Bring Me Back

by Taryn Plendl

  ***

  I was wheeled into the hospital as Ian went to park the car. I was still shaking profusely, and the nurse puts a warm blanket over me, assuming I am cold. Looking back, I see Ian stand outside of the doors with his eyes closed. I can see that his hands are shaking, and he starts to walk forward several times before he actually makes it through the door. When he walks up to me, I can see the unshed tears threatening to overflow. He nods at me, and it becomes like an unspoken language between us that helps us let each other know we are okay, holding it together, just barely, but okay none the less.

  Ian hands the registrar my ID and insurance card. “Mrs. Mitchell, would you like your husband as your emergency contact?” Confused, I look at her. “My husband?” I ask, and see that she is looking back and forth between Ian and me, just as confused. “Oh, um…He isn’t my husband, um he’s, um…” I am stammering, and thankfully Ian takes over. “Her friend.” He says as her touches my hand. Embarrassed, she continues. “Oh, I’m sorry. Would you like your friend to be your emergency contact?” I glance at Ian, and he gives me the slightest nod. “Yes, please,” I say.

  After I am registered, I am taken to a room in the emergency department. I am hooked up to monitors and an IV is started in my right hand. The cold fluid makes my arm ache. The nurse stands in front of the monitors, looking at them and adjusting wires. She steps out and comes back in with a middle-aged Hispanic man. “Hi Ally, I am Dr. Lopez.” He says with a comforting smile. “Your heart rate and blood pressure are slightly elevated, probably a result of the pain.” He writes a few things down and starts talking again. “I am going to examine you now.” He uncovers me and I start to shake my head, pushing his hands away. He exchanges looks with the nurse as I notice Ian stand up and move to my side. He leans down and starts to whisper in my ear. “Ally, you can do this.” I don’t look back at the doctor, but I see when Ian nods at him and then I feel his hands pressing on my stomach. It hurts and with every touch I almost cry out. He covers me back up and writes some more things in my chart as he gives the nurse orders. “Ally, I want to have a few tests done to rule out appendicitis. We are going to get a CT scan and some blood work. We should know more then.” He nods at Ian and moves out the door.

  Ian sits in the chair with his head in his hands. The nurse came back in right after the doctor left, took some blood and gave me something to help with my nausea and pain through my IV. My mind feels fuzzy, and reminds me of the months I spent in the hospital after that night. I close my eyes and start to doze when I see the light go out behind my closed eyelids. “NO!”I gasp. I try to sit up, and Ian flips the switch quickly, looking at me. “On?’ He asks. “Please.” I nod. He nods at me, walks back to the chair and put his head back into his hands.

  I am wakened by a man who introduces himself and tells me he is going to take me to get my scan. I look at Ian, starting to feel the panic rise. “Can I walk with her?” Ian asks standing up at the same time. The man agrees, and I am thankful for that. When we reach the room, the man asks Ian to wait outside. He grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Right here, Ally.” He says pointing to the floor right outside of the door. “I will be right here.” We both nod at each other again.

  It takes around fifteen minutes for the scan to be completed, and after I am transferred back to my stretcher and the door opens, I notice Ian has not moved, just like he promised.

  It seems like only minutes that I have been back in my room when Dr. Lopez comes back in and wakes me. I glance at the clock, and realize it has actually been over two hours. “Ally?” Dr. Lopez pulls up a chair next to the bed. “It looks like you need to have your appendix removed.” He pauses. “Your white blood counts are very elevated, and the scan has confirmed appendicitis.” I look over at Ian, and he comes to stand by me. “When does she need this?” He asks. “Well, I’ve notified the surgeon on call, and it should be within the next hour.” He states very nonchalant as he gets up. “The nurse will be back in with some forms for you to sign.” And with that, he is gone.

  Chapter 16

  ~Ian

  From the moment I stood out front of the Emergency Room doors, I realized this was going to take all of my strength, everything I have left—which really isn’t much. I have not been back to a hospital since the last time Laney was there, right before we brought her home to her parent’s house to die.

