Acknowledgements
Thank you to my Beta Readers: Cheryl, Andrea, Jessika, Jennifer and Stacy. You guys are so patient and always there for me even when it’s to tell me something in the story needs to be changed.
Thank you to my bestie for always being the bestie. It’s unconditional with you Mandey, you’re just always there and unwavering.
Thank you to my sister Kimberly Birrell. You are the most loyal person I know Kimmy.
Thank you to my mom and dad for being rock stars and always supportive when I need help the last minute on a deadline.
Above all the people who support me, it is the readers who make this dream a possible life. I am nothing without your loyal support and patience. You guys really are phenomenal.
Dedication
As in all my books I put as much effort into my dedication as I do in my story. The people who are there for me through the process and how they stand out. This last year has been one of the hardest years for me and I was fighting the fact I needed to change my life.
The changes I needed to make were personal and frightening, more so when you are forced to look at yourself with a magnifying glass.
Then I got the coolest gift. I met my friend Sean. From the instant we met he has been such a bright and positive influence on my life. Seany, this is your dedication.
Sean Christman you are my silver lining and you never let me fall too far. It seems that in your eyes I can’t get in my head too far before you come in and pull me out. I'm so blessed to call you my friend. Thank you for releasing me from the things that hold me back. I'll never find words to say how much your friendship means to me, but I'll never turn my back on you. Thank you for bringing out my best Tiger!
Release Me
Book four TAT: A ROCKER ROMANCE
Melanie Walker
Release Me Song List
Sirens: Pearl Jam
Say It: Blue October
Red: Emme Cheayanne Calera
Just A Dream: Nelly
Say Goodbye: Theory of a Deadman
Alone: Alice in Chains
Yellow Flicker Beat: Lorde
Mr. Wrong: Mary J Blige Feat. Drake
This is how we do: Katy Perry
Simple Man: Lynyrd Skynyrd
Wish You Were Here: Pink Floyd
Make it Rain: Ed Sheeran
Wicked Games: The Weekend
Moon Baby: Godsmack
Coming Undone: Korn
Broken: Evanessence
The Next Contestant: Nickleback
Them Bones: Alice In Chains
Free Bird: Lynard Skynyrd
Who’ll Stop The Rain: Creedence Clearwater Revival
Crazy: Royal Bliss
Desire: Meg Myers
Bother: Stone Sour
Behind Blue Eyes: Limp Bizkit
And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you love and understand
Be a simple kind of man
Oh, won’t you do this for me, son, if you can.
Prologue
Cal Dorian
I am lying in bed; thinking about all my mess up’s where Tayla Livingston is concerned when a phone call from my mother changed my life. To call it a shift in my general everyday life was an understatement. My world would implode.
Now, it is possible that anyone hearing me say that would think I was a dick and unworthy of the news my mom delivered, but those who know me, know that I am terrified by change. Change of massive proportions, well, picture me freaking the fuck out.
“Hey mom.” I say and continue scrolling through channels looking for anything worthy of my attention.
“Calvin Thomas Dorian.” She pauses after uttering my full name in a tone reserved for that specific ass ripping only your mother can give. Any man out there will confirm the fear that we all feel in that instant.
I sit up and click the TV off, knowing full well if I don’t give her my undivided attention just as I was raised to do I will only make it harder on myself. “What’s up mommy?” I say in my most obedient tone, adding mommy in hopes I soften her.
It didn’t though.
“Do not try and sweeten me up son. I have one question to ask you and I am not accepting an I don’t know, I don’t remember, or it’s not possible answer.”
Oh fuck.
“Ok mom. Whatever it is I can guarantee I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Oh I know you didn’t.” She says with laughter that isn’t even close to funny. She is livid and completely floored by whatever it is I have done. My mind is racing a mile a minute thinking of every headline I have read about us lately and it is mainly news about what we have planned for the next album.
“What is it mom?” I ask and the concern in my voice is genuine. This little woman that I consider a saint is the most amazing important person in my life. I never want her upset and it is worsened because I have done something to upset her.
“Honey...” She says on a sigh and I picture her shaking her head. “Honey Jenny Pope just stopped by and I think it’s best you just come see me sweetie.”
“I’ll be there soon.” I say and don’t hesitate. I hop out of bed and throw on a shirt and some flip flops grabbing my keys and wallet and head out.
Now had I known what I was about to walk in on and the change my life had already taken I know I would have ran to gather my thoughts and not handle this the way I did initially. I say this because, I know I will be hated, but I also say it so that it is understood how I came back around to see the truth.
*
I get to my folks place about fifteen minutes from hanging up with my mom. I am terrified of what Jenny Pope might have said to my mom to get her worked up and spitfire mad. I’ve dealt with crazy fangirls in the past trying to get through security or a few would camp out at my house or bother the girls and Tay trying to get at me or one of the guys. My impression of this situation is that Jenny Pope has chosen my family to get to me and God only knows what she has started.
As I open the door to my childhood home I am not even remotely prepared for what I hear inside. “Come here sweet Axe. Come see your grandma.”
