The Baron at Bishops Avenue

by Jason Blacker

  "Anything else, my Lord?" asked the butler.

  "Just keep an eye out for the police, if you will," said Loughty.

  The butler and housekeeper left them.

  "I can't believe our good luck with the weather today. Quite peculiar," said Eric. "Though I'll take it."

  "It's the world's aching urge for spring," said Loughty.

  Frances smiled.

  "I fear she'll ache a while longer," she said. "We haven't even entered winter yet."

  "The winter of discontent," said Loughty. "Speaking of which, how is business Eric?"

  "Across the board, it's not as good as one would hope. We've had to let go quite a few good men. A real shame."

  "It actually pains him," said Frances. "He's not quite the cutthroat businessman he pretends to be."

  "And never was he," added Loughty. "A princely man with a decent soul. That's the sort we need to build our economy back to what it once was."

  "You're very kind," said Eric.

  "Nevertheless," said Loughty, "I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties. The war has certainly cast its long shadow into this our future."

  Eric nodded.

  "Though British ingenuity, labor and downright bullheadedness will get us back on the right path."

  "It most certainly will," said Larmer.

  "Of course," said Eric, "across the pond, our American friends are seeing great and robust growth."

  "But how stable will it be?" asked Loughty.

  "That remains to be seen," said Eric.

  "Can I pour tea?" asked Loughty.

  He poured tea for Frances and Eric and Frances helped herself to cream and sugar. Eric took his black as usual as there were no lemons available. Frances took a cucumber sandwich. Eric waited.

  "Thank God for small mercies," said Frances, taking a sip of tea.

  "Indeed. We are fortunate. A cup of tea melts away all the world's troubles doesn't it, my dear?" said Eric.

  "I'll drink to that," said Loughty. "You'll forgive me. I presumed that sandwiches would be quite alright, though I can get Margaret to bake up some scones if you'd prefer."

  "Nonsense," said Frances. "Sandwiches are perfectly fine and more than that, they're delicious."

  Loughty smiled.

  "Glad to hear it."

  Behind them they heard some commotion. They all peered round and saw Husher and Pearce being led across the lawn towards them by the butler. Both men wore grey raincoats and hats. The three of them stood up.

  "Inspector Husher," said Husher as he introduced himself to Loughty and shook hands with him. He shook hands with Lord Marmalade though he already knew him and he nodded at Frances in turn. He turned towards Pearce.

  "This is Constable Pearce," said Husher, "he's helping me with the case."

  Pearce shook hands with the two men and nodded at Frances.

  "Quite a young man to be in homicide," said Loughty.

  Pearce nodded.

  "The youngest they've had," he said.

  Loughty waved at the two spare chairs that were available.

  "Please take a seat," he said.

  Pearce and Husher walked over to the chairs which were opposite Eric and Frances and to Loughty's left. They all waited until Frances had sat down before they sat themselves.

  "Can I offer you some tea and sandwiches?" asked Loughty.

  Husher shook his head.

  "No, thank you," he said.

  "I'd love some," said Pearce.

  Loughty poured a cup of tea for Pearce. Pearce added milk and sugar to it. He also helped himself to a couple of cucumber sandwiches which were cut into triangular quarters.

  "You know why we're here," said Husher. "A very grave crime has been committed and we have new information that we'd like to have cleared up by you, if you don't mind."

  Husher's mannerism might have been gruff, but he was still professional and quite politically astute. Loughty might be a crossbencher but you never knew when he might make it to the government's side, and a police officer like Husher knew that any friends he could make or keep in politics were allies earned.

  Loughty nodded while reaching for a plate upon which he put two sandwich quarters on it. He poured himself some tea and looked over at his butler. The butler came up and took the teapot away to refill.

  "Terribly sad what happened to my peer," said Loughty. "I'd like to help as best I can."

  "We've had a chance to speak with a few more witnesses, including staff at the Marphallow residence," continued Husher.