  I detested everything about hospitals. The smell, the lights the ridiculous “calming” colors on the walls and floors—the pity in the eyes of the staff when they know there is no hope. The only thing that got me through those doors was that petite woman who had come to me for help, and the raw fear in her eyes.

  “No one,” she had told me when I asked if there was someone I should call for her. I have been wallowing in my own grief and self preservation for so long, that I had almost forgotten how to look beyond myself. It was a huge jolt to see Ally standing on my porch tonight, scared and in pain.

  I don’t know why or how she is so alone, or why she was so afraid to come here. We know very little about each other, but when I look into her eyes, I see her fear and need, and right now, all I can do is stay by her side—no matter how excruciating this is to me. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do. Sometimes it’s the only thing to do, no matter whom or how much it hurts.

  ***

  The doctor has just left. Ally needs surgery. My stomach feels sick, and I wonder how it would look if I asked for some of that anti-nausea medication for myself. “It will be okay Ally.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “None of this is okay Ian.” She takes a deep breath, “How are we going to get through this?” I stood and walked next to her bed, running my hands through my hair, “One step at a time, okay?” She nodded, “Okay.”

  The nurse comes in with the consent forms, and in just minutes the small room is filled with people asking Ally the same questions over and over. “What’s your name?” “When is your Birthday?” A small round man with friendly eyes and a surgical mask around his neck introduces himself to both Ally and me. “I am Dr. Jefferies.” He smiles gently at Ally. “I am going to provide anesthesia for you during the procedure.” He has her look over another form, listing every possible outcome of having anesthesia, from a broken tooth to death, and I can tell Ally is barely hanging on right now as she signs the last form. Dr. Jeffries pulls a small syringe out of his scrub pocket and begins to push the fluid into Ally’s IV. “Ally, this is just some medicine to help you relax.” I’m thinking, Can I get some too?, and then I see the actual moment the medicine hits her. Her eyes gloss over and she looks at me and whispers, “okay?” I nod, “okay.” They start to wheel her away as the nurse says over her shoulder, “We will take good care of her.”

  I am sitting in the surgical waiting room. It is very early morning. I’m alone, but I can’t seem to bring myself to look around. My heart is beating so rapidly that I swear I can feel it in my throat, making it hard for me to swallow. Remembering what was, accepting what now is, living with what will never be the same again, is the part that causes the most pain. I miss Laney so much it kills me. Just being here, a place like where I was forced to spend so much of my last year with her, brings the pain and loneliness straight to the surface, and I realize just how fresh my wounds still are.

  “Mr. Rhodes?” I jump up too fast, and a hand grabs my elbow to steady me. “I’m sorry Doctor,” embarrassed that I am such a mess. He smiles gently at me and motions me to sit as he sits in the chair next to me. ”Miss. Mitchell is in recovery. She did well during the surgery, and it’s a good thing we got her in when we did because her appendix looked like it might have ruptured at any moment. “I nod because I’m not sure what else to do. “We were able to do the surgery laparoscopic, through small incisions and a camera. I would like to watch her for the rest of the day. If she is able to start walking, we will think about discharging her this evening.” He continues, “She will be pretty sore for the next 3-5 days. I assume she won’t be alon
e?” He asked raising his eyebrow at me. “Um… of course, I will plan on staying with her.” What? I can’t believe I am agreeing to this. He nods and tells me they will come and get me when she is moved to her room. “Thank you.” I manage, before he leaves.

  ***

  When I walked into the room, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I made it around the bed where Ally lay sleeping and plopped myself down in the chair by the window. The view out the window was beautiful. I could see the mountains and my heart longed to be out of this suffocating room and back on my porch, away from the memories that had been closing in on me since I set foot into this hospital. I needed to feel the mountain breeze on my face and smell the fresh pine and rain that had been a source of comfort for me.

