I see Cassa and Carrie nod at my assumption, but I do know Cal and there is no way he would let this child get out of his sight from here on out. “It is 1:22pm Monday December 3rd. Please call me back as soon as you can, if I don’t answer my calls will forward to George and he will gather all the information.”
I end the call and use my FOB to unlatch the back of my Rover. There I have my laptop and I immediately boot it to get the notes entered into my on-line calendar.
“Tay...” Chad says and I hold my hand up to stop him.
“No. You guys have taken your loyalty to a whole new level. This affects your business. Four days you have kept me in the dark and I look like a fucking fool to that bitch.” I spin and face him, all of them. “I have always had the bands best interest at heart. I have never once mixed business with our friendship. Cal and I have been separate where business is concerned and this is no different. Had you even thought of what she might do from her end? Clearly she is unstable; she tracked us to the damn mall for Christ sake. What would have happened had she called Coven? That would very easily cost me my job, because this shit,” I indicate them and the mall and the computer in a grand gesture with my arms. “This is what I do for a living. I manage you and your lives and I handle all the crazy ridiculous shit that goes down on a daily basis. I have done this so many times it is ridiculous.”
“It was Cal’s choice Tay. He didn’t want to tell you until he had the facts because he knew you’d do this and go into micro manage mode and take it all on.” Shamus says with a note of aggravation and it sets me off.
“What do you guys pay me for? Is it glorified because I allow Cal into the fold simply because it keeps him calm to be a part of the business end? I handle more crazy fangirls in one day, all with the various lies looking for a dime and it is every day. I handle calls and emails from women claiming that two weeks ago Shamus was in a Hotel in Bellevue with a fangirl who claimed she was drugged by him. I had it handled how fast Shame?” I ask pointedly.
“Within an hour Tay.” He says, and I can tell he is now seeing my side, they all are.
“Within that hour I had Hotel records, credit card purchases and enough insight to ask you outright where you were that night. Mike and Roni verified that you were with them for dinner, they gave a basic description to Coven and the fangirl huffed and puffed and had no choice but to give it up.”
I shake my head. “Every day I deal with this shit. Hell last week I had a fangirl claiming Henley Forrest the lead guitarist of Gone was the father to her twins. I have a relationship with lawyers, child advocates and child protection. I can get the answers in mere days. But no, you guys completely forget how good I am at my job and agree to hide it.”
“Look Tay...” Chad says but I stop him again.
“No Chad-” He cuts me off with a loud, “Enough!!”
I stop and look at him. “We listened to you now you listen to me. This isn’t a hoax for one. Axe is Cal’s there is no denying it Tayla. I would bet every dollar I have that he is the father. Cal wanted to do this how he was comfortable and if you could get off your fucking soapbox for a minute you’d see he had a valid point. He knew you would push everything aside and make this your mission. He knew that it was going to rip your heart out. He knew this little boy would be someone you fell in love with, and you will Tay, the minute you meet him. He knew he would lose you for this.”
“You don’t get it, none of you do. I am not his. I never was. You can’t lose something that was never yours. All he lost was the chance I’d hear him out. Every time I think I need to hear him out and let him back in something else happens and I am ripped to shreds. So yeah he is right. I am the one who provided the VIP passes to her to get back on the bus and fuck him. I did. Every time it killed me but again it was my job. I did it knowing he was in my bed the night before, but I also did it knowing that was who he was. So no, this isn’t something he can explain away. He was fucking me while fucking her and countless others. I feel like trash and worse, it’s the knowledge that he let that disgusting excuse for a woman touch him and kiss him knowing I would have given anything to one day be the mother of his children, and I am not, she is!”
I can’t look at them right now, this is deep betrayal. “What you guys aren’t realizing or acknowledging, is that because of my personal relationship with TAT you kept this from me. Life altering information you kept from me. Had I been just the manager of TAT, I would have been the first call not Shamus.”
They say nothing in response to that and it’s because they know I am right.
“Tay you can be mad no one says you can’t, we just want you to see his side.” Carrie says and it bothers me on a visceral level.
“See his side? Fuck that, see my side!” I snap.
“You want to know what his side is you stubborn shit?” Noah who I had no idea was even here, jumps out of Chads truck. He is like a fucking ghost at times, popping in from nowhere.
“Excuse me?” I say in my most offended and bitchy tone.
“You heard me. You want his side? Fine I’ll tell you because I am sick and tired of the games and the lies and the secrets. Seriously it is so fucking over played. He didn’t tell you because he is twisted up with fear and anger and sadness, all because his biggest fear is losing you for good. Any possible way he can buy some time to have a chance at being with you he will. I don’t fucking blame him for it; I fucking respect him for it. In the last four days he has watched over that little boy, fighting with the notion that he was going to win you back and put you before every God damned thing in his life when that whore dropped his boy off. No information, no explanation. He is a sick little boy Tayla and Cal took him, held him and promised him he had his back, all the while knowing all his hopes and dreams for the two of you were up in smoke. He knows that he cannot put you first now and he hates himself for all the time he wasted. Do not sit here with your righteous indignation and make this about you.”
