Horse

by Talley English

  Teagan nodded. It was easy to forget to breathe on the cross-country course. She was focusing on keeping Ian moving and silently asking him to stay calm. She told herself to remember to breathe. She heard the announcer say her number and “Ten seconds” and start the countdown. She and Ian were behind the box. She didn’t enter it until the announcer was at five. Teagan walked Ian into the box, paused for a moment, then turned him around to the starting line.

  The announcer said “One,” and then said, “Have a nice ride.”

  Teagan’s heart was pounding, but she pushed Ian forward and was calm enough to answer, “Thank you,” as Ian left the box and broke into a powerful trot that Teagan was nonetheless able to hold him to. They trotted to the first obstacle, a friendly enough tree trunk, even though it was big, and Ian leapt over and landed in a forward canter. Teagan smiled as she stood in her stirrups and patted his neck. “Good boy. Let’s go,” she said, as they headed for the second jump on the rise of the next hill.

  Spoons

  The Garretts were from another century, Teagan thought. She walked into the kitchen of the eighteen-hundreds farmhouse to see if Lilly was there. On the old wooden dining table a pie and a braided loaf sat next to homemade preserves, herbed butter, a pot of tea under a hand-knitted cozy, and a stack of soft hand-embroidered cloth napkins. All of the Garrett children knew how to make homemade things, Teagan thought, with some jealousy. Even the boys could sew. She had attended Sunday school with Lilly’s brothers and remembered their embroidered Psalms were much neater than hers. In fact, one was framed and hanging on the kitchen wall. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. Teagan couldn’t remember what she’d done with hers. Lilly’s mother wasn’t there. The kitchen was inviting but empty at the moment. Teagan walked up to the table and looked at the food, like a feast in a fairy tale, and thought of the honey-colored table at Blue View Farm, where often it was just Teagan and her mother sitting down to supper, but Susanna kept automatically setting out four places at meals, and Teagan would pick up two place mats, two sets of cutlery, two glasses, and put them back. She looked out of the window and could see Lilly across the lawn carrying a bucket. Teagan went outside and saw everyone walking toward a small green and white barn.

  She ran outside past Charlie and Susanna and paused beside Lilly’s mother. Joan gave her a hug in greeting. Teagan waved to Lilly’s younger brother, Paul, and her father, Jim. She caught up with Lilly.

  “Hi.”

  Lilly saw her and looped her arm through Teagan’s. “Hi.”

  Teagan looked into Lilly’s bucket. “Apples?”

  “I was picking them. There’s a tree down the trail a little that has good ones.”

  “When did this barn appear?” Teagan asked.

  “It didn’t appear. My dad and I have been building it.”

  “That’s great. What are you going to put in it?” Teagan asked.

  “Dad and I are planning on getting horses. We have two stalls, and, you know, the field is big enough for turnout.”

  “That’s cool,” Teagan said. She could smell new paint.

  “It’s dry,” Lilly said, watching Teagan press a finger to the green wall. Lilly set down her bucket and lifted the latch on the main door. The two stalls were side by side and faced out.

  Jim was explaining to Charlie and Susanna how they’d gone about building the barn. Lilly led Teagan inside and showed her the small area for saddles and bridles and the new tall aluminum cans that could hold fifty pounds of grain and the hay storage on pallets at the back.

  “Looks like you are all set,” Susanna said.

  “I think we’ve got everything we need,” Jim said.

  “Except the horses,” Charlie said.

  Jim laughed. “Yes. We still have to find those.”

  Teagan stood looking around. She was thinking, her arms crossed. Lilly liked Ian. Teagan wondered if Ian might be happy living here with Lilly. Teagan didn’t want to think about Ian in the field at Blue View, with no one to ride him. It was her job to take care of him, but she was quickly feeling like she didn’t want to take care of him. Not every day. Maybe there were other things she wanted.

  “Where’s Seth?” Teagan asked.

  Seth was Lilly’s older brother. Teagan had always liked the look of him. She didn’t talk to him much, but she liked it when he was around.

