by Amy Bratley
‘OK,’ Joe said. ‘Just let me get my wallet and stuff.’
Joe jogged up the steps to the front door of the flat and disappeared. While he was inside, I sat waiting in the car feeling irritated that Joe had doubted my business acumen. OK, so I might not be the most organized person in the world – or the best haggler – but Isabel and I had done our homework. He knew that. Why throw doubt onto the table when I was just about to open? There was no reason to believe we – I – couldn’t make a go of it. Yes, it was going to be hard work, yes, it was a risk, launching a business in the midst of a recession, but I believed that the combination of footfall, area, relatively low rent and my homemade cakes was a winning idea, not to mention the personal touches I had up my sleeve that I knew would appeal to the crowd that lived down there. For a second I let myself think about Ethan’s reaction to my cafe plans. ‘Perfect,’ he’d said excitedly. ‘That is so you.’ But Ethan always said what you wanted to hear, I thought. That was one of the reasons why people liked him. Joe was just looking out for me, wasn’t he? Perhaps he was feeling last-minute nerves, just as I was. I sighed and chewed my thumbnail, watching a girl on the opposite side of the road lock up her bicycle and go into a flat. She was tall and blonde and looked a lot like Dominique.
Moments later, Joe appeared again. He walked towards the car, then got in, wound down the window and turned on the radio. On the way, Joe tried to convince me that I should speak to the bank again, but the more he pushed, the more resolute I became.
‘I’m just thinking,’ he said, ‘that if it all goes wrong, you won’t feel so bad if it’s the bank you owe money to. If it’s an actual person you know, things can get messy.’
‘I think it’s a sound investment for Andrew,’ I said. ‘I know I can make it a success. Why are you so down on the whole thing? This really isn’t much cash for him.’
Joe lifted his hands up off the steering wheel, as if in mercy, then put them back down again.
‘It’s not that,’ he said. ‘I’m not down on it at all, and I don’t doubt you for a minute. Like I’ve said before, it’s just that the recession is hitting small businesses hard. People are much less likely to spend money on going out for a coffee these days. Look at Starbucks. They lost millions last year.’
‘But Starbucks are a massive chain with zero personality,’ I said. ‘And people don’t want chains any more. People like independent cafes, with a unique personality that they can relate to. People want a local place that they can call their own, that makes them feel more at home in the big city. Plus, East Dulwich is crammed with yummy mummy types who are desperate for coffee and cake. I have researched this, you know, Joe, I’m not a complete airhead. We’ve been through all this, months ago. I’m meant to be opening soon, so why are you being all jittery now?’
‘I’m not being jittery,’ he said, giving me a look. ‘I’m just trying to think of us as more of a unit now, so what you do affects me too. Anyway, if it doesn’t work out – I’m not saying it won’t – but if it doesn’t we can always get started on having a family a bit sooner. Once I get a better job – and I’m going to, whatever happens with the cafe – we’ll be all right. I’m not putting on any pressure, I’m just saying, OK?’
I sighed heavily, wound down my window as far as it would go. The smell of bitter exhaust hit my nose.
‘Please, Joe,’ I said, as he swung round the roundabout at the bottom of Holland Park Road. ‘Stop talking about the cafe as if it’s not going to work out. I haven’t even opened yet. And I don’t want children yet. I mean, I do one day, but it’s the cafe I’m excited about now. You know that.’
‘OK!’ Joe said, swerving suddenly left. ‘Bollocks, I’ve gone the wrong way now.’
‘Just turn round then,’ I said huffily, staring out of the window with my arms folded. ‘Just go back.’
‘That’s easier said than done,’ he said, looking left and right, trying to work out which way to go, before indicating right and joining a stream of heavy traffic.
‘Maybe you should get one of those satnav things?’ I said.
Joe scoffed.
‘I have a brain, there are maps and signposts,’ he said. ‘I don’t need a computer to tell me where to go.’
‘OK,’ I said, resting my hands on my lap. ‘I’m sorry I spoke.’
We drove the rest of the way in silence.
I spent half an hour over coffee going through the business plans with Andrew, but he couldn’t really pay attention, with Ruby and Bella crying one after the other on loop. Anyway, he seemed sold on the idea the moment I walked through the door.
