I was taken aback. “I didn’t think it was necessary.”
“Oh, really?” Jace’s eyes fired with something I couldn’t quite identify. “You didn’t think it was important to tell me you had a boyfriend? What about all those sparks flying earlier between us?” He gestured wildly, his finger pointing at me and then himself multiple times. “How can you have a boyfriend when we sparked the way we did?”
Landon arched a challenging eyebrow as he slid me a sidelong look. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
Becoming defensive was the wrong move, but I couldn’t stop myself. “There were no sparks.”
“Oh, there were sparks,” Jace snapped. “There were sparks everywhere. I burned all over.”
I bit my lip to keep from laughing. The situation wasn’t funny, but his reaction was so surreal it bordered on hilarious. “You burned all over?”
“I think he means in his nether regions,” Clove offered helpfully. “He’s saying his loins were burning for you.”
Jace’s mouth dropped open. “I don’t have burning loins.”
“Oh, geez.” Landon ruefully rubbed his forehead. “This night couldn’t get any worse.”
“It could totally get worse,” Thistle argued as Aunt Tillie threw another handful of candy at Landon’s face. “Trust me.”
I sucked in a calming breath and held up my hands. “I think we’re getting off on a tangent here. It doesn’t matter who had burning loins or who thought it was a simply an innocent excursion into the woods ... .”
Jace cut me off. “I don’t have burning loins!”
Landon chuckled, the sound low and throaty. “I love going on adventures with you, sweetie. Have I ever told you that?”
I ignored the hint of sarcasm in his voice. “We need to focus on the task at hand,” I reminded everyone. “We’re all here to see what’s in that barn. Can’t we all work together until we succeed and then argue about burning loins later?”
Jace jutted out his lower lip and folded his arms across his chest. “I don’t think I’m comfortable working with the Feds.”
“Join the club,” Aunt Tillie drawled. “You’ll have to get used to it. This one won’t go anywhere without her pet agent.” She pointed at me. “And he definitely won’t leave her to investigate an alien in a barn. He’s all alpha and stuff, likes to show off his muscles.”
Landon made a face. “I do not.”
“You do.” Aunt Tillie refused to back down. “I’ve seen you shirtless so many times I’ve wondered if the guesthouse suddenly turned into a Baywatch convention.”
Offended, Landon growled. “I don’t walk around shirtless anywhere except in the privacy of my own home. Have you ever considered that the only reason you see me shirtless so often is because you let yourself into our bedroom without knocking?”
“No.”
Jace’s misery continued to mount. “You guys live together?”
“I believe I already mentioned that,” Thistle supplied. “Keep up.”
“But ... what about the spark?”
Landon extended a warning finger. “Stop talking about the spark. There was no spark.”
“You weren’t there,” Jace persisted. “There was a spark.” He looked to his comrades for confirmation. “Tell him about the spark.”
“I don’t know, dude.” Morgan shifted from one foot to the other, uncomfortable about being put on the spot. “You said there was a spark, but she just seemed like a nice old lady. I don’t think there was a spark.”
Now it was my turn to be offended. “Old lady? Who are you calling old?”
“It’s not so much fun when the shoe is on the other foot, is it?” Aunt Tillie looked smug. “That will teach you to call me old.”
“I rarely call you old,” I fired back. “You have me confused with Thistle.”
“I do call you old,” Thistle agreed readily. “I think memory loss is a sign of age, so you’re not really helping your argument.”
“You’re definitely on my list now,” Aunt Tillie snapped.
“I am not old,” I repeated. “I’m young. I’m in my prime.”
“You are, sweetie.” Landon absently patted my shoulder as he focused on the barn. “So I believe we’d just agreed that I was going to check out the barn on my own before we were so rudely interrupted. Let’s go back to that plan.”
“You’re not going alone.” I was firm as I turned to Morgan. “I am not old.”
“You remind me of my mom,” Morgan argued. “She’s like you.”
