The Silver Lining

by Jennifer Raygoza

  “I didn’t respond because you hurt me. I was really hurt. I’ve never felt the way I feel for another woman, the way I feel for you, in my life. When that text came in, it was like a huge slap in the face. You said, I’m done with you and I’m not keeping our kid. Have a nice life. I stared at that text every day. I could have handled it if you didn’t want the baby, but you totally cut me off. I’ve been through a lot of shit lately, but this was the first time in my life that I can say I have experienced true depression. That shit hurt, Emily. These past two months were hard,” I said, as I rubbed my sweaty palms over my pants. That’s all I was going to say. I wasn’t going to tell her I barely ate and that instead I lived off alcohol. I wasn’t going to say that my place looked like a tornado whipped through it or that I had a pity party and rarely left my condo because the depression was that bad. No I wouldn’t tell her all that.

  “I apologize. I’m sorry that I’m not easy to love. What I did was horrible and I am truly sorry for it. It was an incredibly stupid thing to do. I never planned on terminating this baby. I guess just the thought of loving you terrified the hell out of me, because I do. I love you, James King. I love you. I love you. I love you and if it’s any consolation, it hasn’t been easy on me either.”

  I noticed the dark circles under her eyes and I wondered if she too had celebrated in sadness along with me. Yeah she had. Her eyes were watering again and her fingers were trembling. I reached over and grabbed her hand. I could have screamed at her for all of this, but I didn’t. What would it accomplish? Nothing.

  “Bravery. Tiny steps. That’s all we need. Just tiny steps in the right direction.”

  She squeezed my hand tight and laid her head on my shoulder like she did that day at the mural park. I laid my head on top of hers. There was a brief moment of silence.

  “Why were you over here getting apples?” I asked. It was an off question to ask at the moment.

  She partly laughed and cried at the same time. “I have a new job. I work for this elderly lady who asked for specific apples from this market. She claims that they have the best.”

  “She sounds like an amazing lady,” I said, sarcastically.

  “She’s awful.” She laughed and then cried again. “Sorry, I’m just really emotional lately.”

  “Baby hormones?”

  “Yeah.”

  I turned my body toward hers and she reacted by doing the same.

  “So where do we go from here, Emily Rose Monroe?”

  “I don’t know. Do you hate me? I would hate me right now.” She looked down at the ground.

  “You’re stubborn. You’re a liar and a terrible girlfriend…but for some silly reason I still like you.”

  “Like? The love is gone already?”

  “Maybe you can persuade me to love you again.”

  I motioned with my finger. She leaned in, kissed my lips and pulled back. I ran my thumb over my bottom lip to wipe off the moisture. I sat there for a moment examining her face.

  “No bullshit, Emily. I want you and if you want me, then we do this with everything. That means you’re all in. No running. No fear. No walls. I need your trust just as much as you need mine. I can’t handle a half ass relationship. I’m not looking for that with you. We have to be honest and communicate, or it isn’t going to work. Can you do that? Can you open up to me? Are you willing to go all in?”

  “I’ve made a ton of mistakes with you. I don’t want to make another one. I’m ready. I’m all in.”

  I smiled and nodded. “Okay then.” I leaned in and kissed her. I was happy, but she would have to convince me. I wouldn’t tolerate anything less.

  “So. When do you have to get these very important apples back to grandma?”

  “I should probably get going now,” she said, as she pulled out her cell phone to check the time.

  “I’ll go with you. Grandmas always love me.” I wasn’t sure why the hell I had this urge to go with her to work. I guess I just felt this reconnection with her and I wasn’t ready to let her leave me. Love is making me into a total ass. This must be part of the process.

  “No. You can’t go with me to work. She’s old and mean and will probably fire me. She can tell when guests are over even when she hasn’t seen them.”

  “What do you mean she can tell? Does she have super powers?”

