Devour

by E. K. Blair

  She turned to the window and mumbled under her breath, “He’s only the best guy in school. That’s all who he is.”

  “I think you should try for him.”

  A corner of her mouth twitched up. “He doesn’t like me like that. He’s interested in you.”

  “Okay, well, we’ll have to wait and see, hmmm?” I elbowed my door. “Can you help me out over here?”

  “Oh.” She scrambled around the car and opened my door. As we walked inside, she started to bounce up and down. “I picked up an application here for a job. I’m hoping to work here. I think it’d be awesome. Everyone cool comes here, you know.”

  “When’d you turn your application in?”

  “A month ago.”

  “Have they called for an interview?”

  Her smile dimmed when we approached the counter. “The girl said they were fully staffed, but they’d call when they had some openings.”

  A Help Wanted sign hung underneath the cash register.

  “Can I help you?” A brightly smiling petite girl waited for our orders.

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “What? I like this place.” Becky hurried after me towards the door.

  “You tore into me how I let people walk over me last year. If we’re friends, then take my advice. Don’t let this place walk over you.” I pushed open the door and started to step out, but a wall slammed into me from the side.

  I cried out and blinked past tears from the sudden pain. It speared through me, but hands caught my shoulders and set me to the side.

  “Oh....hi...” Becky had become a third grade little girl.

  I sucked in my breath through my teeth and tried to numb down the pain. It felt like fire as it bolted up my arms and through my legs. I couldn’t see for a moment when more tears kept threatening to spill out.

  A voice asked, “What happened to her hands?”

  Becky shuffled around on the sidewalk. I could hear her blushing. “She had an accident.”

  “Did she scratch some girl’s eyeballs out or something?” The same voice laughed and another male voice joined in.

  “I dunno. She won’t tell me.” Becky’s voice had grown soft, even weak.

  Enough of my tears had cleared and I was able to see who was in front of us.

  My heart stopped. Of course. My luck.

  Mason was in front with Logan beside him and their friend on his other side. Logan had been the one asking. Their friend still snickered. And Mason watched me with impenetrable eyes.

  I scowled.

  Then the friend asked, “Can she drive home with those?”

  Becky had been watching the sidewalk, but her head whipped up. “No. I know. I’ve been trying to reason with her so I could drive her home, but she won’t let me—”

  I shook off Mason’s hand. He’d been holding my elbow and I surged away. “I’m fine.”

  “Sam, wait.” Becky jogged to catch up.

  I bypassed her car.

  “I drove you here.”

  “I’m fine,” I repeated through gritted teeth and when I rounded a corner, I started to run. Forget my iPod or running shoes; I was grateful that I’d worn sneakers to school that day. I’d just run home.

  And I did, or I tried. At mile ten, I slowed to a walk. My legs hurt from the different sneakers and my back hurt from my bag. When a car slowed beside me, I snarled when I looked over. I was ready for anybody, but David stopped beside me.

  The fight left me in that instant.

  He reached over and unlocked the passenger door and I climbed in, though my body was stiff.

  He blasted the air conditioner and started off again. Then he turned the radio off and leaned back. His voice was weary. “I saw your car still in the lot and I wondered how you’d get home.”

  I let out a breath. I had nothing to say.

  “Then I remembered what you said about Jeff and Jessica and Lydia. Do people know you’re staying with the Kades?”

  I shook my head. My throat was too thick to talk.

  “Yeah, I imagined that.” He watched the road and his voice grew distant. “You were always so stubborn and proud. I used to worry about your pride, even when you were three. I always told Analise that it’d either make you or break you. I’m not sure which it is.”

  I closed my eyes.

  The car turned at an intersection. “I know you might have questions for me, but I’m not sure they’re questions that I can answer. Analise always wanted me to keep quiet so I did. I loved her. And now...”

  “You raised me all my life.”

  He stopped the car somewhere and held my gaze.

  My heart thumped, it was so loud in my ears.

  He looked emotionless, but then he turned away and pressed a hand to his mouth. “I did.” He was choked up. “I did, Sammy.” And he took a deep breath. “Listen, if you’d like I can give you a ride to school tomorrow. I know you won’t ask anyone and you don’t have your car right now.”

  I realized we were a block from the Kade mansion.

  “I will be here at seven tomorrow morning, on the dot. You don’t need to call or anything. Actually, don’t call. I’ll be waiting for you.”

  I jerked my head in a nod. He reached across me and opened my door. As I got out and used my elbow to shut it, he called out, “See you tomorrow, Samantha. Get some sleep tonight.”

  Like that was going to happen.

  He sped away and I walked up the mansion’s driveway. There was only one car parked in front, my mom’s new convertible she’d gotten the week we moved in. My heart started to pound again when I went inside. And then I heard her voice. It grew louder until I found her in a library-like room with her back to me. She had a phone pressed to her ear.

  “Yes, honey. I know that.” Pause. “Oh, I’m sure they’ll be fine. Samantha’s adjusting just fine—well—no.” She sighed. “I’m sure he’s not that bad of a boy. Mason seems very sure of himself. No, I know. Yes....okay, honey. I’d like that a lot too.” She listened to the other end for a minute. “Everything will work out wonderfully. I promise you.”

