Defying the Enemy Within
Page 14
Once, when he was taping my hands I noticed he’d put a cross on each hand with tape. ‘Is that a special way to tape your hands, Johnny?’ I had asked.
‘I put a cross on each hand, mate, one for you and one for the guy in the other corner. Although I want to see you win, I want the both of you to come out alive and well.’
I felt honoured and lucky when his beautiful wife, Ingrid, asked me to play guitar and sing at his surprise seventieth birthday party. Even after all these years, Johnny and I regularly call each other to check in and make sure all is well.
Johnny taught me that, with hard work and a bit of luck, anything is possible. I’ve heard many say that, when you have Johnny Lewis in your corner, it doesn’t matter who’s across on the other side of the ring, because Johnny makes you believe you could beat anyone. He’s a great man with amazing motivational capabilities.
DAVID PEACHEY
As a kid, I’d always admired Indigenous NRL player David Peachey. After I played my debut first-grade NRL game against him, I followed his career even more closely.
We blackfullas tend to be drawn to each other, so when Dave signed to play with Souths when I was there, we connected immediately. Dave had a great deal of experience away from rugby league, and it was through his mentoring that I learned how to network with potential sponsors and people I could partner with in a work environment. Dave also walked me through a tough period in my life when I broke up with Brodi and Phoenix’s mother, Suzie.
Dave and I are still very close today, some ten years after we played together at the Rabbitohs. Dave taught me the importance of developing kids in rugby league and giving back to the community. Dave was forever checking dates in his diary to see if he was available for a function, and is always doing his best to give back to the people, which I am forever grateful for.
WRAP-UP
•A mentor is someone who can teach you something in life or help you in an area of your life.
•Mentors are often older, because they have more lived experience.
•A mentor sets a positive example and is available to help you when you need help.
•Find a mentor or mentors who you can trust and look up to.
BE A MENTOR AND GIVE BACK
Having the good fortune to have learned some valuable life lessons from such great people, I’ve tried to share what I’ve learned by mentoring others.
Mentors have been so important to me, and now mentoring others has become a major part of my life and is something I enjoy. The way I see it, everything I’ve gone through has helped shape the man I have become. So if I can learn something from every one of my experiences, I can store that knowledge in my back pocket to share with others who might need some mentoring.
I take immense pride in being a mentor. It means someone values my experience and advice, and that I’m seen as someone who is willing to help people by sharing what I’ve learned. One of the most important mentoring roles I’ve had was with Steve ‘Slip’ Morris, a man I now consider to be one of my closest friends and a brother.
I try to help people through tough times. I always offer my help to anyone who needs it, again because of the way I was raised and the compassion I feel towards others. I’ve learned on my journey to always treat people well, because most people are fighting their own battles that we know nothing about.
If you model positive behaviours, you can be a mentor. But if you’re also actively making some poor choices in your behaviours and lifestyle, it’s hard to call yourself a mentor or role model. That’s because, when you’re modelling positive behaviours, any negative behaviours you also have tend to stand out.
For me, being seen as a mentor is a compliment of the highest order. It means people are noticing my positive behaviours and want me to share them. I know it has also had a positive effect on my own wellbeing. So do volunteering and fundraising, which are other good ways to give back to others. Volunteering and fundraising take compassion and remind me to be grateful for what I have and what I can do.
Being a mentor and giving back allows me to share my experiences. But they also keep me on track, because to mentor or help someone, you have to be sure your own behaviours are positive.
WRAP-UP
•Give back by being a positive role model every day.
•You can also give back by volunteering or fundraising, or always being available to help others.
•Giving back or helping out has a positive effect on your own wellbeing.
LAST WORD
There’s a dark side of me, that even I can’t understand.
This is a line in a song by Australian country music star Troy Cassar-Daley, called ‘Yesterday’s Bed’, which I can really relate to. The one thing I know for sure is that I am so much more resilient and mentally tough and I am able to combat that dark side now. I still get tested every single day by deep fears that continue to haunt me, but every day is a fresh start to build on what I encountered the day before.
These days, I get to open my eyes and attack the world head on. I try to make every post a winner. I am still faced with some extremely tough situations mentally, but every day of this journey I try to be the best person I can be, and someone my kids will be proud of.
One thing I’ve learned to put into practice every day, during good times and bad, is to leave the negative days behind me. ‘We can’t change the past, only learn from it’ is a good motto to live by. I do my best to learn from every negative day I have, so I can turn it into a positive if a similar situation arises.
Learn from each day. And wherever your wellbeing is at when you wake, BUILD ON THAT.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you to Courtney Merritt. The way Courtney cares for all of my children, not just her biological children, Ari and Franki, reminds me why I love her so much. We have been together for a few years now, and she’s still the same warm, loving, caring woman I met, a woman who puts everyone before herself.
