. I honestly know this is the relationship for me. The one I need to last.
I grab my cell phone out of my pocket and fire off a text to her: ‘I love you, I forgot to say that xxx’.
I watch her take her phone out as it beeps, smile at the message, then I wait for my reply: ‘I love you too, crazy fool! Now stop watching me, I’m trying to actually do some learning here, you know xxx’
I give her a guilty wave, knowing that she’s right, and I love away from the door. I have somewhere that I need to be anyway, and this isn’t it. I’m hoping by the end of the day, I’ll be all set. At least with a plan, then when Veronica talks about how she’s going to get her foot in the door at the newspaper companies, I’ll have something to contribute too. I mean, I love football, it’s been my life forever, but I don’t think it’s a viable career for me. I want something steadier, something I’m much more likely to achieve.
“Hi, Liam,” I say regretfully as I see him waiting for me. He’s still as odd as ever, we don’t have anything to connect on, but he suggested this fair to me because he was going, and to be honest, he’s the only one I would want to know this shameful secret. I don’t much care if he judges me. “Are you ready to get going?”
He nods while darting his eyes everywhere but at me. He looks anxious, like he can’t quite meet my gaze, but I haven’t got the mental capacity to try and work out why today. My future is more important.
“Okay, great.” I force the brightest smile on my face that I can manage. “Let’s do this then.”
I walk beside Liam towards the hall where the fair is being held, wondering if I’ve made a huge mistake by agreeing to accompany him. Perhaps I should have tried to sneak in by myself. I might have to try and ditch him as soon as we get inside so I don’t feel super awkward. I really do need to focus. This is for Veronica.
To spur me on, I allow the fantasy of how I want my future with Veronica to look. It’s so simple, I don’t need anything fancy, just me and her and a nice, comfortable life to make me happy. I can achieve it, if I try.
***
I stare up in shock and awe at the man in uniform looming above me. There’s something about his charismatic personality which draws me in. I certainly feel more comfortable around him than any of the other people I’ve been subjected to today. I’ve listened to many people drone on about why their career path is the best and why they have these amazing graduate programs, but I’ve left every single one of them bored out of my skull.
Until now. Now, I feel inspired, invigorated, happy, it’s the happiest I’ve felt all day long.
“So, what would you say are the top reasons to join the army?” I ask, needing more. I don’t even think it’s confirmation I’m after, I just want to continue talking the man with the name tag ‘Brandon.’
“Well, there’s the job security,” he declares with a proud smile. “Once you get through the basic training and they work with you to get you into the right rank and role, they’re committed to you. They want to help you. Then there’s the incredible pay. I mean, wow. I don’t know about you, but for a guy like me who didn’t really have many other options, having a position where I get an annual pay raise is just something else. Not only will you be paid enough to live, but you get an awesome retirement plan as well. Basically, you’re set for life.”
“That’s amazing.” I feel like I have stars in my eyes, this life looks incredible.
“You’ll be fit and healthy too, there’s no getting away with that, and the bonds you make with the guys you work with is something else. It’s a real community, everyone is on the same team. You’re buddies for life.”
That speaks to me as well. Aside from Veronica, the bonds that I’ve made here are all surface. There isn’t any depth to them. I don’t feel like I have any friends I could go to with problems. I would love that.
“We get to travel the world, to see places that we wouldn’t normally, and we’re paid for it.”
I’m day dreaming, seeing this life unveil before me and I freaking love it. It’s amazing!
“And I don’t think I need to tell you about the pride. Wow, what you do for a living makes a real difference. How many people get to feel that important? How many of them get to say that they’ve actually made the world a better place? I can, and so can everyone I work with. We’re making the world a better place every single day.”
“Can I have the sign-up forms?” I gasp out, needing to have this life right now. Everything that Brandon has said is exactly what I want. It’s what I didn’t even know that I desired for my future. And on top of that, I will make Veronica proud of me. A man in the armed forces is exactly what she deserves, plus the life style that
comes with it. “I want to put my name down. This is one hundred percent what I want to do when I leave here.”
Brandon gives me a lopsided smile and hands me a form and a whole lot of booklets to go with it. “Well, that is wonderful to hear, I’m very happy, but you want to be certain first. You need to read through all of this…”
“I am sure,” I interject knowingly. “Trust me, until I started speaking to you I felt like I had no purpose, no future. I’ve walked around here all day long feeling more and more dejected with every moment. This is what I want to do. I want everything that you said and more. More than that, I can truly see myself doing it.”
Brandon nods at me. “Well, I’ll give you a bit of advice. You have a little time before all of this happens for you. You’ll need to finish college first, and while I can tell that you keep yourself fit and healthy, I would work harder. Train every single day, push yourself to the absolute limit, and you’ll breeze through basic training.”
God, I love that. I love having something to aim for, I need this goal. It’s one I can do as well. I need to train a lot for football, but that will be a side line now. I will make sure I’m the fittest I can be.
“Oh, I will.” I give him a smirk. “The next time you see me you’ll be shocked. I will be truly ripped.”
Brandon nods and tips his hat to me, as if I’m already a comrade of his and I love the way that feels. I already feel like I’m a part of something much bigger than myself and I like it a lot. Yep, this for sure is where I want to be. I can see it now, the most incredible life ever just within my grasp. As soon as I sign my name, I’ll be on my way. Albeit it slower than I would care, but that’s okay. I get to spend that time just loving Veronica.
Once I’m all done, I can’t wipe the smile off my face. This is true happiness. Now I get why Veronica is so keen to think about what happens next because she has a plan. We both do.
I can’t wait to tell her. I’m so keen that I leave the careers fair without saying goodbye to Liam. He’s barely even a thought in the back of my mind. I do feel bad, but I’ll apologize to him later. Now I need to find Veronica to tell her that finally, I feel worthy of her. God, I cannot wait to see that gorgeous expression on her face when I do. She’s going to be over the moon with this, I can already tell. I speed up, almost breaking into a jog because I just can’t wait.