Horse

by Talley English

  One of the jackets turned and said, “Hi.”

  There was a folding table and a bloody paper plate piled with raw hamburger patties and another piled with hot dogs. An old-fashioned metal grill was set in one side of the fire pit.

  “Hi. Somebody at the lodge invited us,” I said.

  “Sure. Glad you’re here.”

  “Who was it, d’you know?” another jacket asked.

  “I don’t know. He had a blue shirt on,” I said.

  A cowboy stepped closer. “There’s beers inside. Help yourself and come back out for a burger.”

  We said thanks and walked to the house. In the open living room there weren’t just cowboys; there were cowgirls, too. Maybe they weren’t cowgirls, but there were more jeans and boots, western shirts with pearl buttons. Grace and I looked like we had gotten lost on the way to the gym, in our sneakers. By a blue cooler we met Billy, and next to him was Doug. I drank a beer too quickly. Billy casually scooped up another for me. We talked with them. Soon Doug was talking only to Grace. At one point I saw him tug on the sleeve of her shirt. I watched them for a moment.

  Billy saw me looking. “He’s okay,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said.

  Doug seemed okay to me. I sipped my beer and over the heads of cowboys saw a long bleached skull on the wall. It wasn’t a deer. I’d seen those. It was a horse. I gestured with my beer.

  “That’s a horse skull, right?”

  Billy looked around. “It is a horse skull. Never seen one?”

  “Not on a wall,” I said.

  “Why’s that?” Billy asked.

  “I think the riders I know would bury a horse.” I thought of Ian, and I thought of myself.

  “They ain’t pets so much, here,” Billy said.

  “The riders I know spend so much time on one horse.”

  Billy laughed and walked over to the beer cooler, but I was glad he came back. While he was gone I looked over at Grace. She and Doug had moved farther away, but she caught my eye and checked in. I smiled at her. I thought about saying we should go out to the fire and get some food, but I just never did, so the second beer hit me. I started liking Billy’s looks. I checked out his boots.

  “Like your boots,” I said.

  “Had these for five years,” he said.

  There was something wrong with our conversation. We weren’t hitting it off, but I stayed and Billy stayed, too.

  “Where do you live while you’re here?” I assumed cowboying was a seasonal job.

  “In a house on the other side of the creek.”

  I wished I hadn’t asked, in case he thought I wanted to go there. “That makes it easy to get to work,” I said.

  “I’m up at five,” he said.

  I stopped myself from saying, That’s early. I finished my second beer and without thinking, used both hands to crush the middle of it, for something to do.

  “Want another?” Billy said.

  “Sure,” I said, wondering what I thought I was doing.

  Billy got me the beer and I popped it open and took too big a swallow and coughed. Billy smiled and patted me on the back, then he dug into his pocket and pulled out a roll of breath mints. He offered one to me. I took it. While I was trying to pop out the mint with my thumb, I saw him look across the room. I popped the mint in my mouth and handed the roll back to him. He shoved the roll in his pocket, smiled at me, and walked away.

  I didn’t know what to do. Grace didn’t seem to be in the room anymore, so I used that as a reason to walk outside. The cold air hit me and I felt more awake but felt the beers in my system, too. I was drinking the third way too fast. I thought I should go see if there was food by the fire when I heard my name called. I wasn’t sure where Grace was. She stepped onto the porch and Doug appeared with her. He fit his arm around her waist.

  “Where are you going?” Grace said.

  I meant to say that I was going to get some food, but instead I said, “Back to the cabin.”

  “Already?” Doug said.

  “I want an early night. We’re climbing tomorrow,” I said, looking at Grace.

  She looked right back at me and nodded. “I’m going to go, too,” she said to Doug.

  Doug glanced at me. To him I thought, Yes, I am taking your girl, and so I stepped away so they could say goodbye or whatever it was they needed to do.

  I walked off the porch into the dark between the light from the house and the light from the fire, and waited there.

  * * *

  —

  Morning sun lights the stream. Two horses graze. From here there are no fences I can see. Past the barn, two young boys walk. They wear plaid coats, and I think how nice it must be for them that they can walk out on this land and be kids alone. They approach the horses. The bay ignores them, but the Appaloosa lifts her head and one boy strokes her face. I want to remember this. The boys over there, early blue sunlight, and the horses, easy, standing close by, and the interest the boy has in the horse, and the horse in the boy, in the early canyon morning. Grace comes onto the porch, coffee cup in her hand. She leans on the railing, her back to the stream, and sips from her mug. Since there is coffee, I get up to get some. As I walk outside again, I have a clear sense that I am plainly earth and muck, a body at work in habitual rhythm, a heart that beats. In the furrow of our hours, all things cede to love.

