There Once Were Stars

by Melanie Mcfarlane

  “Grandfather gets out tonight. I had been sure he was going to disappear, like the others. Is that what you think happened to all those missing people? They took a little stand against the Order and were locked up on B2?”

  “It’s easy to get away with bullying the innocent when you have a B2,” Evan says. “But that still doesn’t account for where those screams are coming from.”

  I look away, tears filling my eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” Evan asks, sitting up. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “It’s not that. It’s hard, knowing I may never see him again. What if he has to participate in the Last Banquet, and I don’t get to see him again?”

  “Your dome still does that?” Evan’s face is lined with disgust. “With any luck we’ll prove the outside is safe, and no one will be forced to end their life again.”

  Live outside? Now I see why the option was so appealing to Mom. Move to the outside and save so many lives. “I wish I wasn’t alone to deal with it all.”

  Evan’s brows push together. “You’re not alone. I’m here.” He looks down and fidgets with the blanket again. “I don’t want to lie to you, Nat, but I need to tell you something. You can’t tell anyone. I want you to—trust me—so I’m going to trust you and tell you why I’m really here. I’m not only here to protect you, I’m here to investigate your dome.”

  “Investigate?” I swallow a lump that has formed in the back of my throat. “Why?”

  “This is Alec’s idea,” Evan explains. “Your mother stumbled across something—something your dome is hiding.”

  “Mom did? What?”

  “Yes.” He nods. “Alec saw her the night before she was killed. She told him she hid some clues in her notebook, and they led to evidence she buried on the outside of the dome. Evidence that uncovers something terrible is going on here.”

  “What is it?”

  “She didn’t say. All she told Alec was she wanted him to know in case anything happened to her. She wouldn’t share it with him at camp that night. That’s why Alec got mad and left.”

  “You think the Order killed them because of some evidence my mom had?”

  Evan nods. “Alec believes that notebook holds the secret.”

  “So he was really coming for the notebook, not for me.” I clutch my stomach as dread begins to swell inside my gut.

  “Of course not,” Evan says.

  “Is that why you’re hanging around me?” Sweat breaks out on my skin. “Are you hoping I have some clue locked in my head to help you out?”

  “No.” His eyes squeeze shut as if he wants to hide.

  I sound ridiculous. But am I? Everyone wants something from me. Grandmother wants me to get out of her life. The Order members want me close, so they can keep an eye on me. My uncle wants my mother’s notebook. And then there’s Evan—I thought he was here to watch out for me, but he’s also committed to my uncle—what does he really want? I get up and look back, over the ledge, down to the workers in the fields. Everything is easy for them; they don’t have to wonder about what’s outside the dome, or why their parents were killed.

  Evan comes up behind me. I have no words for him, stuck in my own frustration, but I still turn toward him. He reaches forward and tucks my hair behind my ear, then cups my face, resting his thumbs on my cheeks.

  “I’m not here to find out anything about your mother’s notebook.”

  His eyes look directly into mine. All I want to do is look away, but I don’t. I’m trapped up here, with him. There’s nowhere to run. I want to be suspicious. I want to be furious. But my emotions betray me as my racing pulse makes my heart flutter in my chest.

  His deep voice lowers, to a whisper. “I’m here because I want to be. I planned this picnic because I wanted to see you smile like you did in the meadow. You should smile more.”

  I used to smile all the time. Did that change in the last few weeks? I look from Evan’s eyes, past his nose, to his lips, and back up again. His fingers meet mine on the ledge, the sensation so strong it feels like they’re on fire. He leans in, as if to whisper something more, but tilts his head towards my face. I close my eyes as his lips brush against mine, softly moving with a gentle urgency.

  My body melts against his, and I wrap my arms around his neck. His arms guide me closer against his body, while his thumb moves from my cheek, down my neck, sending small shocks of electricity through my body to the ends of my limbs. A tiny gasp escapes my lips. This is so different from kissing Jak.