  “She has like a sixth sense or something. It’s weird. I don’t know how she knows when someone is in the room. She always sits in this high backed chair, facing a window. She can’t see anyone behind her, ever. She’s blind in one eye and can hardly hear, but she knows when guests are there.”

  “I’ll just hide in a corner. She’ll never know I’m there. Come on. Live a little. No Fear,” I reminded her. I really should just walk my ass home, but I’m begging her to let me go to work with her. I am so fucking pathetic for this. Somebody smack me.

  “I am so going to get fired for this.” She shook her head.

  “Tiny steps,” I added, as another reminder.

  “Fine.” She motioned to the passenger side. I shook my head. She put her hands up.

  “What?”

  “Why don’t I drive and you can sit back and relax?” I smiled.

  “Where’s your car?” she asked, not sure what I was driving now.

  “I haven’t had time to deal with the insurance company yet.”

  “It’s been over eight weeks.” She eyed me.

  “I’ve been busy doing a lot of thinking lately. None of it involved a brand new car.” I stared at her. She looked away like she knew what I meant.

  “I don’t know if you going with me is a good thing.” She bit at her thumb nail.

  “Tiny steps of trust,” I repeated.

  “Fine.” She tossed the keys over to me. I smiled and she frowned. She then slid inside. I quickly ran over and closed her door. She sat back in her seat with her arms crossed. She hated this. It made me smile that she was at least playing along. She was willing to try and that’s all I asked. I slid in on my side and started up the car. I looked over to see a smirk on her face.

  “What?” I said. My eyebrows knitted together.

  “I don’t like you very much right now.”

  “As long as you love me later then it’s all good. You’ll get used to it. You did sign a verbal contract so you have no other option but to love me.”

  “You should have had me sign a contract in blood.”

  “That can be arranged,” I said, which caused her to chuckle. I leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. I then pulled back and put my seatbelt on and pointed to her to place hers on.

  “Buckle up, baby. We have a trip to grandma’s to make.”

  She pointed down streets as we drove up and down the neighborhood. We finally stopped in front of a huge estate. It was bigger than my mother’s house, which was shocking alone.

  “This is it.” Emily frowned, clearly not happy about going inside.

  “You’re joking?” I replied. “Wow.”

  We stepped out of the car and walked up to the door. Emily balanced the bag of apples in one hand and reached in her purse for her keys with the other. She turned to me, pointing the key in my direction.

  “Just don’t say anything. Be very quiet inside, please.”

  I nodded and pushed the key out of my face. I pretended to zip my lips and throw away the key. She unlocked the door and we both stepped inside. The place was extravagant. We’re talking white couches, white carpet and white walls. This was clearly a just for looks type home. I worried that I might breathe wrong in here and get the place dirty. This lady had more money than she knew what to do with. I could tell by all the damn taxidermy animals around the house, which I hated. They were ugly looking things.

  “Is that you, Emily?” a female voice spoke up from another room.

  I turned to Emily and froze.

  “Yes, Mona, it’s me.”

  “Did you bring me those apples I asked for?”

  “Yes I did,” Emily respo
nded and walked into the living room. I followed close behind her.

  Mona the old lady sat in a tall chair facing the window with her back to us. She had a shawl draped over the arm of the chair, and all I could see was her thin, white, short hair sticking up.

  “Who’s here with you?” Mona asked. There was no way from her sitting position that she could have seen me.

  “I’m sorry?” Emily questioned.

  I was curious to know how she knew I was in the house. I hadn’t said a word. I basically tip toed into this room. Shit. She really must have some type of super power.

  “I can smell a man’s cologne. Who’s here?” she barked out.

  Emily grabbed my arm and walked me over to Mona’s side.

  “Mona, this is James King. You might know of his family. They own King Hotels.”

  She hadn’t looked at me at all. I glanced over at Emily, who was still staring at Mona.

  “Why is he here?” Mona inquired.

  Emily stared at me. A little bit of fear filled her eyes.

  “It’s my fault. I insisted on coming,” I cut in, before she answered.

