Devour

by E. K. Blair

  “Bullshit, we didn’t agree to go kissing other people! I may have done some stupid shit, but I haven’t kissed anyone! And you can bet I’m not taking trips with anyone or buying them jewelry. Damn, Laney, what is this guy to you? Have I lost you?”

  I can see the tears in his eyes and it splinters me. My sweet, sweet Evan. This boy, not so long ago, represented all that was good in my life, all that I could ever want. Now I’m ripping his heart out.

  “I don’t know, Evan. All I know is I love you, always.” I move closer and wrap one hand around his neck to stroke his hair and make him feel the weight of my words and solace. “If you were there, we’d be together, just like we planned and wanted. But you’re not there, and he is and he’s good to me. I like him, and yes, I’m attracted to him. He wants me, with no romantic ties to you, but I told him very clearly that I do love you and I won’t hurt you.”

  “But you are hurting me. Nothing could hurt more; nothing.” He lifts my chin, demanding I look at him. “I love you, Laney and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you. I know you were just lonely and I don’t blame you. I haven’t been perfect, either, but I will be. For you, I will be.”

  He pulls me into his strong arms and holds on tightly. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it feels cathartically wonderful in his arms. There’s nowhere in the world like Evan’s embrace. It’s here and only here that I find total acceptance, unconditional love, and a man’s desire for only me.

  “You don’t even know this Dane. You know me, Laney, you know us. I won’t let you mistake companionship for love. I won’t let you throw us away.”

  Absolutely everything he just said makes sense and speaks directly to my heart. Do I want to play two guys? No. Is he right, do I only want Dane because he’s there? No. Granted, he would have never gotten near me if Evan had been there, but had he, I still would’ve been tempted. Dane pulled me from across the room the minute I met him, undeniably. But I already knew this, thus my dizziness. My thoughts are just wicked circles these days.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, Evan. I love you. I don’t love him, but I like him. I wish you were there and that this never happened, but—”

  He silences me with his fingers, rubbing my lips gently. “You must be drained, sweetness, you go to bed and don’t worry over this nonsense. I’ll fix everything, Laney.” He pulls me in for a hug and a kiss on the forehead. “I’m really sorry for speaking out of line to you and you know I didn’t mean it. I adore you, Laney. I always have and I always will.”

  He looks at me for my acceptance and I give him a weak smile. He’s right; I’m absolutely exhausted, physically and emotionally. He doesn’t mention staying with me again and I head to bed.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  CALLING CARD

  EVAN

  I wait for Laney to get to her bedroom and shut the door before I grab her phone and forward his contact to mine. No cute pet name, just “Dane.” No song attached. I still have a shot. I know my Laney, and if she hasn’t attached a song, he hasn’t cracked through her layers all the way to the center yet.

  I thought about texting him from her phone and telling him “I’d” changed my mind and to leave “me” alone, but being the recent victim of phone fraud, I’m not going to sink that low. No, I’ll go man to man with him all day long. When Laney finds out, she’ll be pissed, but she’ll get over that. She might not get over this Dane prick if I don’t do something, though, and it’s that thinking that propels me to proceed; without caution.

  When I’m clear of her house, I dial him; sure he’ll be up waiting for her to call. “Hello?”

  “Yeah, is this Dane?” “It is. Who’s this?”

  “This is Evan Allen.” I let that sink in for a minute.

  Ya douche—you know who I am.

  “What can I do for you, Evan? Where’s Laney?” “Laney’s in bed. She’s had a very long day, not that you need to worry about it. What you can do for me, Dane, is stay the fuck away from her. What kind of guy goes after another man’s girl?”

  “Evan, listen, I’ve heard a lot of great things about you and what you’ve done for Laney. So out of respect for that, I don’t want to be rude, but what’s between me and Laney is none of your business. I won’t discuss her with you behind her back.”

  “Don’t pull that shit with me, like you respect her and I’m betraying her. No one cares about that girl more than me. I love her more than my own life and I’m not about to walk away.”

