Her Kind of Doctor

by Stella Bagwell

  The desire in his voice was real and it took away some of the sting she was feeling. “You don’t have to hang around just to appease me, Luke. I’m a big girl. I don’t cry just because I’m disappointed.”

  “No. You only cry when you hold newborn babies.” He slowly turned her so that she was facing him and the tender smile on his face warmed the chill that had briefly settled around her heart.

  With a tiny groan, she pressed her cheek tightly to the middle of his chest. “And I want you, too, Luke. Very, very much.”

  Suddenly his hands were in her hair, tilting her head back. When his lips covered hers, she snared a tight hold around his neck and kissed him with unabashed passion.

  Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard Samson’s tail thumping against the porch floor, the breeze rustling the cottonwood leaves and out in the farmyard a nanny called to her kid. But even those sounds quickly faded away as her head began to spin and her body burned with need.

  When the need for oxygen finally broke the kiss, she grabbed his hand and led him inside the house and straight to her small bedroom. At the side of the brass bed she began to remove her jeans and shirt while he dealt with his own clothing.

  If he felt any lingering reservations about being in her bedroom, he didn’t show it…until they were both completely unclothed and then he glanced toward the door that was still standing ajar.

  “Don’t you think we should shut the door? Just in case Gideon returns for some reason.”

  Laughing softly, she went over to the door. After shutting it, she turned the lock, just to make him feel more at ease.

  “Believe me, Hatti is going to have Grandfather wrapped up for hours.” She walked back to him and slid her arms around his waist. “Just like I intend to have you wrapped up for hours. I hope you brought protection with you. I’m not sure whether Grandfather keeps any condoms around the place. Although, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had some hidden away.”

  He pointed to his jeans on the floor. “In my pocket. I’ve learned to be prepared when I’m with you.”

  She pressed her body close to his. “Oooh. You make me sound like a brazen hussy.”

  “No, darling. You’re not brazen,” he whispered against the side of her neck. “You’re irresistible.”

  “Mmm. That sounds much nicer.” She cradled his face with her hands and though she knew her heart was shining in her eyes, she couldn’t hide her feelings from him. No more than she could hide how much her body wanted his. “Luke… I understand you don’t feel completely comfortable here—like this. But it’s special to me. And no matter what happens with us—I’ll always remember it as special.”

  He eased his head back until he was looking into her eyes. “You will always be special to me, Paige,” he whispered huskily. “No matter where we are.”

  Emotions were suddenly burning her throat and the back of her eyes, but this time she tried to keep them hidden as she brought her lips next to his.

  Words were no longer needed as the heat of their kiss exploded and before Paige could gather her scattered senses, Luke was making love to her with a desperation that stole her breath and pushed tears from the corners of her eyes.

  *

  Three days later, on a bright Wednesday morning, Luke was attempting to focus on the golf ball lying on the perfect green grass at his feet, but he wasn’t seeing the little white ball or the flagged hole some seventy yards away. Instead he was seeing Paige’s smiling face as she introduced him to the chickens and goats, to Samson and the wary barn cats. That day on the McCrea farm he’d never seen her so animated and happy. And as the day had worn on, it had become achingly clear to Luke that the farm was where she was meant to be. No matter how much he loved her.

  Loved her. Had it honestly come to that? Had he fooled around and lost his heart to the woman? Oh, God, the idea terrified him. Yet the idea of giving her up was even worse.

  “Are you ever going to swing?” Chet practically yelled at him. “We can’t stay out here all day. I have to be back at the hospital by eleven thirty. At this rate we’ll still be on the third hole when we have to pack up and leave!”

  “All right! I’ll just hit the damn ball and not care where it lands.”

  “You might as well. You couldn’t put it where you wanted it anyway. Unless you walked up there and laid it on the green.”

  Luke glowered at him. “Okay, Mr. Masters, we’ll see who finishes this round with the best score.”

  He swung the club with as much precision as he could and Chet laughed as it landed smack in the middle of a sand trap. “Uh, I think we know who’s going to have the best score.”

