by J. L. Drake
I shrugged on my suit jacket and faced her. “Well?”
“Strapping!” She beamed at me. “Lexi won’t be able to keep her hands off of you.”
“Mom!” my mom snapped from the hallway. “What are you doing? Are you drinking? You know you can’t drink.” Her voice was raised because Mom didn’t know Nan could hear just fine, if not better than the rest of us.
“I’m seventy, dear. If I want a drink, I’ll damn well have one.” She tipped the glass back and downed the rest.
Mom looked at me. “You look lovely, dear, but if you could watch your Nan sometimes, that would be helpful.”
Nan rolled her eyes. “What would be helpful, dear, is if you could get a mini bar upstairs. That ramp is a real bitch.”
I bit back a smirk. Such a shit disturber.
Once Mom left, Nan’s expression became more serious. “Are you going to tell Lexi tonight?”
“I haven’t even told them yet.” I nodded outside my door.
“Maybe start with the one it will emotionally affect the most.”
I looked over, feeling uneasy. “Perhaps you’re right.”
I kissed her on the head and raced down the stairs. I knew this had to happen sooner than later.
***
Her head rested on my shoulder as we watched a movie at the drive-in. Clark and Elliot were out trolling for girls, and I was pleased we were alone. Prom was amazing, and now that summer had hit, it was time for us to do our summer kick-off at the lake.
“Hey.” I kissed her cheek. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Sure.” She sat up and turned her chair in the bed of my truck to see me better.
My hands twisted in the blanket. I needed to do this now or never.
“So, you are off to Boston University, and me…”
Her smile hit the corners of her eyes as she waited for me continue.
“I signed up for the Army.”
Her smile faded. “You did what?”
“Signed up for the Army.”
Her gaze dropped to her feet and her jaw locked in place. This wasn’t going to be good.
“Wait.” She held up her hand, and her mood ring flashed in the light. “But that means they can send you overseas.”
Shit.
“Yes, but, Lexi, they won’t.”
“Don’t lie to me, Keith.”
My eyes closed, trying to find the right words. “The odds are slim.”
Her hand rubbed her stomach, then she grabbed her bag. “Slim.”
“Where are you going?”
She climbed down carefully, sinking into the grass. “I need to be away from you right now.”
“Wait!” I followed after her. “Lexi, stop!”
“Why?” She swung around and pointed a finger in my face. Her eyes were glossy. “Jesus Christ, Keith! Way to make the biggest decision of our lives without me.”
“I didn’t mean to not include you. It’s something I have been thinking about for a while, and when they came to the school, it felt right.”
The way her face twisted meant this was far from over.
“Right.” She threaded her bag over her slender shoulder. “Anything else?”
I shook my head, tucking my hands in my pockets. She tilted her head back and let some tears slide over her flushed face.
“How could you do this? They’re going to take you away from me!”
“No, no, Lexi.” I reached for her, but she stepped back. Her head bent down, and her shoulders slumped.
“I…” Her hand covered her face as she caught her cry. “Of all the things you could have done!”
“This makes sense to me.”
“I thought we made sense!”
“We do! Lexi, please.”
Her head shot up and her anger flared. “Please understand?” she shouted, her outburst drawing the attention of a few people nearby. “Maybe I would have if you told me your plans instead of telling me after the fact!”
“Can we talk about this somewhere else?”
“Why?” She folded her arms. “You chose to bring it up here.”
“Please, Lexi.”
She let her head fall back as she let out a long sigh. Then she turned on her heel and rushed off. I wanted to run after her, but I knew better.
Lexi froze me out for six weeks. After that, I wasn’t allowed to bring up anything to do with the Army. If that was what it took to show her she meant more to me and that everything would be okay, I was fine with that.
CHAPTER FIVE
Several Years Later
Keith
“You gotta do what you gotta do, son.” My father sat across from me in my bedroom. “However, if it counts for anything, your mother and I are very proud of you.”
My uniform hung perfectly in the closet next to my duffle bag. The airline ticket stuck out of the zipper so only my name could be read.
Though I knew this moment could come, I didn’t realize how fast it would arrive when I joined the Army.
I could still remember the emotion I felt when the recruiter explained the benefits and lifestyle that came with the job. It still amazed me how right it felt, like something just clicked.
Lexi had been on a summer vacation with her family in Europe and was due to return tomorrow. She would start another year at Boston University the next week.
“I’m nervous Lexi is going to freak out.”
Dad put his hand on my shoulder. “She’ll be scared, but she’ll come around. She loves you. Besides, some more time apart may do you two some good.”
“Because only seeing her on weekends isn’t long enough?”
“Oh, she’ll freak out.” Two shrugged from the doorway. “You know I warned you about this. Lexi will be upset because you have known you were going to be deployed now since before she left.”
“I know, but I knew she wouldn’t go on her trip, and I didn’t want to ruin that for her.”
“That shouldn’t have been your choice to make.”
“Not helping, Danielle,” my father scolded Two.