  “Really? I thought you’d already done that.” Now he’s taking me from pissed to drive there and kick his ass mad. I want to go real country on his ass right about now.

  “Whatever, man, I had school. I didn’t walk away just for the hell of it. Either way, it’s none of your fucking business. I’ve been beside that girl for ten years, you’ve been there for ten minutes, so don’t ever kid yourself that you know our story.”

  “Evan, I understand your position, I really do. I can’t imagine losing a girl like Laney, it would make me crazy, too, but this is not for you and me to decide. We can’t duel it out for her hand, that’s hers to give.”

  “I haven’t lost her and she gave her hand to me! If you care about her, back off! You’re just confusing her and stressing her out.”

  “I will do whatever Laney asks me to do...Laney, not you. Have a good night.”

  I’m not sure what that phone call accomplished. It didn’t make me feel any better and his proper ass shows no signs of backing off anytime soon. His calm rationale and confidence in what he has with Laney burns through me like acid. How is it that he’s he all smug about where he stands with Laney and I’m standing here doubting everything I thought I knew about us?

  I have to narrow our gap, literally. Laney Jo Walker is my future, no way I’m gonna stand back and let some tool blind her with fancy trips and gifts. There’s no way he’s had enough time to steal her whole heart. His time stops now.

  *****

  The next morning I knock on the door nervously, not sure how I’ll find Laney on the other side. If Dane told her I called him, then I’m sure to be greeted by my lil hellcat. Luckily, she opens it with a sleepy smile. “Hey.”

  “Morning sunshine, how you feeling today?” “Better, more grounded. Come on in, Dad’s in front of the TV. Go keep him company, please. I’ll get breakfast.”

  I watch her walk half-dazed to the kitchen, she’s so not a morning person, but cute as hell. I can’t wait until she wakes up in my arms every day. My Laney...please God, don’t let anyone take her. If you give me this, I swear to wake her every morning with ‘good morning, beautiful’ and kiss her to sleep every night. I’ll keep her safe and hold her tight. I’ll take care of her, I swear it.

  “Hey, Mr. Walker, how are you?”

  “There he is; how are you, son?” He stands and gives me a hug; he calls me son. Dane doesn’t even know him. He has no idea what lure he throws for top water or his favorite NFL team. Too bad Laney’s dad doesn’t get the deciding vote. I’d win that shit hands down.

  “I’m good, glad to be home.” I give him the most sincere smile I can despite the sadness inside me. My angel is slipping away. I never thought I’d see the day. Another man’s lips have touched hers. He’d shown her Disney World, like only her biggest dream come true. I’ve probably already lost and the thought causes a very real crushing feeling in my chest.

  He asks me about school and ball. I concentrate to keep up my end of the conversation, telling him we’re 2- 0 in conference play. That news makes him smile and scrub my head.

  Laney walks in with a breakfast tray for her dad. “You want something, Ev?”

  “No thanks, lil bit, I already ate at home. Your Dad and I were just talking about school.”

  She looks over to me and holds my stare. Can she feel it? Does she know that I’ll do anything for her? “Are you happy there, Evan?” she asks.

  She wants me to say yes so that she knows I’m fine without her. No matter what, Laney would neve
r simply disregard my feelings, but I don’t want to be her pity pick. I want her to want me, like the way she did before I left her. I left her. This is all my fault.

  “I’d be happier if you were there.” I give a simple answer for the sake of her dad and pat the seat beside me for her to sit.

  The rest of the late morning is spent watching TV and visiting with her dad and by the time we’ve finished lunch I still haven’t found any time to talk to Laney alone. We’ve both got to get back on the road soon, and before I know it, I’m loading her bag for her.

  She meets me on the porch on my way back in. “Evan, what do we do, ya know, about...us?” She looks anywhere but at me and I see the tears in her eyes, about to fall. “Please tell me you know, Evan, because I don’t have a clue. I don’t know anything anymore.”

