Long Time Coming

by Vanessa Miller

  "I guess you're right. But, Johnson, I'm really getting tired of all this praying with no results. I need God to show me something."

  Johnson turned out the light."Okay, baby, just go to sleep. Things will be better in the morning, I promise."

  Deidre tried to go to sleep, but she had too much on her mind. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift in a hundred different directions. She prayed that Johnson was right about tomorrow being better, but in truth she couldn't see how things could get better from here. Kenisha was dying, and her children would be motherless. Each one of them was already fatherless for one reason or another, but now they would also be forced to live without their mother. It just didn't seem right.

  Deidre had talked to Aisha while they waited outside Kenisha's room during the doctor's examination. And although it seemed as if Aisha was finally understanding the magnitude of Kenisha's situation, she still wasn't prepared to take on three extra children."I can barely take care of the four I already have. And Kenisha has her children so spoiled, I would never measure up with them."

  "Do you think Kenisha will change her mind about allowing your mother to take the children?"

  Aisha adamantly shook her head."Kenisha has never let Martha watch her kids. She says that Martha doesn't protect children. Ever since Kenisha was a kid, she has always talked about protecting herself, and then when she got older, it was all about protecting her kids."

  That knowledge made Deidre appreciate how much trust Kenisha had placed in her, because for Kenisha to ask her to adopt her children meant that Kenisha believed that Deidre would keep her children safe. Kenisha had put a lot of faith in her, and now Deidre wanted to beg Johnson to forget about his dreams of having a newborn. But she knew she had no right to take yet another dream away from him. Getting to sleep that night was one of the hardest things Deidre had done in a long time.

  The next morning Deidre and Johnson took the children to church and then went to the hospital to see Kenisha. The girls ran to their mother, jumped on the bed, and hugged her. But Jamal hung back.

  "What's wrong?" Deidre asked him when she noticed his hesitancy.

  They were in the doorway of Kenisha's room. Jamal pointed at the tubes and monitors.

  "That's just an IV tube. They're replenishing Kenisha's system with necessary fluids. And that monitor is just keeping track of her heartbeats. The nurses want to make sure that she's okay, even when they're not in the room."

  "Oh," Jamal said as he stepped into the room and walked over to Kenisha.

  "Hey, boy, I've been waiting all morning to see y'all," Kenisha said as Jamal gave her a hug.

  "We went to church first. Mr. Johnson said that we could ask the kids in the children's church to pray for you. So I did," Jamal told her.

  "Yeah," Diamond chimed in."I prayed that God would stop you from being sick all the time."

  "I'd like that too," Kenisha said honestly.

  Johnson held out his hand to Kenisha."I'm Johnson Morris. I've heard an awful lot about you. But it's nice to finally meet you face-to-face."

  "Likewise," Kenisha said. Her voice was hollow. Tired.

  After that, the kids bombarded Kenisha with questions, one after the other, until Johnson volunteered to take the kids home and feed them.

  "Thanks, honey," Deidre said as she stood up and kissed her husband."I'll call you when I'm ready to leave or I'll catch a cab home."

  "Call me. No wife of mine has to ride in a cab." Johnson grabbed up the kids and left.

  "You have a good husband. I wish I had met someone like him."

  "Yeah, he's all right," Deidre agreed.

  "Can I ask you something?" Kenisha turned to face Deidre.

  "Ask away. I'm all ears."

  "Okay. Why are you here? I mean, I tried to throw you out of my apartment yesterday. If I hadn't passed out, I would have. And now you've got my kids. But when I asked you to watch them for me before, you acted like that was a big problem."

  "I'm sorry if you thought I didn't want to help you out with your children. But the truth is, my reasons were even more selfish than you had guessed."

  Kenisha gave Deidre an aha look."So you admit it?"

  Deidre held up her hand."Let me explain. This is not going to be easy for me, but I think I at least owe you an explanation."

  "I'm listening."

  Taking a deep breath, Deidre began her story."I told you about my condition, which makes it hard if not impossible for me to conceive."

  Kenisha nodded.