“Truth hurts, big brother.” With that, she left, leaving me with a massive knot in my stomach. She was right. I kept this from Lexi because this was a trip of a lifetime that she and her family had been planning for years. I wasn’t about to take that away from her. Problem was, the opportunity came with a deadline, and I didn’t have a choice.
This is going to be hard.
The next day, I waited anxiously for Lexi to be finished with her meeting with her professor. Poor girl had to dive right into preparing for her classes. Thankfully, she was wired to work with numbers, so her major in accounting came naturally. She just had to get her books bought, and some other things lined up.
I pulled into her dorm parking lot to wait for her. I knew she would head back there after getting out of class. I raced to the stairs to meet her as she appeared around the building.
“Hey, you.” She leaped in my arms and kissed me like she did that very first time at her place. God, I missed her! “We need to be alone, because I have all kinds of dirty thoughts I think we should act out.”
And my news can wait…
Seventy minutes later, and I felt like I couldn’t move to save my life. Lexi was every man’s dream, wild in bed, sexy as hell, and she had a killer smile that could make me hard just thinking of it. Which only made this conversation more difficult.
“Lexi.” I pulled her from her sleep. “I need to talk to you about something.”
She rolled over and started to kiss my chest. Her lips did amazing things to my body. I ran my fingers through her hair and took a moment to savor this. Stay focused. I tilted her head and made her look at me. “I really need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” She sat up when she realized I was being serious. “Whatcha got for me?”
Her dark mocha eyes searched my face. It was now or never.
“Don’t freak out.”
“Don’t do that!” She shook her head. “S
aying ‘don’t freak out’ only makes me freak out harder. Just say it, Keith.”
“I was called to do a tour in Iraq.”
Her body froze, then she eased to the end of the bed. She quickly pulled my t-shirt over her head and bit her finger as she absorbed my news.
“This isn’t funny.”
“It’s not a joke.”
Her beautiful eyes met mine, and the expression in them told me I was in deep shit. Lexi and I had a unique relationship. The more we fought, the more we fell in love. I was hoping that was the case this time.
“So what does this mean, exactly?” She moved to the window as her voice dropped.
I pulled my underwear and jeans on in case her roommate returned. I closed the space between us.
“Lexi.” I kissed her shoulder, but she shook me off. I hooked my arm around her waist and held her tightly to my chest. “It means I ship out to Iraq in two days.”
“Two days! Are you fucking kidding me? How long have you known about this?”
I dropped my gaze to the floor. “Three months.” I held my hand up to stop her. “Understand I didn’t tell you because I knew how important this trip was for you—for all of you.”
Her hands knotted the hem of her shirt. “For how long?”
She knew the answer, because that was always a possibility when I joined the military. I knew she just needed me to say it, because then it made it real.
“A year.”
I felt her breathing hitch, but instead of our normal fight, she stayed silent. That was new.
“I know it’s sudden. I know I should have told you before, but that wouldn’t have changed the outcome.”
She wiggled out of my hold and rubbed her head with a sniff.
“We could have had the past two months together! We’re not some summer fling. We’ve been together for years, and you didn’t give me the chance to make my own choice whether to stay here or go on my trip. You decided that me for me again! Not us.” Her hand covered her mouth before she flinched to stop a sob. “You always said we were a team, and that we talk about everything, especially after what happened last time. But yet—” her chin quivered, “—here we are.” She turned away.
“Lexi.” My stomach hurt.
Her expression was pained. “If you really loved me, you would have told me what was going on. It’s not like we didn’t speak when I was away.”
“It wasn’t something I wanted to do over the phone.”
Her hands shot in the air. “So you thought waiting until two days before you left for war was a better option?”
“I know it looks that way, but I really thought at the time it was the right call.”
A long stretch of silence passed before she finally spoke. Her eyes moved to mine. “You’re breaking my heart in ways that can’t be repaired, Keith.”
“I’m sorry, Lexi, I am.”
“Sorry for deciding not to tell me? Or sorry because you wanted to spend the summer with your boys instead of me? I died a little bit every day in Europe wanting to be back in your arms, only to come home and find out you’re leaving for one of the most dangerous countries in the world!” She wiped her tears free, then stripped out of my t-shirt and chucked it at me. “Get out!”
“Le—”
“Obviously, I’m not your first priority.”
“That’s not fair!”
“Your boys are waiting.”
“You’re being unfair.”
“I’m being real, Keith. I’m making this decision. Now, get out!”
Just as I closed the door, I heard her whisper…
“I knew they’d take you away from me.”
***
Lexi
Seven missed calls, thirteen texts, and three attempts to see me had my stubbornness at full throttle. I hadn’t left my room since I kicked Keith out two days earlier. My roommate Jaci was now standing over me with a worried face.
“Lexi, he leaves in an hour. You need to see him.”
“Don’t,” I barely got out. The mention of him made my heart break over and over.