  “He took the truck. I think he’s chopping firewood for the fire pit. There’s a tree that fell that Dad wanted cleared.”

  “So, have you looked at horses?” Teagan asked.

  “No. We’ve just been working on the barn.”

  “You know, Hope could probably help you,” Teagan suggested.

  “That would be great,” Lilly said.

  “I’ll ask her,” Teagan said.

  They wandered out. Lilly slid the lock shut on the main door. On the way back to the house they all stopped to admire the new fire pit, lined neatly with pieces of slate. Paul said they would have a fire and roast marshmallows after dinner. Susanna and Joan walked inside, involved in a conversation about gardening. Teagan took the bucket of apples from Lilly, put it on a chair, and started sorting through the top layer.

  “This looks good.” Lilly picked one and handed it to Teagan.

  Teagan shined it on the thigh of her jeans, then bit in. The flesh snapped in her teeth. Then Joan invited them all to serve themselves tea and bread and butter or jam, while she finished cooking the supper. She asked everyone to pick a glass from ones she was setting out, and a napkin, and to choose a place at the dining table. Teagan was by the table and picked up glasses and handed them out. Seth came in the door and said hello. He wrapped an arm around Teagan and squeezed. She indulged a moment in breathing in the scent of freshly split logs that came from him.

  As they all gathered around the table, casually jockeying for places, Teagan made sure to be on the same side as Seth, so he couldn’t see her eat. It was something new for her. She’d started feeling embarrassed eating in front of people she liked too much. Somehow her hands and mouth felt too awkward and she preferred to sit where she could glance at Seth but he might not notice. Teagan asked Lilly to sit next to her. Jim tried to put Susanna at the head of the table, but she refused and insisted that Jim sit there. Charlie waited quietly until everyone else had chosen to take a seat.

  When there was a big wooden bowl of salad on the table, and beautifully roasted pieces of chicken, and a bright orange mound of sweet potatoes, they joined hands and Jim said a grace. They filled plates and Charlie raised his beer. “To the cooks.”

  “To the cooks,” everyone echoed, and Joan gestured to Lilly and Jim, who had helped.

  Teagan tried her small glass of wine. It tasted sour to her and she pushed it away and pulled her water glass closer to her plate. Charlie and Paul were talking about what might happen if you rigged a sail to a canoe, and the grown-ups were talking gardening and types of compost.

  Teagan started asking Lilly about school, but this made her feel like a boring auntie, so she switched subjects and asked Lilly instead, “What kind of riding do you want to do?”

  “We’re mostly going to do trail riding, right now.”

  “You’re a pretty good rider, aren’t you?” Teagan said.

  “I took lessons,” Lilly said.

  “That’s what I meant. You could do shows if you wanted to, along with trails,” Teagan said. Teagan and Susanna had been to one of Lilly’s horse shows. Teagan had seen how quietly Lilly rode. She wasn’t aggressive in any way. She didn’t place, but she was gentle, and Teagan thought that was more important. Ribbons didn’t mean anything.

  “You should get an older horse. Something you won’t need to train,” Teagan said, realizing that she was talking to Lilly about Ian, to see if she would be interested in him.

  “That’s kind of what my dad said. I think he’s going to ta
lk to your mom about it.”

  “That’s a good idea,” Teagan said. She pictured Ian and then she pictured Lilly riding him. Teagan sipped the wine again to taste the bitter thought, which ended sweetly.

  With Charlie and Seth both at the table, the grown-ups had a clear shot and took advantage of it, asking what colleges Charlie had been accepted to and where Seth might apply. The two boys sat up straighter in their chairs and fielded questions. Teagan felt relieved to not be part of that conversation, until Joan turned to ask her about going back to Hunting Hill.

  “I’m not going back,” Teagan said, catching everyone’s attention.

  There was a slight silence, and Susanna said, “It will be good to have her home.”

