Devour

by E. K. Blair

  Not tonight, though. Tonight I just want to hold her. I just want to be me and Laney. I want our heartbeats to sync. I want the smell of her hair to course through my body and bring me peace.

  She moves to get up and I pull her back down.

  Please don’t leave me, not yet. I just got you back.

  “I’m just going to get a pillow and blanket. I’ll be right back.”

  “I can go home if you want to go to bed, pretty.”

  “You’re not going anywhere. You’re sleeping with me; under this roof or outside, I don’t care. The couch is plenty respectful.”

  Sounds good to me. I’d sleep in a lion’s den right now if it meant her warmth beside me.

  She comes back and snuggles into me; you couldn’t fit a piece of paper between us. Her soft hair and sweet face lay against my chest. Her legs are wrapped up in mine and I can feel her little breaths against my neck as I rub her back and kiss the top of her head again and again. I know she’s still awake, but neither of us speak. It’s as if sound would pop the bubble around us, but I can’t hold it in any longer.

  “Laney, I love you.”

  She raises her hand to my cheek and gazes at me. Her eyes are glassy and I can see the tears she won’t let fall. “I know you do, Evan. I love you, too. I always will. You’re my best friend. “

  I’d kiss her right now, but there’s no way I’d stop at that, so instead I pull her into my chest and whisper, “we’ll figure it out, love, I promise.” Please don’t let me break this promise, too.

  I hear her dad come in; he pauses but doesn’t say a word—I stay all night here with Laney and finally get a good night’s sleep.

  Chapter Nineteen

  DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD

  Laney

  The next day, Evan and I walk hand in hand across Parker’s field for a picnic. I know his family wouldn’t mind, as if they’d ever even know, we’re a good hundred acres from the house. I need some alone time with Evan and we need to talk, but the alone time first.

  The sun is warm on our skin and the slight breeze is perfect. Evan carries the picnic basket I’ve packed while I cling to “my blanket,” which I dug out from behind his truck seat. I’ve sat under this navy blue blanket at more of Evan’s chilly football games that I can count, watching him do his thing. I smile a bit, despite the sadness that comes with the memories; this old blanket is about the only thing left that’s still in the place it belongs. I turn my gaze to Evan, forcing the melancholy thoughts away, refusing to waste even one minute of the time I actually have with him.

  He looks so handsome today; his silky brown hair is messy from the wind and his sculpted body is showcased in a tight gray shirt and faded jeans. He takes the blanket from me and spreads it out, sitting first. “Come here to me, sweet girl.” He stretches his hand out to help me settle down beside him. His gentle respect for me never gets old.

  Lying back on the blanket, looking into his eyes, our hands joined between our bodies, I know that I will always be connected to Evan. Without having to say the words, we both know the other is hurting. Now that we’re together, we can’t wait another minute to show our love; to heal what we can for one another.

  Evan rolls over on his side to face me, tucking my hair behind my ear. My heart and soul respond, all of me relaxing. He moves over my body and kisses me passionately, whispering sweet words, but in it I can feel the heartache. He runs his hand up and down my body, like he’s memorizing every part. “I need to feel close to you, Laney,” he says, his voice deep.

  This boy. This amazing boy loves me; platonically, romantically, physically, spiritually. Nothing he does is ever to hurt me. His eyes don’t lie and he can’t hide from me when I look into them. The pain I see there tugs at my heart. Can I fix the miles between us? No. Can I speed up time until being together again is an option? No. Can I ease his spirit right now? Absolutely. Running my finger along his jaw, soaking up his masculine beauty, I whisper, “My sweet Evan, I’ve missed you.”

  He pulls one strap of my top down my shoulder, kisses along its path, and then flicks his gaze to mine. Soothing him that this is okay with me, I reach up and pull the other strap down for him, revealing my breasts to his lust-filled eyes. He leans down to run his tongue excruciatingly slowly over my nipples; tracing them, learning them. Arching into his mouth, I gasp his name and a low rumble escapes from deep in his chest.

  He makes me feel so good, so cherished. His hand moves up my thigh, to the zipper to my pants, and I can feel the slight tremble and he sneaks his hand inside, teasing just along the edge of my panties.

