Rebuilding the Wolf

by Erin R Flynn

  I realized he needed to talk though and moved closer, as the big tub could hold like five adults… Which the owner probably had planned to do. He raised an eyebrow as I straddled his thighs and sat between his legs.

  “How are you though?”

  He swallowed loudly and then took a sip of wine. “In pain. A lot of pain. I’m having a lot of doubts. I know asking for help was the right thing, I do, and people were dying, but I have these moments where I just think the cost was too high. I’m sorry for those kids, but my best friend and a brother to me was more important.”

  “And then you feel horrible for even thinking that,” I sighed, knowing it well. I rubbed his knee when he nodded, tears in his eyes. “I finally forgave Riley. I know it’s not his fault, he was sick, but he planned it all out instead of asking for help. He went for a last run, maybe even planned it before then with how he handled ending with Jesse. The pack was devastated, even the boys because they knew they were part of the rift between us.”

  “Did you read his letter?” he asked gently.

  “I don’t know if I ever can,” I admitted. “I forgave him and hope he finds peace, I’ve visited, but I don’t know I can handle that letter and certainly not for a while. I mean, we were apart longer than we were together, but he was mine. He knew I was a siren and the bond and he never asked Alena or anyone what happens when that bond breaks. For all he knew, he was taking me with him.”

  “I didn’t think of that.”

  “Noah got drunk and admitted he blew up when Riley’s body arrived from Greece and said some horrible things about his selfishness risking me.”

  “Life is always such a mess,” Virgil sighed, taking a longer sip of his wine. “I always wanted to be Alpha. My dad was an awesome Alpha, and I wanted to be like him when I grew up. But then I realized what that meant and flipped out that I was messed up and wanted my dad dead for his job. He chuckled and said I was a good boy, the best son he could ever have, and I’d make a wonderful Alpha, as no one lived forever.

  “But we grow up. We live more life, and part of me for years has felt like maybe I signed up for the job because I was supposed to and not because I wanted to. Yeah, the pack needed stability after Dad died, and my family has always been Alpha since we immigrated here centuries ago, but… That’s the rest of my immortal life.”

  “Yeah, I know, and I never even wanted it for a second,” I sighed, tossing back the rest of my wine. I reached over to set down my glass, gasping when his fingers went somewhere fun. “I thought we were being serious and talking as only Alphas can?”

  “We can keep talking,” he chuckled as he pulled me onto his lap. He handed me his wine glass, smiling when I finished it for him and set it on the ledge. “You’re the first person who made me understand what Ross used to say about not wanting to be a Beta but feeling the calling to protect the right Alpha.

  “I’ve felt that since meeting you, and in a way that had nothing to do with the mind blowing sex. And it did something to me more than my own job as Alpha. Woke me to something more than just going through the motions.”

  “But then he died and you feel guilty even thinking about something other than Alpha when he died to protect you.”

  “I knew you’d understand,” he murmured, leaning in and kissing my neck, licking up the line of it. “Him dying makes me want to leave Memphis more. Every memory, every everything is tied to him. He protected me because he loved me, because he believed in being a Beta. Am I doing the right thing for his sacrifice if I keep doing the job I’m not sure I want?”

  “I think I’m the last one to ask about emotional health, but I get having no other Alphas to talk to, as they would only hear a weakness to exploit,” I answered after a moment. “I think the pain and hurt cloud your decision whichever way you go, Virg. I think you need more time to heal before seriously considering changing your life that drastically. And I think you need to not think about it in terms of me.”

  He chuckled as his fingers pushed inside me, leaning over and sucking on my nipple until I squirmed. “I would never give up my pack to chase you romantically. I meant the Alpha you are, what you’re doing for all of us. Wanting you, my wolf wanting you as badly as he does, it’s actually separate, and I get how things get all wrapped up, but I know it with every inch of me.”

  “Good because that’s a bit scary of a sentiment if I’m being honest here.”

