The Silver Lining

by Jennifer Raygoza

  “Okay. I’m going to run out to the car and grab my bags, and I’ll be back in a bit.”

  The couch felt amazing. I laid back and closed my eyes and that was it. It only took a few minutes and I was out.

  Chapter 8. Okay, lover boy

  “Wake up, sleepy head. Here’s some breakfast and take these pills.”

  I rubbed one eye and looked down at the bed and then my arm. I didn’t even remember Chad walking me to bed. I pulled the sheet back and glanced at the cast around my leg. This sucked. At least I was alive, so I shouldn’t complain. I stared up at Chad who was smiling from ear to ear. I frowned which just made him smile even brighter.

  “Come on. Take it.”

  “I’m not taking those and I’m not eating,” I growled. My morning voice was clearly not awake yet.

  He slammed the tray of food down on the nightstand, and looked at me. And so it begins.

  “I know you’re angry that I’m here babying you. You’ve always been independent and you must be feel all sorry for yourself right now, but do not, I repeat do not question me. Now eat the food and take the damn pill.”

  I didn’t have the energy for this. Chad rarely became upset, but when he did it wasn’t pretty. I sat up. “Fine.” I stuck out my hand as he dropped two pills into it. He moved the tray over to my lap and handed me a fork. The smell hit my face, and suddenly I didn’t want to fight anymore, because I was hungry. Pancakes, eggs and sausage sat neatly on a plate.

  “I made you banana pancakes. I remembered they used to be your favorite as a kid.”

  “What if I stopped liking them?”

  “Then I guess I’m the asshole for making them.” He smiled and sat on the end of my bed. “Besides, you used to beg the nanny to make them. You would say make the pan-nana cakes, remember?”

  “I do. She would too. I think she liked the pancakes more than we did.” I laughed.

  I dug into the cakes taking a bite. They were so warm and fresh, just like the ones I ate as a child.

  “Hey. I only ate them because you made every breakfast about you. I would have settled for some eggs once in a while, but nooooo, pan-nana cakes it was. She favored you.”

  “That’s only because she probably felt sorry for me. She saw the way Mom used to baby you. Chad this and Chad that. Chad is amazing. Chad is special. Chad is smarter.”

  Chad’s mouth dropped. “I’m sorry if Mom hurt you. It must not have been easy. It wasn’t comfortable for me when she did that to you. You know I love you, right?”

  I nodded and took another bite of my pancake. “These are really good,” I mumbled.

  “There’s more in the kitchen. I think I went a little overboard.”

  “Can I have some more?”

  “Of course. I’ll bring you your phone too. It’s been vibrating all night. I kept trying to find it around the house. At one point I gave up. I finally found it under the couch this morning. It must have fell off your lap when you took a nap there yesterday.” Chad waved his hand and left the room.

  When he came back, he had a stack full of pancakes and my phone. I put my fork down and glanced at the screen as he handed it to me. I had ten missed calls and a ton of messages.

  Call me. Text me. What happened? Why did you leave like that? Why are you not answering me? Was it Nico? Please don’t be upset about him. He’s nothing. James, talk to me. Pick up your phone. I need to talk to you.

  The last text read I love you. Oh shit. I had told her those words, but this was her confession now. I felt bad, really bad. I had slept through each and every one of those messages, which meant that she spent an entire day in panic mode thinking I was ignoring her. I hit the call button and tapped my fork against the plate waiting for Emily to pick up.

  “Hello,” she said. Her voice sounded distant. Not warm at all.

  “I’m so sorry. I fell asleep and missed all of your calls and messages.”

  ‘No. It’s fine. I was just worried.” She paused. “They’re releasing me today.”

  “That’s great. Do you want us to come pick you up? When I say us, I mean my brother.”

  “No. I have a ride actually.” Her tone was weird. I didn’t like it at all.

  “Brother?” I questioned who was picking her up.

  “No.”

  “A friend?” I pushed harder for an answer.