  Pearce looked on, taking a bite of his sandwich. He enjoyed being the constable, the assistant to the Inspector. He got to observe and clear his thoughts.

  "Yes, I have heard that the butler was caught stealing some money from them," said Loughty.

  Husher didn't answer that.

  "Which brings me to my first question. Did you know of any money problems that the Baron and his wife might have been experiencing?"

  Loughty took a moment to chew on his sandwich before he spoke. Then he shook his head slowly.

  "No, I'm afraid not..." he paused for a while before continuing. "Though there were rumors, of course, about the Baron's gambling and Lady Marphallow's spendthrift ways."

  "But nothing that you were intimately aware of?" asked Husher.

  Larmer shook his head, put his plate of sandwiches down, which still held one quarter and about a mouthful of the second quarter left. He picked up his saucer and teacup and took a sip of it. He took his tea black. The butler came back and put a fresh pot of tea back down on the silver tray and discreetly moved out of hearing distance.

  "You must understand, Inspector," said Loughty, "I was not on the government's bench and nor was I close to any of them. All I know about the Baron's financial matters are nothing more than rumors or speculation. Though of course where there's smoke there is often a fire."

  Husher nodded.

  "I have first hand knowledge of the Baron's monetary troubles," said Eric. "His wife spent extravagantly and he had a weakness for the horses. I'm not often at the races but whenever I go, the Baron is there in the Prince's box and always spending large sums, and generally losing them. It doesn't surprise me to learn that he was engaged in shady dealings with the IRM."

  Husher looked at Eric without emotion. Loughty turned towards Eric.

  "You don't say, our own Woolsack in league with the devil, eh?"

  Loughty was more amused than angry.

  "Quite," said Eric. "Selling his whisky to the Americans, we understand, with the help of the IRM."

  "Not surprising nothing good came of it," said Loughty.

  "Lady Marmalade doesn't seem to think they had anything to do with it," said Husher.

  Loughty looked over at her. Frances smiled at him.

  "Not that I don't think they didn't want to bring him injury, I just believe they didn't have the chance."

  Loughty nodded and sipped tea. Pearce started on his second sandwich. Frances sipped her tea and then reached for her sandwich.

  "Do you know of any dealings he might have had with the IRM, Lord Loughty?" asked Husher.

  Loughty shook his head.

  "No I don't, Inspector. This comes as a surprise to me. All my dealings with him were strictly professional and related to politics. Though now that I hear about this, it is interesting to note how he didn't take as hard a line on the IRM as some of his colleagues did. Specifically Lord Paussage."

  "Speaking of which," said Husher. "I understand that you met with Lord Paussage and the Baron at the Baron's home on the Monday the 22nd."

  "That is correct," said Loughty.

  "Can you tell me what happened on that evening?" asked Husher.

  "Well, we discussed politics as usual. I lost my temper and left."

  "I'd prefer a little more detail, Lord Loughty, if you don't mind," said Husher.

  "We were discussing the Bloody Sunday attacks," said Loughty. "As you might know from the papers, the government is adamant that the only appr
oach is to take a hard line with the IRM and perhaps even Ceann Daoine."

  Husher nodded, not saying anything. He preferred to stay out of politics, though being a government man and perhaps even more so a man of the law he was sympathetic to taking a hard line with all terrorists.

  "I went over to try and convince them that a more diplomatic approach was the preferred method. I advised them that Ceann Daoine had clearly distanced themselves from the more presently militant IRM. Paussage wouldn't hear of it. Marphallow on the other hand was more sympathetic to hearing me out, though I don't think he was moved by my plea for reason."

  "I see," said Husher, still staying out of the politics. "And I assume then, that it went from bad to worse?"

  Loughty nodded and took a sip of tea. Pearce finished his second quarter of sandwich and put his plate down. He was considering taking another couple of quarters but thought it might be considered rude.

  "Please have as much as you want," said Loughty, seeing Pearce's indecision.