  My third kiss ever—each with a different boy, and each so different from the one before it. The first is barely worth a mention, so long ago it’s practically forgotten. The second was with sweet and loyal Jak—my best friend since childhood—the one who loves me. And now I’m kissing Evan with more passion than the others, and he’s nothing but a stranger. What’s wrong with me? My chest tightens as a twinge of guilt builds. I pull away from Evan and step back.

  He snaps out of the trance as well, staring at me as if he can’t believe what happened. He looks away, biting his lower lip, and then shakes his head. I instantly regret stopping, but I’m frozen in place, too awestruck to move.

  “I never should have done that.” He turns back to the picnic. “I don’t know why I did. I made a promise to Alec to watch out for you, not to take advantage of you.” He busies himself with gathering our things, packing them away as if it could erase any memory of what just occurred between us. Or should I say, what didn’t occur, because I’ve got an ache in my gut that’s quickly filling with the fear that I’ll never get to kiss him again.

  Get a hold of yourself, Nat.

  Is that all I was—a mistake? The last thing I need is another person who feels responsible for me. It’s the same pressure I’ve felt since my grandparents took me in, the same feeling I have around the other scientists. Frankly, I’m sick of it all. I can’t believe I got so caught up in the moment with Evan, and still want more. I’m nothing more than an obligation to him.

  I walk to the table, grab one of the guns, and empty it into the target across from me. This is a good stress release. But it doesn’t fill the void that’s growing inside me. I throw the gun back on the table and walk toward the elevators.

  Evan follows me, but doesn’t say another word. The elevator ride feels like forever. I just want to be alone. But as the doors slide open, Jak is standing in the hallway, outside my room. His eyes narrow as he sees Evan standing next to me. I step out and the doors slide shut behind me, taking Evan away.

  “Where were you two?” Jak turns his narrowed stare on me.

  “We were at supper.” My nerves jump under my skin. He doesn’t need all the details.

  “I don’t like that guy,” Jak warns me. “You shouldn’t hang out together so much.”

  Can he tell I kissed Evan? My hand shoots up to my lips, swollen from the kiss that never should have happened.

  “What does everyone want from me?” I throw my hands in the air. “I’m on the same team as him. There’s nothing I can do.”

  “I’m not sure what his intentions are.” Jak reddens. “I mean, come on, Nat, do you even know where he comes from? Why he came to our dome?”

  “He came here to let us know it’s safe to be outside,” I sputter. “Has your Director shared that news with you yet? We took off our gear, when we were outside, Jak. There’s no radiation.”

  “I see all the reports before they go to the Director.” He narrows his eyes again. “That’s my job. And, what do you care if I trust him or not? You barely know the guy.”

  My mouth drops open—I’m trapped again, but this time with words. I can’t think of an argument to defend myself, my mind is racing so fast, so I throw my hands up in exasperation.

  “Don’t tell me you like him.” Jak’s tone is cruel, but his eyes show the truth. He’s hurt.

  My stomach tightens and my mouth goes dry—I need to get out of this hallway. “He’s a colleague. Nothin
g more.” I push past Jak and walk into my room.

  He follows me inside.

  “I’m sorry,” his voice softens. “I saw you two together and I felt a little jealous.”

  “There’s nothing between us.” This isn’t a lie. Evan made that clear.

  The corners of his eyes lift. “I’m happy to hear that. Now I want to tell you why I came to see you. I know you feel cooped up inside the Axis, stuck with the same people every day, so I’m inviting you to a night with the Director and the Delegates next week.”

  I stare at him, blinking rapidly as he continues. “I know we’ll still be here in the Axis, but it’s a special night for me. I find out if I get to stay as Assistant Director permanently.”

  I force a smile on my face. “That’s great news.”

  “So, do you forgive me, then, for being so presumptuous about you and Evan? I’d love it if you would be my date?” His eyes dance with excitement.

  “Of course I will.” I nod. “It’s your dream come true.”

  “You’re my dream come true.” He reaches to grab my hand, but I step back, making him flinch.

