by Julia Donner
“Please take this in the right way, Perry, but Lady Asterly is a bit frightening.”
“Only when provoked. She’s not keen on those who would ruffle the feathers of her family and friends. As to that bit with the spectacles, I adore how she looks in them, and love to tease her that whenever she has them on, it makes me mad for her.”
“Damn, Perry, the things you say.”
Asterly threw back his head with a laugh and flung an arm around Cameron’s shoulder. “I’m being candid for a reason, old thing. Trying to encourage you to find Mrs. Davidson and do something about the way you eat her up with your eyes.”
Cameron shoved him off. “Go on with you. Give me a weapon, and I’ll work the feistiness out of you soon enough.”
Asterly halted to say, “I’m quite serious, Cam. The two of you stare moon-eyed at each other when the other isn’t looking.”
“There’s nothing for it, Perry. I don’t have the heart to go back to sea and no other way to provide for her.”
“Recall that Lizzie is sorting through the will, which provides for you, I’ve no doubt, in handsome fashion.”
“I should have listened to Father. He said to stay home and learn from him instead of running off for a chance at prize monies.”
“Morose, are we, after hearing of your windfall? There is plenty of money to be made at sea, so you weren’t at all wrong about that. But you are wrong about Mrs. Davidson. Fortunately for you, and me, she’ll be back with us next month before going down to Rolands. There’ll be time to settle your future and to talk her into accepting a moldy sailor. The Admiralty was happy to assist in sorting out the problem with releasing your prize monies.”
“It’s boggling, the way everything has fallen into place so swiftly.”
“Ye of little faith, my Lizzie has her lovely fingers in banks everywhere. Just give her and Crimm a little longer to unearth evidence against the nefarious Sir Edmond and all will end well. Then all that is left is a proposal to your clever accoucheuse, and we shall all live happily.”
The memory of Allison’s distraught condition after the encounter at the bookstore extinguished his brief flare of hope. “It sounds easy enough, Perry, but I fear this true love’s path could take a crooked turn.”
Chapter 16
Her dismay upon her return to London brought stinging tears to Allison’s eyes. The unexpected potency of her reaction startled. She hadn’t realized that her desire to see Cameron again was so strong or that her disappointment would be so fierce.
The Asterlys were not at home, and this was a blessing. She went up to her rooms to reassemble jumbled thoughts and shattered nerves. Throughout the entire trip from Callander she’d thought about a reunion with Cameron, kept imagining what it would be like—then to be informed by a footman that he was no longer in residence. The surprise jolted her and deflated happy anticipation.
Quiet sounds and questions from the maid, as to which clothes to leave in their cases and which to hang, helped to reorganize her mind. Even though her host and hostess were not there to greet her, they had left word that they were engaged for dinner and would be holding an assembly the following evening, which didn’t come as a surprise. This was Friday and most of Society held or attended functions on Saturdays. With a new year on the way, and Christmastide still celebrated, social and family activities kept everyone busy.
Having no family to share the festivities of the holiday, or any desire to go out in public, she asked for a tray in her room and a bath. A stoked fire and humidity from the recent bath heated the room to stifling. The scent the maid had poured in the steaming water added to the closeness. She’d brought along one of the medical tomes, but felt too sleepy to read. Going to the window, she pulled back the draperies and unlatched the door to the balcony that overlooked the back garden.
Moonlight glinted off the conservatory panes. Pale blue beams slanted through the tree limbs. She reached for her robe and stepped out onto the narrow, iron-railed ledge that overlooked the rear of the house. Cold air held the acrid smell of coal fires, the choking fog of city life. She tugged the robe’s collar together over her chest and stood, staring out into the night.
She wasn’t sure when she sensed that she was being watched and turned her head to look over her right shoulder. A dark form stood in shadow on the narrow balcony one bedchamber away. Her lips parted and a breath caught in her throat when Cameron stepped into the light. Swift as a cat and as graceful, he climbed up on the metal rail. He reached for a protuberance she’d never noticed, and using one hand, swung across to her balcony, dropping down, landing in near silence.
