Land Sakes

by Margaret A. Graham

  Finally, Alphonso got up, and the three of them filed out of the restaurant. Seeing that they had left, Mrs. Winchester started getting up.

  “Don’t you want to hear the rest of the story?”

  “There’s more?”

  “Oh yes.”

  She settled back in the chair. “Do go on.”

  I told her about the Osbornes adopting Maria’s children and how I was renting my house to them. On and on I went, giving Alphonso plenty of time to take the tram down before we left. I don’t think Mrs. Winchester suspected a thing. After I ended the story, I made a trip to the restroom, and by then the tram had been down and up again a couple of times.

  As we boarded the tram, I didn’t see those men anywhere, and when we reached the bottom, I made sure they weren’t waiting around a corner for us. Mrs.Winchester was saying, “From what I hear the fish hatchery is fascinating.”

  Well, when we got to the fish hatchery and could see the salmon leaping up falls and swimming, it was interesting, but I was in no frame of mind to be fascinated. The guide was telling about the way the hatchery harvests the eggs and produces more salmon than could be done the natural way.

  It looked like Mrs. Winchester was going to hang around there the rest of the day, but I reminded her that we didn’t want to miss the last tender. She agreed, and we took the next bus back to the pier.

  “You haven’t forgotten to think up something to order tonight that will top Bailey, have you?” Mrs. Winchester reminded me.

  To tell the truth, I hadn’t given it another thought, but as we were riding back on the tender I did come up with something I knew the ship would not have on board. “What about clabber?”

  “Clabber? What’s that?”

  “It’s sour milk that has clotted. You eat it with nutmeg, sugar, and milk.”

  “I never heard of that.”

  “It’s not likely anyone at the table has heard of it either, and I know the chef won’t have it.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “As sure as rain. Milk aboard ship is pasteurized, and milk that is pasteurized won’t clot.”

  She liked the idea, so that was settled.

  That night it seemed everybody was dressed fit to kill. I wore a skirt and blouse with my cardigan sweater and told myself I was comfortable being who I am. I thought of Percival saying he didn’t want to forget who he was.

  One of the staff was doing an ice carving, and I stopped to watch him. Even though he was not far along with the carving, already I could see it was going to be a swan. I wondered why that ice didn’t melt.

  When I made my way to the table, I saw that everyone was already seated and that Alphonso was already sipping his wine. After eating that big lunch so late in the day, I was not hungry and I wondered what to order. Looking at the menu I saw the name of a dessert that looked interesting—“Mudslide.” For the fun of it, that’s the only thing I ordered. Nobody seemed to notice. Everybody at the table had their head down, poring over the menus, but the minute Mrs. Winchester told the waiter to bring her two slices of bread, a banana, and some mayonnaise, every head popped up openmouthed.

  “Are you unwell?” Mrs. Bailey asked.

  “I’m perfectly well,” she answered. I could see Mrs. Winchester was getting a charge out of all their attention.

  “There’s a physician on board,” Mrs. Bailey insisted but got no response from Mrs. Winchester. “When I travel, and we do travel all the time, I make sure that the medical facilities available are of the highest standards. One never knows when one might fall ill or be indisposed for one reason or another.”

  After everyone had ordered, Mrs. Bailey took the floor again. “What a lovely day we’ve had on the canoeing safari. My husband is such an expert with the paddles, aren’t you, dear?” But giving him no time to respond, she asked, “And, Mrs. Winchester, did you enjoy your day?”

  “Yes.”

  Seeing she was not going to get anything more out of Mrs. Winchester, she looked to me. “Did you two stay aboard ship?”

  “No,” I said. “We toured the town.”

  Seeing as how I was not going to satisfy her curiosity, she had an edge in her voice. “How nice. Bought little trinkets, I suppose?”

  Lionel spoke up. “Miss Peterson and I had a great day. We took a jeep and rode through the forest first, then joined a rafting party to ride the rapids.”

  Mrs. Bailey didn’t bother to ask Alphonso what he had done. He was slurping his soup and saying nothing to nobody.

  “Now, about tomorrow,” Mrs. Bailey began. “We’ll be in Juneau. What do you plan to do there, Mrs. Winchuster?”