‘This sounds rather brash,’ he said. ‘But fifteen thousand is so little to me, I won’t notice it. Of course I’ll invest in your business. You seem to know what you’re doing and you’re opening so soon, I wouldn’t dare say no. As long as I can come in occasionally with these two for some moral support? They’re quite demanding! Much like their mother, who is having a spa day today, God love her. Oh, good Lord, Ruby needs her nappy changing and I think Bella’s bottle is still half full. Would you mind feeding her for me? If she doesn’t drink it all, she’ll never sleep. Exactly the same for me with champagne, of course.’
Andrew, his hair sticking up all over the place, dressed in a tracksuit top with baby sick splattered on one shoulder, handed Bella to Joe, followed by her bottle. The living room, where Andrew was camped out, was a bomb site. Moses baskets, feeding bottles, Babygros, cartons of formula, nappies and wipes lay in a general state of disarray on Andrew’s Persian rug. The French doors, leading out onto the garden, were propped open and the TV news was on with the sound muted. Joe and I sat on a leather sofa so enormous my feet were high up off the ground. Above my head was an original Banksy, probably worth a hundred grand, on the wall opposite a framed black-and-white photograph of Alicia wearing a big sunhat and standing in an apple orchard. I thought how lovely and gentle she looked, not at all the fierce creature Andrew described.
‘What do I do?’ Joe asked, looking awkward, holding Bella out at arm’s length. ‘God, I’m hopeless. I should get some practice in if I’m going to be doing this one day.’
I put my cup down on the table and helped Joe hold Bella properly.
‘Oh yes?’ Andrew said, looking from Joe to me. ‘Is there something I should know? I ought to warn you, expect never to sleep again.’
‘There’s nothing you should know at all,’ I interrupted, frowning at Joe. ‘You need to tilt the bottle a bit, Joe.’
‘I didn’t mean anything by that,’ he said, glancing up at me. ‘Just saying I haven’t a clue what to do with babies and hopefully, one day, I’ll be a dad. Don’t worry, Eve, I don’t mean today.’
I forced out a laugh, but I detected irritation in his tone.
‘Yes,’ Andrew said, laying Ruby down on a changing mat to change her nappy. ‘You’re wise to have kids while you’re fairly young. I’m almost forty and this is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever done! Alicia insists I do all the night feeds since she was the one who gave birth. I thought my job was hard work. Turns out I was wrong. It’s a breeze in comparison. Anyway, I should get these girls to sleep in a minute. Think I’ll join them if you don’t think me rude. It’s the only way I’ll get through the day. I’m supposed to be going for dinner tonight with a client.’
When Joe finished feeding Bella, he passed her back to Andrew who, with one baby in each arm, looked at us and yawned, clearly waiting for us to go.
‘We’ll go,’ I said hurriedly. ‘Of course we don’t mind. Thanks for the loan, Andrew, you won’t regret it. You don’t know what a difference you’ve just made to my life. Thank you.’
We stood to leave and Andrew shook Joe’s hand and kissed my cheek.
‘As long as you don’t serve fisherman’s stew in your cafe,’ he laughed. ‘Then all should be well.’
Back in the car, Joe and I sat in stationary traffic on Holland Park Road. Though I’d just been given a fantastic break by Andrew – and want
ed to be celebrating – the atmosphere in the car was tense. Joe hadn’t said a word since we’d left Andrew’s house. I clicked off the radio and shifted in my seat, so I was facing Joe full-on.
‘Are you all right, Joe?’ I said. ‘You seem really pissed off today. What’s wrong?’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ he said, looking forward. ‘I just feel strange about the whole Andrew thing. I wanted to forget all about that stupid Supper Club, put the whole thing behind us, and I guess that included the people you met. It’s all too linked with Ethan. Everything seems to be linked with Ethan – your sister and now this . . .’
‘That’s rich,’ I said crossly. ‘You set the whole thing up! If you hadn’t done that, none of this would have happened. Don’t forget that.’
