Rebuilding the Wolf

by Erin R Flynn

  “Alena took it all, and Greece doesn’t have the same laws. Talk to her about this and there’s some way to donate with the something, something, and something legal that Dain and all of them will know and I don’t want to. I get there are rescues needed and that’s great, but I’d rather do this and we’re absolutely trained as well as possible and then rescues so it’s less dangerous.”

  “You really have the kindest heart of anyone I’ve ever known,” he muttered as he slid out of the booth. He leaned over and kissed my hair. “You take such good care of all of us, Sera. Let us take care of you too.” He nudged the box closer to me before leaving, letting it go but also making it clear it was time to start thinking of what else I wanted in life besides work, fixing the pack, and hot sex.

  Hey, I thought those were pretty good starter goals, but yeah, there was always room for improvement.

  “Where would you go for an awesome date?” I asked Ashley as she sat down at the booth a bit later.

  Her eyes went bug wide. “He didn’t actually ask me out, just gave me the present.”

  Then it took me a moment to catch up. I hurried to explain my gift and admitted I was a bit lost as to where to start.

  “You’re asking where the kids go these days?” she checked, smiling when I shrugged. “Where did the teenage Sera want to go if she’d been asked then?”

  “Great America,” I muttered, nodding I got what she was saying. “Thanks, that helps.” I studied her carefully and then added something when I felt what was coming off of her. “Sometimes things just spin you a bit and simply asking can point you in the right direction so you can pin the tail on the donkey.”

  “Yeah, but sometimes you’re worried you’re going to betray people you love and start something you don’t meant to,” she whispered, helping me with the roses. “And that’s the last thing you want to do, but you maybe don’t agree with them? Or you don’t know enough to disagree, but you don’t want to lie to cover for them.”

  “That is tough,” I sighed, sitting back in the booth and clasping my hands behind my head so I held up my hair. “This is about the gift, right?” I had my answer when her heart fluttered and she swallowed loudly. “You like him, don’t you?”

  “I’d like to know him better,” she answered after a moment, and the way she said it with what she’d already admitted to was enough for me to put it together. Her eyes went wide as I growled. “Please, please don’t be angry with them, Sera. They’ve never said anything bad about the rabbits or Leo. Mom said she doesn’t have to be reasonable as a parent but that I’ve been through enough already.”

  I swallowed down what I wanted to say, accepting I wasn’t a parent who couldn’t understand that. “So you don’t want to go against your parents, you don’t want to tell Leo whatever they said about him, and you don’t want to lie to him.”

  “Basically,” she whispered. “I was really happy to get the gift. He’s nice. But yeah, it’s scary to think of getting close to someone who’s been through what he’s been through. I mean, I’m a mess half the time at almost being sexually abused and raped. He was and other stuff too.”

  “It’s smart you acknowledge that, see the potential issues,” I admitted, trying to not get defensive because it was Leo, as Ashley was my pack too. “But for the moment, put it aside and tell me what you want, honey. You gotta tell me what you want for me to help you.”

  She worried her lip a minute as we worked and then nodded. “I think I’m not ready to date a shifter after so many were going to do bad stuff to me. I think I’m scared to be alone with someone. I’d like to hang out with him and get to know him more, but we can’t go to places so…”

  “That means hanging out at our house where the others would leave you alone,” I muttered, bobbing my head. “Okay, I’ll talk to your mom.”

  “She’s going to be pissed,” she worried. “She’s going to be so pissed I came to you about this, but I can’t lie to Leo, and if I told him they don’t want me getting close to him and keep my distance, that sounded like it would start serious shit in the pack, and we’re all doing so much better. I didn’t want to be the reason it blew up.”

  “It won’t be, and I think you absolutely did the right thing coming to me about this. You didn’t come bitch to the Alpha that your parents won’t extend your curfew, Ashley. This is something that might need discussing and handling beyond you and your parents.” I reached over and squeezed her hand. “You finish here for me, and I’ll go talk with Jessica.”