  “Ah, Laney, sweet Laney,” he moans as he rubs against me.

  I can feel how much he wants me. My hands refuse to slow down, taking in his back, his shoulders, his neck. His body is tense as I wrap my legs around his hips and push him into me harder with my heels.

  Panting, he pulls back, reading my expression. “I need to touch you, angel.”

  Of course this is going to confuse us even more, make the distance more harsh, but I’ll be damned if I can stop myself now. My chest heaves with my rapid breaths, my body writhing as I pull him even closer to me. “Do something before I go crazy,” I pout achingly.

  His chuckle is light as his hand finds the spot where I need him most, pulling my panties to the side. One of his long fingers runs tentatively down my center and a tremor shoots through me. His mouth moves along my throat in open, wet caresses. “Being with you, Laney, nothing compares. Nothing ever will, my love.”

  I grab him around the neck and pull his mouth to mine, kissing him with an uncontrolled fervor. His fingers move soft and slow, exploring me. That wicked tongue of his skims the shell of my ear, sending tremors to my core where his hand plays.

  “You good, baby girl?” he breathes out. “Never been better; don’t stop.”

  He continues his mastery of my body, his thumb pressing the perfect spot, until I begin to shudder uncontrollably, devouring every inch of his mouth with my burning tongue. Within seconds, an ungodly moan rips from me as he takes me to heights I didn’t know existed.

  I finally break our kiss to catch my breath, the mad fluttering in my thighs taking a minute to settle. Once my heartbeat returns to normal, I gently push him onto his back. “Let me love you.”

  Pushing up his t-shirt, I kiss along his stomach and abs, licking every distinct line. His muscles tighten and ripple with every touch of my mouth, his breathing deep and anguished. When I’ve tasted every inch of his torso, I bestow sweet kisses down to the waist of his jeans. With my eyes locked boldly on his, I unbutton his pants. He lifts his hips to help me pull them, and his tight gray briefs, down.

  Tossing them aside without a care in the world, I stare down at his bulging erection. His hand strokes my hair and I feel his eyes on me. Studying me? Memorizing this to replay in his dreams while we’re apart? Knowing he’s watching, I seductively nip my way back up the inside of his thigh, basking in the sounds he makes. His hands tighten on my hips as he groans out my name, spurring me on. I have no idea where I got my moves, it’s coming so naturally. I want to make him feel good and just go with my instincts, next running my tongue the length of his hardness.

  “Oh God, Laney, yes.” His fingers dig into my scalp, moving my veil of hair back from my face. “I have to see you,” he says, his voice throaty and virile. I move my mouth down over him, exploring with my tongue. When I’ve tested and teased him enough, I take in as much of him as I can. Obviously no expert, my reflex tells me when I’ve gone far enough and I immediately train myself to breathe through my nose and relax.

  This feels...erotic. Having him in my mouth, feeling him twitch in excitement, feels as good to me as I hope it does to him. One hand on his thigh to brace myself, I feel his muscles flex and I run my nails roughly up and down. Wrapping a hand around the rest of his long, thick length that I can’t love with my mouth, his hand joins mine. He shows me exactly what he wants; fast and hard. “Oh sweet damn, Laney, that is so good.” His voice t
rembles just like his body. I look up at him and he’s staring back down at me with genuine love, silently telling me what this, between us, means. His hand runs through my hair. “Lil bit harder, baby.”

  His suggestive words empower me and I show him what he does to me. I put as much love and want into my sensual discovery of him as possible. Soon he growls out, “I’m close, Laney, ah...p-pull back, baby.”

  But I don’t move away. I take all he has to give me.

  He’s even sexy when he pulls up his jeans and crouches down, pulling me back with him to the blanket. One hand draws lazy swirls on my belly as his erratic breathing settles. “You’re so amazing,” he whispers as I lay my head on his chest.

  “So are you, Ev. I really needed today,” I sigh.

  “The thought of being apart again is killing me, Laney. I don’t know if I can do this.”