  “I know, but I would absolutely pursue you if I went that route. I don’t want to hide that, but Memphis would be fine without me. Here I feel needed, alive in a way I don’t in Memphis, and then I get the absolute perk of you.”

  “Sounds rash and that worries me,” I admitted. “I’m not going anywhere, Virg. I think you would regret it later if you left while there was still such unrest there. If you want to after you heal more, after things settle some, I would completely understand.”

  “Yeah?” He sighed when I nodded. “I think I needed to hear someone I trust say that, not just any other Alpha since so many like the power, kill for the job.” He shook his head when I opened my mouth to say something. “No more heavy. Thank you for listening, and I’m glad you got out what was hurting you too, but my mouth has another job right now.”

  “Yes please,” I moaned, arching my back as his lips found my other nipple. He spent the next few minutes giving me some fun before pouring me another glass of wine to enjoy while I got a fabulous massage. I was mush when he lifted me out onto the lip of the tub, picking up my razor and shaving gel. I raised an eyebrow at that one, and he just smiled.

  “I’ve never understood the desire to do this until I met you. I’ve had several dreams of shaving you all over and looking my fill, licking after I shave.”

  “Be careful,” I squeaked, only having done it once before and a few times with my legs being shaved. He was and it was thrilling, leaving me breathless when he was done.

  “I want more fun,” he murmured as he stood, picking me up into his arms. I nodded I was in even if I had no clue what he meant. He wrapped us in towels before carrying me out to the kitchen, making sure I had my glass of wine. Then he hurried into my bedroom and grabbed the webcam and my tablet.

  “What are you plotting?”

  “Making a councilman very, very jealous,” he growled, letting me see the heat in his eyes along with how hard the idea made him. He went back into my bedroom and got the anklet, putting it on me before going to connect the call.

  “Wait, is my hair and makeup a mess?” I checked.

  “No, it all washed off and you don’t need it,” he promised.

  “Seraphine, good evening,” Apollo greeted as he appeared on the tablet.

  “Good morning to you, so I’m a bit shocked you wanted to take the call,” I chuckled, clearing my throat. “Thank you for my gift. I love it.”

  “I’m very glad. Orson told me you had a favorable reaction to it whereas other gifts were nothing.”

  “I know you. Gifts from strangers is weird, but I know you and you didn’t just get anything you thought would work. You’re too good to act that badly.”

  “I did take the time to pick what I thought would look best on you, and I see it does,” he murmured. He moaned when I brought my foot up onto the counter, showing it off more and what else he wanted to see. “You are very welcome, but I believe that is a present for me you are showing.”

  “There’s more,” I admitted, dropping the towel. “And a proxy for you.”

  “Do I get to direct?” he asked as Virg moved closer. “Alpha Virgil, thank you for helping Seraphine while she aided us and all paranormals.”

  “It was my pleasure, nice to meet you, Councilman. And yes, I’ll let you direct this first fun, as I get to have lots more fun with her when you cannot.”

  “You’re mean,” I chuckled, shaking my head. “You’d be ready to beat someone who said that when you were back in Memphis.”

  “Yes, but that is part of the fun of being a man,” Apollo purred. “But I think his mout
h should be put to better use.”

  “Gladly, but others asked to be invited. I’ll leave them on mute,” Virg warned, tapping the tablet a bunch before coming back to me. “The counter’s too tall. Turn around and lay on it.”

  I didn’t move, letting power flood the room. “You going to boss me around tonight?”

  “Actually he’s going to boss me around, but then yeah, I’m going to mount you and fuck you silly.” He moved between my legs and pulled me to the edge. “Any problem with that?”

  “Depends if you do it right,” I growled, mashing my mouth to his, setting down my wine as I fisted his hair, digging my nails into his back with my other hand. I wrapped my legs around him, loving the friction of the towel against my body.

  “I cannot see much of anything,” Apollo complained.

  “I was right fucking there,” I snarled when Virg pulled away.

  “I know,” he purred, grabbing my ankle and spinning me around so I had to look back at the camera. “I want to eat what I just shaved.”