  “Look at me, Laneybear.” I tilt her chin up and wipe her cheek with my thumb. “Everything is gonna be alright. You don’t worry about me. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Laney Jo, and I’m always going to love you. We’re always gonna be okay, no matter what, so you don’t worry.” I kiss her on the forehead, breathing in the sweet smell of her. “If there’s nothing else in the whole world you know for sure, know that you are always the most important thing in the world to me. Just take care of you, Laney. I’ll take care of everything else.”

  I don’t press her about the Dane thing right now, leading us to her truck. I don’t want to stress her out anymore, she’s got to be able to drive and right now she looks like she may crumble any minute. Besides, I’ll take care of that little inconvenience soon enough. I just hope I’m not underestimating him until I can get things in place.

  As stoic as possible, I open the door and lift her in by the hips. No matter how badly I want to dig my fingers in, throw her against the door, and kiss her until she can’t breathe, I hold it together. Giving her a smile, despite the ache in my chest seeing her watery eyes, I lean in her window and place a gentle kiss on her lips. Her brows furrow and she shifts, unnoticeable if I didn’t know her like the back of my hand. “It’ll all be okay soon, Laney, I promise.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  TIT FOR TAT

  Laney

  There was a time, not too long ago even, where I automatically assumed the worst about people. I didn’t let just anyone in; and no one in easily. I very seldom gave new people a chance. College kinda takes that option away from you; dorms, classes, projects, sports— detachment poses a challenge and Thank God for that! My crew is a blessing; I’d be lost without them. It’s surreal how easily we all “fit” and how natural it feels when we’re all in a room together. They’re my crutch these days, so pizza night is a must.

  I refuse to leave in my pajamas and Zach doesn’t know how late he’ll be, so the group text declares our room the meeting spot. Avery drew the “bring dinner” card tonight but I know Sawyer or Zach will see to it that the replacement cash finds its way to her. Bennett and I have a bit to catch up on before anyone else shows up and I’m grateful; we’ve been spread too thin lately for a good heart to heart.

  She’s excited for her big production and its approaching opening night. They’re doing A Streetcar Named Desire and the truly fabulous Bennett has been cast as Blanche Dubois. I now understand why there are pictures of Vivian Leigh pinned around the room and bathroom. She’ll be great, I know it, Bennett is a flash of secure individuality in any room. It makes me very happy to hear the elation in her voice and see the flush in her cheeks as she then sings Tate’s praises; he supports her, reads lines with her, even read the play himself so he’d be able to discuss it intelligibly. That last part really does impress me; if it’s not your thing, reading a play can be torture.

  Speak of the hero...Tate and Sawyer walk in, sans knock, which no longer aggravates me, bearing beer and smiles.

  “Ah, Gidget’s home!!” Sawyer lifts me and twirls me in a giant hug; with his big old self, you’re risking a rib fracture every time.

  Gidget—I have got to find time to watch that movie so I know what the hell he’s talking about. Bennett talked them all into watching a classic one night without me, and Sawyer hee-hawed the whole movie about how much I remind him of “the sweet lil blonde coming of age.”

  “Hey, Sawyer, I missed you, too.” I giggle, giddy with the realization that I did miss him. “Hey, Tate, how are you?” I volunteer a hug for him as well.

  “I’m good, we all missed you.” I see right then what has Bennett so enamored. His kind eyes, his reflective smile...it reminds me of his brother.

  “Thanks, Tate, you too,” I simper as Kirby pops her head inside the door.

  “Knock knock.” She peeks inside shyly. I usher her in, Avery right behind her. They’re both in red, which makes it even harder to tell them apart. I try not to gape as Sawyer moves to them and literally welcomes them at the same time, touching them both in some way. Man, I’m feeling unsure about my bet, I can’t tell with any certainty at this point which one he prefers. And when Zach finally shows up and glides the threesome comfortably into a foursome, I’m even more puzzled.

  I steal a glance at Bennett, who just shrugs at me and grins. Oh yeah, definitely gonna have to form an alliance with her for an impromptu game of Truth or Dare or something—the truth shall set us free! The suspense is killing me! Those are lucky twins, though; you can’t make a wrong choice between Sawyer Beckett and Zach Reece.