  Hot tears begin to fall; I know too well what he means. We just loved each other. It felt so right, but very soon this euphoria will be gone and ice cold misery will replace it. We both already feel it coming and it’s been mere minutes. Why is life so tough?

  “I’m having a really hard time too, Evan,” I choke out. “It’s like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I’m lonely and miss you terribly, but that wouldn’t change if you were mine. You’d still be so far away and then I’d just have to add guilt if I had fun without you. I suspect you’re dealing with the same thing?” I peer up at him questioningly.

  “I know exactly how you feel, precious girl.” He kisses the top of my head. “We’ve never been more than a stone’s throw apart. It’s going to be different and it sucks.”

  “It’s not just that. I’ve met a few fun people, most are guys, and I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Then I wonder what you’re doing and it eats away at me, Evan.” I plead to him silently, tell me the answer, Evan.

  We snuggle and talk and he opens up more; he felt the same way—worried and insecure about what I’m doing all the time. His social life is apparently a lot wilder than mine, and he’s forthcoming that I’d been scarily accurate about the temptations he faced. He doesn’t, however, admit anything specific, like what I saw in the picture. I say nothing. There’s absolutely no point. Sure, I can make him feel guilty or get mad, but enough with the merry-go-round.

  “It’s not that I want them, Laney. I want you, but I can’t have you...and sometimes the thought crosses my mind that it’d feel good to fill the void. Not sex, just someone to hug or spend time with, but the thought of another man touching you makes me want to kill someone, so then I’m a hypocrite...a lonely, depressed hypocrite. Do you know what I’m trying to say?”

  “Yes, I do. Evan, I want you to be happy. I want you to do whatever you want, whatever gets you by. Well, I mean, be careful.” I blush and let out a sarcastic snort. “Know that I don’t hold you to anything. We agreed. Just be happy.”

  It feels like my heart is splitting in two and half of it will be heading back to Athens, but it’s also suddenly easier to take a deep breath. The thought of Evan with other girls makes me sick, but I know that isn’t his reasoning. That’s a surface issue to the deep emotional havoc, so I don’t outright ask him not to sleep with anyone. The thought of him sitting in the corner of rooms sad and lonely makes me so much sicker.

  My entire drive back to school is done with tears clouding my vision, a gripping pain in my chest, and half my soul missing.

  Chapter Twenty

  KICKIN’ IT

  Laney

  Bennett is thrilled I’m back early—there’s no school tomorrow and she’s immediately harping on me to go out with her. Has she even noticed I look like hell? That perhaps something’s wrong with me?

  Screw this. I’ll call Zach, who has become a great friend. We’ve gotten together a couple times at the nearby coffee shop. He’s a whiz at algebra and I’d be failing without him.

  My first impression of him from the Hall Crawl was dead on. He gets cooler every time I’m around him. If he’d have come from back home, he no doubt would’ve been friends with Parker and Evan. A Kinesiology major, he wants to coach football later, and loves to play.

  I couldn’t imagine why he didn’t have a girlfriend, but one day he’d told me some about his past, his heartbreak. His high school sweetheart had done a number on him. He found out she cheated on him several times after a picture on the Facebook page of someone who tagged someone who...however that works. That led to him questioning her and her breaking down into a fess-all. I got the picture (no pun intended). He’d been at arm’s length from anything serious ever since. It may have left him love shy, but it hadn’t made him one bit a bitter person, he was as sweet as sugar.

  Sometimes I talk with him about Evan and he gives me much-appreciated advice, a guy point of view minus any “I really want to get in your pants” ulterior motives. His heartbreaking relationship had also been long- distance, so he understands exactly how I feel.

  He answers right away and assures me Drew is out (his roommate definitely hasn’t grown on me like he has), so I head to his room. The minute he opens the door, he knows something is wrong—thank you, friend! He pulls me in for a hug, rubbing my back, and leads me to sit with him on the couch.

  I tell him everything in between hiccups and sobs and he doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t interject with opinion; he just listens. When I take a break, he finally speaks. “Want to know what I think?” I nod into his shoulder. “I think you two have an amazing relationship, even if it doesn’t have a name or a box to fit into right now. It’s no doubt a relationship, and one of the most forgiving, open, and loving ones of all time. What’s that girly poem chicks are always quoting; something about if you love it, set it free?”