  “I’m going back to Kerner High. I’ll be in classes with Grace. I’m looking forward to it,” Teagan said, employing the phrase Susanna had suggested she use. It sounded wooden to Teagan, but the grown-ups nodded happily. Since Robert had left, Teagan noticed that grown-ups talked to her differently. She sometimes felt that they were sorry for her, which confused her, because it wasn’t as if her father had died, he was just somewhere else. She didn’t know how to feel about it herself, but her mother seemed to expect her to be sad, or angry, or to do something to express sadness or anger.

  Teagan felt like everyone’s attention was still on her, so, without planning to, she made an announcement. “I think Ian would be a good horse for Lilly.”

  Joan and Susanna looked at each other, confirming something. Lilly looked at Teagan, smiling.

  “He’s perfect for you, don’t you think?” Teagan asked Lilly.

  “Sure,” she said.

  “Which one is Ian?” Seth asked.

  “He’s mine,” Teagan said.

  Seth opened his hands as if to say he needed more information and Charlie filled in the description of the horses at Blue View to help Seth figure out which one Teagan was talking about.

  “You just won something on that horse, didn’t you?” Seth asked.

  Teagan smiled down at her plate.

  “Teagan did very well at the combined training show,” Susanna said.

  “I didn’t win it.” Teagan laughed.

  “She looked so cool on cross-country,” Lilly said. “You take these jumps over a huge field.”

  “Cross-country is just kind of cool,” Teagan said, and Lilly agreed.

  “You could do that with Ian,” Teagan said to her, feeling earnest at last. “If you worked with Hope, you could start with pre-novice level. It’s easy and Ian already knows it all.”

  “That might be fun,” Lilly said.

  “It’s really fun,” Teagan said, and then she leaned closer to Lilly and tried to say just to her, “I’m just not riding that much anymore. I really think you and Ian would have a great time together.”

  Lilly smiled down at her plate.

  Charlie was looking at Teagan, his hand resting lightly around his beer on the table, as if he had forgotten to let go of it. Teagan felt his eyes on her and glanced up. He smiled at her but looked a little bit sad. Teagan straightened up and gave him a big smile and then dug into her pile of potatoes with her fork. Everyone was still too quiet. Teagan took an enthusiastic bite of chicken and saw Joan and Jim and Susanna leaning in and talking quietly. She heard Joan say, “Okay, we’ll discuss it.”

  Teagan felt her embarrassment begin to burn. They all thought that Ian was so important to her. She thought, hotly, that maybe she was not the girl they knew. She thought, I am a different girl now.

  Paul had asked Charlie if he was playing any club sports at college, and Charlie was explaining how the different teams were organized. Teagan thought they were off the subject when she heard Jim ask her if Lilly could come over to ride Ian to try him out.

  “Sure. She can come tomorrow,” Teagan said, deliberately not looking at her mother.

  The conversations rose in volume again and they all tucked in to their plates, eating every delicious bite all the way through to the lattice-top cherry pie.

  * * *

  —

  “Girls clear plates, boys light fires,” Paul called out, rising from his seat.

  “I want to light fires, too,” Teagan said.

  “You didn’t say it first.” Paul grinned.

  “Paul, you didn’t ask if everyone was finished,” Joan said.

  Paul looked doubtfully at the people sitting in front of their emptied plates.

  “Anyone want anything else?” he said. “There are some clean napkins and water left, I think,” he said, looking as if to make sure.

  Teagan and Lilly laughed. Everyone began to get up from the table and carry their own plates, but the boys went quickly outside.

  “You girls go too,” Joan said, ushering out Teagan and Lilly, while Susanna gathered plates.

  The wooden benches around the fire pit were Jim’s handiwork. Long, slender green sticks were leaning on a bench. Paul and Lilly had whittled them to points, perfect for spearing marshmallows. Jim and Seth rearranged the logs because Jim thought some of them were too green and would only smoke, but soon the fire was going and they all were sitting around it, as the sky blackened and the stars popped through. Teagan instructed Lilly on her personal favorite method of setting a marshmallow on fire on purpose, then blowing it out and pulling off the black, crisp outer skin, crunching it in her mouth, then sucking up the melted inside off the stick. Lilly tried it, but she didn’t like the burned bits as much as Teagan did. Lilly had the patience to turn her marshmallow slowly and let it toast lightly and not burn.

