Devour

by E. K. Blair

  “She really is. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who cares about people the way she does,” I said.

  He smiled. “I’m very proud of her. She means the world to me, and I don’t want her to get hurt. Consider this your warning—if you hurt her, I’ll hunt you down and make you wish you’d never met her.”

  I winced. “I understand. I promise that I won’t hurt her. I’m not good with people. I never have been, but for some reason, I opened up to Emma. I can’t explain it.”

  “Do you think you love her?” he asked.

  The question caught me off-guard. I was still trying to figure that out myself. I knew I felt something strong for her, but I wasn’t sure that it was love. After all, we’d only known each other a few weeks.

  “I don’t know. I care a lot about her, but I don’t know if I love her. I don’t want to move too fast by throwing that out there unless I mean it.”

  “That’s the best answer you could have given me. You’re both young, too young, to be in love. I know what it’s like to be seventeen and feel like you’re on top of the world. It will take a few years and a few times of getting fucked over to knock you both down a few pegs. But if you do eventually realize you love her, hold on to her.”

  “I will. I have no intentions of letting her go.”

  “Good because you have a lot to face. The biggest problem will be her mother. While I have no problem with Emma dating someone who isn’t rich, her mother has always been about the money.” “I’ve noticed,” I grumbled.

  “You’re going to have a hell of a fight on your hands when she finds out about you two. I’ll back you up, but there isn’t much I can do since I’m not around that often.”

  “I know we’ll have to face her eventually. I’m just hoping it’s later rather than sooner.”

  “You seem like a good kid, Jesse. I hope things work out.”

  “Me, too.”

  “What are you two talking about?” Emma asked from the doorway.

  “I was just explaining to Jesse about my days in a biker gang before I joined the band...and all the ways I’ve killed men.”

  Emma rolled her eyes. “He’s lying. Daddy wouldn’t hurt a fly.” “That’s what you think,” he said as he grinned.

  “Jesse, if you don’t mind, I’m going to steal Emma away for the day. I have a show tonight at Royal Albert Hall, so I want to spend a few hours with her by ourselves.”

  “Of course. I’ll just hang out here or walk around outside for a while.”

  “Are you sure?” Emma asked. “I hate to leave you after you came all this way with me.”

  “I’m a big boy. I can entertain myself for a few hours. Go have fun.

  Bond. Tell your dad how awesome I am.”

  They both laughed as they walked to the door.

  “Just call my cell if you need anything!” Emma said over her shoulder. “I will.”

  I sat on the couch for a few minutes, debating on what to do. I could stay here and sleep for a few hours, or I could go out and explore the streets of London. The chances of me ever visiting London again were slim to none, so I decided to explore.

  After eating the food I had ordered from room service, I got dressed and walked downstairs. The doorman held the door open to let me pass. Once I was on the streets, I started wandering.

  I had no destination in mind. I just wanted to explore. I walked down Carlos Place until I hit Grosvenor Square. There was some kind of park there—Grosvenor Square Gardens according to the sign—and I wandered into it. Santa Monica had nothing on the scenery here. While I loved the ocean, there was just something about the landscape here that drew me in. I was amazed at just how large the trees were that surrounded me as I walked down the stone path. It was incredible to see trees this big right in the middle of London.

  I finally made it back to the street and continued to explore. I had a thing for architecture, and I couldn’t help but be amazed by the obvious age of some of the buildings here. I hoped that Emma and I would have time to explore part of London together before we had to leave.

  I continued to wander through the street until I found myself back at The Connaught. I glanced down at my phone to realize that I’d be walking for hours.

  I made my way back up to the room and turned on the television to wait for Emma to get back. She didn’t disappoint me. After only an hour or so, I heard her key unlocking the door.

  “Hey, did you have fun?” I asked as I watched her put her key card on the dresser.

  She started pulling off her shoes. “I had a blast. Dad and I went to this cute little cafe to eat, and then we spent the rest of the day going to places he likes to visit every time he comes to London. I wish you could have come with us.”

  “I’m glad you had fun. And I didn’t need to go. You and your dad needed some time alone together.”

  “True, but I still missed you.” She walked over to the bed and kissed me.

  “I missed you, too.”

  “So, what did you do all day? Please tell me that you didn’t hide out in our room, or I’m going to feel even worse.”

  “I didn’t. I went out and explored. It was kind of cool actually. Thank you for bringing me along.”

  “Of course. I wouldn’t want anyone else with me.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. I’m going to go shower and head to bed. I’m exhausted.”

  “Me, too,” Emma said before she yawned.

  I grabbed a pair of shorts and walked into the bathroom to shower. After a quick shower, I went back into the bedroom to see Emma had passed out on the bed. I smiled as I watched her roll over in her sleep. She looked so peaceful. I hated to wake her up, but she was lying across the bed, and there was no way I could go to sleep. I picked her up gently, hoping that she wouldn’t wake up.

  “What are you doing?” she mumbled.

  “Shh, I’m just moving you. Go back to sleep.”

  “Okay.”