  Epilogue Two: Horseshoe Canyon

  Grace led the way up the trail to the cliffs. She carried a map. Teagan knew it was a map of climbing routes, but she hadn’t looked closely at it. She watched Grace hold up the page of squiggly black vertical lines and compare it to a rock face that rose far above their heads. Grace looked from the lines to the rock and said, “I think we want the next one.”

  Teagan smiled. She looked at the valley they had walked through. “Look, those can’t be sheep.” She saw a group of animals moving slowly toward the trail she and Grace had come up.

  “Those are goats,” Grace said.

  “It looks like they’re following us,” Teagan said.

  “There’s this beautiful herding dog that stays with them.”

  “What’s beautiful about him?” Teagan asked.

  “He’s got a look of patience.”

  Teagan looked at the goats again. She couldn’t make out a dog among them.

  Grace started along the narrow path below the cliffs. Teagan followed. When they were at the climb Grace had chosen, they started unpacking the gear. Teagan could be helpful in organizing, but she didn’t ever want to be responsible for the equipment herself. The climbing ropes, harnesses, belay device, and metal pieces of protection to place into crags to create a system for holding the rope, these were a new vocabulary for her.

  From her backpack Grace pulled the tight-fitting rubbery climbing shoes. She tossed Teagan her pair. Teagan looked around for a good rock. She moved off the trail to sit down on one. Grace sat down on a different rock, closer to the path.

  Teagan pulled off her sneakers, then looked the way they had come. She said in a quiet voice, “Grace, there’s your dog. He’s huge.”

  They watched the enormous figure of the dog coming closer, his head down, moving through his familiar territory. It wasn’t like seeing a dog; it was like observing an animal in the wild. He would pass right in front of them if he kept his direction. He approached and they stayed still. When he reached Grace, he paused for the smallest moment and laid his chin on her bent knee, and then trotted on, as if they were already forgotten.

  Acknowledgments

  With heartfelt thanks to everyone who read a version of Horse, for your time and care, and for encouraging me to press onward. Writing requires community, and I thank my community for much support, especially Madison, Beth, Diana, Ayesha, and four more. Thanks, Maple, for scribbling on some pages, and Bel, for being wonderful. Thanks to Trina fo
r sharing her bravery and curiosity. Thanks to some horses and other animals.

  A NOTE ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Talley English received the Academy of American Poets’ Gertrude Claytor Poetry Prize. She lives in Charlottesville, Virginia, with her family.

  An A. A. Knopf Reading Group Guide

  Horse by Talley English

  The discussion questions and suggested reading that follow are designed to enhance your group’s discussion of Horse, a novel by Talley English.

  Discussion Questions

  From the first section of the novel Found, what do we know about the French family? What is their life like? Do they seem close with one another?

  What might we be able to understand about Teagan’s personality based on her interactions with animals?

  What does it say about Teagan that she is more interested in adult barn cats than she is in newborn kittens?

  How do the various responses to Robert’s new BMW differ among members of the French family? How would you describe the overall feeling of the situation?

  What does Teagan’s acceptance to the Hunting Hill School mean for her? What impact might it have on Susanna and Charlie?

  Reflect on and discuss the similarities and differences between Teagan and her new friends at Hunting Hill. Do they seem to get along? Why or why not?

  How might you describe Robert and Teagan’s relationship at the time when Robert picks Teagan up for lunch? How do they interact with each another?

  Midway through Horse, how do Teagan and Ian respond to each another? How does this differ from their early interactions? Why would they behave this way, in your view?

  Consider Susanna and Teagan’s decision to burn the wedding invitation. Why is this an emotional scene? What are the implications for Susanna and Teagan?

  Why does Teagan not seem to thrive at Hunting Hill? How would you characterize her friendships there?

  How do Teagan and Charlie differ in their interactions with Robert? Do you find one approach more relatable than the other?

  Note any key similarities and differences between the French family and the Garrett family. Would you describe one as happier than the other?

  Reflect on Teagan’s reaction to Ian’s death. Would you say that Teagan’s response is more internal or external? Discuss the various ways that people respond to grief.

  Would you say that Robert’s death comes as a surprise? How does Teagan react to the news? Does this response align with our understanding of Teagan as a character? How does this situation compare with the death of Ian?

  Describe the scenes that are presented to us in the epilogues. What might the future hold for Teagan? How has she developed over the course of the novel?

  Consider the title of the book. In what ways is the title fitting, and in what ways is it surprising?

  Suggested Reading

  Atwood, Margaret. Cat’s Eye.

  Cisneros, Sandra. The House on Mango Street.

  Cline, Emma. The Girls.

  Dillard, Annie. Pilgrim at Tinker Creek.

  DiSclafani, Anton. The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls.

  Erdrich, Louise. The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse.

  Ishiguro, Kazuo. Never Let Me Go.

  Munro, Alice. Lives of Girls and Women.

  Patchett, Ann. Commonwealth.

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