  I was surprised that Mrs. Winchester told her. “We’re going to the Mendenhall Glacier.”

  “Wonderful! We are too. Raymond has us going by helicopter. We would love to have you come along with us.”

  “We will go by bus,” Mrs. Winchester said, lathering mayonnaise on a slice of bread.

  “Oh, nonsense. I know you would rather fly.”

  “You know nothing of the kind.”

  “Oh.”

  28

  I knew we would see plenty of glaciers when we traveled to Glacier Bay, but then we would be on the ship, whereas at the Mendenhall we could actually walk on the glacier. As we were traveling on the tour bus and enjoying the scenery, I suddenly saw a rainbow that was absolutely round! “Look, Mrs. Winchester! Did you ever see a rainbow like that—wide as that one and in a circle?”

  “Oh no, I haven’t. It’s beautiful. Maybe it’s a good omen.”

  I didn’t say nothing, but I have never put no stock in omens. I changed the subject. “They sure fell for that clabber joke last night, didn’t they?” We both laughed.

  When the bus arrived at the Mendenhall, we waited until everybody got off so Mrs. Winchester wouldn’t block traffic in the aisle and could take her time getting down them steps. A soft, drizzling rain was falling, and I was glad I was wearing my parka with the hood. Mrs. Winchester was wearing a beautiful ivory-colored parka that came down to her knees and had a coyote-trimmed hood. It looked great, but coyote? Who’d want to wear something come off a coyote?

  By the time we got off the bus, everybody was already out on the ice. A helicopter was parked nearby. “I hope that’s not the Baileys’ helicopter,” I said. “Wouldn’t they just fly over the glacier but not land?”

  “Who knows? I hope we don’t run into them.”

  “That woman can talk the horns off a billy goat, can’t she?”

  Mrs. Winchester was so unsteady on her feet that I debated about taking her onto that ice. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a couple men getting off the helicopter and thought I might ask them to help me. One of them hailed me to wait up, so I figured they saw I needed help. I waited as they were coming our way, glad there was somebody friendly enough to lend me a hand.

  But as they reached us, they didn’t look at all friendly. One of them said, “Ladies, come with me.”

  “What?” I said. “Why should we come with you?”

  He grabbed Mrs. Winchester by the arm and at the same time poked a pistol at me from under his jacket. Before I could scream, the man in back of me slapped his hand over my mouth and pressed the barrel of another gun in my back. “Come quietly or you will die,” he said.

  With both hands I was trying to pry his fingers from my mouth and kicking him as hard as I could but getting nowhere. He kept pressing that gun in my back and swearing.

  The other guy was hustling Mrs. Winchester toward the helicopter. I knew she was terrified. Even if I could get free, I couldn’t let them take her away by herself.

  The chopper blades were rotating as that goon got me to the helicopter. He pushed me inside, and I fell against Mrs. Winchester. Climbing in after me, the goon slid the door shut and bolted it. Mrs. Winchester was terrified; her heart palpitating in her neck. A third man, taller than the other two, sat at the controls and did not turn around to look.

  “Where are you taking us?” I demanded.


  Nobody said a word.

  “Who are you?” Still no answer. “What do you want? Is it jewelry? If it is…”

  Those men just stared straight ahead and said nothing.

  Mrs. Winchester clutched my arm, shaking all over. I worried that she might be in shock. “I don’t know what they’re up to,” I told her, “but just hang on.” Over and over I was telling myself, What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. But I was scared stiff.

  The way that helicopter leaned sideways as it swept away from the glacier gave my stomach a turn. In no time we leveled out and were flying over open water.

  Hoping to keep Mrs. Winchester from passing out, I reached my arms around her. I held her as best I could, telling her, “Don’t worry. There’s nothing going on here that the Lord can’t handle.” Her whole body was shaking.

  It wasn’t long before I saw a forest of trees growing down to the water’s edge—then a house built on stilts alongside the water. We passed over the house, and I saw no signs of life the rest of the way.