  “Free, like do you think he’ll sleep with a bunch of girls? That makes me want to puke.” It does—my throat starts sweating.

  “I don’t, Laney. I mean, he might, but he sounds different. Believe it or not, some guys do make it through college without a STD. Do you see me sleeping around?”

  And just like that, he makes it all better. What he said, that’s exactly what Evan and I have, and that’s exactly what we’re doing—setting each other free to see if we’ll find our way back one day. And Zach does seem fine not whoring, and there aren’t girls coming out of Sawyer and Tate’s room all the time either, although I’m sure that’s more Tate’s influence than Sawyer’s. But it’s another example that not all college guys are bound and determined to sleep with everyone available. Damn, Zach’s better therapy than the actual therapist I used to have. His answer kicked her lame rumblings’ ass.

  “So, Miss Laney, what should we do now?”

  “Well, Red over in my room would like to go to The K tonight, which I’m assuming is a bad idea. But it’s not really college without a brush with public intox, though, right?”

  “How are you gonna get into The K, Laney? You’re only 18, right?” He raises his eyebrows in playful question.

  I stick my tongue out at him. “I’ll be 19 in a few weeks.”

  “Still not old enough.” He grins.

  “Apparently Bennett has connections in the world of fake IDs.”

  “Do you want to go to a club, Laney? I mean, I think The K is awesome, but I’m not sure if you’d like it.”

  “Honestly, I’m sick of being down, and whatever I’ve been doing isn’t working! I just hurt the person most important to me, so maybe I oughta give something new a try?”

  “I’ll go with you then.” Not a question, but not really a command either; just right.

  We agree to meet up at my room at 8 and I head back to brave Bennett. She’s lying on her bed when I get there, and sits up when I enter. “Laney, can we talk?

  “Yup, what’s up?”

  “Laney, I noticed you were upset today, but I’d rather focus on fixing it for you rather than dwelling on it. That’s what I do. I breathe the life back into things. It’s my specialty.” Ok, so I kinda smile at that. ”I want to get you out, show you some fun
. Come out of your cave, Laney, play with others!”

  “Well, since I’m now completely alone, I guess the only sensible thing to do is start over.” Completely alone...my rock rolled away.

  “I’d like to point out that you’re not alone. I’m thrilled we’re friends and roomies, and I’d love to enjoy our freshman year together if you deem me worthy.”

  She’s really good at the deep stuff and her words hit home. I know how to do Laney the daughter, Laney the ballplayer, and for a while I was pretty good at Laney and Evan, but I have no clue how to do just Laney.

  “You know what, Bennett? I’m sorry. I am grateful to have you. This is all new to me and I’m not trying to be a brat. You get me an ID, I’m in.”

  I’m an excellent dancer, right? Every stuffed animal I own thinks so. I’d never do it at my old school, but this is my new school, my new life, so maybe I can bust a move or two.

  “Laney, you’re the best roommate and new BFF ever!” She claps, jumps up, and gives me a huge hug.

  Yeah, I can handle this. “So, what should I wear tonight? What are you wearing?”

  “Laney, why do you even ask those questions together? Imma do me, you do...jeans, heels and maybe a halter top? Can you handle that?”

  “Only if you have heels and a halter top you want to loan me.”

  “Of course I do!”

  We’re going to The K, which we’ve clarified is short for The Kickback. It’s the most cosmopolitan thing I’ve ever done in my life. I am wearing a strapless bra and there’s false documentation on my person. I’m picturing Pinocchio, when Honest John leads him to the island; we’re all coming home donkeys tonight, I’m sure of it.

  Donned in my own MissMe jeans and Bennett’s red high heels and black halter top, I’m self-conscious but as ready as I’ll ever be. I put my hair in a ponytail and wear very little makeup. It’s still me, and I don’t look the 21 my “license” now reads, but if they kick me out, that’s my flashing neon “sign” that this really is as bad of an idea as I suspect.