by Mia Ford
All the reassurances in the world cannot get rid of this fear. It’s with me throughout. But, if I can calm it down for long enough to just get through it then I can go back home and I can get my relationship back on track. If I slide my eyes closed for a brief second, I think of him, then I have something to fight for.
“Okay.” I breathe out a very deep sigh. “Let’s get on with this then. Are you ready, Christopher?”
He nods slowly, looking more unsure than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life, then he sets the camera up. He works along the sound guy and another technical worker to get everything in place. While they work I pointlessly adjust my outfit just to give me something to do with my hands. I need to keep my insides as calm as I possibly can. I don’t think showing any weakness will work to my advantage here. I need to be cool, calm, and professional. I want to show these people that I mean business. Not that I think it’ll help much.
Breathe… just breathe… keep on breathing… In, out, in, out, in, out…
As Christopher nods at me, the room suddenly fills up. It isn’t a big room anyway, just a tiny little shack in the middle of nowhere, so these added bodies feel ridiculous. I feel cramped, squashed, and even more frightened than before. All of a sudden, I feel small and stupid. I’m definitely sure that I should have run now. As I dart my eyes around the room, I don’t see any way out. I don’t know if it’s intentional but we’re blocked in.
“Sh… shall we do this then?” I stammer out in a quest and squeaky voice. “Get this done now?”
No one seems certain but we all take our positions and try to get ready. The man who I assume I’m about to interview takes his seat in front of me. His face is mostly covered so I can barely see him, but I do spot a glint of something in his eyes. Instincts tell me that it’s evil, I just hope to God I’m wrong. He might have been evil once upon a time, but the fact that he’s here means he’s changed. It has to mean that. I don’t know what to think if it doesn’t. Even so, I can’t look at him for too long, my eyes flicker to Christopher instead. He’s the only person I can fully trust in this room, I need him, I want his reassurance. I wish he could tell me that it’s all going to be okay. But all I get back is a blankness from him, a dullness. He doesn’t think it’s okay. Which means it isn’t.
I shuffle uncomfortably in my seat, trying to zone my brain. There is no escape now, not until the interview is done. Thinking about anything other than that won’t help anyone, once my head is in the game, we’re practically on that plane home. All of us can get out of this. It’s down to me to make that happen sooner rather than later.
I nod to the translator, telling him that it’s time to go, and he gives me a sharp nod back. It’s time…
“Thank you for meeting with…”
Those are the only words I get out before a banging sound rings through my brain. It leaves me frozen in shock, stunned to the core, so much so that it takes me a few moments to recognize what’s actually going on. That isn’t just banging, a random sound that connects to nothing, it’s gun shots and bullets that are flying everywhere.
A shrill sound bursts free from my chest, tearing my lungs apart as blood splashes up the walls. The translator is dead, his brains are all up the wall, blood splatters everywhere. I watch in shock and horror as his headless body slumps to the ground, creating even more of a mess. It’s like watching a horror movie come to life.
The screaming continues. I can tell that it’s coming from me but I can’t seem to stop it. My mouth is out of control, running so loudly it’ll end up getting me killed. Since I’m clearly going to die anyway, that doesn’t help.
The men yell and scream out words I don’t understand and since the translator is dead I won’t ever get to. I hit the floor hard, causing a pain to radiate right through me, but it’s better than being in the shower of bullets that reign above my head. These men have some serious weapons and they want us dead. We didn’t stand a chance. We should never have come here, I knew that. I sensed it immediately as soon as Oliver suggested it.
My brain transports from this room all the way to Oliver. I wonder what he’ll say when he realizes that he got his work force killed. I imagine he’ll care, a little bit, but he is a bit of a pig. He will probably be more annoyed that he has to hire more people than anything else… oh my God, what am I even doing? I need to get out.