  “Thanks, Sera.”

  I slid out and adjusted my neck, trying to keep cool as I headed to the display we’d agreed to let Nina have with some baskets of goodies that would be great Valentine’s Day presents. She was finishing up with a customer, so I turned to the witch who worked for Nina and checked she could take a break.

  “I need to speak with you,” I muttered once the witch said it was fine.

  “Yes, Alpha,” Jessica whispered, understanding I was upset. She followed me to the elevators, and I took us to the third floor that was pretty deserted. Immediately she bared her neck to me. “I’m sorry for whatever I did that you’re so upset about, Alpha.”

  I leaned in and kissed her neck. “You did nothing wrong. Maybe something I don’t fully understand, but right now I’m not your Alpha but Leo’s older sister.”

  She flinched and lowered her head. “Ashley talked to you.”

  “Yes, but don’t get mad at her, as she very clearly specified you weren’t running your mouth or even bad mouthing the boys. She doesn’t want to lie to Leo, and she was in near tears that this could blow up shit in the pack if she told him the truth.”

  Anger flashed in her eyes, but she swallowed it down. “With all due respect, Sera, I have every right to tell my child who she cannot date. She’s not even an adult yet and—”

  “Yeah, I get that,” I growled, swallowing it down too and pacing. “Fine, I don’t because I didn’t have parents that loved me or interjected like that. I understand parents do that and I’m not a parent. So yeah, you do have that right as she’s a kid, however they’re my kids really, so we’re going to have this conversation especially because I need to know if there’s something going on in the pack I don’t see.”

  Her expression softened. “No, but a few of us who have daughters their ages did talk. We don’t know everything they went through, just that it was seriously fucked up, Sera. I’ve heard from Leo’s own mouth that he did terrible things to protect the others. I’m a mother. I don’t have to be fair or rational. That terrifies me, and I told my daughter I don’t want her getting close to someone who’s had that in his life.”

  “They were the victims, Jessica,” I snapped, swallowing my power down when she instantly bared her throat to me. “Sorry. Sorry. I was abused too. I was a foster kid too. I’m sorry, but you’re touching some bad issues for me as well.”

  “Yes, and would you blame Mrs. Havers if she worried about you getting involved with Brian? About the type of mother you might be or whatever? It’s not right, but it’s what families do, Sera. I’m scared a boy who was sexually violated, abused as a child in that way and abused by multiple parties as I know his foster families were horrible, will not understand a healthy relationship and will hurt my child.”

  I felt like she’d slapped me. How had this become such a pointed jab at me too? Wow, and here I’d thought Jessica was my friend. Awesome.

  12

  “There is no perfect boy to date Ashley,” I snapped, backing down when she nodded she knew that. “She admitted she doesn’t feel comfortable being alone with any male shifter after what she went through. She’s got her demons too, Jessica. I will say from personal experience that sometimes it’s people with demons who can help you overcome your own.”

  “And sometimes they let their demons out on the people they care about more,” she argued.

  “Do others in the pack feel this?”

  “No, most are scared they could say the wrong thing or hur
t them and their progress, scare them as wolves. It’s a few of us with kids their age that are a bit leery. It’s not like we blame them. We don’t. Honestly, all of them are great kids. I like them. I just don’t want any of them becoming best friends or dating my daughter who has screaming nightmares that she’s going to be raped in a gangbang by a bunch of fucking wolves.”

  I nodded, ignoring when her eyes flashed power at me, knowing it wasn’t a challenge but emotional. “You know that actually sounds like a prey shifter would be about the best person for her to befriend.”

  “Maybe, but maybe I just want my daughter in a cocoon a bit longer when the world is so fucking scary and especially for people like us.”

  “She’s not comfortable dating, and I feel the same for Leo. He knows he likes her, and I told him there’s no reason he shouldn’t tell her.” I studied her again as I cooled off. “What would make you feel better with them being friends? Fine, maybe friends interested in dating later, but friends.”