  “Sorry.” No, I’m not. I shake my head. “It’s been a long day. I’m exhausted. I need to get to bed.”

  He nods but his mouth contorts, trying to hold a smile. He turns to leave, but hesitates at the door. “You know how much you mean to me, right?” His back stiffens as his voice comes out flat.

  “I do.” My body tenses, waiting for Jak’s reaction. His broad shoulders finally relax and his blond hair stays in place as he nods. His six-foot frame fills the doorway as he walks out of my room. My heart feels like it’s going to explode from my chest.

  “Good night, Nat.” His voice softens.

  The door slides shut behind him and I collapse on my bed. Jak is an added pressure I can’t handle. I have to find a way to make him understand I’m not ready for something serious. All I need right now is a good friend. Thankfully, my mind is gracious and allows me to fall sleep at once.

  CHAPTER 13

  The next morning I go to the cafeteria for breakfast and eye up Sophia, the cafeteria lady. She’s the same age as Grandmother, but nicer. Every morning she tries to get me to eat something she’s cooked.

  “The fruit girl returns,” she says, as I pass by with my tray. “Want to try some eggs or bacon today?” I shake my head. “You’re going to put me out of business with all this fruit you eat. Look at you, you’re too skinny. You need to put some meat on your bones, for that boyfriend of yours.”

  “Boyfriend?” I almost drop my tray. “You’re wrong. Evan and I are just friends.”

  “Mm-hmm.” Her brows push together. “Well, whatever he is, I haven’t seen your friend yet. He usually beats you here.”

  I leave the line and make my way to the tables. Is Sophie one of Evan’s secret friends? She seems to have a particular interest in him. I put the thought out of my mind when I see Roe’s table has an empty spot, but I hesitate when I see Tassie’s bouncing curls across from her.

  “C’mon, Roe,” Tassie pleads. “I’ve been reading about the plant life outside. I have some great ideas on what samples to gather.”

  Roe spots me hanging back and glowers at me. “I hear I have you to thank for this.” She motions to Tassie.

  “Sorry.” I sit in the empty seat, looking around the room, avoiding Roe’s frown.

  “Looking for your buddy?” Roe asks. “You won’t find him. I sent him on a mission before breakfast, but he should be back before lunch.”

  I pick at my fruit, but I can’t seem to find an appetite. The distaste for wasting it is the only reason I force down a few bites. I wish Evan was here. After our departure yesterday, I want to see if things will return to normal. Finally I give up on my food, and leave Tassie pestering Roe.

  Inside the lab, Waldorf is half-visible, ducked inside a large box. I slip onto a stool next to him, just as he pulls out a gadget. He jumps when he sees me, and almost knocks his glasses off.

  “What’s that?” I look around him and notice the box is marked Hall of Records.

  “Our expedition made me think of some items we found long ago. Some were useful, while others were more frivolous, like this decorative item. He holds up a funny shaped glass object. No room for items that don’t have a purpose, in a dome with limited space.”

  “What is this object’s purpose, then?”

  “As far as I can tell, it exists simply for its beauty.”

  “Imagine living in a world that can just enjoy beauty. Wouldn’t it be nice to move outside the dome? Then things like this could be everywhere.”

  “You sound like your mother when you talk like that. We could build houses over here, she would say. Waldorf, you could have a little reading hut over here. Those were the best days. Lots of excitement back then.”

  His watery eyes blink, and I look away. Was he close to my parents? They had never talked about their co-workers. They would leave their day life behind in the Axis when they came home at night, or I was just too young to pay attention.

  I fumble with the object, a small, circular piece of glass with a black line pointing from its center to one side. It has a familiarity, but I have no idea why.

  “There was a piece that attached to it, but I can’t find it in here.” Waldorf bangs his hands on the top of the box. “It must have been packed separately. I hope it wasn’t lost after all these years.”

  “It reminds me of something.”

  “It might. It was one of your mother’s favorites. I believe she took it home to study.”

