Forced

by Daniella Wright

  The gap seems to be growing wider, but there’s little to be done about it at this point. I’m too invested in my explorations to delay them any further, and it’s all in the name of science. I adjust the knobs around two thousand years into the future, swallowing my excitement and jerking the lever with little preamble. I am used to the blinding light by now, and if anything, it seems to be growing more tolerable. Perhaps the light is dimming, or perhaps I am simply adjusting to the harshness of it. In any case, I no longer have to cover my eyes, though the light still makes me squint. Though I have only been undergoing these explorations for a short time, it almost seems routine at this point. It doesn’t detract from the heart pounding excitement, though any fears I may have had have begun to abate.

  When it is clear I have arrived at the appropriate point in time, the doors slide open and I step outside. Immediately, I am struck by… how bland everything seems. All around me, everything is a shade of grey from the buildings to the streets to the sky itself. Even the people are clad in muted tones, and I realize the clothes I chose this morning are all too appropriate. No one seems to have even noticed the arrival of my machine, even as people walk the streets in droves on either side of me. I almost expect someone to complain about my placement on the sidewalk, but the empty eyed people of this time simply walk around, remaining silent with their heads bowed low.

  Following the crowd, I examine the world of the future around me. I am certain there must be some redeeming feature to this place, but there is nothing of note. The sheer melancholy of the place seems to be wearing off on even myself, and I feel my head being drawn to a ducked position. My feet, however, are unused to the change of pace and move too quickly to be of any grace. I abruptly slam into another body, and my head jerks upwards as apologies begin to spill past my lips. However, I cut myself short as I take in the visage of the person I have collided with.

  It’s impossible, and I am very much aware of the impossibility of the situation, but the person seems too familiar. Where everything in this future world is muted and grey, she seems to almost shimmer in her radiance. That same honey blonde hair, those same sky blue eyes that seem to see right through you. Not like the skies of this time, but of a time much more vibrant. She quirks a curious brow as she considers me, and I straighten up, offering her a slight smile. Between the hundreds of people parting on either side of us, she is the most colorful person in the crowd.

  “Uh… sorry.” I manage, trying not to stare at the tight cut of her pants. She stares at me for a long moment, looking briefly pensive before smiling dismissively.

  “No problem.” She says simply, hesitating for a moment. “You look rather out of place, here.” She offers, as if nervous to speak the words. I offer her a bright smile, tilting my head in curiosity. It seems strange to encounter what seems nearly a genetic duplicate with so many years between the time periods I have traversed. But the resemblance is uncanny, and as she draws her lip between her teeth, I feel myself growing firmer. If she notices, she gives no indication, seeming to think over what she wanted to say. I am desperate to escape, but more desperate to hear what she has to say. I hope I continue to go unnoticed, but this hope is dashed as her eyes are drawn between my thighs. Her mouth falls agape, and I begin sputtering apologies.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just… you’re just…” I manage awkwardly, noting with some relief that she doesn’t seem utterly disgusted by my primal reaction. If anything, she looks almost intrigued.

  “You are certainly a strange one.” She hums. I can only chuckle nervously, waiting for an opening to escape. However, her fingers soon interlace with my own, and I have to bite back a gasp of surprise. “You are fortunate that I like strange. A breath of fresh air, I think. Would you… perhaps this is rather forward, but would you like to join me at my apartment?” She says slyly, and if anything, I feel myself growing harder. Hard enough to strain against the tight pants I chose today. Her eyes dance with mirth, and though I have no business engaging in such acts with her, I cannot deny her.

  “Y-yes. Of course.” I smile, allowing her to tug me in the direction of her home. She walks through the crowd of people as if they are not even present, and if anyone notices my flustered state, they simply do not care. It is as if I do not even exist, though to be frank, it looks like many people in this timeline would prefer not to exist. I try to distract myself from that thought, which is an easy enough task as I look down to see my companion’s hips swinging lusciously from side to side.

  As soon as we step into her apartment, her lips crash against my own. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I can feel my pulse throbbing in other places as well. Uncertainty washes over me, not only because she is not of my time period, but because I am altogether inexperienced in this… particular… field. I have had my moments of fumbling grasps and elation, but never anything that felt so significant. Never with someone so beautiful. I don’t even realize her hands have slipped away from my shoulders until I feel her grasp me through my clothes. I nearly come unwound on the spot, but manage to keep my composure long enough for her to offer me a coy smile.