  “Not exactly.”

  “Who is picking you up, Emily?” I was slightly irritated now.

  She remained quiet for a second. “Nico.”

  I laughed out of anger. “Nico? Your ex-boyfriend, Nico? The dickhead at the hospital, Nico?”

  “My brother had to fly back home. He has a lot of kids to take care of. You were ignoring me, so I asked Nico to give me a ride home. It’s not a big deal.”

  “I wasn’t ignoring you. I was sleeping. Big difference, and yes, it is a big deal to me. I saw him all in your ear. My Spanish sucks, but I did understand a few things. I don’t like him at all.”

  “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, James.”

  “That’s it. You’re sorry.”

  “James, he’s going to be here any minute. It’s just a ride.”

  “Not to him it isn’t.”

  “What do you want me to do?” She sighed.

  “Call him and cancel. Better yet, I’ll do it. What’s his number?”

  “I’m not doing that. He already left his hotel.”

  She was set on getting this damn ride. I bet he was set on getting another type of ride. Fuck him and that face, that shirt and his shady ass motives. I stabbed my fork into the sausage.

  “Well, who is going to take care of you once you get home?”

  “My old friend will be coming over tonight to check on me, and make me dinner.”

  “What old friend?” I sounded crazy, now. It was a mix of being overprotective and jealous, with a side of nuts.

  “Lupe!” she said. “What is the matter with you?”

  “Nothing is the matter.” I waved the forked sausage in the air. I was fuming inside.

  “Then I will call you when I get home.”

  “Fine,” I mumbled.

  “Bye, James.”

  “Bye.”

  I threw my phone on the bed. “What was all that about?” Chad asked.

  “That fuck face, Nico, is giving Emily a ride home today. She’s being released.”

  “And you’re worried he is going to do what? Make sweet love to her, while he whispers in her ear how he’s always wanted to have sex with a pregnant girl.”

  I could feel all the muscles in my face tighten. “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.”

  “Stop it. If that’s your concern then your issue is with Emily, not him. Do you trust her?”

  “I did, until I saw this look she gave him when he left. It still bothers me.”

  “Maybe it’s nothing.”

  “Or maybe it’s something.” I balled my hands into fist.

  “Ask her about it.” He shrugged.

  “Seriously?” Hey Emily, I saw this weird stare you gave to, Nico, and I just wanted to confirm that it wasn’t an I still want your dick inside of me type look, or my heart will always be yours look. So if you can just confirm that, that would be awesome.

  “Communication is key, brother. Assuming things is a sure way to kill a relationship.”

  I nodded. He turned and left the room. He was right. Assuming things in life was destructive. The alternative was better, I suppose. I’d just wait for her to call me later, and then I would ask her about it. For now, I had the exciting opportunity to sit here with my pancakes and my thoughts. Ones of Nico driving Emily home. Maybe he would tell her she was beautiful and that he missed her. He would tell her he couldn’t live without her. She would smile and laugh. Oh fuck! I’m doing it again. Thoughts are a terrible thing. I ran one hand down my face.

  I looked at my phone to go through my missed calls from earlier. I noticed a few from Mike, so I decided to call him back. He didn’t answer, s
o I left him a message letting him know I was down for about eight weeks. That meant no work and no money coming in. Thankfully I had been saving my tips, so hopefully that should get me through, until I could return back to work.

  “Okay, lover boy. Look what I got,” Chad said, pushing in a wheelchair.

  “Did you…take that from the hospital?”

  “No. I borrowed it. They just don’t know it yet.” I stared hard at him. “What? I’m planning on taking it back.”

  “How the hell did you get that thing in your car?”

  “I don’t even know. It was hard, but I did it.”

  “When did you do this?” I scrunched up my face.

  “Last night when I put you to bed.” He smiled.

  “Wait. You went back to the hospital and stole a chair?”

  “Borrowed.”

  “You’re crazy.” I shook my head.