She held her place as he rose up from the crouch, her eyes widening. Her chin left her chest, lifting with him as he straightened up. He wore only a shirt, its collar undone and open.
Unable to stop herself, she placed her hand on the flat plane of his chest and paused from the contact of his bare skin against her palm. “Where is your coat? You’ll freeze out here in only a shirt.” But he felt so real, so warm. A shivery tingle raced up her arm from the contact.
His eyes glittered in the night. “Allison, I’ve missed you. Forgive me, but I had to see you, make myself easy that you are well.”
Dazed by what she was doing, she whispered, “They said you didn’t reside here any longer.”
His hand covered hers, still on his chest, pressed her palm tighter. “I arrived a few minutes ago. Mother and Agnes were held up by an impediment in Yorkshire. I went up to set things right.” When she stared up, saying nothing, he added, “I’ve rented a house for them. It will be ready by next week.”
“Where?”
“Not far. This end of town.”
He took her hand away from the warmth of his chest and placed it on his cool cheek. His eyelids fluttered, then he stared down at her mouth. She lifted her chin and rose up on tiptoes. His lips settled gently on hers. A soft, deep sound vibrated against her mouth, not a groan but a dark, masculine growl of satisfaction. He stepped closer and deepened the kiss, his arms coming around her, pressing her against his length.
When he stepped back, she started to collapse. His hands encircled her upper arms for balance. She hadn’t realized that her legs could melt out from under her weight. The swirling world slowed. The night came back into focus.
He searched her face for a long time before he released her arms. “I can’t apologize for something that…wonderful. Can you stand by yourself?”
“What?”
“You appeared a bit…vaporish. I can only pray that it’s due to enjoyment. I hope I didn’t offend you.”
She gave her head a tiny shake. “Not offended. I won’t apologize either.”
A broad grin lifted the scarred edge of his mouth. His fingertips grazed the side of her face. Before she could say anything else, he was gone, swinging across to his balcony as if flying.
He whispered across the space that separated them. “Go inside, Allison, before you catch a chill.”
She nodded and did as he said. As she latched the door and pulled the curtains in place, she realized she wasn’t cold at all. She felt warm from head to soles and shivered from something else. She doused the lamps and crawled into bed, extinguishing the bedside candle last, to review what had happened and soon resented the fire’s glow. Complete darkness would make it easier to recall and inventory the aftermath of his kiss. Every fiber of her being tingled and longed for more.
Oddly, she no longer worried about what he’d witnessed at the bookstore, what he might now entertain from her tarnished reputation. He could have heard the gossip and that was why he’d been so bold tonight. It had been worth it. She wouldn’t discourage him from trying again. Anticipation made her chuckle and hug her arms. Next time, she wouldn’t allow surprise to render her passive.
Dinner the following evening served to heighten the yearning. The Asterlys were engaged elsewhere. After the meal, they would change for a ball. Allison, as she always did, declined their offer to attend with them. Came
ron had previously accepted, which left her alone in her room, again unable to focus on her medical studies. His stare from across the table had said everything. Her host and hostess had politely ignored Cameron’s blatant interest and speaking gazes. She’d left the table in a state of anxious nerves, declining all after dinner service with the excuse that she was tired and they needed time to dress for their evening out. The truth was that Cameron’s intense attention left her internally rattled to the point she could scarcely speak.
It was after midnight when she heard sounds in the passageway, footsteps passing her door. It was too early for the Asterlys to return. A ball lasted until dawn. She waited until the bedchamber door next to hers opened and closed, for the servant’s retreating footsteps down the carpeted corridor. She grabbed her shawl, unlatched the door and stepped out onto the balcony as Cameron swung down over the railing. She answered the question in his eyes by stepping back from the door to allow him to enter.