  “Nothing, I wouldn’t be comfortable with it.”

  I swallowed a growl. “I’m not a parent, but even I know she’s almost eighteen, and if that cocoon you want becomes a frigging bubble, she’s going to break it and rebel. There is no reason why Ashley can’t come with us if we go to the Field Museum.”

  “You’d be there then,” she snapped.

  “So it’s alone. You don’t want them alone?”

  “No, not until I know he won’t…” She blew out a harsh breath and started pacing too. “I read this study that people who are sexually abused as children abuse children when they’re adults at some alarming percentage. Those raped when young and impressionable can become—”

  “You knew someone,” I whispered, finally understanding what I was getting off of her. The level of fear was a lot, and we were both mixed up and upset, but there was too much of it and an underlying layer of something.

  “Yes, my second cousin,” she admitted, scrubbing her hands over her head. “He was repeatedly molested and raped by a teacher. It fucked him up so bad, Sera. I mean, seriously fucked him up. We knew that but not the extent. Later after he was arrested, the doctors learned he’d been raping women, touched his own children and—”

  “One does not lead to the other, Jessica.”

  “I know that,” she rasped, looking away from me. “I’m not accusing the boys of anything. I think they’re good kids. I do, Sera, but I almost had to endure my child going through something so sick, so horrible I still have nightmares too, knowing she would have to do it and unable to prevent it. This I can prevent. Even if he is the sanest and mentally healthiest of us all, he’s a rabbit. He will be hunted all of his life, and I do not want Ashely involved with that, with him.”

  I took in a slow, deep breath and went for the elevator, hitting the button much harder than needed. “Someone else needs to continue this conversation. I can’t keep objective and not let my personal feelings bleed into it.”

  “You weren’t abused like they were. It’s different. It’s not about them being foster kids.”

  I stepped on the elevator, and she flinched at whatever my expression was as I felt my power spiraling. “No, but I will always be hunted for what I am, Jessica. And that’s what saved Ashley and the whole fucking pack, but apparently we’re not worth getting involved with and loved.” The door closed before she could reply, and I adjusted my neck, trying to keep it together.

  And my mood didn’t improve when I met the gaze of Ashley’s dad when the doors opened on the first floor.

  “Shit,” Freddie hissed, fisting his hair. “I asked Ashley why she was so upset, and she didn’t know the whole thing with Jessica’s family.”

  I held up my hand to stop him when he went to keep talking. “I cannot be objective, as she said some very pointed things, Freddie.” I stopped talking when Leo came into the entryway, glancing between us.

  “I know they don’t like me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start trouble,” Leo blurted.

  “You are not the problem here,” I told him firmly, going to him, hugging him and then taking his face in my hands. “Kid, you are awesome. All of you are. What you have been through is not who you are, it’s what you’ve been through. That’s it. There are some very fucked up people who came from very normal backgrounds.” I moved my hand to his heart. “It’s what’s here that makes you who you are. You get me?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t you dare apologize again,” I whispered, pulling him back into my arms. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be objective and handle this right because of my own shit.” Too many eyes were on us by then, including a lot of customers and people who didn’t need to see this. I brought him with me to the other elevator, and we went to the parking garage to cool off.

  Which is something Chicago in February is good for.

  “Have they ever been mean to you?” I asked when I calmed down a bit.

  “No, Freddie’s nice to me but a bit nervous, moves between me and Ashley at stuff, and I thought he was just overprotective because of what was almost done to her,” he explained. “Jessica avoids me. She smiles and isn’t rude, but it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable around us.”

  “What is going on?” Reagan asked as he and Hagan jogged over to us. “Jessica’s all upset and told Freddie she fucked up and you might throw them out of the pack.”