“Righteous indignation?” I say, my voice pitching in anger and shock.
“Yeah. You aren’t seeing his side at all. He may have done the wrong thing on the business end. We all did. We didn’t think Jenny would come looking willing to talk to anyone for answers and in that sense you’re right. If it was anyone one of us and not Cal you would have been the first call, but that’s because we aren’t pining over you and we didn’t fuck you for three years. He did. Game point Tayla, he did what was best for him and Axe and with the intention of telling you everything when he had all the information. He didn’t come to you because he felt like shit asking for your help in it and having you do the dirty work and again I agree. If this was me and Candey was still here, I’d have done every fucking thing I could to protect her in it and no fucking way would I let her handle it.”
I say nothing because he used the Candey card. I don’t think he did it to shut me up or win the argument, but used it because she was his world and she isn’t here anymore. The reason though, that I say nothing, is because the minute I reversed the roles I saw what everyone was telling me. It now made sense and I can do nothing but cry. I cry for Axe and the fact that what I know this for is that he has a very sad story behind him. I cry for me and the fact that what I am most angry about is that Jenny Pope has the one thing I want the most and she isn’t worthy. I cry because I was so dignified in my fight that it brought Noah in and slamming the argument shut the minute he switched the scenario. I cry because I love Cal Dorian and if what Noah just confessed, Cal loves me too.
We’re here and now, but will we ever be again
‘Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away
again
Chapter Ten
Tayla
As I make my way to Cal’s house the sun is just setting and there is nothing more beautiful than watching it as I cross the Gig Harbor Bridge. I am going tonight to handle Jenny and keep her off his ass for the time being. I don’t know if he is actually
entertaining the idea of paying her, but if so he will change his mind when he sees what I have found out.
I sent a text that said I was stopping by and on my way. He responded with a simple, K and I knew that he knows I know.
I get to his house and go through the gate, aware that good or bad, we both change tonight. Everything about us changes from here on out and I think we both know it.
“Hey.” He says and steps back holding the door for me. I can hear the jingle to what has to be a cartoon coming from his living room. I see toys everywhere the minute I walk in. I see his little jackets hanging on the coat rack by the front door and little Chuck Taylors and Toms sitting on the bench beneath the rack. It hits me full force then that this is real.
“Hey Cal.” I say and hand him my jacket. I keep my purse and my briefcase with me and follow him into the living room.
I see this teeny tiny little boy, thin as a rail and curled in a ball at the very end of the couch as he watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in his matching jammies. I know without any pause or second guessing that he is Cal’s.
“Tayla, I’d like you to meet my son Axe.” He says and I can hear he is stressed, tired and scared, it is all there in his voice and I wonder how much of it is because I know.
I make my way to sit beside Axe on the couch but he doesn’t seem to care that I am there. “Hey there Axe.” I say and I ruffle the dark brown hair on his head. He gives me a ghost of a smile when he looks at me, but then he is back on the show and the fact that Mickey Mouse is calling for O'tootles.
“He is very sweet Cal.” I say and seeing this little boy I want to scream at the injustice done to him.
He nods and folds his arms over his chest and leans against the wall, watching me and his son for the first time. It takes everything for me to not cry in this moment, this epic moment. “I take him to the doctor tomorrow morning. I think I might feel a little relief after that.” He says and sighs, pushing himself from the wall and he comes to stand before Axe. “Come ‘ere pal.” He says and I watch as Axe lifts his little arms to his dad and goes to him comfortably.
He takes a seat in the opposite side of the sectional couch where he can face me easily and I watch with watering eyes as he leans back and tucks Axe’s head beneath his chin and starts tickling his back. Axe closes his eyes and wraps his legs on each side of Cal’s chest and tucks his little arms up against his chest, his face turns inward from me but I know though I can’t see his face, I know he feels safe and is going to fall asleep.
My tears are about to fall and so I use my knuckle to dab beneath my eyes. It’s a mixture of seeing him so soft and gentle, but also seeing him so scared and nervous.
We sit there in a comfortable peaceful silence as he holds his son. When he did speak I wasn’t prepared for the depth. “It’s so crazy Tay.” He says and his voice is low and soft. “I woke up on Saturday and was lying in bed thinking of you and what I could do to get you back.” He shakes his head and closes his eyes letting his head fall back. “My mom calls and tells me I need to get there right now because Jenny Pope just left and they need to talk to me. I had no clue that Axe existed. I figured Jenny was pulling the same crap she always did looking for an in.”
He looks down to see that Axe is sound asleep and he reaches beside me for the blanket that he had been sitting on. He places it over Axe and slowly stands with him in his arms and makes his way to the stairs. “I’m gonna put him down give me a second.”