I crawl along the floor, taking care not to bump into anyone’s legs as I go. I don’t know who’s a friend or foe in this mess. The one person I need to get to is Christopher. I want him to live so we can escape this together. I know where he is in the room, just about, I was aware of his whereabouts, but I didn’t plan to get to him like this.
Hot tears stream down my face as I crawl. All I want to do is cover my ears to block the sound out, but I can’t. I have to keep on going, I need to crawl through this war… just like the war Jordan found himself in.
No, I cannot think about Jordan right now, not unless I want to crumble. I need to block him out to keep strong.
“Argh fuck!” A rough pair of arms hook under me and yank me upright. Whoever it is isn’t being gentle with me, but if it’s Christopher then I don’t care. He’ll be saving me. Unfortunately, it quickly becomes very obvious that it isn’t someone I know after all. As a metallic sensation presses up against my temple, I know that I’m dead. The end of my life has come, and I can’t help but sob like a freaking baby. My face is as wet as my thighs.
More gruff yelling rings out in my ears, making me shake and shiver. I want to squeeze my eyes shut and block the world out while I die, but something keeps my eyes open, and I suddenly realize what. It’s Christopher. I can see him, he’s there looking at me, staring at me with wide shocked eyes. I think he might want to help me but he doesn’t know how. He has no idea what to do which I can’t blame him for. Much as I want to scream at him to just get me the fuck out of here I know it isn’t that simple. We might even be the only two left.”
“P… please?” I beg, despite knowing that it’s pointless. These men can’t understand me and it’s very obvious they wouldn’t care even if they could. “Please… let me go, get me out of here…”
Another guy grabs Christopher and puts him in the same position as me. We stare at each other with guns against our temples. The men clinging to us laugh and joke among each other, showing their blatant disregard for human life. The tears stream more violently and I look pleadingly at my friend, my support.
“I’m sorry,” I mouth to him. This might not be my fault, but I am sorry that he’s going to die.
“I’m sorry too,” he mouths back. Both of us sharing this deep, meaningful pit of regret. “So sorry.”
I try to keep Jordan from my brain but of course, he’s there in the back of my brain, circling through me. There isn’t anyone else I can think of at this time. It’s only him, he’s the love of my life, he’s everything. And now he’s going to be the one either suffering a funeral or never knowing what happened to. What I feared would be me.
Bang!
This final bang really destroys me because it’s the one which shoots right through Christopher’s head, ending his life. I wail loudly, I can’t help myself, and I fold in half in this guy’s arms. He’s gone, I’ve lost him, my last friends… and now I’m last. I get to witness everyone else being killed before my life is taken. They probably think I’m the worst one so that’s what I deserve. The one who gives the news. They won’t care that I’m a good person really, just a normal person, trying to survive. Not very successfully…
My brain shuts down, I turn off completely, I’m unable to hack it so I let myself go to blackness. The place where I will be permanently soon enough. I give up, I cave to death, and I wait for it, trying not to think about Jordan at all as I die…
20
Jordan
Everyone is being weird around me, I can sense it. I feel it the moment I step into the office. I’m sure it isn’t in my imagination that no one will meet my eye. I’m filled with the s
ensation that something bad is about to happen. I haven’t been too focused at work so I’m a little freaked out that I’m about to get in trouble. I know that I’ll deserve it too. I won’t even be able to argue with my bosses because I have been wrong.
They will be understanding when it comes to my worry with regards to Veronica, but that will only get so far. We’re in the armed forces. All of us have similar worries, that’s just the way this life is. We cannot let it affect us. I haven’t been so great at that. I know I need to get better. Today might be the kick up the ass I need.
I take a deep breath and head towards the sanctuary of my office. I decide to hide out in here for a little while, get my head together, then go and face whatever’s coming my way. It’s better if I tackle it head on. Burying my head in the sand doesn’t help anyone, especially since I’ve been given so many extra privileges.
But I’ve only just sunk my butt into the chair when I hear a knocking at my door. It doesn’t sound like the commanding knock of someone above me, so it must Michael. I can’t think of anyone else it might be.