  “Just let go.” She croons in that melodious voice, but I refuse to give in. At least, not yet. She slips her pants down her hips, and it is with a jolt that I realize she is not wearing any underwear. She makes no move to remove her shirt, and it strikes me how little this exchange means to her. It also strikes me that perhaps I am letting this exchange mean too much to me. Allowing my mind to go blissfully blank, I feel her warmth envelop my length and am swept away into ecstasy. Her breathy cries are the only sound aside from my guttural gasps, and though it seems an eternity we are only together for a scarce moment. Then, we are both gripped by our respective highs, and I can do little but babble nonsensically. I want a name to scream, but I have not been offered one, so I can only whimper. When I come down from my peak, she seems to have already recovered, examining me with almost clinical indifference. Beneath her gaze, I feel almost small. However, the slight smile she offers me before she turns and walks away makes it all feel worth it. It is a small gesture, but somehow, it makes me feel ten feet tall. After all, it is but a blip in time, and there is no sense pondering it all too deeply. I pull up my slacks, adjust myself to look at least moderately respectable, and slip out of her apartment building, making my way back to the time machine. If even a small percent of my ventures are comparable to this, the years spent agonizing over research will be well worth it. Even now, with this one experience with this one genetic marvel, it feels well worth it. My mind is drawn to the woman from the past, and though I know they are not one and the same, I can’t help thinking this meeting was somehow fated. Now, all there is left to do for the day is go home and refresh my knowledge on genetics. Perhaps there is something that I overlooked. I only know it is simply worth pursuing further.

  Chapter 3

  Another day, another venture. I awake later than usual today, but the day before and what I had experienced left me feeling rather exhausted. I sit up in bed, feeling myself drawn to my workshop more than ever. I felt as if I were running late for some important meeting, and though the feeling was unfounded, I found myself moving in something of a rush. Today’s timeline would lead me to the peak of human culture, sometime before the species self-destructed.

  Though many things about the past fascinate me, the time that humans ruled the earth seems perhaps the most interesting. The time I had chosen was early in the 2nd millennia, before the turn of the first century. Much about this time is pure speculation, which is what drives me to visit it. There seems to be much to learn, much to discover. Perhaps the most compelling reason is the simple tug I feel; as if I am meant to go there on this very day. It is inexplicable, but much about my explorations seemed impossible. In refreshing my knowledge on genetics, I had confirmed that the genetic duplicate was scarcely in the realm of statistical probability. Though I have little option but to dismiss the woman I’d met as some sort of genetic anomaly, I cannot help but fee
l as if something is amiss. Was there some sort of protocol for genetic reconstruction in the future? One can only wonder.

  I have little time for wondering however, and what time I want to ponder on the women I’d met is better spent exploring new timelines. I give pause as I reach my time machine, reaching out to touch the outer steel. My body, though normal on the outside, seemed to be undergoing some sort of internal changes. There was a near constant burning in my gut, accompanied by a near constant feeling of yearning. Yearning for what, again, I’m not sure. It may be of worth to examine myself more deeply in my own time and perform a range of tests. As a matter of fact, it would likely prove more beneficial than continuing these ventures. However, putting a hold on my time travel scarcely seems an option now. It may be bordering on obsession, but I can’t make myself care as deeply as I probably should.

  I brush my fingertips to the dials, adjusting them to the proper timeline. The gap grows ever wider, but it is the last thing on my mind. The light that indicates my travel through the space time continuum has become a comfort, an indulgence that I grant myself as often as possible. I lean against the back wall, breathing a sigh as the machine begins to shiver and shake. Then, as always, it falls still. The doors open, and I am greeted by busy cities and looming skyscrapers. As a precaution, I had bought a reflective cloak the night before to drape across my machine as I explored the timeframe. As long as it is well enough out of the way, all anyone will see is a simulated vision of the machine’s surroundings. In the back of my mind I realize I am growing sloppier, more complacent. It’s as if I am slowly losing control of my own actions, but truly, I have never felt more alive. Ignoring my own indecision, I drape the cloak across my machine and begin my venture into the 21st century city. The first thing I notice is how loud everything seems. The cars, the people, even the birds in the sky seem louder than I can bear. As I walk across the sidewalk, ears ringing from the sheer volume, I am approached by two young humans. They smile broadly at me, and I consider them with uncertainty.

  “Can I… help you?” I inquire softly. Their smiles grow wider, and they hold up some strange square shaped object with a single lens.

  “Sweet cosplay dude. I’ve always wanted to dress up in public, but I’m too nervous. Good on you for being brave enough to come out in full costume. What fandom are you in?” The young female human rambles, and I can only stare uncertainly at her.

  “Uh…” I offer, and the boy at her side looks at an archaic timepiece on his wrist.

  “Let’s just snap the picture, we’re gonna be late.” He whines, receiving a glare from the female at his side.

  “Rude. Hey, dude, do you mind if we get a quick picture with you? The only other cosplay picture I have is of this lady that dresses up like some goddess full time. It’s really trippy, some kind of uncanny valley stuff. Like, she looks almost normal, but too… pretty. Unreal almost. She didn’t have time to mention her fandom either.” The human woman continues to ramble, and I can only stare in confusion as the boy grabs the square device-- a camera apparently, and snaps a picture at my side.

  “Okay, let’s go.” The boy grumbles, shoving the camera back into her hand. She breathes a sigh, offering me an apologetic look before moving to slip away. Something about what she’d said strikes me as odd, however, and I quickly call out to her.