He doesn’t wait for my response as he disappears. I look around at the new look to Cal’s home. There are little learning toys everywhere, the kind that light up and play music when you touch them. There are stuffed animals and blankets scattered around the room and every possible animated movie he could find sitting on the shelf beneath the TV.
Cal must have spent hours upon hours making sure that Axe had everything and it wasn’t shocking in the least. Cal was the sort of man that in any situation he was prepared and would put every ounce of himself into it. Even with me. He gave me all of himself when he was in the moment and wasn’t thinking. He would hide it all afterword but I always knew it was there.
“Want a drink?” He asks me when he comes back down the stairs. I nod and grab my things to follow him to his kitchen. He pours me a glass of Moscato and comes to sit beside me at the table.
“Ask me anything.” He says and there is a nervous smile on his face that melts me. I have never seen Cal this sort of vulnerable. Right now he thinks I hate him and that I am judging him. He has no idea how much I admire him considering the information I gathered throughout the day.
I can’t help but do what feels natural and I place my hand on his cheek tenderly and smile. “You’re doing a great job here, don’t doubt that.” I say because I know him and he is second guessing every move he is making because Cal is determined to do the best.
“I hope.” He says and his voice is so soft and cracks at the end.
“I think that I have some things that can put you at ease and help you get a better grasp on this situation.” I say. I want to stay in that moment and never leave, the softness of it and the comfort. It wraps around me like a warm blanket and I hate that I have to break it, but the matter at hand calls for quick action.
“I knew you’d take this on Tay.” He says shaking his head and drinks from his bottle of Shock Top.
“It’s my job Cal. I am damn good at it too. Let me help you.” I say and pull out the laptop and the files I have thus far.
“I’m so sorry that you had to go digging. I know this is killing you Tay but I need you to know I would have done anything to spare you from it all.”
He says exactly what Noah told me and I feel awful for raging or being upset. I know I am entitled to those feelings but I also knew that I needed a grip and Noah gave me it. Now it is nothing but heartache at what we might have lost but also determination to fight alongside him for the wellbeing of his son. Ten minutes here and I know that Cal is better for Axe than Jenny could even attempt to be.
“A lot of what I learned today hurt me Cal, I won’t lie. But I knew that it was sex and nothing more and I accepted it. You didn’t know how I felt back then. I don’t hold it against you. Everything over the last year is a different story, but those issues between us are going to have to stay on the back burner for a while.”
He nods and looks down at the paperwork I brought. “This is Axe’s birth certificate.” I say and hand him the copy I got from Vital Records before coming here.
“Oh my God. How’d you get this?” He asks and looks at me with shock. “I don’t mean that how it sounds Tay. I’m glad you did, but I was hoping to get something from the doctor tomorrow that I could see if he could find it. I don’t know I just figured he was a start.”
He is looking over the birth record with apt attention.
“I have to do stuff like this all the time Cal, for a lot of my bands. I called child protection today and left a message for Linda Clarke. She is the rep that Coven deals with. We have an attorney that can draw up paperwork that entitles Coven to knowledge on your behalf. It’s why you sign so many documents when you sign on with us because those documents protect you in this sort of situation. I was able to fax the release to Linda who then sent notification to Vital Records that I was picking it up. Signatures matched and I had my ID as well as my security badge for Coven. Voila.”
Cal looks at me with admiration and sweetness. “Thank you Tay.” He hugs me then, a close embrace that exposes all of my love for him. When he pulls back I am careful to mask my emotions because I can’t let him see this right now. We are both far too exposed and vulnerable.
“Axe turns two in a month.” He says and shows me the document but I have perused it a hundred times. “January eighteenth."
I nod and smile. “She gave him your last name too.” I say and point to Axe’s full name to show him the one thing she did honorably. I don’t know why Jenny had a heart in this, but regardless I am glad she did.
“Axe
Calvin Dorian.” He says and stares at the most important information on his son. “He was only five pounds and six ounces. Twenty inches long.” He smiles and looks at me. “That means he’ll be tall like me right?” He asks and I nod. “He was born prematurely at thirty-six weeks. Is that bad?”
“Not that bad. I am guessing he had some steroids for lung development but I can’t possibly know without his medical records. That is why you need to fill this form out and take it with you tomorrow to the doctor. This is you agreeing that you are his guardian and that you want a copy of all his records as well as aware of the HIPPA laws in place.”
He sets the paper to the side and in a separate stack he places the birth certificate. I then hand him another form. “This is the request for his social security card. I know you have the number because Linda said a case was opened and they granted you temporary custody until they have completed an investigation. I filled out the information I just need you to sign.”
“Yeah we called them the day she dropped him off. It was obvious he is behind in motor function as well as the abnormalities to his head. Tomorrow they will test him for everything imaginable, but also the doctor will submit his findings to Social Services.”
We go on like this for another twenty minutes as we cover the legalities for temporary custody and the forms he will need. Once we get through all of those I cover the information I have on Jenny and her parenting skills which are minimal.
Release Me Page 9