  I laid her down and settled next to her. As soon as we were both under the covers, she curled up against me and rested her head on my chest.

  “Night, Emma,” I whispered, and I kissed her hair.

  “Love you, Jesse,” she mumbled in her sleep.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. Jesus, she loves me. I stared down at her sleeping figure as I thought about her words, thinking that I loved her, too. I just didn’t think I’d ever be able to say it.

  I’d been awake for just over an hour. Emma was still on my chest, sound asleep. She was so damn beautiful to look at that it actually hurt. How the hell did I manage to end up with this beautiful girl?

  She stirred in her sleep as her eyes slowly opened.

  “Morning,” I whispered into her hair.

  “Morning,” she replied as she stretched. “Can we just stay like this for the rest of the day? You’re kind of comfortable.”

  “Fine by me.”

  She smiled as she rested her head back on my chest. Her fingers started tracing the tattoos covering my left arm. “I’ve never really taken the time to look at your tattoos. I thought it was just one big tattoo, but it’s not. It’s a bunch of smaller ones.”

  “It is.”

  “What do they mean?” she asked.

  “A lot of different things. Most of them are reminders of things in my life that I don’t want to forget. Others are just designs that I drew and liked enough to tattoo permanently on myself.”

  “Did you do them all yourself?”

  “Most of them. The ones that I couldn’t reach I had my friend from the shop do. Tony is wicked talented.”

  “That’s incredible.”

  “You told me you loved me last night in your sleep,” I blurted out.

  Her body tensed up at my words. Finally, she said, “It’s because I do. I know we’re young, and there are so many things fighting against us, but I don’t care. I know what I feel, Jesse. I love you.”

  “You know when I saw you that first day of school in the parking lot?”

  She nod
ded. “Of course.”

  “That wasn’t the first time we met.”

  She raised her head to look at me. “I’m pretty sure it was. I think I’d remember meeting you before then.”

  “It was a long time ago, but I never forgot you. You were the first person who ever told me I wasn’t good enough.”

  “What on earth are you talking about? I would never say that to you.”

  “You were too little to realize what you were saying, but I never forgot your face or your words. We were just little. My mom took me to the nice park on your side of town to play for the day, and you were there with your mom. You were playing in the sandbox, and I wanted to play with you. Even at six years old, I was drawn to you. You were the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. Instead of playing with me, you told me that I was trash, and I didn’t belong at your park. You ran off after that, but I never forgot what you said. That’s why I was so distant with you when we met. I expected you to be a stuck-up bitch, but you weren’t. Instead, I found out that you are one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. I love you, Emma, even if I shouldn’t. I’ve battled with myself over this time and time again, but I can’t deny it any longer.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and I reached up to wipe it away.

  “I’m so sorry, Jesse. I was only a child, and I had no idea what I was saying.”

  “It’s okay. You taught me that I needed to be strong to survive this world, and I owe you for that.”

  “I made you bitter toward the world.”

  “No, you didn’t. You were just the first of many to look down on me. Despite how we met, you’ve shown me that it’s okay to care about someone, to love someone, because there are people who come into your life who deserve to be loved. They are the ones worth taking a chance on, hoping you don’t end up broken.”

  She grabbed my face and kissed me. “I love you, Jesse. I’ll never leave you. There’s something between us that ties us together.”

  “I like being tied to you. Just promise not to shatter me.”

  “I won’t.”

  What came after that wasn’t sex. It was so much more. Where words failed, our bodies showed just how much we loved each other. Sex was nice, but it was nothing compared to this. We were one.

  We spent the rest of the weekend exploring London and spending time with my dad and his bandmates. I’d grown up around those guys, and they felt more like family to me than my own mother did. When it was time to leave, I cried. I wasn’t ready to leave my dad or the pure bliss that I’d found in London.

  After our talk on Saturday morning, I felt closer to Jesse than ever. This boy had my heart, and I loved it. There was no one else in the world who could ever compare to him. Every look, every touch between us seemed to mean so much more. He loved me, and I loved him. For those few short days, life was perfect.

  The trip back to California was uneventful. As the hours passed, a sense of foreboding came over me. Everything had changed, but at the same time, things were still the same.

  Tomorrow, Jesse would be allowed back in school where everyone hated him for what he’d done to Todd. I frowned as I thought of the fight I’d had with Todd when I finally had a chance to corner him and let him know just what I thought of him. He’d claimed that he was only trying to protect me because he cared, but I wasn’t buying it. He was as obsessed with status as my mother was, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I had told him to stay away from me, and so far, he had. I just hoped that it would last.

  On the car ride back to his house, Jesse dropped a bomb on me. “My mom is moving to West Virginia with Mark, and she wants me to go with her.”

  I had no idea what to say to that. I sat silently as I waited for him to continue.

  “You can stop trying to break the steering wheel in two. I’m not going,” he said.

  I glanced over at him. “What do you mean? You can’t stay here by yourself. Where would you live?”

  “I can and will stay here by myself. I’ll still be in my shitty trailer. Money will be tight, but I’ll manage if I can find a second job.”