  "That's very kind," said Pearce as he took two more quarters. Loughty smiled, wondering if the police didn't paid enough for lunchtime meals. And in fact, Pearce had not had the time today to get a lunch. Frances and Eric sipped on their tea and cradled their saucers in their laps, enjoying the surroundings, the warm weather, and keeping an ear to the conversation.

  "To get back to your question, Inspector, yes, things went from bad to worse. Lord Paussage is a difficult man to like. Well, especially from this side of the bench..."

  "He's a difficult man to like whatever side of the bench you're on," said Eric, grinning.

  Loughty looked over at him and smiled.

  "I was trying to be more polite," he said. He turned back to face Husher. "He has a way of getting under one's skin. He makes snide comments and is definitely rude."

  "You'll forgive me for being forthright, Lord Loughty," said Husher, "but under these circumstances we need to get to the bottom of this crime."

  Loughty nodded at him, and paused to sip tea.

  "It has come to my attention that you struck Lord Paussage and threatened Baron Marphallow. Is that true?"

  Loughty nodded.

  "The former is true, the latter I think is a reach."

  "Can you explain?"

  "Well, Inspector, I sometimes forget that politics is not a combative sport. I boxed for my varsity team, and sometimes that gets the better of me."

  "I see."

  "I'm joking, Inspector. This is what happened. It started off unpleasantly. Paussage sometimes thinks he knows everything. We were drinking Scottish whisky, or as I like to call it, the Scotsman's tea. Paussage, who I don't believe is even Scottish, was bragging about Scottish whisky being the finest and the first. On both accounts he's wrong."

  "I didn't realize that," said Pearce, finally getting into the conversation. "I thought the Scottish invented whisky."

  Loughty shook his head slowly and sadly.

  "No, I'm afraid not, that's what they'll have you believe and that myth has somehow taken hold."

  Eric nodded.

  "The Irish were first," he said, "and I'd agree with Larmer that they make the best whisky as a whole too."

  "You have very fine taste, my Lord," said Larmer raising his teacup to Eric with a twinkle in his eye.

  "No matter," said Pearce, "I've always preferred Irish whisky over Scottish. Just a personal preference."

  "And you, sir," said Loughty, raising his teacup to Pearce, "are also a man of refined tastes."

  Pearce raised his cup to Loughty and nodded at him.

  "And I prefer neither," said Frances. "I'll stick to my gin and tonics."

  "Another excellent choice, my Lady," said Loughty, "gin as you might know is also an Irish invention."

  Loughty was having a hard time keeping his impishness at bay.

  "Now I know you're putting me on," said Frances. "It was invented by the Dutch and gave us the term Dutch Courage."

  "Not only are you wonderful company, Frances, but you are a natural scholar," said Loughty.

  Husher was getting a bit bored.

  "Ahem," he said. "If we can get back to the question at hand."

  "Certainly," said Loughty. He drained his teacup and put it down on the table.

  "It started off with an argument about whisky. Then it devolved into an argument over how best to proceed with the Bloody Sunday massacre."

  Husher nodded.

  "Paussage thrust a few more barbs my way. He suggested that His Majesty's Government knew what was best for the Irish. This came about because I enlightened him about the Irish people having voted for Ceann Daoine in the first place, and that if they wanted to secede they should be allowed to."

  "And I quite agree," said Frances, looking over at Loughty. Loughty nodded and offered a small smile.

  "Before things could get worse between us, Lady Marphallow came down and bid us all a good night."

  Husher nodded. Pearce finished up his third quarter of the cucumber sandwiches. Frances put her now empty teacup down, which at this point joined her husband's. She nibbled at a sandwich.

  "Then we continued our debate over the best course of action to take regarding the events previously discussed. At this point Paussage called the Irish people an uncivilized and uncultured race and then he used a racial slur pointed at me, at which time I went up and hit him on the nose. Quite to his surprise I might add."

  Loughty smiled at the memory.

  "And if I can offer any insight, Inspector," said Eric, "I am sure that there could be no one more deserving of Loughty's wrath than Paussage."

