What I didn’t expect was her to ignore me. Literally all fucking day. By the first hour I was still pumped and even excited watching her sit on her porch and ignore me.
By the second hour I was still okay to watch her ignore me, because she is beautiful doing it, but I was a little bored. Maybe I was a fool to think it would be easy to walk in and give no choice, I was still keeping to my plan of waiting her out but she had to crack sometime because it would be dark soon.
On it went for four hours, me sitting at the table watching and waiting, me standing in the kitchen watching her ignore me, me sitting on her couch, the table again, at the fucking window and even some soft pacing.... and nothing.
Frustrated and bored out of my mind I can’t take it anymore. I have never seen her like this, so calm and resolved to wait me out. I am not calm or patient and she knows it. This little shit was going to make me beg and at this point I would rather get to it before I am eighty.
I open the door and watch as she stiffens her spine a fraction, but relaxes and goes back to reading her book. I lean against the door frame, once again frozen at the sight of her. Her hair is up and only a few strands have fallen from the messy bun on the top of her head. I can see the little goosebumps along her neck and shoulders and I know it’s because it’s even colder than it was when I got here.
“Want to come inside where it’s warm? I can start a fire for you?” I don’t move, no sense crowding her considering the minute she is in this cabin she won’t have far to run. When she says nothing I want to scream, but I keep my cool and go for broke. Leaning out a slowly trace my finger along the exposed part of her neck where the flannel jacket doesn’t hide her sensitive skin. “You can ignore me in here too.”
She says nothing and I cannot stand it anymore. “Tay, tell me to go fuck myself. Tell me you hate me, just say something please.” I lean my back against the frame of the door, cross my feet and fold my arms. I will freeze beside her if I have to because I am done sitting alone.
“Oh you want to talk?” She says each word slowly and with the precision of a surgeon’s blade. “You come here, to the only place I truly feel peace and calm and now you tarnish it!” She stands and chucks her paperback book at me. “This is the only place I am free of you Cal.”
I smile and I know that it pisses her off even more. “Baby you can’t get free of me. The sooner you realize that the better we both will be.”
“What is with the dominant act?” She asks me and pushes past me to get in the cabin where she goes right to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of Modello.
“You leave me no other option that’s what.”
She shakes her head and places her palms on the counter and drops her head in frustration. “Okay. You want to talk?” She raises her head and pins me with the scariest glare I have ever seen on her pretty face. “Why now? Is it because of Sam? Is the thought of me desperate to move on so offensive?”
“Sam is a small piece of this Tayla. I hate that he touches you and makes you smile, but I know you and you aren’t feeling him. He is a warm body that curbs your loneliness. And that I completely understand.”
“I have never been anything but Sam’s friend Cal. We flirt and joke and push your buttons but that is as far as it has ever gone.” I can see the guilt on her face as she comes clean with the game she has been playing.
“So what? You think it’s funny to watch me suffer?” I don’t hide the anger from the little bomb she dropped.
“No I think it was addictive because it finally forced you to see me.” She says and it feels like a knife in my back.
“Seeing you wasn’t the problem!” I snap.
She laughs but there is no humor in it. “Are you really going to try and sell me some story that you have been here in love all along? Because if so you can save it. You don’t hurt the ones you love. You don’t deny them the comfort. You have done nothing but deny me for three years!" She was screaming, her hands flailing about.
I roar out in the same frustrated anger. “I know God damn it! How fucking long do I need to repent for it?”
I watch her flinch at my outburst and try to reel in my anger because I know damn well I don’t deserve her forgiveness, but I still ask like a fucking bigger.
And then she just started crying. Big fat tears falling from her violet eyes, spiking her lashes and blushing her cheeks and nose. I see her fall apart, her eyes on me and it is sadness that has undone her. This is the moment I realize how far I pushed her away from me, how deeply I have hurt her. All I can do is go to her and try to show her how sorry I am for it all.
My arms go around her and she fights me, not hard mind you, but enough to tell me how shattered she is. “I know baby.” I say and hold her to me as tight as I can because she is trying to get away from me. “Shhh, Tay. Let me hold you baby.” I say and kiss her softly on her temple.
I don’t know how much time passed with me holding her. We moved to the table where I sat in a chair with her cradled in my arms and I let her cry.
I feel her breathing even out and I know she is asleep. I carry her with no effort and lay her on the bed. I watch her sleep for a few seconds before I go back out and lock up the cabin and shut the lights off. I stand in the hall and see the two bedrooms and this is the fork in the road isn’t it? Do I go to her, to lie beside her as her man, or do I chose to be the right man and go to the room and sleep alone?