  "But what I didn't tell you is that my husband doesn't know that I have this condition. I've known since we started dating that Johnson wanted lots of kids, but I didn't want to lose him, so I keep my mouth shut. I made my mom and sister stay quiet about it also. They begged me to tell him the truth, but I refused."

  "I thought Christians didn't believe in lying," Kenisha said without an ounce of judgment in her voice.

  "That's why this whole thing has been so hard on me. Johnson and I got saved a couple years after we got married. My sister, Michelle, called to congratulate us. I remember how excited she was for me. I was excited also. Then she told me that I should tell Johnson about my PCOS so that there would be no secrets between us. And I told her not to ever bring that up to me again.

  "I shouldn't have been so mean to her, but I was scared. I've been scared my entire marriage."

  "But Johnson is willing to adopt, so if you tell him the truth, he might even be that much more willing," Kenisha said hopefully.

  Deidre put her head in her hands and let the tears flow. The guilt of her deception had worn on her for so long that she could no longer contain her emotions."I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just . . . I don't even feel worthy of Johnson's love. He has suffered with me for seven long years, wanting a child as much as I do. I just wanted to be able to give him a child myself. If I could do that, my lie wouldn't matter."

  "But he loves you, I could see that."

  "I know he does. But now we have another problem. See, ever since we decided to adopt, Johnson has had his heart set on a newborn. And even though I would love nothing more than to adopt your children, I don't know if I can disappoint Johnson one more time." The tears fell harder as she finished. She looked at Kenisha, hoping to glean an answer to a question that had been plaguing her for years."How do I tell a man who wants children so bad, that I will never be able to give him any? And that he has to give up his dreams for a newborn because I have fallen in love with your children?"

  Shaking her head, Kenisha said, "People deceive others all the time. The only reason you're feeling guilty about this is because of your church. It's the church. That's why I don't go. If I want to know what a loser I am, I'll invite my mother over."

  "That's not the way it is. The church provides hope."

  "You mean false hope."

  "No, no, Kenisha, that's not true. The hope that God brings is not false," Deidre told her as she wiped the tears from her face and thought back to the conversation that she and Johnson had had last night. She believed every word Johnson said, so therefore she believed God. Faith was the answer, whether she lived to see the rewards of her faith or not."I do believe that God answers prayers. Whether he answers mine or not does not change the fact that God is good and that He is well able to do anything we need Him to do."

  Without a second thought, Kenisha said, "I can't put my trust in a God that could allow me to die so young and you to yearn for children you'll never have."

  19

  On Thursday Kenisha found out that she was being released. Her fever was gone, but she still felt tired and nauseated. The doctors felt they could do nothing more for her, and it was best that she spend her remaining time with her children. Martha and Aisha were in her hospital room waiting for her release papers so they could take her home. Martha was complaining, "I am just really upset with you, Kenisha. I don't know why you didn't tell us the final diagnosis you received months ago. I am your mother. Whether you like it or not, I brought you i
nto this world. And I have a right to know if you are dying on me." Martha had a tissue in her hand, and she kept pressing it to her face to halt the tears that were falling from her eyes.

  "Martha is right, Kenisha," Aisha chimed in."Jamal's principal told me about your final diagnosis. I thought you were just depressed because of the chemo. You had no right not to tell us." Aisha's voice broke as tears creased the corners of her eyes.

  Kenisha started to feel bad. Her family was not the best, but she shouldn't have shut them out."I'm sorry. Y'all are right. I should have said something."

  "No more secrets," Martha demanded."I need to know what's going on. That's why I'm taking you straight to my place when we leave this hospital. You and my grandkids are going to stay with me—right where you belong."

  "So now you want to be a mother to me. A little late on your job, aren't you, Martha?" Kenisha said without caring how rude she sounded.

  "This is no time to start a fight, Kenisha," Aisha admonished."We love you, whether you believe it or not. And we want to help."

  "Where is Kevin? I haven't seen him." Kevin normally stopped by her apartment or called at least once a week. But she hadn't seen or heard from him in two weeks.

  "I don't know," Martha confessed."He hasn't been home, and he hasn't called, either."