  “One moment. This woman, can I see her picture?” I say, desperation lacing my voice in a pathetic show that I don’t even understand. She hesitates a moment, this time offering an apologetic look to the boy before stepping up to me again.

  “I think it’s still on here. Hold on a sec.” She murmurs, fidgeting with the camera. She smiles victoriously, and my heart soars as she holds the camera out to me. I look at the picture, a jolt lancing straight through my heart. I must look rather stricken, because the woman looks at me with concern.

  Chapter 4

  “Do you know where I can find this woman? She looks like… a friend of mine.” I offer, and she hesitates before offering me a winning smile.

  “Oh, yeah! I should have figured you would know each other from the con circuit.” She murmurs, and I can only smother my confusion as she gestures to a small house that looks rather out of place in this large cityscape. “That’s her place. I only know because I saw her go in after we snapped the pic. Not stalking your friend, I swear.” She sputters, and I offer her what I hope is a kind smile.

  “Thank you so much.” I say simply, rushing towards the house. I know I must look nothing short of foolish as I scramble across the street, but I know now that this simply cannot be a coincidence. As I reach the house, just barely evading a speeding vehicle, I slump against the door, pounding my fist against it. I wait, my heart pounding in my chest even as she opens the door. What seems to be recognition flickers across her face, but it quickly fades as she schools her expression into an apathetic one.

  “Can I help you?” She says quietly, and I hesitate for a long moment before saying the only thing I can think of.

  “Do you recognize me?” I say desperately, and her eyebrow gives a noticeable twitch before her expression returns to normal.

  “I… can’t say I do. So, if you don’t mind…” She begins, but I am swift to interrupt her.

  “Please. Please. I… I feel like I know you. You have to tell me if you recognize me.” I say, sounding perhaps more desperate than I ever have in my life. Her hand tenses, and her throat bobs as she seems to swallow her answer.

  “...come inside. I’ll explain what I can.” She says, and I am almost certain my heart will pound out of my chest. As I follow her inside, I see her home is decorated with pieces across the timeline. She takes a seat at her dining room table, preparing herself a cup of coffee. I sit opposite her, waiting for her to explain herself. “You are the man I saved from the castle guards… gods, centuries ago.” She exhales, seeming almost defeated. I am certain I could be no more elated if I tried, and I reach out to grasp her hand. She flinches away, considering me through narrowed eyes. It is then I realize how odd this must seem. I have met her only a handful of times, but I am certain that the feeling brewing within me is unquestionable.

  “Tell me your name.” I implore pleadingly. She hesitates, folding her hands atop the table.

  “Just call me Jenny. I have had many names across the timeline. Immortals scarcely keep the same name for long.” She murmurs, averting her eyes. My heart swells, and I am more certain of my feelings than ever.

  “I’m… Jameson.” I mumble, cheeks turning purple as she turns to consider me. She is as beautiful as ever, but I suppose an immortal being has all the time in the world to master any beauty secrets. My mind flickers to the moment we shared in the future, but I realize with a start that it has not happened for her. Not yet, anyway. I swallow thickly, uncertainty rising in my throat. There is much I want to say to her, but everything seems to fall so short. What I feel is unmistakable in my mind. I open my mouth to speak, but as if reading my mind, she holds up a hand to interrupt me.

  “I’ve not seen many time travelers in my time. From your expression and… actions, I suppose you know me a bit more well than I know you.” She smiles, though the expression is visibly forced.

  “How do you know I’m a time traveler? And not an immortal like you?” I implore, and she glances to my hand.

  “The wound on your hand. Were you an immortal, it would have long healed.” She says simply. I feel as if she is somehow preparing me for some devastating blow, but certainly she cannot know what I intend.

  “I… feel like this meeting was fated. As if it is destiny. I feel like you and I,” I begin, but she only laughs humorlessly.

  “There is no you and I, Jameson. I’ve lived many a year, and have had many a lover. You are not the first to approach me in this manner, and I am certain you will not be the last. However, in my time shared with mortal beings, one thing remains the same. I am always the one who is forced to say goodbye.” She says drolly, resting her chin in her hand and idly stirr
ing a spoon in her cup. I feel as if my heart is being ripped clear in two, but even I can see the logic of what she is saying. I am but a mortal, and even though I could offer her my world, my world is but a speck in her life. I open my mouth to speak, but she seems uninterested in what I have to say. Even as she is rejecting me, I am certain she is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes upon.

  “I think you should be going, now.” She says carefully, and I stare at her but for a moment longer before rising from my chair. The pain is unbearable, but I can’t force myself upon her. I won’t. Instead of offering any further argument, I turn my back to her. I inhale a shuddering breath, and hope that future travels will somehow seem less bleak. However, it seems as if nothing will ever be the same, knowing that she will exist in my time, yet… I can never have her. The knowledge rests heavily on my mind, but I slip out of her home and back to my time machine. It seems there is little left to do but go home and consider my future.