“Ugh.” I pressed my eyes shut to gather my patience. “I hate this day. I mean ... hate it. It’s the stupidest day ever.”
“Bay, don’t get yourself worked up,” Landon chided. “I like older women. Ask me about my Michelle Pfeiffer obsession. It’s a thing.”
Thistle snorted at my outraged expression. “I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors, Landon.”
“Definitely not,” Clove agreed. “As for the barn, I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to see what’s inside. I think we should abandon this plan and go for doughnuts and ice cream. I’m craving doughnuts and ice cream for some reason.”
“You’ve been craving doughnuts and ice cream all week,” Thistle countered. “It’s getting ridiculous. We’re heading into bathing suit season. You need to cut down on the carbs ... and sugar ... and the fat, for that matter, or you’re going to be shopping in the one-piece section this year.”
Clove’s gaze was hot. “That’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“You’ll get over it.”
Landon snapped his fingers to get everyone’s attention. “I am not kidding. I didn’t hike all the way out here to spend the entire night having an argument about bathing suits and sparks. We need to keep our eyes on the prize.”
“That was an inspired speech,” Aunt Tillie deadpanned. “Seriously, it was straight out of Rocky.”
“You know what? You’re on my list.” Landon’s temper came out to play. “How do you like that? You’re at the very top.”
Aunt Tillie merely shrugged. “If you’re going to do something, you might as well do it right. I’m happy to be at the top of your list, although I have a feeling I won’t stay long given the way that pouty guy keeps looking at Bay’s butt when he thinks you’re not looking.”
Landon snapped his eyes back to Jace. “Don’t make me thump you.”
“I wasn’t doing anything.” Jace’s voice turned whiny. “We had a spark. It was a genuine spark.”
“Shut up about the spark.” Landon turned bossy. “If you mention the imaginary spark again, we’re going to fight. Do you want to fight me?”
“No.”
“Then shut it.” Landon shook his head and leveled his gaze at the barn. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do.”
“THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN.”
Landon glared at Aunt Tillie as she paused in front of the barn door and rested her hands on the padlock that separated us from what was inside.
“Suck it up, Whinebox,” Aunt Tillie snapped. “You need me to get inside ... and to serve as backup should the predator jump out and try to skin you alive.”
“Uh-huh.” Landon was clearly unconvinced when he shifted his eyes to me. “And why are you here?”
“Because it was my idea and I have to see what’s in there for myself,” I replied without hesitation. “You said you weren’t going to be Mr. FBI.”
“I said that before I saw the creepy barn you guys wanted to break into. Now I want to make sure you don’t touch anything rusty that requires a tetanus shot. That would put a crimp in my plans for tonight.”
Something occurred to me. “You only wanted to come tonight because of the romance factor, didn’t you?”
“No. I won’t deny that you get all riled up after adventurous outings in the middle of the night, but that’s not the only reason I came. I wasn’t lying when I said I missed working with you.”
“Oh, well, that’s kind of swe
et.”
“You’re such an easy mark,” Aunt Tillie complained. “Why must you be such an easy mark? I didn’t teach you to be that way.”
“I guess I must have figured it out on my own,” I said dryly. “You should be treating me like a queen right now, by the way. I’m the one who talked Thistle and Clove into staying in the bushes with the alien-hunting trio. That’ll make it easier for us to get in and out of this barn.”
“I arranged that,” Landon corrected. “I had to flash my badge and everything. I figured it was our one shot at seeing what was inside this place.”
“Yes, well, I still played a part in it,” I grumbled.
“Of course you did.” Landon gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before focusing on Aunt Tillie. “Are you going to open that door?”
“I am.” Aunt Tillie’s fingers pulsed with energy as she whispered a spell that caused the lock to tumble. She jerked to open it and then removed the chain. “See. I’ve got everything under control.”
“That’s another reason I want those guys staying behind,” Landon added. “If you guys need to do something witchy, I don’t want them writing about it on their blog.”