  Kenisha sat up in her bed and glared at her mother."And you're not worried? Have you called the police?"

  Rolling her eyes, Martha waved the suggestion off."Why would I call the police when that boy is probably off on a crack binge somewhere?"

  "You are really something, Martha. You don't care about nobody but Aisha and Angelina. And the only reason you care about Aisha is because she runs all your errands," Kenisha let out a huff."What kind of mother wouldn't even go look for her son?"

  Martha stood up and turned to Aisha."I'm not going to sit here while this girl talks to me like a dog. I'll wait downstairs."

  "Kenisha, you've hurt Martha's feelings. Apologize. You two need to start getting along. After all, you're going to be staying with Martha from now on."

  Rolling her eyes, Kenisha said, "She has lost her mind if she thinks me and my kids are going to stay with her."

  "You can't stay alone anymore, Kenisha. Your doctor told us that you're going to need round-the-clock care." Again, Aisha's voice broke off.

  "Just take your mother home, Aisha. I've got a place to stay. I don't need y'all to help."

  "So now you don't want to be bothered with me either," Aisha said.

  "No, Aisha, I'm glad you came. I'm glad you and I are starting to get along better. But I can only take so much of Martha."

  Martha pointed a finger at Kenisha."Don't worry, little girl, you've kicked me around for the last time. But one day, you're going to beg to see me."

  "Don't hold your breath," Kenisha said as Martha stormed out of the room.

  Aisha stood up and glared at Kenisha."That woman has been crying her eyes out ever since I told her what's going on."

  "She's probably just drunk."

  "How can you be so cruel?" Aisha asked.

  "I'm dying, Isha. Guess I just don't feel like playing niceynice anymore."

  Aisha looked as if she felt Kenisha's pain. She walked closer to the bed and hugged her."I'll talk to you later, little sis. Keep your head up."

  Kenisha lay back on her pillow, grateful for the silence. The moment her mother had walked into her room, she knew that things were going to end badly. Ever since Martha had failed to protect her, Kenisha had despised the woman. Having Jamal at fifteen had been a godsend as far as Kenisha had been concerned. It gave her the incentive to get her own apartment at the age of sixteen. She'd only had to pay thirty dollars a month for the place, but Kenisha would have gladly given them her entire welfare check, just to get away from Martha.

  Why did the woman come around her now? Did she really think she could make amends for all the mothering she hadn't done when Kenisha was a child? And did she really think that Kenisha was going to let her children sleep in a house where Martha would be too drunk to know what was going on under her own roof? Fat chance. At this point Kenisha didn't know if she would even want her children to have a relationship with that "mommy dearest" after she died. No, it would be better if they stayed far away from Martha. Kenisha would make sure whoever adopted her children knew better than to try to keep her kids connected with Martha.

  "Hey, how are you doing today?"

  Kenisha turned toward the door and watched Deidre walk in."Doing okay, just making some plans, that's all."

  "Speaking of plans," Deidre said as she took her coat off and sat down, "have you decided whether or not you're going to move in with me and Johnson?"

  Kenisha had just told her mother and sister that she already had somewhere to go, but in truth she hadn't accepted Deidre's invitation and wasn't sure she wanted to."You and Johnson don't need me and my kids running around your house."

  "Johnson and I talked about this already. We want to do this for you, Kenisha. So, please let us help you."

  "Have you told Johnson the truth yet?"

  Before Deidre could answer, a nurse rushed into the room with release papers in her hand."You're all set, Kenisha. But you need to take it easy. I don't want to see you back in here for a long time."

  "I'll try," Kenisha told the woman with a smile.

  "Let me get the wheelchair, and we can get you on the road."The nurse left the room.

  Kenisha then turned back to Deidre and asked again, "Well, did you tell him?"

  Deidre shook her head.

  Slamming her fist against the mattress, Kenisha chided Deidre."I don't have much time left, you know. Maybe if you told Johnson the truth, he'd be willing to take my kids, rather than wait for a newborn."

  "I'm hoping that Johnson will come to that conclusion on his own."