My mother’s sweet voice said those words and my entire world shifted. Grandma? Oh hell fucking no. “Mom?” I yell and follow her voice to the kitchen where a small little boy about Noelle’s size is trying to stand on his own.
My stomach is sitting at my feet as I watch this little guy try to stand, an unsure smile on his face and a glint of determination in his eyes, eyes that are no doubt a spitting image of mine. “What the fuck?” I say on a whisper and I am going to puke.
“Watch your mouth!” My dad barks from the corner of the room. He too shares the same eyes. We call them the Dorians as my gramps had em too. Dorians are a deep brown almost black with crazy long ass lashes that look like fucking spider’s legs. This little guy has Dorians, and my dad is looking at me and I know he is thinking the same thing I am. I have a son.
Chapter One
“Where the hell is Jenny?” I ask once my mom gets Axe, no shit that’s his name, settled in my old room for a nap.
“She got here son and was gone after her five minute explanation.” My mom says and I can see how this has completely emotionally drained her.
“And what was her explanation?” I ask and rub trembling hands over my face. I am angry, sad and freaked out.
My mom sighs and looks at me with sad eyes that are filling with tears. “She said that her lawyers will be in touch with you soon. I knew honey...” She says and looks down the hall as if looking for her long lost grandson. “The minute I saw him I knew and I wanted to strangle her. He hasn’t been well cared for Cal. He is two years old and he can barely talk and just now standing. He needs a Dr. and soon because he is severely maln
ourished and...” She pauses and I watch as tears fall. “His head honey...”
“I know.” I say and what I am referring to is that it is misshapen. I know enough about basic needs and I can tell that my son, my flesh and blood hasn’t had his met. I am livid and ready to snap. Even if this boy wasn’t my kid, and I am 90% sure he is, even if he wasn’t I would be hell bent on finding those responsible for neglecting him.
“We can get him in with Dr. Langley ASAP but legally I don’t know where to start. You need to call Tayla and see what we do first as far as legal. He will need diapers, in the right size mind you because that tart you knocked up has him in a size three and he needs a four. Poor baby has a rash from hell on his sweet behind.”
“I can get whatever he needs...” I say and my mind is spinning. I have no idea what all I need. My mind is racing towards cribs, some diapers and bottles… when it hits me. “We can’t let Tay know about this right yet mom.” I say and I feel my heart hammering. This gets to her before I have all the info I need and any shot of redemption and a chance to prove my worth will be gone.
“Why on earth would you not want Tayla involved here Calvin?” My mom asks and my dad’s eyes are on me and that man knows exactly why.
“Because I need a minute to process this mom and I don’t want business interfering just yet. I just want some time to process this.” I say and I am panicking for all the wrong reasons. She will never forgive me. The time frame of this little guy , calculating in the nine months that she was pregnant and the all too familiar memories of fucking Jenny Pope was all happening while I was dicking around with Tayla. This will all explode undoubtedly and I know it, but I need a fucking minute to process it.
“Calvin he needs a doctor!” My mom snaps and my dad places his hand on her shoulder to soothe her.
“Give me a minute with Cal babe.” My dad says and I know he will chew my ass, but thank God he follows guy code and waits for my mom to leave the room, keeping my secret a little longer.
You’re fucking around with Tayla aren’t you?” He asks and doesn’t wait for me to respond. “Does she care for you?”
I stand and start pacing, my hands rubbing up and down my face. “Yes, but its complicated dad.”
It’s easier to talk to him about this but not by much. Tay is loved by everyone and my family is no exception. I have always suspected my dad knew but he respected us enough to not confront me until now.
“And I am guessing this will be the end for you guys?” He says and I can hear the disappointment in his voice.
“I already fucked things up with her dad now this will just make redemption impossible.” I say and I have to sit back down because I may just pass out.
“Jesus Christ Cal.” He says and nothing else as he leaves the room. I know he is angry over the fact I was fucking around but also for hurting Tayla. I am not, nor have I ever been the type to shirk my responsibilities and they know that. They may be disappointed in my actions and worried for Axe as well as me but I believe they know that with him in the picture I will do whatever it takes to make that boy strong and happy.
I finally make my way into the kitchen where my dad is holding my weeping mother in his arms and I hate that this is how they meet their grandson. I hate that this is how I meet my first child. I want to rage at Jenny for so many things but the top of my list is the fact I didn’t know he existed. How he has been living up to now is my second concern and that bitch will never see him again if it is the last thing I do.
“I need your help because I do agree he needs a doctor and he needs one quickly. I am not involving Tay or the guys in this. I’ll call Shame but that’s it. Everyone else has too much shit on their plate. I am going to the lawyer’s office to get a referral for the best custody lawyer in Seattle.”
My mother wipes under her eyes and stands up straight. “We need to call social services Cal. We need temporary custody of him.”