“Come in, “I yell out, trying to sound more confident than I feel. “Ah, hello, Michael.”
“S… sir?” He gives me a bit of a bewildered look. “I’m surprised to see you today?”
“You are?” I narrow my eyes in confusion. “Why? I’m scheduled to be here today. Why wouldn’t I be here?”
He parts his lips but remains silent. This makes me feel like maybe this might be more serious that I first assumed. This might be really bad. It’s possible that I’ve done something bad enough to get fired.
“Okay, Michael, will you just tell me what’s going on already?” I demand. “Just tell me already.”
“You… haven’t been watching the news today? You haven’t seen what’s been happening?”
“The news?” Fear bundles up in my chest making it hard for me to get any air into my lungs. The news immediately relates to Veronica which scares the living shit out of me. “What the fuck happened on the news?”
“I… I…” He backs away, trying to escape me. “I erm, I don’t think I should be the one to tell you…”
“Tell me,” I growl. “Tell me already. Don’t fuck around with me, I need to know.”
He holds up his hands in a surrendering gesture, but that doesn’t help me right now. He knows something and if he doesn’t spill the beans in a second, I might freak out and smack him hard.
“I… I really don’t feel…” He sees the change in my expression and immediately shifts his opinion. “There’s been a report of a news team being… being hit… and I think it might involve your… girlfriend.”
He winces, waiting for the punch but it doesn’t come. This is the news I’ve been dreading, the one thing that I’ve been desperately wishing wouldn’t happen. It must be a prank, it has to be, someone trying to play on my biggest fear, to cheer me up… but of course, I know it won’t be that because who would be so sick?
“W… what?” I stammer as I clutch onto my forehead desperately. “How do you know? Are you sure?”
“It’s been on the news.” The news! I probably half heard it when I was asleep. If I left the television on for a little bit longer, I might have heard it this morning and known all by myself. I cannot believe that I came here like an idiot where everyone knows but me. I must look like a callous idiot. “And I heard that there’s a… video.”
A video? “What do you mean?” My brain spins as I try to work out what this could be, where this could have come from. “Like a live news thing? I didn’t know that she was doing anything like that…”
“No, no, I don’t think it’s like that.” Michael chews on the inside of his mouth nervously. “I think it’s like a… a terrorist thing. It’s a threat, an erm, a warning. A negotiation type thing.”
Holy fuck. Holy shit. This is utterly insane. This is the worst nightmare ever. Of all the people that I know have been captured by the Taliban not many of them survive. The government doesn’t want to negotiate. They don’t want to be seen as weak and funding terrorism. I’ve always understood that point of view… until now.
I gasp and clutch onto the desk panting desperately. I feel sick, I’m scared that I might fall apart. I have to still be asleep right now, this must still be another freaking nightmare. This is… it’s hell. Veronica is in hell, and she’s in the absolute worst part of it. Who knows what the hell is happening to her there? She’s half the way around the fucking world in danger and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. I need to scream!
“Show me,” I finally manage to burst out. “Show me, let me see it, right now!”
“Show you what?” Michael moves even closer to the door. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Show me the video,” I growl. “Show me the fucking video right now! Show it to me.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. The decision has been made that it’s better if you don’t.”
“Fuck the decision!” Temper bubbles and boils within me. “Let me fucking see. This is my girlfriend, my decision, so you will God damn well show me this video right now! I won’t hear anything else about it.”
Michael shakes all over, he’s so nervous that it amps up my emotions even more. It must be dreadful. But that just makes it even more vital I see it. I can’t bury my head in the sand any longer, learning things from other people. I need to know for myself. I cannot let this go another second longer. It isn’t right.
Michael steps shakily towards my computer, it’s obvious he doesn’t want to do this. I push his shoulder, unable to think about his wishes right now. I need to see what’s out there for the world to see.