That was a fair point. “I think they’re going to be writing about sparks of a different sort for the next week or so.”
Landon scowled. “If you mention the sparks again, we’re going to fight.”
“Fine.”
“Both of you need to shut up,” Aunt Tillie ordered, throwing open the double doors and peering into the darkness. “We’re here to find the alien, not argue about your boring love life.”
“Our love life isn’t boring,” Landon shot back. “Also, I’m not here looking for an alien. I’m simply here because I’m worried that this Hank person has someone chained in his barn.”
I tilted my head, considering. “When did that become your primary concern?”
“It was always my primary concern.”
“You never mentioned it.”
“Well, I’m mentioning it now.” Landon stepped closer to the opening and frowned. “It’s pitch black in here. Where is the light?”
“There is no light,” I replied. “I told you, he doesn’t have electricity.”
“That’s why this barn makes sense to hide the alien,” Aunt Tillie said sagely. “Aliens can do things with electricity — you know, like Magneto can with metal — so it’s best to lock them in places without electricity.”
“What movie did you see that in?” I challenged. “I’ve never seen that.”
“Stranger Things.”
I racked my brain. “First, those aren’t aliens. They’re from the Upside Down, and it’s a different thing entirely. Secondly, Eleven is the one who can blow up electrical gadgets, and she’s human.”
“Are you telling me how to interpret my favorite television show ever?” Aunt Tillie challenged.
“The Walking Dead is your favorite television show. Even though it sucks these days, you still watch it religiously.”
“That’s because Daryl is my spirit animal.”
“I thought Tonya Harding was your spirit animal,” I argued. “That’s what you said after watching I, Tonya.”
“She is. I’m both Daryl and Tonya. I can be both things.”
“Shh,” Landon admonished as he took a step into the barn. We both ignored him.
“I think you just like being difficult,” I shot back. “There’s no alien out here.” The longer we stood and talked about it, the more foolish I felt. “I’m on Landon’s side. It’s probably some poor woman Hank found at a bus stop. He probably has her chained in here, and we’re going to be heroes when we save her.”
“Be quiet,” Landon ordered.
“It’s an alien,” Aunt Tillie insisted. “I’m telling you ... things are about to go very Third Rock from the Sun.”
Hmm. “Does that mean we’re going to feel like idiots when this is over?”
“Very possibly.”
“Shut up!” Landon’s voice whipped out, cruising past agitation and banking at fury. “I’m not kidding.”
Aunt Tillie glared at him. “Well, I never.”
“Don’t you hear that?” Landon persisted, crouching a bit so he could make out the sound. “There’s something in here.”
“We told you that already,” Aunt Tillie said. “Didn’t you believe us?”
“I ... .” Landon worked his jaw, but no sound came out. He was intent enough that I forced myself to abandon the argument with Aunt Tillie and focus on the barn.
“I don’t hear anything,” I said after a beat. “In fact ... .” I trailed off when I realized Landon was right. There was definitely something in the barn. I heard something dragging across the packed earth of the floor. It sounded like something with multiple legs … or arms … or tentacles.
My mouth went dry. “What is that?”
“I don’t know,” Landon hissed. “I wish I had thought to bring a flashlight.”
“We agreed it was a bad idea in case the agents in the field saw it,” I reminded him.
“Yes, but we can’t see anything right now and I would rather deal with agents than the unknown.”
He had a point. “Well, we could ... .” I didn’t get a chance to finish because Aunt Tillie decided to take control of the situation.
“I’ve got this.” She waved her hand in the air at the exact moment I realized what she was going to do.
“No. Wait!”
It was too late. The sentries that had scattered when we’d stumbled across Jace and his crew regrouped and swarmed as they barreled past us into the barn, a thousand buzzing lights illuminating the barn. My eyes widened when I caught a hint of movement ... and then I saw a set of glowing eyes, along with razor-sharp teeth.
“Oh, my ... Goddess!”