  "That's all very well," said Husher, "but in a civilized country, and I believe we like to consider ourselves civilized, we do not stoop to violence in order to solve our problems."

  "You'd think so," said Frances, "and yet His Majesty's Government makes great use of it on a daily basis in our schools and prisons."

  None of the men wanted to get anywhere near that, so the table fell silent. Frances finished up her cucumber sandwich.

  "Has Lord Paussage complained to the police Inspector?" asked Loughty. "Does he wish me brought before the courts and charged with wounding his massive ego?"

  Husher didn't say anything.

  "You've answered the first part of my question Lord Loughty, what about the second part?" asked the Inspector.

  "I forget, can you remind me?"

  "You threatened the Baron with his life, so we've been led to believe."

  "Oh yes, that nonsense. It wasn't like that at all. I told him that refusing to sit down and discuss the Irish difficulties with the Irish people or their elected representatives in Ceann Daoine would be the death of him. It seems like I was quite prescient. In any event, I was quite hot under the collar and I certainly didn't threaten himself personally."

  "I see," said the Inspector.

  "No," said Loughty, getting strident, "I don't think you do. You have no idea the difficult task it is to work in government. More than that, I felt I was invited over under false pretenses. I'm not sure what they were playing at, but it was certainly not to discuss the problems with an open mind. In any event, I understand that you don't think the Irish Republican Militia had anything to do with the Baron's murder, so how could my threat carry any weight."

  Husher looked over at Loughty.

  "That is correct, though not because they didn't want to. We believe they didn't have the chance. And this brings me to my next point, and why your threat is being taken seriously."

  "Then let's get on with it, Inspector," said Loughty.

  "I don't think the Inspector is accusing you, Larm," said Frances, trying to calm Loughty down, "but you might have valuable information that could help us catch the murderer."

  Loughty looked over at Frances for a moment.

  "Fair enough," he said. "Alright, Inspector, let's get to brass tacks."

  "We caught a few witnesses on the night of the Baron's murder. They were known IRM members. They said you went b
ack to the Baron's home the night of his murder."

  Husher, who had been jotting notes in a small notebook all this time flipped back several pages.

  "They put you at the Baron's home at around ten fifteen to ten thirty."

  Loughty looked at the Inspector steadily for a moment.

  "So you're suggesting that I went back that night... what night was that again?"

  "Friday evening the 26th," offered Lady Marmalade.

  "Right," continued Loughty, "so I went back a few days after our disagreement to kill the man?"

  "That is not what I said," said Husher, also getting worked up. "I have come here, to your home, in goodwill and in recognition of your station and title. If it would make you more comfortable, we can continue this conversation down at the station."

  Husher was not one to be pushed around. He stared down Loughty, and even though Loughty was a Lord and part of the government, he wasn't on the government's bench and he wasn't about to intimidate the Inspector in charge of homicide at Scotland Yard.

  "Fair enough," said Loughty. "I didn't murder the Baron and you'd know that if your witnesses were telling the truth. Yes, I went to the Baron's home that Friday evening, but I didn't go into his home."

  "Why not?" asked Husher.

  "I thought it was too late."

  "And why had you decided to attend at his residence again?"

  "I had been thinking of our previous conversation on that Monday evening of which we just spoke. I had gone to apologize. Now, I wish I had gone in and done that very thing."

  Pearce finished eating his sandwiches. He didn't believe that Loughty had anything to do with the murder, nor did he think that anything would come of asking him about it. But he was pleased with the sandwiches and he enjoyed a cup of tea on the rolling lawn of one of England's richest Lords.

  "Life is too short," said Loughty, "if this doesn't drive home that point then nothing will. Baron Marphallow might have been my political nemesis but he was not an evil man, and I now regret not having had the chance to apologize in person. These things cannot be taken back."

  Frances nodded.

  "But you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, Larm. These things are done, and one can only move forward with a more gracious heart. Your intention was honorable, I'm sure the Baron would have known that."