  “I didn’t ask you young man. I asked her.”

  “It was stupid to bring him. I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

  Mona didn’t say a word. She just kept staring out of the window.

  “Well take a seat James King. Don’t just stand there and stare at me. It’s rude.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I replied. She had me feeling like a little kid.

  “Emily, I’d like my tea, please. Maybe your friend would like a cup too.”

  “No. I’m good.”

  “What?” she shouted.

  “Tea sounds good,” I changed my answer. This lady scared the hell out of me.

  Emily left to the kitchen and now I was stuck all alone in this room with Miss. Mona.

  “I was wondering when you would come around.”

  “I’m sorry?” I said, confused.

  “Are you the father of that baby?”

  “Excuse me?” How the hell did she know? I cleared my throat and ran my hands over my pants.

  “I’m old and dying, almost blind and deaf in one ear, but I’m not stupid. I hear her throwing up every day. She barely eats at all and half the time she talks to me, she sounds like she’s been crying. I don’t like asking questions twice, boy.”

  “Yes. I am the father.”

  “That’s better. Are you going to marry her?”

  I looked around for Emily, who was nowhere in sight. I was barely trying to stabilize us as a couple. Marriage seemed like a faraway idea. I heard Mona clear her throat, as if she was impatiently waiting for me to answer.

  “I would,” I responded.

  “Would? That is not a promising answer for a young lady.”

  “It’s complicated. Our relationship is—”

  “Complicated. I heard you the first time. It’s only complicated if you make it.”

  I didn’t respond.

  “So why did you decide to come today?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to spend more time with her. I know that makes no sense to you.”

  Mona stayed quiet. Instead she tapped her fingers against the arm of the chair.

  “Tell me these complications.”

  I didn’t want to talk to her at all. Matter of fact, I wanted to run out of there and take Emily with me. I was curious why she was poking around in our relationship. It was unnerving.

  “I don’t think that’s necessary.” I attempted to make a stand.

  “I don’t think you should be in my house, but here you are anyways.”

  This woman might be even meaner than my mother. Damn. I wished Emily would come in with that tea just to shut her up.

  “You want to hear about our complications? Fine. Okay. Let’s see if I can make this short and sweet. We barely know each other. She’s pregnant and my mother hates her. I hate my mother so it’s a cycle you see. That’s nothing new though because the King name comes with drama all by itself. Then there’s Emily, who is a bit frail when it comes to relationships. Broken so to say. Wrap that up in a bundle and that’s us.”

  Mona laughed, which scared me even more. She laughed and laughed and laughed.

  “Oh boy. That’s it. That’s your complications.” She paused. “That’s nothing.”

  I was pissed at this lady, just sitting there laughing up a storm. I quickly stood, like fire had shot up my ass. I was ready to give her a piece of my mind. “I’ve been chewed up and spit out and Emily picked me up and mentally put me back together. We almost died in a car accident and I’ll be damned if you sit there and mock our issues, you old bag.”

  She stopped laughing and sat up a little straighter.

  “Okay. There’s that spirit I like. Sit down, boy, before Emily comes back.”

  I plopped down and glared at the back of her head. She still hadn’t even looked at me.

  “Emily walks around this place like she’s afraid she’ll break something. She’s nervous. I can hear it in her voice. I can hear it in the sound of her footsteps. The girl is complicated all by herself.” She paused. “We all have problems. We all come with some type of baggage. It’s up to the other person to decide if love is worth tolerating our flaws.”

  I remained silent and stared down at the floor.

  “King Hotels. Huh? Very nice place. I’ve stayed in a few before. How do you fancy working there?”

  “I don’t work there.”

  “Why not? It’s your family’s business.”

  Why is she poking and digging. I didn’t like this at all. I shrugged, not really sure what to say.

  “A difference in opinions prevent me from doing so.”

  “Is that right? I could see that. That lady that runs King Hotels is a lunatic. I read about her in the news.”