  That’s right; it’s part of a set. Memories of Mom working at her desk flood my thoughts. A triangular-shaped stand is missing—the circle used to sit inside it. I used to look through it, and objects looked larger—Mom used it to examine her maps and artifacts. A magnifying glass. But I don’t remember the black line being on it before. I scratch it with my fingernail and a small section scrapes away. Who would have drawn it there? Plus it seemed silly, without its handle.

  Maybe I could use this as an excuse to see Xara?

  “Cara Douglass works at the Hall of Records. She might be able to help find the other piece.”

  Waldorf smiles, lost again in his memories. “Her husband, Jon, was quite the joke teller. He could always lighten up a serious situation.”

  “His daughter, Xara, got that from him. Could I get permission to go there? I grew up with her daughter Xara, who works there now. We could all look.”

  “That is a splendid idea.” Waldorf’s face beams with excitement. “We have to get through some red tape for an outing. Let me see if I can find a way to make it official business.” He gives me a wink. I like Waldorf. He’s sincere.

  “Thank you, thank you!” Tassie’s voice enters the lab. She’s hot on Roe’s heels. “You are not going to regret this, I swear. I am fully prepared. I even have a pre-made list of samples to collect. Ooh, I am so excited!”

  Before I can congratulate her, Evan comes through the door behind them. We make eye contact, but I quickly break it and turn back to Waldorf. My heart beats faster.

  “Did everyone miss me?” Evan calls out.

  “Oh, Evan!” Tassie squeals. “I get to come on your next expedition.” I turn and catch her hugging him, from the corner of my eye. “Promise me, please, that you’ll take me to the meadow you and Nat saw?” She blinks her long lashes up at him.

  “Sure will.” Evan smiles, then turns and catches me staring at their embrace. I jerk my attention back to Waldorf, instantly feeling my skin crawl as I shift in my seat.

  Tassie squeals one last time and leaves the lab. Evan and Roe go into her office, leaving the door open. I glance over my shoulder again. He’s hands over a long tube that he brought with him. She opens the end, and pulls large papers out, unrolling them across her desk. Where did she send Evan? Why would she trust an Outsider with special duties?

  “Nat, did you hear me?” Waldorf nudges me.
/>
  “Hmm?” I turn back to him. “I’m sorry, I was distracted.”

  “You are so like your mother,” Waldorf tries to smile but his red eyes give him away. “I heard you used to have a little notebook, like she always did. That’s where she kept all her secrets.” He leans in close. “There are no secrets from the Order, you know.”

  I eye Waldorf, carefully shifting in my seat to put a little more distance between us. Is he warning me, or advising me? His lips turn from serious back to their soft smile.

  “That’s why she kept the notebook,” he whispers, looking around the room. “To keep an informal record—offline—something that couldn’t be tampered with in the system.”

  “What was she keeping a record of?” I whisper back.

  “Mostly her thoughts,” Waldorf says. “She met often with other departments and would come up with some of the most interesting conclusions. She was absolutely brilliant. A scientist through and through. Back then, all the departments were allowed to mingle. That’s how she fell for your father.”

  “Really?” I’ve never heard this story.

  “Yes. He was a Microbiologist—the elite of the Axis scientists.”

  “Why would he leave that department?”

  “He was always in love with her,” Waldorf explains. “Who could blame him? From the moment they met at the Learning Institute, he chased after her, but she was much too focused on her career.”

  “How did he win her over?”

  “I have no idea,” Waldorf sighs. “Chemistry, perhaps. All I know is, one day she fell in love, he transferred to our division, and she was never the same again.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

  “A beautiful mind is a terrible thing to waste.” He stares at the glass object in my hands. “Your mother’s focus shifted and her potential was affected. Love has that effect on people. Your father was an unnecessary distraction.”

  I don’t appreciate hearing Waldorf talk about my dad like this. It sounds like he was jealous. “Did you know my father well?”

  “We grew up in the same neighborhood. The dome is small enough that everyone knows each other in one way or another, don’t they?”