  Then she laughed. The sound peeled through the room and it jarred me. I jumped back and tried to block the pain from the movement.

  “Okay. Yes. I love you too. Bye.”

  I opened my eyes in time to see her turn around. Her eyes widened a fraction of an inch. “Honey, I didn’t know you were there. How are you?”

  I waited.

  She gasped.

  She saw my hands.

  “What did you do?”

  When she came over and started to reach for one of them, I jerked away. “I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

  “Were you in a fight?”

  I fought against the urge to puke. All accusations, all questions I had went down my throat then. I didn’t want to hear her lies. I wasn’t sure if I could stomach more fake promises coming out of her mouth either.

  “I was trying to open this door, it was stuck, and someone banged it shut from the other side. They didn’t see my hands.”

  “That’s it?” my mother asked flatly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing.” She shook her head and plastered on a smile. “The boys are coming home soon. They had practice that ran late, but James and I wanted to have a family dinner. What do you think?”

  “It’ll suck.”

  She sailed past me. “Do you think they’d like meatloaf? They seem like the kind to like meat, maybe pasta? Chicken and pasta? The chef went home, I asked him to go. I wanted to cook this dinner by myself.”

  I scowled and followed her down the hallway.

  She turned into the kitchen. “You want to help, honey? You could make your famous green bean dish. You always made that for Jeffrey.”

  “Can I invite him?”

  Her laughter bounced off the walls. “Oh, honey. You’re so funny. You must get that from your dad. David could be funny at times.”

  As she went into the kitchen, I went to my room. My
skin felt like it was stretching off of me. My feet wouldn’t stop moving. Dinner or no dinner, I had to get out of there or I’d be bouncing off the walls too.

  When I had changed into my running shoes with my iPod on my arm, I hit the sidewalk. As I ran down the driveway, Mason’s black Escalade pulled in. Logan’s yellow one came behind, but I didn’t look at either of them and started running.

  I’d have to go back. I knew that. I couldn’t keep running from my mom or what she’d done to our lives, but for now this was how I was going to deal with the storm that was happening inside of me.

  At that point, I didn’t care when I went back home. It could be long past midnight before I returned, preferably when everyone was asleep. I’d slip in, sleep, and sneak back out. I took a deep breath and pumped my arms higher in the air. This was going to be my life, until everything would crash underneath our feet.

  It was only a matter of time.

  ***

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  It was late when I hobbled inside. At this point with my bloody hands, the weak legs, and how much I’ve been running, it was time to admit that I needed to cut back. Making myself numb might not have been the healthiest way to handle recent changes in my life, but I wasn’t sure if I dared any other option. Talking had never been my strong suit.

  As I passed a room, the light switched on.

  I could feel Analise’s anger from where I was and I hadn’t looked yet.

  So I did.

  Her face was white, eyes strained, mouth pinched, and her arms were folded over her chest. My mother never folded her arms, it was deemed unladylike and too confrontational. Then her foot started to tap on the floor.

  Guess I pissed her off.

  “Do you know what time it is?” she clipped out.

  No clock was in sight. I shrugged.

  “It’s one in the morning. One in the morning, Samantha.” Her leg moved off the other and both feet were now on the floor. They stopped tapping.

  She still remained on her chair.

  I tilted my chin up. “Do you know what’s happened to my life?”

  She made a disgusted sound and hissed at the same time. “Are we back to this? You knew my marriage wasn’t working out. You should be happy for me, Samantha.”

  “Happy?” My voice cooled. “It happened a week ago.”

  “Would you rather I were in an unhappy marriage?”

  “How could I tell? You were fake all the time.”

  Her eyes threatened to bulge out and she sucked in a dramatic breath. When she talked, it was forcibly controlled, “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re the fakest person I know. Why are you really pissed off? Is it because I missed your precious family dinner?”

  “I’m fake?” She started to stand up.

  My eyes went flat. “So much that I can’t stand being fake. I’m real all the time, mom. Congratulations. I have no friends because of it.”

  “I’m fake?”

  “This is news to you?” I laughed as she drew closer.

  There was a stillness to my mother. Her anger was so vivid, but I was past caring. My body ached. My hands hurt. And I was tired, so tired of everything.

  She stopped in front of me.

  I met her gaze and my hands formed into fists. “What do you want? Tell me what you want me to say so I can go to sleep.”

  Her voice grew soft. “You missed dinner tonight.”

  “We’re back to this?” I mocked her. “Your precious dinner?”

  “It was an important dinner.”

  “I highly doubt it.” I started to leave, but she caught my arm.

  She hissed, “I am talking to you.”

  “Not anymore. I’m moving out as soon as I’m eighteen. That’s all you need to hear from me.”

  “What?” she gasped.

  “Reality check, mom. This is your life. This is your boyfriend. I don’t want any part of it. I want to be home with dad again. I want to move in with him.”

  “You. Will. Not. Live. With. Him.” She had to take breaths to calm down. Her arms started to tremble, her chin was rattled. Her eyes clung to mine in a beseeching manner, torn between pleading and commanding.