  “Shut up. I’m not crazy, I’m brilliant. You do know you weigh a lot right. I’m not all muscled out like you, James. This chair is going to save my life. Now you can wheel yourself to the bathroom and just slide over and pee like a girl.”

  “That’s comforting. Thank you,” I said, sarcastically. “My man card just got taken away.”

  “Your man card got taken away when you had to piss in that hospital bed pan I bet.”

  “Don’t remind me.”

  “Go on. Here I’ll help you.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the wheelchair. I used one arm to push myself to the bathroom. We didn’t take in the fact that the chair was too big to fit through the small bathroom door frame.

  “Shit, the chairs too big,” he yelled, from down the hallway.

  “No. It’s okay. I’ll just get up and hop over. I still got one good leg,” I said, grabbing the doorknob as I stood up.

  I hopped my ass over to the sink and balanced my weight against it. I used one hand to strip down my shorts and then I hopped over to the toilet, and peed like a girl. Yup, let me just turn that man card in, because that whole process was ridiculous.

  “Are you okay? Do you need help?”

  “Not unless you want to wipe my ass for me?” I yelled back. Silence. “Joking. Totally joking.”

  “I meant with your shorts, smartass.”

  “I’m okay,” I said, struggling to pull my shorts up to where they didn’t look crooked. I hopped to the sink, washed my hands, then hopped to the door, and then to the wheelchair. Damn, all that to take a piss. I plopped back down in exhaustion. I heard Chad laugh.

  “Okay, first run was a little rough. It will get easier. Let me help you.” He came and grabbed the chair and wheeled me into the living room. “Do you want to go outside? Maybe get a little sun? It might do you some good.”

  “Yeah. Grab my cell phone, would you?”

  “I already have it.” He tapped on his pants pocket.

  “You think of everything, don’t you?”

  “You know it.” He smiled.

  He wheeled me outside and we had the chance to catch up with each other, and how tired he was of going to college. He talked about his relationship with Gary, and his plans to move back here to California with him when school was over. He wasn’t scared anymore of what Mother thought. He mentioned she didn’t approve of him being homosexual at all, but she had no choice. I was proud of him. It was the first time he stood up for what he believed in, to her. I knew the tides were changing in the King family, and this was a good thing.

  “So, you’re going to be a daddy, huh? Daddy James.”

  “Yeah. I’m actually really excited about it. Is that crazy?”

  “No. I think you’ll be a great father. You learned from the best. Our dad was pretty awesome.”

  “I miss him. Do you ever think about him?”

  “All the time, James. All the time.” He put his hand on my shoulder. I was filled with a sadness, and I didn’t like it. Dad’s death always made me feel a certain way. Somewhat lost.

  “Well, on that note, I think we should go inside. Maybe, eat some more pancakes until I throw up.”

  “Keep eating like that and you’ll lose that girlish figure. I vote for a salad.” Chad poked my side.

  I tossed up my middle finger at him. A salad? He’s the asshole who made the tempting banana pancakes. Not that I would blow up over a few pancakes, but still. Once you fall off your diet plan, that’s it, then you’re eating all kinds of crap. Chad has always considered me the lucky one. The brother with the fast metabolism. I’ve always been thin and muscular, but being in jail with nothing to do but work out, really bulked me up. My body was tight and defined everywhere. This was probably the best I had ever looked. All I knew was that if you looked good you felt good, so I had a routine set in motion when I moved into my place. I did one hundred sits ups and one hundred push up’s every night before bed. Sometimes, if I needed to wind down after work, I would go for a jog. With these injuries I wouldn’t be able to work out for a while and I knew it. Maybe I shouldn’t be eating endless supplies of pancakes.

  “Salad is fine,” I grumbled. “Salad is way better than pancakes,” I grumbled again.

  Chad didn’t say anything. He just pushed me back to my condo. As soon as we conquered the steps and pushed up over the door frame we were okay. Once inside I wheeled myself over to the couch and slid over from the chair to it. I could hear my phone going off from Chad’s pocket.