My children and Courtney mean the world to me, and I wish my kids could wake up in the same house as me every day. But I am just so happy and so thankful that all five of my children — Brodi, Phoenix, Rome, Ari and Franki — love and adore each other, so that, despite growing up in three separate households, they have a staunch bond. Ari is growing up to be cheeky like his big sister, Phoenix, while Brodi and Rome have softer, caring personalities — but all five are thick as thieves. So to my five children, Brodi, Phoenix, Rome, Ari and Franki — I am already so proud of your journey. You are the reason I wake up every day.
I give special thanks to my parents for nurturing me, raising me and leading me to being the man I have become.
To my sisters and older brother — the memories we share of growing up I will never forget.
And to every single person I have met, loved and argued with — you have all played a part in shaping the person I am today.
Yindyamarra-bu Mandang Guwu (Respect and thank you).
GLOSSARY
Addiction: A physical or psychological need for a substance (e.g. alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or activity (e.g. gambling, shopping) that becomes compulsive and is very difficult or impossible to stop.
Alcoholics Anonymous: An informal fellowship of recovering alcoholics who meet to encourage each other to stay sober. In Australia, there are about 18,000 members who meet in over 1,900 local meetings spread around the country.
Anxiety: An persistent feeling of fear, stress or worry even when there is no particular reason or cause. Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia.
Bipolar disorder: A mental health condition with strong changes in mood and energy. People with bipolar disorder have two distinct mood swings, between mania (high-energy, euphoric, overconfident, racing thought and little need for sleep) and depression (low mood, feelings of hopelessness, extreme sadness and lack of interest and pleasure in things).
Breathing technique: Deliberate and controlled slow, even and gentle breathing to help relive symptoms of anxiety.
Depression: A mental illness that causes feelings that may include: sadness, feeling worthless, a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, trouble sleeping or sleeping too much and thoughts of suicide.
Discrimination: Treating someone unfairly or differently because of who they are or because they possess certain characteristics. These can include a person’s race, gender, religious beliefs, sexual preference, age and physical features.
Dosage: The size or frequency of a dose of a medicine or drug.
First Nations: The diverse nations that comprise Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, each with their own language and traditions.
Illegal drug: A drug that is subject to drug prohibition laws such as cannabis, heroin, ice, cocaine and MDMA. Legal drugs include alcohol and tobacco, and drugs prescribed by doctors.
Koori: An indigenous Australian, especially one from Victoria or southern New South Wales.
Medication: A legal drug used to prevent, treat or cure an illness.
Mental health: Good mental health is a sense of wellbeing, confidence and self-esteem. It enables us to fully enjoy and appreciate other people, day-to-day life and our environment.
Mental health counsellor: A professional who provides ongoing psychological care to people dealing with depression, mental illness, substance abuse, unhealthy relationships, and other mental and psychological issues. They may also help people who have normal cognitive processes cope with difficult life events, for example, physical illness, death of loved ones, and relationship problems or divorce.
Mental illness: A mental illness is a health problem that significantly affects how a person feels, thinks, behaves, and interacts with other people.
Mentor: A guide who shares knowledge, skills and life experience to enable another towards reaching their full potential.
Mindfulness: The conscious and deliberate direction of attention on your body, mind, and feelings in the present moment.
Murri: The Indigenous Australians of modern-day Queensland and North West New South Wales.
Narcotics Anonymous: An informal fellowship of recovering drug addicts who meet to encourage each other to stay clean.
Noongar: The Indigenous Australians of modern-day south west Western Australia.
Nunga: The Indigenous Australians of modern-day southern South Australia.
Palawa: The first nations people of Tasmania.
Panic attack: A brief episode of intense anxiety, which causes the physical sensations of fear, even when there is no actual danger.
Prescription drug: A drug that can only be taken when permitted by a doctor.
Psychologist: A psychologist is a health professional with an expertise in human behaviour. Many psychologists work directly with those experiencing difficulties, such addiction and mental health disorders including anxiety and depression.
Racism: A belief in the superiority of one race over another, which often results in discrimination and prejudice towards people based on their race or ethnicity.
Substance use disorder: When a person’s use of alcohol or another drug leads to significant impairment, such as health problems, disability, and failure to meet major responsibilities at work, school, or home.
Suicide ideation: Thinking that life isn’t worth living, ranging in intensity from fleeting thoughts through to well thought-out plans for killing oneself.
Wiradjuri: An Australian first nations people whose land covers a large area of central and southern New South Wales.
RESOURCES
EMERGENCY
Kids Helpline (Ages 5–25)
1800 55 1800
Kidshelpline.com.au
Kids Helpine helps young Australian’s to express themselves, build confidence and live safely. Kids can chat with qualified counsellors FREE.