No words needed to be said. His gaze never left hers as he pealed breeches off over his bare feet. His shirt hem hung to his thighs, the drape of the cambric showing his condition. A moment of trepidation rippled through her from the intimidating sight, but this was followed by an ache that she’d never felt with Albert. His attentions had been focused on his own satisfaction, not hers. Instinct told her that lovemaking with Cameron would be an entirely different experience.
He carefully undid her nightgown buttons while she clutched the shawl, too enflamed to move. Calloused fingertips slid under the nightgown’s collar. Thumbs glided across the crests of her shoulder, drawing the material down until everything fell around her ankles.
His gaze left hers. His soft exhalation of pleasure riffled across her bared skin. Her feet left the floor when he lifted her, placed her on the bed and settled over her. Gentle and insistent, his mouth, lips and teeth took her to the point of weeping. Then came a remembered pressure. This time she welcomed the entry but clenched from the difference. He withdrew slightly until she relaxed, then glided deep, until she felt so connected and filled that she couldn’t breathe. He lifted her legs, wrapped them around his waist and pushed deeper. The wonder of what they were doing took her breath. His groan brushed her ear when she hooked an arm around his neck, pulling him closer.
Reservation gave way to desperation. Clawing need made her pant for air, for relief. Above her, he quivered with restraint, muscles flexing. The tension coiling in her body turned her head to sink her teeth into his bicep to muffle the building shriek. His fingers threaded through her hair, held her head still for his mouth. Something snapped inside, sending her spiraling down into a well of wave after wave of a pleasure that bordered on agony. Into the depths of blinding oblivion she sank and yet reveled in his shuddering release.
His heart thumped against her chest. Their breathing filled the room. Where he’d been gentle before, he now gripped her close, rolled with her onto his side. Shaking fingers brushed the hair from her face then again clutched her to his chest.
Fear and worry resurfaced when he whispered against her ear, “Mine. Forever mine.” When she said nothing, he asked, “Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head, and unable to speak, kissed the scar at the corner of his mouth. How was she to tell him that what he wanted could never be? In order to soften the pain of certain, hard truths, she must be honest. Then he would understand, but that could wait for morning, the cruel, clear light of day. But not now. Not when his arms held her, rocked her like a babe, and pressed tender kisses along her brow.
Chapter 17
She entered the breakfast-room the next morning, intentions firm, until she saw Cameron’s expression, his glowing happiness, like a puppy’s unsullied affection. The Asterlys couldn’t entirely hide their pleasure with their guests’ mischief. Such goings-on happened often enough, but were never mentioned, never acknowledged. This situation was vastly different from the usual bedroom antics. Affection for Cameron colored their responses. How could they not help but love so tender-hearted a soul? And how was she to tell him, to explain that she was not suitable. But there remained that fragile hope, the faint light in the shadowed corner that wished something miraculous might be discovered and they could be together.
Asterly stood with Cameron as she approached the table. When she sat, Asterly opened with, “Good morrow. We’ve been discussing Cameron’s secrets.”
Asterly paused when he noticed her alarm, and his wife scolded, “Asterly, do not tease her! Allison, pay him no mind. We were discussing the letter my overly gregarious husband received this morning. Tell her, Asterly, and in a manner that shows you have sensibilities.”
“It’s from the Admiralty. Not only have they made all of Cam’s prize monies available, they also informed us of a promotion and knighthood that has been held in abeyance. We have the honor of breaking bread with Lieutenant Bradford.”
Allison turned her amazed attention to Cameron’s ruddy complexion. A twinge then heartache stretched throughout her chest. His modesty did him credit, but the promotion elevated him even farther from her reach.
Looking at his plate, he murmured, “I regret that I neglected to inform everyone. Didn’t want a fuss, you know.”