  “I’m not going to kick them out,” I snarled, pacing to chill my wolf out. “She doesn’t want Ashley and Leo to even be friends because of his past and apparently it could make him into a monster and oh, he’ll always be hunted so yeah, she doesn’t want her daughter involved, making the comparison to Brian’s mother worrying what type of mother I would be after all I’d been through.”

  “Jesus, was she trying to get you to punch her?” Hagan asked, his eyes wide.

  “And my mother thinks you would be an awesome mom with how much you’ve helped the pack and boys from even what I’ve told her,” Brian said from behind us. I turned to see him, Dain, Virg, and some of the ancient vamps loaded with boxes and flowers. He looked at Leo. “You okay?”

  “I didn’t mean to do this.”

  “Kid, this isn’t you or your fault,” he muttered, coming over to Leo and setting down what he was holding before hugging him.

  “I just wanted to be normal, tell a girl I liked her,” Leo whispered, his pain tearing me up inside.

  “For the record, you’re getting the very normal response most of us get that it broke your heart,” he replied. “Normal isn’t easy. I know this sucks, I do, but all of us have this moment no matter the reasons. The first girl I ever asked out was to homecoming, and she said yes but then blew me off the day of because she got a better offer.

  “Dating and love sucks most times until you meet that right person, and then you will understand all of that was just so you found her. This, as much as it hurts, will put you on the path to find her, shape you into the man who will be able to love and appreciate her when you find her.”

  My heart skipped a beat because while he was talking to Leo, Brian’s gaze never left mine.

  I saw Jessica and Freddie coming out of the elevator to join us, and I moved without even realizing it, cornering her in the hallway away from the eyes of the others. “I get having shit cloud your judgement or make you see monsters when there aren’t any, but they are kids and they could feel your discomfort with them around. You’re mated to the Beta of this pack, and you acting like that around the children the Alpha adopted is not tolerable.”

  “You’re right,” she accepted, and I immediately backed off. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. I’m the adult, and I thought I did better. I never meant to make them feel uncomfortable, and I’ve never said an ill word against them.”

  “She hasn’t,” Freddie promised. “She’s actually said a lot of good stuff about how hard they’re working and how Nina can’t say enough good things about all of them. It’s also not her fault they can sense her feelings, Alpha.”

&n
bsp; “No, but if there was a problem, I should have been told because I’m not just Alpha but their guardian.” They both nodded, and I backed off more. “If you don’t want Ashley to go out with him, I understand, but you make damn sure that kid knows it’s not his fault. I’m having a harder time accepting they can’t even be friends. The boys have done nothing to deserve that level of distrust, and it ostracizes them from the pack.”

  “You’re right, it does,” Jessica muttered. “I didn’t mean to do that either.” I lost a lot of my anger as she walked right over to Leo and told him all of that so he could hear the truth and feel it.

  “You saved Ashley when we couldn’t,” Freddie told me under his breath while his mate talked with my adopted son. “Jessica has nightmares of—”

  “I know, Freddie,” I cut in, not wanting to make him have to say it. “She’s been around me right after and I’ve seen. It’s horrible what you guys went through, I’m not trying to downplay that. It didn’t happen, but you guys suffered a lot still.” I met his gaze and let him see the truth of my words. “But those kids went through much worse than even what was going to happen to Ashley.

  “And all they’ve done is fight to move past it, get better. I get protecting your child, but don’t shit on my brothers to do it. Don’t shit on me to make the point. That’s why I’m so upset. Plus, I thought Jessica was my friend, then she blurts out anyone would doubt my ability to be a good mom after what I’ve been through, which is just shitty given I can’t have kids.”

  “She forgot about that,” he told me gently. “She realized it after she said it and you walked away. She is your friend, Sera. She is. We both are, and we love you guys and this pack. Being a parent is never rational. You’re constantly in fear for your kid, and there is so much we can’t protect her from, you hold on too tight sometimes. I honestly like Leo. Alvin’s a bit hard to read, and they both have some darkness, but fuck, don’t we all?”