  I heard Ally move and moan just a bit, and was immediately brought back to the reason why I was here. I watched her closely as her eyes fluttered a bit, but remained shut. She really was a stunning young woman. Her hair was a chestnut brown with what I could only assume were natural highlights, as I didn’t think she would have gone anywhere to get them done. It was very long and lay cascading around her pillow. Her skin was light with a sprinkling of freckles across her nose, and her lips were full and slightly parted as she slept.

  She turned her head again and I was stunned to see what looked like a long crescent shaped scar running along the right side of her head, above her ear. I stood up to get a closer look. It could easily be covered by her hair, but at the moment it lay exposed. What happened to you Ally? My mind screamed as I slowly reached out—before I could top myself—and ran my index finger along the length of the scar. It was smooth, and obviously well healed. I pushed some of the hair that had fallen against her cheek, back behind her ear and sat down, resting my head in my hands once again.

  Chapter 17

  ~Ally

  I opened my eyes and it took a minute to remember where I was. I felt carefully along my belly and my breath caught as I came in contact with the three small bandages. They were very tender, and the rest of my body felt stiff. I tried to move a little, to shift up in the bed, but a sharp pain shot through my stomach and I gasped.

  “Ally?” I looked to the right and saw a very worried Ian staring at me. “Hey.” I managed through my scratchy throat. “Hi. How are you feeling?” He asked with his eyebrows knitted together tightly. “I feel like I got kicked in the stomach by a horse.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  “Ian, do you think I could have some water?” He looked around the room and then turned back to me.

  “I’m not sure, I’ll go check.”

  How did it get to this? I feel so guilty that a man who was just a stranger to me a few days ago has been thrown head first into my crazy dysfunctional life. I’m used to taking care of myself, but now I am dependent on someone who didn’t ask to be in this situation. In his eyes, I see that same lost and distant look that I see in my own mirror. The fear I saw in his car was very real. Whatever it is, the last place he wanted to face it was here in a hospital with me.

  Ian came back in with the nurse in tow. “Hi Ally! I’m Trina, your nurse.” Wow she is bubbly. “I’m going to get some vitals from you and then if everything looks good, we’ll get you sitting up and drinking.” She attached a blood pressure cuff to my left arm while watching the beeping monitors above my head. “How are you feeling?” She asks without looking away from the monitor. “Um, I’m sore, but otherwise I’m okay.” She looks satisfied with my blood pressure and leaves. Moments later she walks back in with a pink colored pitcher and a Styrofoam cup full of ice. She pours me some water and sticks one of those bendy straws in it. “Here you go!” She smiles as she adjusts the bed so that I am sitting up. “After you drink that, we will try to get you up walking.” “Walking?” I ask. “Yup! The sooner you walk, the sooner you get to go home!” She smiles as she practically skips out the door.

  I look at Ian and can tell he is lost in thought as he looks out the window. His blonde hair is disheveled from the constant running of his hands through it. Pieces of it stick out every which way.

  “Ian?” I almost jump when he springs to his feet when I say his name. “Ally, are you okay?” Walking toward me with his eyebrows pulled together n a frown. “Um, I’m fine. I just...I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” “Sorry?” He is looking at me confused. “Yes. I’m sorry to drag you into this. I um, I don’t do well out of my….well, I am just sorry.” I can’t look at him anymore. He is looking at me with concern, when I have put him in a situation that he is so very obviously uncomfortable with.

  When the nurse comes back in, Ian has returned to the window, and I’ve closed my eyes, not because I’m tired, but because I was hoping everyone would think I was asleep and leave me alone. It doesn’t work. “Ready to get up?” This woman is too happy. I take a deep breath and open my eyes. “I guess. Can I use the bathroom before walking?” “Of course!” She proceeds to help me sit up, which has me feeling like my insides have been pulled apart. Fortunately she lets me get my bearings before continuing.