  “Why not?” I tested her. “He is my father, right?”

  Her mouth shut in a firm line.

  “Doesn’t he have some right to see me? Don’t I have a right to see him? Why is it always your way? You didn’t give me any choice. You said we’re moving and we did, just like that. We moved because you said so. Well I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be a part of your boyfriend’s family. This is your thing, not mine.”

  “You are my daughter.”

  “Am I? Are you sure? How many nights have we eaten together since the move?”

  “I wanted—”

  “It would’ve been once, tonight. And that’s because it’s what you wanted, not me. You’ve stopped being my mom the second we moved in here. The only role you fulfill is his girlfriend as the wannabe wife of James Kade.”

  Analise went white around her mouth. Her arms jerked up in balls, but she forced them back down. Her arms shook and her hands started to tremble. She choked out, “You will respect me—”

  “Where’s my respect? As your daughter, don’t I get respect?”

  “I am your mother—”

  “I wish you weren’t—”

  She slapped me. The force of her palm pushed me back a few steps and I cradled my cheek as I whirled back to her. She stood there, ashen in the face and with her hand still in the air. The palm was spread out and she looked from her hand to me in disbelief.

  The pain was numbing. And a part of me wanted more, but I said, “If you slap me again, I’ll hit you back.”

  “Samantha...” She darted towards me.

  I jerked away and retreated to a far wall.

  “I...” Her eyes kept spinning around the room, from me to her, to her hand, and back to her feet. “I...” Then her face cleared and she looked back up. She spoke in a calmed voice, too calm. “The dinner tonight was important to me.”

  I narrowed my eyes.

  She swallowed and hung her head again. “I wanted you there.”

  “You want to know where I was?” I didn’t wait for her answer. “Running. I’ve gone running almost every day since we got here. I run until my body can’t take anymore and then I go to sleep and I get up, go to school, and I can’t wait until I can do it all again. I don’t want to feel anything, mom, because sooner or later, we’re going to be out of here. Have you thought about that? What happens when he breaks up with you?”

  “We’re getting married.”

  I hesitated for a beat. “And I repeat, what happens when he breaks up with you?”

  “Didn’t you hear me? James proposed to me. We announced it tonight at dinner.”

  “Oh,” I bit out. “Well, then I’m so sorry your daughter wasn’t there to represent your side of the family. He had his two sons, right? Their friend too?”

  Her eyes narrowed again and she was still, so still.

  I laughed, mocking. “And you looked at your side of the table and there was my empty chair. You were humiliated, weren’t you?”

  “Yes.” Her teeth were gritted together.

  “I’m humiliated every day we’re here. I’m humiliated you left dad for this—”

  “You will watch your words.”

  “I won’t. Why should I? You don’t watch yours.” I pressed a fist into the side of my face. My hand had grown numb and I laughed. It rumbled from the bottom of my stomach and gurgled out. The sound sent chills down my own spine. “I love you. I’m divorcing you.” A pause. I glanced up and held her eyes. “Your father loves you.”

  Her eyes went wide and she paled again. This time she was as white as a sheet.

  I let out a deep breath, one to calm me, but the storm started to take over. “Your father will always love you. I’ll always love you. I’ll protect you. I’ll put you first in my life.” My mouth twisted into
an ugly smile. “It was all lies, wasn’t it, Analise?”

  “You know,” she breathed out. She looked horrified.

  “Why are you marrying him? You just want to find a new daddy for me? David couldn’t keep lying to me anymore?”

  “That wasn’t....this isn’t...Oh, Samantha...” A sob came from her.

  “Stop it,” I snapped out.

  Her mouth clenched shut and she watched me. A tear came to her eye.

  “You don’t get to feel bad for yourself.” My whole body started to shake. “I wish I’d never been born from yo—”

  She swung her hand wide and it smacked against my cheek. This time it hit across my nose and as my head was thrown to the side, I tasted blood. I glanced up, felt my insides churning, and fisted my hand. I threw my whole body behind.

  I watched her in slow motion. She looked from my face to my hand and her mouth formed a small o. Her eyes widened, but then something caught me. I was hauled backwards in the air and against something. I tried kicking free, but an arm held on tight around my waist.

  “Samantha!”

  “Let me go.” I kept kicking, until I heard laughter from behind.

  “You could help,” a male voice reverberated from behind my ear.

  “I think you got it under control.”

  I was swung around and I saw Logan, James, and the friend in the doorway. Logan wiped a hand over his face as he continued to laugh. The friend was fighting back a smile and James gave me an emotionless expression.

  I doubled my struggle.

  Mason’s arms tightened around me.

  “Let me go. I won’t hit her.”

  He grunted and dropped me.

  I swung around and he watched me with caution.

  Then I swiveled on my heel and went to bed. Not a word was spoken behind me and when I left the next day, Mousteff gave me a sheepish smile as he handed out his brown bag. I took it as I passed and met my da—David a block away. He was quiet when I got in the car, but I felt his attention. His eyes raked over my face, but he didn’t say a word. I breathed out in thanks when we pulled into the parking lot. I hurried from the car before he got out of his side and I was in the school early enough so no one was in the hallways.