  Did he ever. Then he screwed me against the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room, making sure to adjust the camera so they could see. Next he carried me to bed, going back for the camera and tablet before joining me there.

  “I want to be inside you another way,” he murmured as he ran his hand over my ass.

  I nodded, looking over my shoulder. “I’m still new to it though.”

  “Got it. No rough stuff.” Instead he moved under me and had me sit on his face to get me ready and have lots more fun. Which we did, and even if it was anal sex, it was surprisingly romantic the way we moved, how he touched every inch of me while I was on all fours. He pulled us up onto our knees and wrapped himself around me completely.

  It took us a bit to recover, a break to clean up, and he went for more wine, but when he came into my room naked and ready, my hormones won out over a break. I yanked him down to the bed after he set everything on the night stand, smirking at him as I climbed on him.

  “My turn to be boss.”

  “Yes please,” he whimpered, moaning when I lowered myself on him. I pinned his wrists down as I rode him. Then I sat up and swirled my hips, my hands running all over my body and into my hair as I felt how much he loved that. I kept looking at his neck though, and it almost threw off my rhythm and fun. “Go ahead, Sera.”

  I froze. “Why do I want to bite you? That’s new. I did it with Dain but I was—things went crazy with making him mine. I did it then, and now I’ve wanted to a few times.”

  “You’re a wolf, honey,” he chuckled, angling his neck to give me all the access I wanted. “It’s not mating or putting a ring on it. Think of it like marking someone. Male wolves like to mark by leaving scents. You’re Alpha. You want your teeth marks in your lover who’s pleased you. It’s like how girls used to wear the name of their boyfriend on a necklace. Or wearing a hickey so people know it was good. It’s flattering.”

  “Good,” I snarled, leaning over and biting his neck where it met his shoulder so it would show even with a shirt on. “Shit, my wolf is like howling.”

  “Mine too, mine too,” he growled, grabbing my hips and thrusting up as I rode him hard. We came together, both of us making very, very primal noises.

  “Holy shit, that was new,” I panted, staring at him with wide eyes.

  “You’re a new wolf,” he gasped, smiling up at me. “You should see how some matings go with the rutting and snarling. I know Alphas who fuck in third form and some women love that. He loves it when they’re strong enough to have the form and do it. You think like a human still where you got an animal, a wolf. But natural wolves are as different from us as humans are.”

  “I’m realizing that more and more when I see wolves having fun in that form on the full moon,” I chuckled, moving off of him with a groan. “I’m not there yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be there.”

  “That’s understandable. I know some born shifters that think it’s a bit much. It’s just like any sex where people have different lines. I will say there’s an extra level of intimacy if you have sex in other forms. I wouldn’t do it with someone unless we were serious. It’s like a level of sharing all of yourself, any form with them.”

  “Makes sense. I think I’d have to be more comfortable with those forms before I could really do it. I was terrified to look at Brian after he saw me in my third form when that hitter came. We were talking and goofing around, but I was more terrified to see his reaction to that than the fact I’d had a hitter come after me. Then I was in the hospital, and it never came up, but he saw it again when Lyon invaded, and I was shocked it didn’t seem to bug him.”

  “Sera, you know he’s on Skype, right?” Virg whispered gently.

  My head turned so fast to look at the tablet I’d forgotten about, I heard something in my neck pop. Then I looked away, not wanting to see his face. “No, I forgot. I totally forgot. We were talking Alpha stuff earlier, and I realized I still had issues with that when you were bringing up other forms. I’m still scared of how the people who knew me before would react to seeing me as a wolf, and I keep waiting for Brian to be disgusted.”

  “Sera, wait,” he whispered as I hurried off the bed and darted into the bathroom, completely mortified Brian heard all of that and then I kept talking. Oh god, oh god, I was an idiot.

  It took me a bit to calm down and pull it together, glad when I saw the tablet was off when I came back out of the bathroom… But instead Brian was there. I opened my mouth and then closed it, nothing coming out before I turned to head back into the bathroom. He grabbed me around the waist and spun me so I was pressed against him, wrapping me around him as he moved me to the wall.