  “How do you plan on working two jobs and going to school? You’ll wear yourself out.”

  “It’s only for two years. Then, hopefully, Rick will let me pick up more hours.”

  “Why are you staying? Be honest.”

  He paused before answering. “Honestly? Because of you. I just found you, and I won’t leave you behind. Besides, Santa Monica is my home. I’m not going to give up everything.”

  “But your mom will be thousands of miles away.”

  “I know, and it sucks, but it’s her choice. I won’t hold her back.” “When is she leaving?” I asked.

  “Soon,” he said shortly.

  I knew that he was done talking about the move, so I let it go. The rest of the drive to his house was completely silent. Both of us were lost in our thoughts. I couldn’t believe that he was willing to stay here and work two jobs just so that he could be with me. I didn’t want him to leave, but I also didn’t want him to pick me over his mom. I was afraid that he would resent me for it later.

  I dropped him off and headed to my house. The house was empty as I carried my bags up to my room. I sent my mom and my dad both a text to let them know that I’d made it home safely. My dad was the only one who responded—no surprise there. I spent the rest of my day washing laundry, still thinking about Jesse and his mom. I didn’t want either of them to hate me for Jesse’s decision to stay, but I didn’t want him to leave either.

  School was just as I’d expected the next day and the rest of the week. Everyone was either terrified of Jesse or hated him. I hated that I had to keep silent as the whispers followed him through the halls, but I couldn’t take a chance on if people found out we were together and someone let it slip to my mom.

  We only had a few weeks until my eighteenth birthday. After that, I wouldn’t have to hide Jesse from the world. I would be a legal adult, and I knew my dad would pay for me to stay someplace. I wouldn’t be trapped under my mother’s roof.

  I was just hoping that Jesse would wait that long. I could see the resentment in his eyes when we would pass each other in the hallway, and I couldn’t say a word to him because my friends surrounded me. I’d texted him a few times to see if I could come over after school, but he always claimed that he had to work.

  The next week was the same.

  And the next.

  Things were beyond tense when we were together, which wasn’t often. I tried to talk to Jesse about it, but he refused. I just kept telling him to give me a few weeks until I could move out, and then I’d announce it to the world.

  Lucy knew what was going on, but she had no way to help me either. She knew I was hurt by the coldness Jesse was showing toward me, and she would try to cheer me up, but it was useless.

  Every day, I felt like Jesse and I were being pulled further and further apart. I’d finally had enough of it one night, so I texted Jesse to tell him that he was coming to my house whether he liked it or not since my mom had a dinner she had to go to. It took him forever to reply, but he finally texted me back and agreed to let me pick him up at his house.

  I didn’t care how long it took. I was going to make him see how much I loved him and just how hard it was to stay away from him while everyone bashed him at school. I would make things right between us. I had to. There was no way that I could deal with losing him.

  I was nervous as I drove to Jesse’s. It felt like London had never happened and that we were hanging precariously at the edge of a cliff. One slip, and everything that we’d accomplished together would fall.

  I was surprised to see that Jesse’s mom was home. I knew she worked the night shift, so it was unusual for her to be home this early in the evening.

  “Hey, Emma,” she said when she answered the door.

  “Hey. Is Jesse here?”

  “Yeah, he’s in his room. Please ignore the mess. I’m trying to get everything packed and ready to go. Mark and I leave tomorrow.”


  “Already? Jesse told me you were leaving, but I didn’t realize it was this soon.”

  “He won’t talk about it, so I’m not surprised that he hasn’t mentioned it.”

  “He really hasn’t talked to me period lately. It’s my fault though.”

  “Well, go fix it. He’ll need you around more once I’m gone. I don’t want him to be alone.”

  “He won’t. I’ll make sure of that,” I said as I walked back to his room. I could hear music blaring from inside the room, so I didn’t bother knocking.

  He wouldn’t hear me anyway.

  He was lying on his bed when I walked in. He noticed me and turned off the music.

  “Hey,” I said nervously.

  “Hey.”

  “Can we talk? I mean, we are going to talk whether you want to or not. I just wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk here or at my house.”

  “We can talk wherever you want.”

  “Okay...I guess I’ll start. Why have you been ignoring me?”

  “I think you have it wrong. It’s you who’s been ignoring me.”

  “You and I both know why I can’t be with you at school. But every time I try to meet up with you, you shoot me down. Why?”

  “Maybe I’m sick of being your little secret. Maybe you need to see what it’s like.”

  “Jesse, I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you. I just don’t know how to fix this.”

  “Neither do I.” He sighed. “Look, it’s not just you who I’m pissed off at. My mom has been driving me nuts while she’s been packing for the last two weeks. She will be gone tomorrow, and I’m trying to accept that I’ll be alone.”

  “But you’re not alone. You have me. Just hold on for a few more weeks until I turn eighteen. Once I do, I’ll scream that I’m with you from the roof at school. My mom can kiss my ass because I won’t have to live with her anymore. I’ll be an adult, and I know my dad will let me stay at his place here or pay the rent for an apartment.”

  He studied me. “You won’t hide me anymore?”