“It’s distressing,” he tells me nervously. “I don’t know if you’re really going to want to see it.”
“Would you?” I snap back. “Would you want to see if it involved the love of your life? And don’t bullshit me and tell me you wouldn’t. I need to see it. I don’t know what’s going on with her at all and I have to find out.”
I tap my fingers angrily against the desk while my heart hammers against my rib cage. Michael seems to take forever to sort it out, by which time I’m about ready to throw the hell up. The scenarios that my brain is coming up with must be worse than the truth. There’s no way so many terrible things are happening to her.
Oh God, what have I done? I tug on the ends of my hair while I pace the room. How did I let Veronica leave on such bad terms? Why didn’t I just take her to the airport and tell her that I love her one last time?
It all seems so petty now. The emotions I fought so hard to hold on to now feel worthless. Why was it so important for me to be right? I must be the biggest fucking idiot on the whole damn planet. I hate myself.
“Okay.” Michael takes a step back. His eyes are so dark it’s almost like the video is playing in his mind before I even hit the button to bring it to life. “It’s here now. I’ll just wait over there in case you need me.”
I think I’m going to need him when all of this is done. But for now, I just nod and take tentative steps over to the PC. Now that it’s there for me to see, I’m not too sure that I want to see it after all. It might scare me. The images I see may well stick with me forever and cause some serious stress. If it weren’t Veronica, I would be about ready to change my mind. But I have to do this, for her. It’s the only way.
I take my seat and dart my eyes towards Michael. He’s pointedly looking away from me, he doesn’t want to see this destroy me. Nerves zip zap through me, bolting through my heart. My lungs actually ache from just trying to breathe. Nothing I’ve ever been through before has been as scary as this, I would fight in a million wars again not to have to go through this. It takes all my will power to press that damn play button.
The image which comes to life makes me sick. It’s in a dirty cell which looks like it could be in a cave and Veronica is sitting on her knees in the middle of it. All I want to do is reach out and grab her but I can’t. She’s too far away. She’
s dirty, covered in dust, and she has a scar down her face. Her clothes are covered in blood but it doesn’t look like hers. I can only begin to imagine what she’s seen. Death, for sure. Probably the people in her life who went with her. Christopher, probably. The guy I’ve been stupidly jealous of. Like a petty idiot.
The camera zooms in showing me her pale and sickly face. The strain is written right across her. She clings onto a newspaper with yesterday’s date on it in her trembling fingers and she begins to speak out the words that I imagine have been droned into her by one of the assholes who has her.
“My… my name is Veronica Best.” The tears stream down her face. “I work for… for channel six news. And I… I’ve been captured. My… my crew have all been killed and I’m next.” I feel my insides melt. I don’t know if I’m even sitting upright. “I have been informed that I will be decapitated unless the government sends one million dollars.” Her expression crumbles. She knows this isn’t going to happen as much as I do. She isn’t even a prominent figure so I have no idea why the Taliban think anyone will make this happen. “You have ten days.”
After this statement, a man grabs her on the back of the neck and mimes chopping Veronica’s head off with a smirk on his face. I punch down on the desk hard because I can’t actually hit him. The man on the video talks some more but I can’t understand it. Nor do I need to hear it. I know the gist now, the most important thing. I know that Veronica is in danger, so what the fuck else can matter? She needs me now, and I’m here.
If I don’t do something, then Veronica will die. She’s going to be murdered in the worst way.
I try to stand, to take some action, but I don’t quite manage it because as soon as I put any weight on my legs I feel them crumble. I immediately tumble to the ground, hitting my head on the edge of my desk as I fall. The world pinholes, it becomes a small circle that gets tinier by the minute. This is the absolute worst time in the world to lose my consciousness, Veronica is out there needing me badly, but it’s happening anyway. My eyes are closing, my brain is shutting down, the world is vanishing from me. The last images flickering through my mind as the blackness claims me is Veronica sitting in that dusty cell all by herself, frightened and lost.