  We all fall into an amicable rhythm, grabbing our pizza and drinks, vying for a seat in the cramped space. Avery graces Sawyer’s lap, but he entwines his leg with Kirby’s, who’s sitting beside him...killing me!

  Zach comes and sits by me, seemingly unfazed by the show, and tells me how he missed me. “How’d your talk go?” he whispers.

  “Confusing and nothing got resolved, but at least I told him.” I shrug.

  “What’d he say?”

  “That he forgives me, he’d fix it, and not to worry. I honestly left more confused than when I got there. He didn’t ask me back and he didn’t ask me to stay away from Dane. I have no idea.” I give him a questioning look. “You got any other ideas?”

  He kisses the top of my head. “That’s all you can do, Laney. It’ll all pan out, you’ll see.” I so hope he’s right.

  “Laney, where’s Dane?” Kirby asks.

  Good question, I was wondering the same thing. “He should be here any minute,” Tate offers. “Maybe he thought we were in our room. He’ll figure it out,” Sawyer answers with his mouth full of pizza.

  “I’ll go look for him.” I stand to navigate my way through everyone’s legs.

  I hear him before I see him, his voice lowered and heated. As I get to the end of the hall I start to feel sick, I can make out enough to know who’s around the corner with him. When he jerks his head and meets my eyes, I don’t venture to guess what he sees in them because even I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Quickly assessing, I’ve interrupted a serious, concealed conversation between him and Whitley. I flick my eyes to her and the snarky brow lift she gives me shoots fire all through me.

  Taking in Dane’s expression, I can actually read his mind...“Oh fuck” is exactly what he just thought.

  I find my voice. “We thought maybe you went to the wrong room. I was just coming to look for you, sorry.” I’m not going to cry, not even a hint of tears building. I’m not going to punch either one of them, my anger surprisingly restrained. I think of Evan’s soft goodbye kiss, a direct violation of my breathy promise to Dane, and decide to simply turn and walk back to my room.

  “You not find him?” Tate asks as I step inside.

  “Actually, I did. He’s in the hall, I’m sure he’ll be in here in a sec.”

  Bennett gives me a concerned and confused look to which I respond with a slight “let it go” shake of my head. It’s about twelve minutes, not that I was keeping track, before Dane joins us. I don’t look at him but rather stare straight ahead at Bennett. She looks like a crazy cat lady glancing quickly back and forth between us,
frantically trying to figure out what’s just happened. You’d have to be asleep to not feel the tension in the room.

  I’m trying to understand. I’m not unfamiliar with the whole obsessed fan thing, but he has to be stringing her along or something. I mean, it’s all the time—she calls him, she always knows where to find him, and now she seems to be able to lure him into a secret hallway rendezvous. It pisses me off to think I’m hurting Evan for a player, but that can’t be right...my instincts are screaming at me that Dane simply isn’t a player and basing my decision on Evan solely off whether or not this thing with Dane is real, well, that’d make me the biggest player of all.

  Evan deserves better than to be a wishy-washy girl’s fallback guy. Evan deserves someone’s fire, someone’s all-consuming passion, and someone’s love; nothing less. He should be someone’s everything.

  Dane makes his plate and comes to sit down by me. He says “welcome back” out loud but whispers, “I need to talk to you.”

  I want so badly to play it off and give him the jealous girl cold shoulder, but I just can’t make myself do it. I’ve told Dane all along that I don’t want to play games so I have to stick to that. I hitch up my big girl panties and head to the hall, indicating to him non- verbally to follow me.

  He steps in the hall, clicking the door shut behind him, nervously moving towards me. “So, about Whitley...it’s not what you think.” He runs a hand through his sexy brown hair, messing it up just right.

  “I’m not sure what I think, to be perfectly honest with you.”

  “What do you want me to do? I can’t change my number; too many important people have it. I can’t get a restraining order.” He shakes his head and looks down. “What do you suggest I do? Tell me and I’ll do it. I don’t want to be a dick, but I can’t get her to leave me alone.”

  “You could block her number. You could keep walking and ignore her. I refuse to believe she physically contains you.”