Lady Asterly smiled and shook her head in admonishment. “There will be no hiding from it, Lieutenant. Everyone surrounding Marshfield and the Grange speaks of you as a martyred hero, but very little is known as to why. According to that letter, the captain of the ship the Americans seized had been unable to extend his glowing reports, until after he’d been sent home. It wasn’t until then that he discovered that you, the vessel and rest of crew had been lost at sea, in what the Admiralty thought was a hurricane.”
“No, she was scuttled by the pirates,” Cameron said, his voice tight and low.
Asterly continued in an uplifting manner, “It says here that before your ship’s fateful encounter with the Americans, you carried yourself with distinction during a number of battles. Since we’d lost so many ships in battle with them, nothing much was mentioned about your vessels being lost.”
Cameron kept his gaze on his plate. “They sent down the Belvidera, Guerrière, Java and Macedonia.”
“Those loses defiled Nelson’s memory and caused no end of frustration at the Admiralty,” Asterly quietly added.
Looking up, Cameron straightened his shoulders. “The American Navy has few, but very fine warships. Heavy frigates, well crafted and swift. To be frank, I think we underestimated them, but didn’t, after the pounding the Java took from the Constitution.”
Asterly set down the long sheaf of parchment. “The losses were shocking in every way. I doubt the Admiralty will view their Navy casually in future. There will likely be olive branches extended in search of trade opportunities, despite their continued use of slavery. Nevertheless, even with all of that, the search for you continued. Every so often, a report would surface regarding a sighting of you. I doubt your mother gave up writing letters. According to this,” he tapped the crackly parchment, “she’d been informed of the
knighthood and promotion.”
Lady Asterly touched her husband’s wrist to interrupt. “And according to Crimm, she was ousted from her home by the Grange agent, Sir Edmund. After that, the letters to the Admiralty ended.”
Cameron speared a piece of sausage but didn’t move to eat it. “Mother most likely didn’t have the funds to continue. And I must again say how grateful I am for all you’re doing on my behalf. It is indeed strange, but in a very good way, of course, how easy you have made things for me.”
Allison suspected that something more than the Asterlys’ persistence in helping bothered Cameron. She carefully suggested, “It is understandable that time is needed to readjust to coming home, to freedom, and I see nothing wrong in doing one’s utmost to credit your service and sacrifice for King and country. Your modesty commends you, but I hope you will allow patience for our gratitude.”
Cameron winced and pushed away his unfinished plate. “You do
me too much credit, and there is good cause for reticence to readily accept so much on my behalf.”
A frown of concern creased Asterly’s brow. “Squid, what is it?”
Cameron flicked a glance her way before he spoke. “I have a confession, a concern to make known. If I appear overwhelmed or ungrateful, that is certainly not the case. The truth is that I sought to maintain a…reserve…not exactly secrecy…in regards to my presence in town.”
Lady Asterly now looked worried. “Have we done more than we ought, interfered with some other plan?”
“It isn’t that, Elizabeth.”
Asterly placed a restraining hand over his wife’s wrist. “Then, what, Squid? There isn’t anything you can’t tell us.”
Allison’s heart slowed when Cameron released a pent up breath and said, “It’s possible I’ll be placed under suspicion for treason.”
“What nonsense is this?” Asterly demanded. “Such an act is not in your character. I’ll wager my life on that.”
“Don’t be in haste, Perry. There is the Jamaica Act, and I fought with pirates.”
Asterly stared then scoffed, “That was more than a hundred years ago and the particulars of that piece of legislation has nothing to do with your situation. You were in servitude and fighting for your life, not for money or the pirates. Is that why you have been so reticent?”
“Perry, it has preyed on my conscience. I shouldn’t like it if something I’d done would create an awkward situation for you both.”
While the Asterlys assured Cameron of his innocence and their confidence in his character, Allison realized how sacrificial his escort to the bookstore had been. Not much notice would be given to visits to haberdashers and boot-makers, but Hatchard’s was an established business often frequented by members of all levels of society. She swallowed down a surge of emotions—gratitude, affection, and amazement that he thought so much of her so soon after they’d met that he would take a risk on her behalf.