She sighed and picked up my phone and turned it around to show me. “He’s begging for you to see him off.” She sat down next to me and rubbed my back as I buried my head in my pillow. “I’m going to go there. What if this is the last time you ever get to see him? Would you be able to live knowing you pushed him away before you had one last chance to tell him you love him?”
I sobbed into my damp pillow. She was right, but he made a huge life decision without me. We were supposed to be a team.
“So…” She ripped the blankets off my two-day-old pajamas and smacked my butt. “Get your ass up and go tell the man you love that you’ll wait for him. Because that’s what you’ll be doing anyway.”
Fine.
A half an hour later, I jumped to avoid a puddle and raced through the automatic airport doors. My heart beat like a drum in my throat.
Where are you? Where are you?
Suddenly, I spotted army camo. “Keith!” I shouted and ran up behind him. I grabbed his arm and turned him around. Oh! My stomach sank as a dark-haired guy looked at me oddly. My gaze dropped to his name tag. Lopez. “I-I’m sorry.”
“No problem.” He grinned with a wad of pink gum between his teeth. “Hope you find who you’re looking for.” He shifted his bag and moved on.
My mind spun as I raced to the ticket agent. Thankfully, he was flying out of a smaller airport, so he should be easier to find.
“Excuse me, but where is flight UA765?”
She gave me a smile as she clicked away on the keyboard. “Let me see.” Click, click, click, click. Seriously, how long did it take to look up one flight? “Flight UA765 is on the taxi about to take flight.” She pointed to a blue and white airplane moving toward the runway.
No!
I raced to the window and felt my temperature drop.
“Sweetheart.” His soft tone sent me running into his arms. I loved Keith’s father. It was like he was my own. Heart of warmth.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” I cried, thinking what a selfish person I was. “I was so angry, then too late.” I wasn’t making sense. I only knew I let him leave without knowing how much I loved him.
I felt his mother rub my back, and we all held one another as we absorbed what had happened. Keith was gone.
“It’s just a year, Lexi. We can do that.” His father kissed my head as Nan rubbed the back of my hand. “We have one another.”
Problem is we can’t predict our future. We can only try and steer it the best we can.
***
Nothing felt right after Keith left, food tasted like sawdust, my grades slipped, even my beloved job at the art gallery didn’t have any appeal anymore.
Six months was a long time to not enjoy life and a long time not to speak with him. The two times he called, something came up over there, and we only had a quick hello and goodbye. It stung, but what could I do?
The phone rang and rang as I dashed to grab it next to my bed.
“Hey.” His voice traveled right to my heart.
Oh, I needed to hear him.
“Hi, how are you?”
There was a long stretch of silence. “Still mad at me?”
I looked up at the ceiling as my emotions came running to the surface.
“Lexi,” his voice was low but commanding, “you may hate me for my choice, but I still love you. Always will.”
Tears blurred my vision, but I managed to hold it together. “So, six more months to go?”
“Yeah.” He brushed off the topic, but I heard someone speak about a bombing that happened last night. “How’s school going?”
Jesus, our worlds were so different right now. It was hard for me to process that, for some reason.
“Okay,” he added when I didn’t answer. “I’m going to come at you from a different angle. “Let me tell you about my life right now.” I swallowed hard and tried to focus. “I sleep. I have nine other bunkmates. I get
up when the sun rises, run drills, then we do our run through the streets of the town. Mostly, I’ve seen a lot of goats.” I smirked at his comment. “When we’re back at the base, we play a lot of cards, baseball, and soccer to make the days go by faster. What helps the best is…” A strange sound made the phone sound funny. “This.” I wished I could see him right now. “I’m holding your photo in front of me. I miss you—oh, I miss you so damn much, Lex. I hate that I didn’t get to say goodbye to you, but I understand. If it counts for anything, I like it here. For whatever reason, the Army makes sense to me.”
I found my walls starting to build back up. It was selfish, but I hoped he would hate it and want to come home.
“I came to the airport, Keith. I came to see you off.”
“You did?”
His dad must have wanted me to tell him. I should really thank him for that. He cleared his throat.
“Keith, when you’re done…” a voice said in the background, sounding close. My stomach sank. Not again!
“Yes, sir,” he acknowledged before he tuned back in to my call. “Sorry.”
“Wow.” I felt strange. “Guess you never will be Brandon.”
He let out a small chuckle, and again I could hear something was there. He liked this life. “No first names in the Army; not that Brandon ever stuck, anyway.”
A weak smile spread. I wished I would stop dwelling on everything. This wouldn’t help him get back home safely. I really needed to pull my shit together.
“So,” his voice was low, “what were you going to say to me at the airport?”
I licked my lips and went with the truth.
“That I’m mad at you for leaving, that I’ve never cried so hard over someone until then.” He made a noise, but I kept going. “But even though I don’t understand it, if this is something you need to do, then…I’ll try.” I leaned back against the wall and remembered what he said to me earlier. “Because I love you, Keith, always have, always will.”