‘I know, I know,’ he said, inching the car forward. He glanced at me. ‘I’m being uptight. Having my dad stay isn’t helping. He’s a bloody nightmare. You know what it’s like. Last night he stumbled in drunk and left the front door wide open, swinging on its hinges all night long. I woke him up this morning and was greeted by a half-eaten battered sausage and a glass of apple juice with about thirty cigarette butts floating in it by his pillow. He’s horrible, but I can’t tell him where to go, because he’s my dad. Christ, I’m being a pain in the arse today. Sorry, Eve. You got me my car back, too. I’ll get over it. Let’s do something good later and forget about all this. I hate moaning, it’s very dull.’
Joe’s dad was a constant blight in his life, bringing his mood down at every available opportunity. I thought back to when we were teenagers and it was Joe’s thirteenth birthday. His dad was supposed to be driving a group of us to Alton Towers for the day, but had been arrested for drink-driving the night before. My dad had stepped in and taken us instead, but Joe had been gutted.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘why don’t you come back to mine? Jimmy can put up with your dad for a while, can’t he, since he’s always out. Come back to my place.’
Joe nodded and gave me a smile.
‘Or we could look for somewhere new?’ he said. ‘I thought Battersea might be a good place to look. I’ve actually found a couple of flats on Rightmove.’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘We will do that. But just let me get the launch of the cafe out of the way first. In the meantime, come to mine?’
Joe squeezed my knee.
‘I know things have been strange between us,’ he said. ‘And I know it’s mostly my fault. But I know I can make you happy. Don’t forget my ultimate goal in life is to get a ring on your finger.’
He was trying to be sarcastic, but the joke fell flat. I shook my head in despair. Joe just did not get it.
‘Come on,’ he said. ‘I’m not being serious. Well, I am, but not really, oh Christ.’
He banged the steering wheel. I tried hard not to show him the annoyance that I felt, because I had no reason to feel annoyed.
‘You’re obsessed,’ I said before I could stop myself. ‘Why are you obsessed with getting married? What difference does it make to anything?’
‘I could ask you the same question,’ he said. ‘What difference does it make?’
‘None to me,’ I said.
‘Then why won’t you?’ he asked. ‘Just theoretically? If it makes no difference to you, but it’s important to me, then why not? This is my issue with you. It’s the principle of the thing. Each time you say no, you’re rejecting a future with me. I want to know why. I thought we were back on track. I thought you loved me.’
‘We are back on track and I do love you!’ I said, exasperated, wishing that someone would tell Joe that if he stopped asking me to marry him, I would probably want him to. ‘I don’t know what else to say. Can’t we just enjoy ourselves, just live for the moment and have a bit of fun? We’re still really young.’
I took a deep breath. I saw the disappointment pass across Joe’s face and I felt utterly exhausted.
‘I do love you, Joe,’ I said softly, resting my hand on his arm. ‘Please, please, please stop worrying.’
‘OK,’ he said, with a shrug. ‘I’ll take your word for it. Because that’s all I’ve got.’
‘That’s all you should need,’ I said quietly. ‘My word should be enough. Anyway, let’s change the subject?’
‘Yes,’ Joe said. ‘Let’s.’
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Half an hour later, Joe pulled up outside the cafe, where the door was slightly ajar. Maggie had offered to help out, so I’d arranged for her to meet Isabel there earlier that morning. Through the window, I could see the outlines of both of them.
‘Look,’ I said. ‘Maggie and Isabel are here already. Dad and Elaine will be here soon, to do the courtyard. Finally, it’s all coming together!’
‘You jump out,’ Joe said, the engine still running. ‘I’ll park up and join you in a minute.’
I opened the car door and stepped out onto the pavement. It was incredibly hot now and the sun beat down on my head like a metal sheet.
‘OK,’ I said, slamming the door. ‘See you in a minute.’
The rest of the journey from Andrew’s house with Joe had been awkward, with both of us not saying what we really felt. Neither Joe nor I was particularly good at confrontation, so any disagreements between us fermented like rotting fruit. At least we had settled on him bringing some of his stuff and coming back to my flat that night. I thought that would help put Joe’s mind at rest and push any thoughts of Ethan out of mine. It was worth a go, anyway. I crossed the pavement and pushed open the cafe door to find Maggie and Isabel inside chattering conspiratorially. They both turned to face me when I walked in and stopped talking. I rolled my eyes and smiled.