  “I love your wolf,” he whispered against my lips. “She’s as beautiful as you are. Even your third form you’re like a hot superhero. It was a shock to see the first time, but I’ve never been disgusted, Sera. I see you in her eyes. I know it’s you. The only problem I ever have is how your siren can push you, but I even like her now that she’s more understanding and helps you explore, be more open and accept love. That’s what I feel, I swear it.”

  “Really?” I breathed, some deep hurt and worry still about becoming a wolf healing when he nodded. “Wow, you being in the same building has some perks, huh?”

  “Babe, I would have immediately driven over even all the way to your house if I’d heard you say that and worry,” he swore against my lips.

  “I love you,” I rasped, hugging him tightly, feeling his love for me.

  “I love you too, and you are naked and wrapped around me, and I’m only in pajama bottoms, and I’m two seconds from losing my damn mind.”

  “Hey, I let you in to be nice, not take time away from our date,” Virg called out from the kitchen. “And she needs to eat. She didn’t have enough real food with all the stress she had this week. Get your sexy ass out here and finish this Chinese with me.”

  “So many bossy fucking men in my life,” I chuckled, giving Brian a soft kiss. “Thank you for coming.”

  “I’m glad I could ease that worry because we have enough crap in our lives. That was not something you should ever worry about.”

  “My mind goes back to the hospital when I woke up sometimes and how you were then,” I admitted, searching his eyes.

  “It was shock. It was serious shock, not disgust even then. I was numb with shock,” he promised, finally addressing how bad that had been.

  “Okay then, glad we settled that.”

  And I was. Damn, I so, so was because we did have enough crap in our lives to be worried about things we could settle. He was a bit clingy though after saying that. He carried me out to the kitchen, and while I slid on the robe I’d left there, he made sure we were touching while Virg and I finished off the Chinese food. It wasn’t over the top, but his hip touched mine or our elbows. And I noticed.

  He needed the comfort too after admitting that he’d blown that moment and how bad it had been for him too. Hey, I understood that and ne
eding comfort. Even Virg did, as he acted like it was no big that Brian joined us for a bit.

  “You get out so I can give her something sweet that she screams from,” Virg said as he cleaned up.

  I blinked at him, shocked he’d said it so easily and like talking about something else other than sex. Brian just laughed and kissed my cheek before saying he’d see us tomorrow. Virg locked up behind him and then gave me exactly what he’d said.

  “Sorry to kick you out,” I muttered as my eyes got heavy afterwards. “But I’ve got my own nightmares; I can’t risk anyone else’s.”

  “I know,” he whispered, kissing my temple as he climbed out of bed. “I’m sorry everyone has to leave you.”

  Ouch. True, but ouch.

  11

  I woke to enticing smells and slid out of bed, my stomach the boss of me most days. I threw on my robe and walked out to my kitchen, sniffing the air. “You can cook.”

  “I can cook,” Virg chuckled, glancing at me over his shoulder. “Woman, go back to bed. It’s not breakfast in bed unless you’re in the bed.”

  I eyed him over, every muscle, every line of his back as he finished what he was doing on the stove. “Is that an order, Alpha?”

  “Maybe,” he murmured, setting down the pan and facing me. He studied me and licked his lips. “What’s gotten into you?”

  “You’re cooking breakfast in bed for me and looking better than the food in my kitchen,” I admitted, moving over to him, stalking my prey. I untied the robe and let it slide off my shoulders. I went for broke and bared my neck to him, shivering when he growled deeply.

  “You’re playing with fire,” he warned.

  “I know. Beg me for what you want, Alpha.”

  He did and then did me bent over the counter, upping the level every time I called him Alpha. Wow, so that was one way to wake up.

  “Did I ruin anything?”

  “Fuck the food,” he panted, kissing my shoulder. “Shit, Sera, you know how to push all my buttons.”