The Butterfly State

by Carol Coffey

  He was angry about Byrne taking his dad’s farm and had only wanted to scare his uncle that night. Liam knew that he had always been a disappointment to his father and wanted to do something to show Jimmy Kelly that he was a man. He felt angry as he watched his uncle spending money that should have been his dad’s in the pub that night and listened as his father recounted yet again the story of how Byrne had taken his livelihood from him, a story Liam had heard throughout his childhood. Liam had been drinking all evening and had followed Byrne from the pub without giving much thought to what he would do when he caught up with him. On the road outside the village, he followed closely behind Byrne which made Byrne nervous and caused him to fall down by the lakeside. Liam remembered laughing to himself as quietly as he could. When he caught up to Byrne he found him bleeding at the side of the lake, a large cut dripping down his forehead. Delighted to find Byrne in such a weakened position, he hit the intoxicated man with his fist twice, but Byrne tried to fight back and held on tightly to his legs and tried to raise himself off the ground. Liam was taken aback by the strength of the man. He became frightened and began to sober slightly, wondering what madness had possessed him to do this. He just wanted to get away and grabbed a rock, hitting Byrne twice in the face to loosen his grip before falling to his knees a few steps from where Byrne lay, still reaching out into the darkness. He vomited a little, sickened either from the drink or the blood that trickled down Byrne’s face. He spotted Byrne’s wallet on the ground and quickly took fifty pounds that Byrne must have earned in the mart that day, money that would have prevented his father from working long hours on building sites in Dublin and beyond. He moved quickly towards the lower end of the lake but thought he spotted Seán Byrne coming towards him and hoped his cousin did not see him. He ran the entire three miles to his home, his heart pounding and fear choking the breath out of him with each step he took.

  When the news broke that Byrne was dead, Liam was shocked as Byrne was still alive when he left and he hadn’t meant to kill him. He thought about telling his father that he was there, that he thought he had seen Seán Byrne at the lake but knew it was better to keep his mouth shut. Now that he was sober, he couldn’t fathom why he thought his honest God-fearing father would be impressed by his behaviour. The following day he attended Mass in Knockbeg and prayed for forgiveness, discreetly throwing the fifty pound note into the Poor Box.

  Liam read about how his cousin Tess had reportedly seen McCracken at the lake and wondered now if it was him and not Seán that he had seen. He felt guilty about letting Tess take the blame for all those years but knew that he couldn’t admit it now. Liam couldn’t let his father know what he had done that day although he had wondered over the years if Jimmy Kelly had always suspected him, insisting Liam leave the pub with him whenever there was talk about Michael Byrne’s murder.

  He folded the paper and looked out through the dirty window of his flat and watched as a bluebottle tried to escape from a large web in the corner of the window. He would wait it out. He would lie low until he was sure it was safe to return home, if ever.

  Chapter 49

  January 1982

  Tess Byrne woke early and decided to walk down to edge of the lake, to the area where her father had been killed, for the first time since she had returned to Árd Glen. Kate was still sleeping soundly and Tess delighted in the part she had played in making her sister happy again, scribbling out her sister’s name on her list the night that Dermot had returned to them.

  As Tess left the house, she noticed a piece of white paper stuck to the tractor, the message that she had left for Dermot the morning of the accident. She removed it and looked at the drawing which depicted Dermot, Kate and herself as a family with no Seán or Ben and she wondered how she knew this would be the way things turned out. She had not meant for her brothers to die. She had only wanted Seán to take the keys that morning so that Kate would make him leave the house and she wouldn’t have to be frightened of him any more. Tess stood still for a moment, her head bowed, and began walking towards the lake, walking to the place where it had all begun.