  “It’s Emily,” Chad said, as he continued to stare down at the screen.

  “Give it to me then.” I attempted to reach out in the air for it.

  “Snappy thing you are, here.” He handed me the phone and knitted his eyebrows together.

  “Hey,” I answered.

  “Hey.”

  “You made it home safe. That’s good.” What a stupid fucking thing to say. Of course she made it home. I sounded like an idiot.

  “Yup. I’m home. How are you?”

  Chad waved his hands in the air, impatiently waiting for me to ask her the question. I swatted him away.

  “I’m okay. I’m just trying to adapt to my environment as a temporary handicapped person.”

  “I know, right. I feel bad you broke your arm and leg.”

  “How do you feel?” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  “Sore. Everything hurts. My head throbs every now and then. The last x-ray said the swelling went down, so they sent me packing. It will be nice to get a good night’s rest in my own bed.”

  I closed my eyes as she spoke. The words were already warming up in my mouth.

  “What was that look you gave Nico at the hospital?”

  “What look?”

  Chad came back and sat down on the couch. He had a beer in one hand and a bowl of pretzels in the other. He was just gawking at me. I frowned at him.

  “You told him you were pregnant and he looked upset. He turned to walk out and this look came across your face. I want to know what you were thinking, and be honest with me.”

  “I don’t know, sympathy maybe.”

  “I don’t get it,” I spit out.

  “Where are you going with this question? Are you asking me if I still have feelings for him? Because that’s what this feels like.” Her tone had changed.

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  She remained silent and I sat there tensing up as the seconds passed.

  “You know what, James? I think we jumped the gun on this whole thing between us. The car accident was a big deal. Emotions were high and words were said that may have not been meant. We should take a break and give our-self time to think about what we both want to do.”

  “I don’t need time to think. I said I love you and I meant it. You sent me a text that said you loved me. What is there to think about? Did you not mean what you sent to me?”

  “Like I said, emotions were high. Let’s let the dust settle down and see how we feel then.”

  I looked at Chad. He threw his hands up with curiosity. I just shook my head.

  “What is really going on here? What happened fr
om yesterday to now?” I asked.

  “Nothing happened. I just feel like I need to take a few steps back and see the bigger picture.”

  “And what is this bigger picture?” My stomach was in knots.

  “We hardly know each other. We were swept up together in a living arrangement that became romantic, and now a baby is about to be thrown into the mix.”

  “And?”

  “I just think things are moving way too damn fast.”

  “You don’t think I know that this thing between us is not your average love story. Where the hell is this coming from?”

  It suddenly dawned on me that she had a car ride home with fuck face, Nico. God knows what he spit into her ear.

  “What did he say to you?”

  “Who?” she responded.

  “Nico. I want to know what he said to you on the ride home that has you back stepping.”

  She was quiet. “James, I don’t think we should be together.”

  Whoa. I held my breath for a second and then slowly released the air.

  “This is crazy. You can’t be serious.”

  “James.”

  “After everything, that’s really how you feel?” I could just feel myself turning red.

  “I can’t do this with you,” she replied.

  “You don’t mean it. You’re just scared.”

  “I don’t want to be with you anymore! It’s done. It’s over,” she trailed off.

  There they were, the words that Mike had talked about. I felt them slice right through me. I sat perfectly still, heart bleeding out, in a daze. I wasn’t sure what to say at first.

  “What about the baby?” I blurted out.

  “I don’t know. I still have time to think things through, and make a decision. I’ll be in contact at a later date to let you know.” She paused. “Bye, James.”

  I didn’t even say goodbye. I just hung up. Chad stared at me with eyes as wide as saucers.

  “What happened? Holy shit. Your forehead vein just popped out.” Chad leaned in.

  “She just ended things with me, says she not sure about the baby either.”

  “I think she’s just overwhelmed. You two had a near death experience. It was scary.”