  Knowing that this is what’s going to get me home, I push myself. I’ve been in pain before—I know I can get through this, so I walk. I walk and make it look like it doesn’t hurt a bit. After what feels like I’ve walked a 5k, the nurse finally returns me to my room. Ian is asleep in the chair. The nurse is impressed with my progress, and tells the doctor so, because shortly after lunch, he comes back into the room to let me know I will be discharged by dinner time. Ian lets out an audible sigh, and I can’t help but look at him. He nods at me, and I return the nod—our own small communication. He needs out of here just as much as me.

  Chapter 18

  ~Ian

  It is close to 7:00 p.m. when I finally get Ally loaded into the car. She is in more pain than she is letting on and I can see it in her movements. She thinks she is covering it up, but when you spend months watching someone try to make it through pain, like I did with Laney, you tend to pick up on even the smallest indications.

  I swing by the drug store and pick up Ally’s pain medication and an antibiotic while she waits in the car. I notice that Ally doesn’t look at anything as we drive. Her eyes remain on her lap, and upon further analyzing, I see that her hands are shaking. When we are back on the road and headed out of town, I can feel the relief from both of us.

  Getting Ally into the house takes some time. She is so sore, but refuses to say so, so I am forced to stand back and watch her struggle as she climbs the stairs one at a time—pausing to catch her breath. By the time she reaches the top, she is panting and sweating. When she looks up and sees me standing in front of her with my hands on my hips, she smiles so slightly, that if I wasn’t looking straight at her, I might have missed it. “Ready for some help?” I ask, tilting my head to the side. “Yes, I guess I might need a little.” Finally! I am starting to realize that Ally has just a bit of a stubborn streak.

  We make much better time once she surrenders to my assistance. “Do you want to be on the couch or in your bed?” I pause with her before we head out of the kitchen. “I think the couch please.” She looks around. “Um….Ian? Would you mind helping me to the bathroom?” I can tell she is mortified to have to ask me to do this, so I try not to make it worse. “Of course, just take it slow.” I wait patiently outside the bathroom door, praying that she is able to handle everything alone in there. After a few minutes she emerges. “Thanks.” She says softly and takes my arm as I assist her to the couch.

  Grabbing a glass of Sprite and a blanket, I get her settled. I hand her the TV remote, and as she is surfing through the channels, I ask her if she needs anything else right now. “I’m okay Ian, thank you for everything.” I turn and look around, “Okay, I’ll see you soon.” I say as I walk to the front door. “Okay.” She says softly.

  ***

  I pull my car back into my garage and head inside for a shower and to pack a few things. The shower feels great. I feel like I need to wash the memories of the hospital away. The smell seems
to be imbedded in my nostrils, and my hair is an absolute mess. I’m not sure what happened to it, but it looks like I walked through a wind storm. I think back onto the last 18 hours I spent with Ally. I feel like I have taken on something beyond my control, but in a way it doesn’t seem like a burden. I can’t explain it, but this is the first time in the past year that I feel like I have a purpose. Even if it is only for a couple of weeks, I will help Ally get back on her feet.

  I throw on some sweats and grab a change of clothes, as well as my toothbrush and a couple more personal items. I turn the porch light on as I lock the door, and turn to head back to Ally’s.

  Chapter 19

  ~Ally

  Ian had been gone for about an hour when I hear the front door open. I look back and see him standing in the entry way with a bag. “What are you doing?” I am so confused. “I am staying with you.” He says simply as he drops the bag by the side of the end table and walks around to the chair across from the couch. I shake my head, “What do you mean you’re staying here? Ian, you don’t have to do this.” He leans forward and places his elbows on his knees. “I do Ally, you can’t stay alone, the doctor even said so. What if you fall?” Great, I have made this poor man feel obligated to take care of me. “Ian, while I appreciate your willingness to help me, please don’t feel obligated to.” I sigh, “You have done more than enough already, more than you should have.”

  Before I know it, he is sitting next to me. Grabbing my hand in his, he says, “Ally, I want to do this—I need to do this, as much for you as myself. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I think there is probably quite a bit about both of us that doesn’t make sense.” What can I say to that? I don’t know what else to do, but nod. He lets a deep breath out and nods too.