  By the time the two men had finished the hole, Luke had hit the ball so many times he’d lost count and Chet decided to take pity on him.

  “Let’s not even bother keeping score,” Chet told him. “I can see you’ve not got your mind on the game. We’ll just make this a morning for exercise.”

  Shaking his head, Luke let out a heavy sigh. “Sorry, Chet. I’m not being a very good golf partner today.”

  Chet stuffed his club back into the bag. “Work been rough?”

  “Actually, no. The past two shifts have been slow. A few bumps and bruises. Sniffles, asthma, heatstroke. That sort of thing. Nothing that has stretched me or the staff.”

  “I don’t understand how you emergency doctors do what you do. How you deal with the unexpected. On top of that you don’t have a long doctor/patient relationship to help guide you.”

  Luke grimaced. “I don’t want to build a bond with my patients. I see them once and usually never see them again. If they die under another doctor’s care, I thank God I don’t have to see it. Or know about it.”

  He shouldered his golf bag and started off down the fairway. Chet picked up his equipment and strode after him.

  “Why the hell did you ever become a doctor, Luke? Did you have some delusional idea that you’d never lose a patient?”

  Luke didn’t bother glancing at his friend. Instead, he lowered his head and marched forward, while the mental turmoil he’d been feeling ever since he’d driven away from the McCrea farm continued to nag at his thoughts.

  “I chose to become a doctor long before I lost my uncle, my wife and both my parents,” he said bitterly. “Once I left Baltimore, I decided the closest thing I’d have to a resident position was the ER. And that will never change.”

  Chet matched his stride to Luke’s. “You know, Luke, we all have our bad memories and demons that eat at us. How we deal with them is the important thing.”

  Luke scowled. “Did you bring me to the golf course this morning for a therapy session?”

  “No,” Chet said in a clipped tone. “We’re here for exercise and fresh air. Not for psychoanalysis.”

  Luke snorted. “I got plenty of fresh air over the weekend. I went out to Paige’s place. Did you know she lives on her grandfather’s farm?”

  Mildly surprised, Chet looked at him. “No. Only that she lived somewhere near Fallon. Why?” Chet asked curiously. “What difference does it make if she lives on a farm?”

  Luke halted in his tracks, forcing Chet to do the same. “Plenty,” Luke said as he faced his friend. “It’s not what I—”

  Luke stopped and caught himself. He didn’t want to say anything about the McCrea farm that would sound hurtful and snobbish. Chet would only misconstrue his words.

  What the hell is there to misconstrue, Luke? You’re a damn snob. You know it and pretty soon Paige is going to know it. And as soon as she does, she’ll send you down the road kicking rocks. Get ready for it.

  Shoving that dismal thought aside, Luke looked over to see Chet was waiting for him to finish his explanation.

  “It’s not what?” Chet prompted. “The sort of living experience you’d want for yourself? Well, I wouldn’t fret over that. If things really get serious with you and Paige, I imagine she’d be willing to live at your place.”

  Luke cursed at the hollow pain in his chest. He wasn
’t supposed to be hurting like this over a woman. He wasn’t supposed to be feeling this much.

  “You’re wrong, Chet. She’s already made it clear she won’t leave the farm for any reason. And even if she agreed to live elsewhere it wouldn’t be good—or right. She loves the farm. It’s where she belongs.”

  “Hmm. So you’ve reached a dead end. It sounds like it’s time for you to move on. There’s no sense in making yourself miserable just for the sake of a woman. You’ll find another one who’ll be much better suited to you than Paige. Besides, she needs a man who isn’t afraid to rough it. And you need a woman who—Uh, I’m not sure what you need, Luke. But I’m positive you’ll eventually find her.”

  Luke glowered at him. “I need for you to shut the hell up and finish this golf game! That’s what I need.”

  With a subtle smile, Chet gestured toward the sand trap where Luke’s shot had landed. “Lead on. And this time I’m keeping score. So get your head in the game.”