She is right and within minutes she is on the phone with them. I leave to find the best attorney my money can buy and shoot Shame a text to meet me at Craig’s office because it is an emergency. Craig has handled TAT business since we agreed to go on the Sinners tour. He is local and was small business before coming on full time with TAT and he was a great find. I am hoping he knows his shit in family law too. ‘
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mockingbird
You don’t affect me
Chapter Two
Cal
“What’s up?” Shamus says when he meets me at Craig’s office. I am in the parking lot smoking a Marlboro red. Not the wisest choice considering I am trying to get custody of my son I met not more than three hours ago, but this old habit never really got broken and it’s the only thing keeping me calm right now.
I flick my smoke and smother it with the toe of my shoes and stuff my hands in my pockets trying to figure out how to not choke on my next words. Shame knows me better than anyone though and he can tell I am freaking out.
“Bro whatever has you stressed we can figure it out.” He says and places his hand on my shoulder.
“Guess who’s gonna be an uncle?” I say and rely on my lame jokes to break tension.
“What?” He says and claps his hands with a huge smile. “Jace and Krissy are having a baby?” He asks and I didn’t think he might assume I meant my brother and his wife.
So, I do what I always do and just blurt it out. “No dude. I am a dad.”
I watch his smile go from happy to confused in a flash. “What?”
I nod and look to Craig’s office. “That’s why I asked you to meet me here dude. I am freaking out.”
“Tay?” He asks and then I see his face go completely pale. “Jesus Cal, please tell me it’s Tay that’s pregnant.”
Oh shit is all I can think. It isn’t just bad, but really bad. He didn’t hear me right. “No it isn’t Tay, and no one is pregnant dude. I already have a kid.”
Ah, there it is. The 'oh fuck' face I was expecting.
“Yep! Pretty much dude.” I say and roll my head to crack my neck making him cringe at the sound, a small joy for the moment.
“Who’s the mom?” He asks the most obvious of questions.
“Remember Jenny Pope?” I ask with my head down, looking at him over the top of my sunglasses.
“No way? Fuck Cal seriously? Jenny Pope without protection?” He shakes his head and starts pacing, his nerves now shot too. I knew he would take this news hard because of how tight we are, but that bond is why he was my first call.
“I know what you’re thinking dude and I have no doubt that boy is mine. He has a set of matching Dorian peepers.”
He is still shaking his head but as I answered the one question I knew he’d ask I saw the realization set in. “How old is this kid?” He asks and stops pacing when he leans against the side of my Jeep.
“She told my mom he’s almost two.” I say and now I am shaking my head as I am reminded of how neglected he has been and in the same blink of an eye I vow to never let him feel an ounce of neglect again.
“So I assume it’s why you wanted me to meet you here? For a DNA test?” He asks and I am again shaking my head.
“I know I’ll need one, but I am certain he is my kid. Thing is though, this little boy is so far off of how Noelle acts dude and his head is not shaped right. He hasn’t been anyone’s priority. He can barely stand, he can only say momma and he just sits and stares at me. He doesn’t play or laugh.”
“So it’s about getting DNA and then custody?” He asks and he knows he is right but I nod a yes anyway. “Good. Fucking nail her ass with abandonment too.”
“Dude she wants money, plain and simple.”
He now nods in agreement and watches me as I light another Red. “What’d Tay say about all of this?”
It isn’t a secret to the people we love that Tay and I had a pretty intense fling, but only Shamus knows it was a hell of a lot more than a fling. “I haven�
�t told anyone but you, and now I am about to bring Craig in hoping he knows the biggest baddest child advocate lawyer in the nation.”
“I agree with finding the shark, but hell no on keeping this from Tayla. Fuck whatever went down between you two, she needs to know this now so Coven can handle Jenny when she comes looking for cash. This is totally about getting rich dude and if Tay finds out the hard way you’re fucked, but it could damage the band too.”
He must have forgotten who I am. “What the hell happened to you just now? Did you have a lapse in memory and forget who the fuck I am? I am aware of every possible outcome down to being dramatic here Shame. Right now this is personal and I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have.”
“Look Cal, I know you love her. She doesn’t and nobody else does either, but I know and this secret will crush any chance dude and secrets are a bitch to the one in the dark.” I know he is speaking from personal experience. Cassa hid more skeletons from Shame it was a fucking graveyard in her closet. I know he is right, but I have to do this with grace.
“I know it, but I want to have a plan of action when I do this. I want a lawyer on it, I want at the very least temporary custody and I want proof beyond any doubt that he is mine. Only then will I go and fess up to all my fucking around.”
He nods and looks to the building we are about to enter. “You gonna tell Noah and Chad?” He asks.
“Yeah as soon as we meet up for Saturday dinner.” I say and I will ask the guys to talk in the studio where there can be no eavesdropping.
He nods again and we stand in shocked silence. We get in the elevator and I push the twenty two for Craig’s floor. Shame looks at me and he is still shaking his head. “Do you know his name?” He asks, and this is the uncle in him curious of the new guy in our family and I find it oddly comforting.
I smile a proud fatherly smile. “Dude yeah. His name is Axe.”
Release Me Page 1