  We were flying overland close by the water and must have flown for another ten minutes before the helicopter began slowing down. Finally, it was hovering over a clearing. “Where are we?” I demanded. Nobody answered.

  Once we landed, the pilot cut the engine, and we sat there while the chopper blades whacked slower and slower. There was nothing to see outside except that bare spot of ground we had landed on and dense trees all around.

  One of the men opened the door and crawled out. The other man nudged me with his gun. “Get out.”

  I had no choice. Once on the ground I reached up both hands to help Mrs. Winchester. She was in such bad shape that it took both of them goons to help me get her out. After we got her down on the ground, the man inside climbed out and the pilot followed.

  The pilot led the way on an overgrown path leading through the trees toward the water. Mrs. Winchester and I were herded in back of him by the other two men bringing up the rear. The ground beneath our feet was soggy, and I slipped once but didn’t fall. I was holding on to Mrs. Winchester, and it’s a wonder we both didn’t wind up on top of each other. Her teeth were chattering, and I had to keep talking, trying to calm her down.

  That path led to a house built on stilts over the edge of the water. I saw two boats docked underneath the house and a slippery gangplank that led up to the back door. I doubted that Mrs. Winchester could make it up there in the state she was in, but one of them hoods took her other arm. With her teeth chattering and trembling like she was, we had to take it slow and easy. Taking one step at a time, we did manage to get her all the way up without a mishap.

  At the door a stringy-haired woman in a shabby coat and big boots met us and let us inside. A young man holding an assault rifle stood in back of her, looking like he was ready to shoot at the drop of a hat.

  The pilot held a straight-back chair for Mrs. Winchester to sit on, and I sat on another one beside her. He told the woman, “Get Mrs. Winchuster a drink.” And the woman went in the next room. From what I could see, it was a tiny kitchen. The boy with the weapon sat down by an open door that led to a porch. Didn’t look like he relaxed one muscle.

  Finished with getting us settled, that pilot pulled up a chair right in front of me, straddled it, and looked at me with a big smile. “We’ve met before,” he said.

  I had never in my life seen anybody that even looked like that beetle-browed goon. He sure wasn’t the suspicious guy on the ship Lionel had warned me about. He can’t be that so-called Indian; he’s not wearing a turban or a Nehru jacket. In fact, he don’t have a mustache.

  Seeing I didn’t recognize him, he leaned over and got right up in my face. I smelled garlic on his breath, and the wheels in my head started spinning. In no time it dawned on me who he was.

  “I know you!” I yelled. “You’re the one who pinned me to the wall!”

  “Right,” he said and backed off, grinning from ear to ear. “You should’ve listened to me that night, Esmeralda. You could’ve saved us a lot of time and trouble. All you would’ve had to do was let us know when we could take Mrs. Winchuster without interference. As it is, we had to take you too. Now, instead of being a hostage, you could’ve been in on the ransom.”

  “Ransom?”

  “Three million, in fact. A million for each one of us.”

  “You’ll never get it. Philip Winchester will never pay a ransom.”

  “You better hope he does. If he don’t pay, you two better prepare to meet your God.”

  “I am prepared!” I told him.

  “That so? Esmeralda, I understand you are religious. For whatever it’s worth, you better start praying Philip Winchester forks over that three mil.”

  The woman came with the drink and handed it to Mrs. Winchester. The pilot turned aside to introduce the woman and the fellow with the assault rifle. “This is your hostess, Daisy LeGrande, and your host, Willie Miller.” He laughed like that was funny. “Willie is a fisherman, but he won’t be doing any fishing until we finish this job.”

  Seeing the pilot wasn’t ready to leave, the other two men sat down, and he introduced them. “This here is Tony and that’s Pee-Wee.” Both of them had beady eyes like them serial killers you see on America’s Most Wanted.

  “You haven’t told us who you are,” I said.

  “No, I haven’t, have I?” Grinning like a Cheshire cat, he was enjoying this game he was playing. “How unmannerly of me. Let me help you ladies guess who I am. Mrs. Winchuster, I got to hand it to you. You played a good game of one-upmanship on that world traveler Bailey, didn’t you?” He laughed. “You beat him at his own game, ordering that clabber—something he never even heard of before.”