  *

  By the time Friday afternoon rolled around, Paige could plainly see that something was wrong with Luke. Even though they had just made love on his king-size bed, the act had been desperate and quick, leaving her to wonder if he was already growing tired of her body. Tired of her.

  That shouldn’t surprise her all that much, Paige thought dully, as she stared out the bedroom window at the sparkling patch of lake. David had needed another woman, other than his wife, to keep him happy. Why would she be stupid enough to think she could keep a man like Luke satisfied? She was deluding herself. Ever since Luke had visited the farm, she’d known there was no way he would ever be a permanent fixture in her life. She’d just not wanted to accept the cold, hard fact.

  “What do you see out there that’s so interesting?”

  His husky voice urged her to turn and look at him, but she kept her gaze frozen on the window. She didn’t want to be tempted by the sight of him lying on the bed wearing only a pair of boxers, his sandy hair rumpled from the rake of her fingers.

  “Just looking at the lake and thinking how every view from this house is spectacular. I suppose it all looks like a dream world when the ground and the evergreens are laden with snow.”

  “It’s nice.”

  She swallowed as her throat grew thick and achy. “When it snows on the farm Samson goes wild rolling in the stuff. With all that hair of his, he never feels the cold.”

  “I’m sure.”

  She bit back a sigh. “Grandfather always welcomes the snow. He likes the nitrates it puts into the soil. Saves him on fertilizer.”

  This time he didn’t reply at all and she turned to see he was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. So much for holding his interest, she thought glumly. For the past three days he’d been preoccupied and distant. And now as she looked at him, she decided all that thinking he’d been doing was about her and how he could untangle himself from their mismatched relationship.

  Her heart heavy, she gathered up her clothes and headed to the bathroom.

  Several minutes later, when Luke emerged from the house, she was on the shady end of the terrace, sitting in a lounge chair, drinking a cup of coffee. She noticed he’d pulled on a pair of blue jeans and a soft white cotton shirt left unbuttoned to the afternoon heat. His sandy hair flopped in disarray over his forehead and his feet were bare. He looked incredibly sexy and it was all Paige could do not to close the space between them and wrap her arms around him.

  “What are you doing out here?” he asked. “You left the bedroom without saying anything.”

  She shrugged one shoulder. “I tried to say something. You were…somewhere else.”

  He sank into the seat directly across from her and as Paige’s gaze traveled over his face, she could see signs of fatigue around his eyes and mouth. The lines and shadows hadn’t been evident a week ago, before he’d visited the farm.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I guess I was half-asleep.”

  She turned her attention down the sloped terrain to where the lake water lapped against an outcropping of rocks. Several feet in front of the boulders, a dead pine trunk had fallen into the water, creating a natural diving board for a pair of long-billed birds. Other than the whispering pines, the birds’ playful chatter was the only sound to be heard.

  “It’s very quiet here.”

  “Well, there’s certainly no rooster crowing, goats bleating or dog barking.”

  She couldn’t miss the tinge of sarcasm in his voice and it cut her deeper than anything he’d ever yelled at her in the ER. No, this remark was truly directed at her as a person.

  A crushing pain filled her chest as she leaned over and placed her cup on a small table. Her heart was tearing down the middle and the doctor sitting in front of her could do nothing to stop the painful malady.

  “Yes,” she said, her voice low and strained. “Some of us love animals. It’s a pity you can’t love. Animals or humans.”

  He didn’t make any sort of reply and she looked over to see he was staring at her as though she’d suddenly taken leave of her senses.

  “Why the hell are you saying something like that?”

  A vague smile tilted her lips. “There for a while I thought the old Luke was gone forever. I believed he’d never resurface. But I was wrong. Just like I’ve been wrong—about a lot of things.”

  He scowled at her. “You’re talking in riddles, Paige. Just say what you mean, okay?”

  She stood and stared down at him. “These past three days you’ve been very quiet and distant. And you want to hear something funny? A part of me has been wishing you’d start yelling. At least you would’ve been showing some sort of emotion. As it is…well, I want you to quit tormenting yourself like this, Luke. There’s no need for you to feel guilty about anything. We went into this with our eyes open. Now we’re seeing how things really are—we simply aren’t compatible. For us to continue on would be…pointless. That’s the problem that’s been on your mind, isn’t it? How to end things with me in a nice, neat way.”