  "After what you told me the other night, I can understand that," Kenisha said, then added, "But what if you never conceive? My children need someone now. If you let this opportunity go, they are going to be piecemealed from one family to the next, while you and Johnson are still childless."

  "Do you really have to be so harsh all the time?"

  "I'm not trying to be harsh. I just wish you would face the facts, so we can help each other." Kenisha had thought about their predicament all night. Deidre was childless, but she and her husband desperately wanted children. Kenisha's children were already fatherless and would soon be motherless. So, the way Kenisha saw it, Deidre and Johnson needed children to love, and her children needed parents—it was a perfect fit.

  "Johnson is having so much fun with the kids. I just know he'll make the right decision. You just have to give me a little more time."

  "I'm running out of time," Kenisha said matter-of-factly.

  When Deidre didn't respond, Kenisha said, "Maybe I should move in with you. That way, Johnson might just fall so in love with my kids, that he will forget all about adopting a newborn."

  The nurse strolled back into the room with the wheelchair. She looked around the room."Do you have everything?"

  Kenisha pointed to the bag next to her bed."I put everything in there."

  "Well, let's get going," the nurse said as she helped Kenisha off the bed.

  When they arrived home, Deidre found Johnson rolling around on the ground in the backyard with Jamal and Diamond. She was taken aback by how childlike he looked, laughing and giggling with the kids. Then Mother Barrow's prophecy ricocheted in her head: Your house will be filled with laughter, love, and children. At the time, Deidre had thought the prophesy cruel, because as the years passed and they remained childless, the only prediction that was spot-on was the one that came from her doctor—she would never have children. But as she watched Johnson with Kenisha's children, she wondered if God had shown Mother Barrow a vision of these children. And if the love and laughter in her home would come from them.

  Deidre decided to leave Johnson alone with the kids a little longer, to give him some more bonding time. She
turned away from them and headed back into the house.

  Johnson jumped up and ran after Deidre."Hey, did you need me?" he asked when he caught up with her.

  The look in his eyes was joyful. The joy had been missing in Johnson's eyes for the past few years. Deidre had been praying desperately to get pregnant so that Johnson could get his joy back."I just came to tell the kids that Kenisha is in the family room."

  "They'll want to know that." He turned back to the kids and yelled, "Come on in, your mom is waiting for you two hoodlums in the family room."

  Deidre poked him."Don't call them hoodlums."

  "If you had seen the way these two kids hemmed me up, you'd call them hoodlums too," Johnson said good-naturedly.

  Deidre could tell he loved every minute of whatever game he, Jamal, and Diamond had been playing."Where is Kennedy?"

  "Napping. She counted to ten, said her ABCs, and spelled a few three-letter words like cat and dog for me. Then I guess she just got tired, because she told me that she wanted to lie down."

  Jamal and Diamond ran past them as they went inside the house.

  "She knows how to spell?" Deidre asked in astonishment.

  "Yeah. Whatever Kenisha has been doing with her kids, it's been working. They are smart little kids."

  "I know Jamal gets good grades, but I had no idea that the two-year-old could spell and count."

  Johnson put his arm around Deidre and escorted her back into the house."Let's go fix dinner for our full house."

  Deidre went into the kitchen and scrambled up some Cheeseburger Hamburger Helper. Johnson gathered the kids together, they blessed the food, and then they ate at the dining room table. Deidre went into the family room to check on Kenisha. She was reclining in a La-z-Boy with a warm blanket covering her body."Do you want me to bring a tray in here so you can eat?"

  Kenisha shook her head."I'm too nauseated to eat, and it hurts when I swallow."

  "You have to eat to keep your strength up, Kenisha."

  "I know. I'll eat later."

  Deidre went back into the dining room and ate her dinner with everyone else. But her mind kept drifting back to Kenisha. The girl had told her that she didn't have much time left, and the way things were going, Deidre was truly starting to believe her. Of course, she would continue to pray for Kenisha, but if things didn't turn around, Jamal, Diamond, and Kennedy would need someone. She looked at the innocent faces of the children before her, as they chowed down on a simple Hamburger Helper meal. At that moment, she wanted to beg Johnson to give up his dream of a newborn and embrace the kids who were right in front of them.