Lifeline
13 11 14
www.lifeline.org.au
Lifeline is a national charity providing all Australians experiencing a personal crisis with access to 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention services. Lifeline is committed to empowering Australians to be suicide-safe through connection, compassion and hope. Lifeline’s vision is for an Australia free of suicide.
Suicide Call Back Service
1300 659 467
www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au
Suicide Call Back Service provides free phone, video and counselling for anyone affected by suicide.
Blue Pages
www.bluepages.anu.edu.au/index.
Crisis services by state:
ACT
Mental Health Triage Service
(02) 6205 1065 or 1800 629 354
NSW
Mental Health Help Line
1800 011 511
NT
Northern Territory Crisis & Assessment
Telephone Triage and Liaison Service 1800 682 288 (1800 NT CATT)
QLD
Health Advice
13 43 25 84 (13 HEALTH)
SA
Assessment & Crisis Intervention Service
131 465
TAS
Mental Health Services Helpline
1800 332 388
VIC
Suicide Line
1300 651 251
WA
WA Mental Health Emergency Response Line
1300 555 788 (Metro area)
1800 676 822 (Peel area)
Crisis Care Helpline
1800 199 008
INDIGENOUS MENTAL HEALTH
The Enemy Within: Suicide Prevention & Wellbeing Education
www.joewilliams.com.au
Social and Emotional Wellbeing and Mental Health Services in Aboriginal Australia
www.sewbmh.org.au
Head to Health
www.headtohealth.gov.au/supporting-yourself/ support-for/aboriginal-and-torres-strait-islander-peoples
A great site to access holistic health support.
MENTAL HEALTH – GENERAL
beyondblue
1300 22 46 36
www.beyondblue.org.au
www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/aboriginal-and-torres-strait-islander-people beyondblue provides information and support to help everyone in Australia achieve their best possible mental health, whatever their age and wherever they live.
Black Dog Institute
www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
The Black Dog Institute is dedicated to understanding, preventing and treating mental illness. It is about creating a world where mental illness is treated with the same level of concern, immediacy and seriousness as physical illness; where scientists work to discover the causes of illness and new treatments, and where discoveries are immediately put into practice through health services, technology and community education.
Headspace (for young Australians)
1800 650 890
www.headspace.org.au
Headspace is the National Youth Mental Health Foundation providing early intervention mental health services to 12–25 year olds, along with assistance in promoting young peoples’ wellbeing. This covers four core areas: mental health, physical health, work and study support and alcohol and other drug services.
Head to Health
www.headtohealth.gov.au
www.headtohealth.gov.au/supporting-yourself/support-for/aboriginal-and-torres-strait-islander-peoples
A great site to access holistic health support.
MensLine Australia
1300 78 99 78
www.mensline.org.au
MensLine Australia is a telephone and online counselling service for men with family and relationship concerns. Mensline is there to help anywhere, anytime.
RuralLink
Specialist after-hours mental health telephone service for people in rural communities of Western Australia 1800 552 002
ALCOHOL AND DRUG SUPPORT SERVICES
Australian Drug Information Network
www.adin.com.au
Head to Health
www.headtohealth.gov.au
www.healthdirect.gov.au/drug-and-alcohol-rehabilitation
The Council for Aboriginal Alcohol Program Services (CAAPS) Aboriginal Corporation (NT)
www.caaps.org.au
The Council for Aboriginal Alcohol Program Services (CAAPS) Aboriginal Corporation is the largest not-for-profit family-focused residential alcohol and other drug rehabilitation centre in Northern Australia. In addition to rehabilitation, we provide community members support for appropriate referrals and work to prevent homelessness.
Wungening Aboriginal Corporation (Western Australia)
www.wungening.com.au/
Podcasts
soberpodcasts.com
CHRONIC TRAUMATIC ENCEPHALOPATHY (CTE)
concussionfoundation.org/CTE-resources/what-is-CTE
www.bu.edu/cte/about/frequently-asked-questions
www.mja.com.au/journal/2012/196/9/does-football-cause-brain-damage
MINDFULNESS RESOURCES
Online
au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-practice-mindfulness
sydney.edu.au/students/health-and-wellbeing/mindfulness-and-relaxation.html
Books
Sarah Edelman, Change Your Thinking
Sarah Edelman, Good Thinking
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JOE WILLIAMS is a proud Wiradjuri First Nations Aboriginal man born in Cowra and raised in Wagga Wagga, Australia. Joe played in the National Rugby League (NRL) for many years before switching to professional boxing in 2009 and winning two welterweight championships, despite suffering severe mental illness. Joe currently spends his time between Australia and the United States, travelling across both continents delivering workshops and talks to inspire people to think differently about their mental health.