  “No,” he said flatly. “That isn’t the problem.”

  She drew in a deep breath and fought to remain composed. But how could she expect to stay calm when her whole world was crumbling around her?

  “Don’t lie to me, Luke. I can take anything but that.”

  His jaw tightened. “What makes you think I’m lying?”

  She suddenly felt so insulted and degraded she desperately wanted to walk off. “My ex told me so many lies I became an expert at spotting them. And right now I’m looking at one big lie.”

  Compared to the stony look on his face, concrete would’ve been soft. “I am not your ex.”

  Her chin lifted and though she feared her voice was going to quiver, she managed to keep it straight and strong. “No. You would never marry someone like me in the first place.”

  His mouth fell open. “Is that what’s eating at you? You’re miffed because I’ve not mentioned marriage?”

  A mirthless laugh began to roll out of her and though she tried to stop the horrible sound, she couldn’t shut it off. Not until Luke jumped to his feet and grabbed her by the shoulders. His touch was like a sobering dash of water to her face and she stared at him with utter disappointment.

  “I might not be your kind of woman, Luke. But that doesn’t mean I’m stupid,” she said, then immediately shook her head. “I guess I’ve looked pretty stupid to you, though. Oh, God, how you must have been laughing at me the day you came out to the farm. I was so happy and excited to show you my home and all the things I loved. And all the while it was making you sick to think you’d been sleeping with such a hayseed.”

  “Paige, I—”

  “Don’t bother denying it, Luke,” she interrupted sharply. “That episode at the table—you were really sick. You were sweating bullets, wondering how a slick, educated doctor like yourself had gotten into such a fix. And frantically wondering how you could possibly climb out of it.”

  His face blanched white and Paige’s hea
d swung back and forth with self-contempt. “When you wanted to leave I should’ve kicked your ass off the place. Instead, I invited you into my bed—because I thought you were special. Special! Oh, God, forgive me for being so wrong!”

  Before he could utter a word, she raced off the deck and into the house. By the time Luke caught up to her, she was in the bedroom, stuffing her few belongings into a tote bag.

  “What are you doing? Running out? Like a coward?”

  She shot him a cutting glare. “You’re a good one to be talking about running—about not having enough spine! You can’t face up to your own past, much less me.”

  He stalked over to where she was standing in front of the dresser. “Okay, I’ll admit that some of what you said was true, but only a small part of it. You’ve twisted everything else to make me look like a heartless snob. Well, as far as I’m concerned, you’re too selfish to consider my wants and what’s important to me.”

  Her brows shot up. “What you want? So far I’ve not heard anything about what you want from me—other than sex.”

  His nostrils flared as he drew in a sharp breath. “You don’t understand.”

  The fire and anger suddenly drained out of her and in their place came a feeling of hopeless acceptance. “Yes, I do understand, Luke. And I’m sorry I got angry with you. I’m sorry I said those hateful things to you. It’s not your fault that you want different things than me and I want something else. That’s just the way it is. We’ve reached a point where we need to end this. That’s all.”

  He lifted his gaze to the ceiling. “What is so wrong with this place, Paige?”

  “Nothing is wrong. It’s beautiful. But I’ve had all this before, Luke.” She passed a shaky hand over her tangled hair. “David bought me a house that makes this one look simple. We lived in a gated community on a ritzy cul-de-sac. Every blade of grass, each shrub and flower, was perfect. And if it wasn’t perfect the gardener made sure it was corrected. I had a jewelry box full of diamonds galore and every other kind of gemstone. My closet was stuffed with designer clothes and David gave me a car that was so expensive I felt embarrassed driving it to work. Yes, I know all about having it all. It turned out to be having nothing that really meant anything. So you see, Luke, at one time I wasn’t a hayseed. I rubbed elbows with the upper crust. You would’ve been proud of me then. Too bad you can’t be now.”