  He was the Indian! “Where’s your turban?” I demanded.

  The other two men snickered.

  Alphonso pulled the turban out of his jacket pocket along with the fake mustache. “I’ll be glad when I can get rid of this stuff for good, but I’m bound to wear it until this cruise is over. You have to admit, Esmeralda, I had you fooled.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that. I figured you were a phony from the word go.”

  “Did you? Esmeralda, I have to hand it to you. You are one gutsy woman.”

  The other two men were getting jittery. The one named Tony said, “We better get out of here, Alphonso. Once these women are missed, the law’ll be all over the place.”

  “You’re right. But first, I got to take care of a little business. Hand me that tape recorder, Pee-Wee.” Pee-Wee handed it to him, and Alphonso started messing with it. “Mrs. Winchuster, have you settled down enough to give us a sweet little message for your husband? He’ll want to know you’re all right before he shells out the dough, so tell him you are both fine and that we’re taking good care of you, okay? Tell him the sooner he pays up, the sooner he can get you back.”

  She had calmed down a bit, even though I knew she was still scared out of her wits. She nodded.

  “Okay, now speak up; we want Mr. Winchuster to think we can deliver you alive and well as soon as he comes through with the cash.”

  She looked at me for help. “Do as he says,” I told her. “Just speak up and say that you and me are okay. I guess you better tell him they’re treating us okay and for him to pay the ransom.”

  Her voice was a bit shaky, but she gave the message almost word for word. Alphonso played it back and was satisfied that it would do. “Well, we gotta go,” he said. “I got to get the chopper back to the rental agency. I’ll catch the tender back to the ship while you boys take care of the rest of this business.” The three got up to leave. “Daisy, take care of these ladies, and you, Willie, see to it they don’t go no place.” He laughed. “If they do, you’ll not see the light of another day.”

  Wide-eyed and sweating, Willie was tense and nervous, which is not a good combination when there’s a finger on a trigger. He didn’t say a word.

  The three goons left, and once they were down on the ground, Willie told Dai
sy to pull up the gangplank.

  “There’s no need of that,” Daisy said. “You want it pulled up, do it yourself.”

  “Takes both hands, and I got to hold on to this gun.”

  “I’ll hold the gun for you,” she said. Seeing as he was not willing to let her touch the gun, she looked disgusted and said, “All right, I’ll pull it up. Esmeralda, I’ll need your help.”

  Together we got the thing up off the ground and fastened the cable to hold it there. “I don’t hardly never pull it up,” Daisy was saying. “It’s too much trouble and not a bit o’ use doin’ it way out here. There’s bears and moose, but it ain’t likely they would ever take a notion to come up it.”

  She shut the door behind us.

  Willie looked like he was frozen to that chair and was gripping the assault gun so hard his knuckles were white.

  “What’s got you so uptight, Willie?” I asked him. “We can’t go nowhere.”

  He didn’t answer.

  Daisy went in the kitchen and turned on a radio, saying we sure didn’t want to miss the news. I heard some static, and Daisy fooled with it until she found a better station. Coming back in the narrow room, she sat down and started talking.

  “Having womenfolk to talk to is a treat for me. It ain’t often I go downriver far enough to stop in at the next house, where Granny Sparks lives. It’s easy twenty miles or more.”

  I heard the chopper engine starting up.

  “Willie here, he don’t got the nerve for what he’s doin’. It’s his first time signing on with crooks. He don’t have sense enough to know what he’s got hisself into, and I tell you, he’s ’tween a rock and a hard place. The law catch him holdin’ you two at gunpoint, and he’ll spend the rest of his life in the pen. Not do what them plug-ugly hoodlums give him to do, and they’ll blow out what few brains he has got. They’ll most likely do that anyway to make sure he don’t talk.”

  I could hear the chopper taking to the air. I listened until I could no longer hear it.

  So this is it. We’re kidnapped.

  29

  Mrs. Winchester held out her glass, asking Daisy for another drink. Daisy left her holding her glass and went in the kitchen. When she came out, she brought the bottle and another jelly glass, then poured Mrs. Winchester a drink and one for me.