“What is that?” Landon sounded unnaturally shrill as he grabbed my arm and attempted to pull me from the barn. “Holy ... get away from it now! Don’t look at it!”
“It’s an alien.” Aunt Tillie was in awe. “Finally! I’m going to teach it to do tricks and open wormholes in my closet!”
“You’re not doing anything of the sort!” Landon gave Aunt Tillie a shove. “You need to start moving. Run!”
It was too late. The thing in the barn had already seen us. We were now its focus. Running couldn’t save us.
Alien Inspiration
How come the aliens in these movies always want to kill first and ask questions later? I’m a witty conversationalist. They should give it a shot. Just think of all the good times we could have with a cup of tea and a Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon.
Twila ruins Alien for her family
Eighteen
A new kind of enemy. A new kind of witch.
I registered three things in rapid succession.
Whatever was in the barn had gleaming fangs.
Aunt Tillie was raising her shotgun.
Oh, and Landon was trying to shove me out of the barn to get me away from the attack while standing as a rather enticing target.
I ignored all those things, however, and stood my ground.
“Don’t.” I fought Landon’s efforts and shook my head. “I’m fine.”
Landon’s eyes widened. “You’re fine? There’s some ... rabid creature in there that could eat you. You’re not fine.”
I refused to rise to his provocation and freak out for no good reason. “And it hasn’t attacked, in case you haven’t noticed.” I slapped Aunt Tillie’s arm to get her to lower the gun. “Don’t shoot. It’s Foxy Carmichael.”
Aunt Tillie stared for a long moment, the butt of the shotgun resting against her shoulder. Finally, she slid her gaze to me and frowned. “How can you be sure?”
“Because I stole her,” Hank announced, moving into the barn behind us. He didn’t appear surprised to see us. In fact, he looked more resigned than anything else as he crossed the barn and knelt next to the huge dog sitting in the middle of the space. The mutt looked like a mix between a St. Berna
rd and a standard poodle, with a few out-of-control hair issues to top off the rather odd genetic combination. “She’s not dangerous. You just startled her.”
“Wait a second.” Landon held up his hands and glanced around. “What is going on here? Who is Foxy Carmichael?”
“The dog,” I explained. “She belongs to Roger Nelson ... except he doesn’t take care of her. She’s famous around town because she runs … and begs … and occasionally steals. Nelson doesn’t feed her, so she visits various houses.”
“Holy crap!” Thistle moved into the barn and shook her head as she stared at the dog. “I thought maybe something happened to her. Marcus feeds her every day — and he’s been making noise about offering Roger money for her. He’ll be glad to hear she’s alive.”
“I still don’t understand,” Landon pressed. “Who names a dog Foxy Carmichael?”
“That’s what you’re worried about?” Thistle graced Landon with a derisive look as she circled him and approached Hank. The prepper was on his knees, stroking the dog and cooing calming words in her ear. “Can I take a look, Hank?”
Hank nodded as he watched her move closer to the dog. “I knew you guys would be back. You heard Foxy and you couldn’t let it go. Are you going to take her back to Roger?”
“Absolutely not.” Thistle was firm as she shook her head and used her illuminated phone screen to study the dog’s paw more closely. “She needs to go to a vet, Hank. She’s a good dog and everyone loves her for a reason. If you’re going to keep her, you have to take care of her ... and that includes going to the vet.”
“That means going into town,” I prodded. “You’re not much for going to town — and I get it — but when you take on an animal you take on the responsibility for taking care of that animal.”
Landon’s mouth dropped open as his gaze bounced between faces. He was so flabbergasted he barely looked up when Clove and the three alien hunters joined us. “You can’t just help him keep a stolen dog.”
“Roger Nelson is a jerk,” I countered. “He doesn’t take care of Foxy. The town takes care of her. She comes out to the inn and Mom feeds her once a week. The dog has a rotation, but she deserves someone to take care of her.”
Close Encounters of the Witchy Kind (A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fantasy Book 6) Page 17