  As she stood by the water’s edge and stared into the calm blue water, memories of that fateful morning came back to her and seemed clearer to her than ever before, transporting her back to the day when her life changed forever. She could see herself standing there, a little girl wearing her good shoes and dress, knowing she would have to be ready for Kate’s shopping trip to Knockbeg that morning. When she saw Michael Byrne asleep beside the lake she remembered feeling frightened as he smelt of whiskey. She did not want to wake him and sat at the water’s edge looking for butterflies until she became bored. She noticed the lovely rock beside her father and lifted it to look at the shiny bits as the sun climbed steadily over the mountains. She squealed when she saw the blood on it and quickly rinsed the rock by the water’s edge. When the long bright rays of early morning sunshine filtered through the gap in the mountain range, she noticed that there was blood on her father’s face and she could hear him making a gurgling noise from his nose which was twisted to one side. She wondered if he had fallen. She hated blood and shivered as she splashed water onto his face to wash the blood off, being careful not to wet her good dress and shoes, but it did not work. She knelt down and lifted his arm up, pushing his shoulder towards the water until she turned his upper body over. Her stomach turned as she put both her hands around his face and turned his head downward into the water, shaking his head around to make sure the blood came off this time. He made another gurgling noise and Tess worried again that he might wake and shout at her but he did not move. Pretty bubbles moved upwards from her father’s mouth to the surface of the water which intrigued Tess and she stood and watched them until they stopped. When she tried to turn her father’s head around, his arm moved forward into the water. She tried to pull it back but it was very heavy and she could not move him. Her feet slipped and her good shoes got wet so she began to cry, knowing Kate would be angry with her yet again.

  She heard a noise and looked up to see a man she first thought was Seán standing above her in the early dawn light. She stared at his face which he tried to hide with his hand. He asked her who her mother was. His tooth was broken which frightened Tess and he had blood on his hands which were cut and dirty. The man was a stranger and Tess was afraid of him and could not speak. She watched as he looked at her father and stared wide-eyed at her before grabbing her by the dress and pushing her back onto the reeds, telling her not to tell anyone she saw him and telling her to stay there until he was gone. He did not seem to care that he had put blood on her dress and that she would be in even more trouble with Kate. Tess’s chin quivered as she remembered that morning in detail and realised that nobody had asked her about the good thing she did that morning, trying to clean her dad’s face in the water so he wouldn’t look so dirty but everyone asked her about hitting him with a rock which she did not do so she didn’t know how to answer them. Some of the men asking questions that morning seemed angry and shouted at her so she became frightened and could not speak. She understood that this was her condition but very few people understood that. Very few people except Leroy, Dr Cosgrove, Dermot and Kate knew how to ask her questions in a way that she understood, in a way that she could answer them.

  Kate had told her that they should get on with a new life now and that they should try to forget about what happened and Tess thought this was a very good idea. Tess took one last look at the water andthrew the drawing of her and Kate and Dermot in, watching it float away in the deep blue water. Her plan had worked and her list was finished. Back at the house her “Butterfly State” sign swayed gently in the breeze. The red-haired caterpillars were gone and she had found Kate a new fiancé who did not want to take her sister away from her. Tess looked down and was surprised to see a caterpillar crawling on the ground near her feet. It was an unusual sight this time of year. She knelt down and picked up the small insect and watched as it crawled around the palm of her hand.

/>   “You’ll like being a butterfly,” she said softly to it before returning the frightened insect back to safety.

  She looked up at the clear blue sky above her. It was going to be a beautiful day.

  Epilogue

  Éamonn McCracken was found guilty of the murder of Michael Byrne and sentenced to life imprisonment.

  Sam Moran covered the case and hit the headlines with a series of exclusive stories about McCracken’s connection to the Byrnes.

  Jimmy Kelly returned to live in the old stone cottage he had grown up in, after Tess Byrne had it restored for him.

  Liam Kelly did well in the construction business in London and did not return to Ireland.

  After the birth of their baby boy, Kate and Dermot Lynch decided to stay and farm Butterfly State.

  Tess continued to paint the lake, selling her paintings to the art gallery.

  The End