  “That would be my mother.”

  “I know. You look just like her,” she replied, not a bit bothered.

  “You haven’t looked at me once. How would you know that?”

  “I don’t have to. You’ve been in the news plenty yourself, young man.”

  Right then Emily came into the room holding a tray with a teapot and two teacups. She set it down on the coffee table and poured a cup for Miss Mona and then turned to me. I shook my head.

  “Have some tea, James,” Mona commanded.

  Me and Emily both jumped.

  Hot damn. How could someone so old and half blind be so aware of her surrounding’s?

  Emily mouthed, ‘sorry’ to me and poured a glass.

  I made a face that signaled it was fine.

  “Emily, I was just telling James about a story I read in the paper. Care to hear it?”

  “Of course, Miss Mona.”

  I shifted in my seat. I had no idea what she was about to say. I avoided eye contact with Emily. I had been in the newspaper for several things in my life and most of the articles were not good. Media had a way of twisting everything I said and everything I did around. This would not go over well.

  “I read about this couple who met in an awkward circumstance. It’s really quite beautiful. The man had gotten himself into some trouble and society casts him away for a while. Later he was tossed back into the lion’s cage with his wealthy family. This was somewhere that he hated. This was a place he despised. He was a proud man, and he didn’t want to count on them for anything, but here he was. The woman was just a poor girl working for wealthy people, struggling to survive every day. She was constantly surrounded by nice things, always knowing she would never have them. She wouldn’t allow herself to, even if she could. She wouldn’t allow anything in, because her soul was lost in pain.”

  My breathing was heavy. She was talking about us. This was our story. I stared up at Emily, whose eyes watered and eyelashes fluttered. Mona continued.

  “Under an unusual circumstance the two were thrown together. They fought a lot. At least they tried to fight the feelings that they both felt for each other, b
ut love has no limits. No boundaries. It has no rules or regulations. It just is. It can’t be stopped and it refuses to be held down. There is no wall high enough and no chain strong enough to prevent the heart from feeling the way it wants to. These two tried though, with no luck. They fell in love. They fell hard and they fell fast, but she rebelled, scared of what this might mean. How could she fit into this man’s life? Why would he want her? And as she sat there asking herself these questions, a tragedy struck almost killing both of them.”

  Tears were raining down Emily’s face. My heart was pounding as my eyes watered up in anger.

  “They both survived, which pushed him to love her even more, but she felt different. She tried to resist. This was scary. She almost lost the man she loved. She couldn’t handle it. She would run. She would lie. She would do anything she could, not to feel for him. No love was better than a lost love in her eyes. She decided to push him away, so far away it would almost kill him. She thought it was for the best. What she didn’t know is that he broke to pieces without her. He caved in and shattered like glass.”

  I stood up. “I’m done. I’m leaving. Emily are you coming with me?” I grabbed Emily’s elbow.

  Emily pulled away and swung around to Mona. “You said the story is beautiful. What happens?”

  I gritted my teeth and glared at Emily, who was looking to Mona for answers.

  “Don’t you see the beauty in the story already, dear?” She laughed.

  “I’m not sitting here while she comes up with her own conclusions about us, Emily.”

  “Who said the story was about you two?” Mona chuckled. She finally looked at me. One of her eyes were glazed over with a blueish tint. “This was my story.” She turned her attention back outside and sipped her tea. “Why do you think I hired you, Emily? Your story is so close to mine. You two are all over the tabloids. I still have one eye to read with and I always do my research when I hire.” She chuckled again. I went to open my mouth, but Mona spoke again.

  “I’ll tell you this. You can’t fight it. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Love is what I’m talking about.”

  Emily turned away and walked off. I followed behind her until she stopped dead in the kitchen. She swung around, face damp with tears. She suddenly came barreling at me. Her hands latched onto both sides of my face. Her lips crashed into mine which took me by surprise. That story obviously had some type of effect on her. I know it did for me.