  Charlie and Paul talked, both patiently turning their marshmallows near an ember, browning them. Charlie perfectly roasted a couple and gave them to his mother. Susanna liked her marshmallows nicely browned, but when she was talking to Joan she kept distractedly catching fire to hers. Joan and Susanna gave up on marshmallows and sat back on their bench, discussing something about a trial.

  “Who’s having a trial?” Paul asked suddenly.

  Teagan was watching Seth snap twigs and add them slowly to the fire.

  Joan turned to Paul. “Honey, it’s a sad story. I shouldn’t tell it tonight.”

  “I’ll hear it,” Teagan said, sloughing off another marshmallow skin with her fingers.

  But Joan didn’t say any more. Teagan knew that she was a social worker and she sometimes had interesting stories about people’s lives.

  Seth tried to say quietly to Teagan, “Someone died.”

  “Someone died?” Teagan said too loudly and turned to him.

  “In the hospital,” Joan quickly filled in and gave Seth a disapproving look, but he shrugged. “You know, people try to do what they think is right,” Joan said, as if that explained everything.

  “But then some people end up dead,” Paul said.

  Charlie laughed and then swallowed his laughter.

  Jim put a hand on Paul’s shoulder. Paul busied himself with some sticks and pretended not to react to his dad’s touch.

  “Let’s hear the story,” Teagan said, thinking that was probably what everyone wanted.

  Joan was quiet, but she must have felt pressured, so she said, “There was a man who was supposed to receive daily in-home care, but some of those services are not as well organized as they ought to be.”

  “Daily care? So, someone forgot to check on him one day?” Teagan suggested, and Seth caught her eye and nodded.

  “Something fell through the cracks, you could say. Or someone wasn’t doing a good job,” Joan said. “He was not getting consistent care.”

  “I don’t know why he didn’t call someone,” Lilly said.

  “Or complain,” Teagan said.

  “Maybe he wasn’t able to call,” Joan said, thoughtfully. “Older people can become confused.”

  “He couldn’t call if he was dead,” Ch
arlie muttered for Paul’s benefit. Paul choked a laugh. Teagan looked at Paul and Charlie. She didn’t like that they thought a confused dying man was funny. Charlie was funny, he had a sharp sense of humor, but he could be mean, Teagan thought.

  “Was he dead when they found him?” she asked. She wanted to sound matter-of-fact, but she couldn’t help but picture a gruesome scene. She wanted to know if it could really be true.

  “He died in the hospital,” Charlie said, reminding them of the fact.

  “Right,” Joan said. “He ended up”—she trailed off, then finished—“not in a good way.”

  “Did he starve to death?” Lilly asked, and Teagan frowned for her benefit.

  Joan shook her head. “Honey, I don’t know the cause of death. Some people have a lot of medications and they can easily mix them up or forget to take them, and some people have serious medical conditions that need constant monitoring.”

  “I thought you did say that he wasn’t getting enough to eat,” Paul said.

  “I don’t know if I said that,” Joan said. “And, Paul, you can’t repeat these things.”

  “We don’t know who he is,” Seth said.

  “He was dehydrated,” Joan supplied, in a succinct tone. “Certainly his health was compromised, and he declined, even in the hospital.”

  “Someone’s getting sued,” Charlie said.

  “He can’t sue,” Teagan said.

  Seth snorted. Teagan hadn’t meant to make a joke, but she smiled as if she had.

  “Somebody is in trouble, if there’s going to be a trial,” Charlie said.

  Teagan shook her head at him. How did he know anything?

  “The suit has to do with neglect,” Jim said.

  “It’s a locally run company. It’s very sad. I’ve worked with them for several years,” Joan said.

  “So why didn’t this man’s family take care of him in the first place?” Teagan asked.

  “They didn’t live close by,” Joan said.

  “They didn’t want to take care of him. That’s why they hired strangers.” Charlie snapped a twig.