‘Hey,’ I said. ‘Sorry I’m late. What are you talking about?’
‘Hello,’ Maggie said. ‘We were talking about Ethan.’
‘Oh God,’ I said. ‘Well don’t. Joe’s about to walk in.’
‘Hi, love,’ Isabel said. ‘Look at these lovely walls.’
I put my bag down and admired the illustrations of lovebirds, with their beaks touching as if in a kiss, that Maggie had stencilled in black paint onto the lavender-painted wall. I burst into a smile.
‘Wow,’ I said. ‘That looks so fantastic!’
Maggie straightened up and stood back from the wall to look at her work.
‘Glad you like it,’ she said. ‘The walls should be done by the end of the day, then I’ll work on the window tomorrow.’
‘Thanks, Maggie,’ I said.
Isabel moved towards me and grabbed my hand. Her bare arms were tanned from the sun and contrasted dramatically with her platinum hair that fell over her shoulders like a velvet cape.
‘Come and see these chairs that were dropped off this morning,’ she said, pulling me towards the back of the cafe. ‘They are so gorgeous.’
I nodded and followed Isabel to a collection of chairs stacked up against the back wall. There were thirty oak chairs we’d got when a local school closed down for renovation and beside them were ten that had been reupholstered in bright floral fabrics. I glowed with happiness. They were perfect.
‘They’re so good,’ I said. ‘I can’t believe this place is actually coming together at last. I’ll definitely be ready for Dad’s party, too. You know the sign came? They delivered it to my flat. I’m going to unveil it later, when Dad gets here.’
The door opened and closed behind us as Joe walked into the cafe and said hello.
‘Come and see these chairs, Joe,’ I said. ‘And look what Maggie’s doing to the walls. Joe, this is Maggie, Maggie, this is Joe.’
Joe and Maggie nodded to each other and Isabel gave Joe kisses on both cheeks, pointing him over to the chairs.
‘Just the small problem of not having a decent oven, dishwasher, or second fridge,’ Isabel laughed.
‘I have a solution for that,’ I said brightly. ‘Andrew, you know the guy from the Supper Club? He’s going to give me the money, as an investment. I know exactly what we need so I’ll order it this afternoon. So, un
believably, we might actually open on time and we can have Dad’s party here, too.’
The mention of Dad’s party made me panic. It was Daisy who’d wanted us to organize the party in the first place and who’d suggested we have it here, but she hadn’t been in touch with me, so I’d decided to go ahead and sort it out with Elaine’s help. But the prospect of Daisy turning up, after everything that had happened, when we hadn’t even seen each other since, was terrifying.
‘Fantastic!’ Maggie said. Isabel clapped her hands together and cheered. Joe smiled at me half-heartedly, so I handed him a paintbrush and tin of white paint.
‘Let’s make a start on the woodwork,’ I said, nudging him playfully with my elbow. ‘Come on, Joe, be happy.’
Isabel glanced up at me quizzically, but I avoided her gaze. Joe took off his glasses and smiled.
‘I am happy,’ he said, brushing my nose with his paintbrush. ‘Very.’
An hour later my dad and Elaine arrived to sort out the courtyard. Elaine, being much smarter than I am at thinking ahead, had brought a load of deli sandwiches and bottles of drinks, which she laid out on a table. All I’d managed to provide was a never-ending stream of questions about what should go where, and I could tell everyone was getting sick of me. Maggie, Joe and Isabel tucked into the sandwiches with gusto, while I sipped a bottle of orange juice and pulled the corner off a baguette.
‘Not hungry?’ Isabel asked me.
‘Too nervous,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘It’s all feeling very real now. I wish you were going to be here for the opening.’
‘Me too,’ Isabel said, moving a crate of teapots off a chair, so she could sit down with her lunch. ‘I can’t believe I’m going next week, I really can’t.’
‘I need a strong man,’ Dad said from the doorway, ‘to help with the bath.’
‘That’s me, Frankie,’ Joe said, putting down his sandwich. ‘Let me help.’
Maggie, Isabel, Elaine and I watched Dad and Joe attempt to carry the bath, bursting with beautiful flowers, through the cafe and out into the courtyard. Dad had brought it from his garden, along with several other massive plant pots.