Let’s be honest, I know damn well I am not the commendable honorable type and I walk in to the room where she is sleeping. I take her feet gently and pull her boots off and then her jeans and she wakes a little to ask what I think I am doing.
“I’m just putting you in bed baby.” I say and she sits a little as I take her jacket off. I see her in a tight black t-shirt and her hot pink panties and it only reaffirms that I am not honorable. No way am I not sleeping next to this beauty tonight.
I skim down to my boxers and debate getting in in just them, but find a little piece of decency in the end and grab my flannel pajama pants and slip them on. I slide between the sheets, finding her warm small body and flip the light off. I curl my front into her back and rest her head on my bicep, not a spot on our bodies that isn’t lined up. I have never cuddled, never been the type, but lying here with her now I feel the piece that I have with Axe when he lets me love him.
“I needed this.” She says her voice scratchy from sleep.
I pull her closer and kiss her on the cheek. “Go to sleep baby.”
“I am not sleeping with you Cal.” She says and there is a hint of unsure in her voice.
I chuckle softly. “We’ll see what happens baby, I am not about to push my luck.” She doesn’t say anything to that and I can feel her body go soft and her breathing is even again. I lay there holding her unable to sleep for the bitch of a cramp in my arm where her head is laying, and the fact I am burning alive from the body heat.
I distract myself with thoughts of the night of the wedding. If I had done things differently that night, if I had faced what I was feeling and knew, the trip to the cabin would be us with Axe and I would be inside of her tight little body right now.
“I should have told you.” I say into the night. “I should have told you that you mean everything to me. I should have let you see my tears because they were yours.” It overwhelms me the way the wall holding my emotions in breaks and I wish she was awake to hear my heart because I can’t stop. “I have loved you for so long Tayla, I can’t even pinpoint a time I didn’t love you because I always have. I made so many promises to myself when we were a garage band and I knew how good we were. I made the band my world and I hurt a lot of people to get here. I hate what Jenny did to my son, I hate what she did to me keeping him from me, but I treated her like a whore and never once respected her, I never respected you either. I had this plan and nothing would take me from it. Then overnight everything changed. Cass and Shame broke up, Chad and Carrie were gonna have a kid and getting married, Noah was finally happy and I met y
ou, it was too much change. Then once again everything changed with Cassa being abused and hiding so many secrets. Like falling for you, only ever thinking of you. The night of the wedding I had planned to walk away, I was saying goodbye to you and I was so fucking scared baby.
“I was so in love, I still am. I don’t know if the world is trying to teach me a lesson. I think of the time I wasted with you knowing Noah would give his own life for thirty seconds with Candey. I think of Axe and the only family I see fit to give him is you and me baby. I know this is killing you; it kills me to know that I can’t be all yours like I had planned. I had a plan, you were coming before everything in my life and the guys were backing me. If it meant less venues or a break in the next album so Noah had time to really make the choice. I was willing to walk away from everything for you, then my mom called and my life will never be the same again.”
I stop talking before I wake her because the way I am exposed right now I will beg for one more chance. I rest my head beside hers and vow to never give up on us.
Tayla
I don’t dare move because I don’t want to break this moment. He thinks I am asleep right now unaware that I am laying here hanging on every word. He isn’t talking anymore and I am overwhelmed with the need to do something to show him I need him. I nuzzle back into him, pressing my ass against his cock and I feel him harden at the way I press against him.
I feel him shift against me and press against me. I press back and I feel him shift and roll me to my back and then he is above me, his lips on mine in a soft sweet kiss. His eyes are on mine and I can barely see him, but I see enough with the help of the moonlight. He cups my cheek in his hand and places soft kisses on my lips.
“I love you Tayla.” He says and my stomach drops and flips and my entire body shudders with chills. I have waited my entire life for him to say this to me, even before I knew he was who I wanted and needed.
“Cal.” I choke on the sob I can’t hold back.
“So much.” He says and kisses me, stealing my response. I thrusts against me and though we are fully clothed I feel the heat of him against my wet panties. He places his thumbs beneath the band of my panties and slowly kisses down my neck and chest, pushing my t-shirt up so he can taste my skin.
I feel his mouth and breath against my bare pussy as he pulls my panties down. He opens my pussy and licks me and I arch against his mouth, my fingers scratching along his head desperate for anything to ground me.
“I love everything about you Tayla. The way you breathe and laugh and taste.” He licks me again and groans, slipping two fingers inside of me. “I have never loved as intense as I do you. I can’t go another second without you knowing that I love you.”
He says this against my pussy, his fingers curling inside of me making me crazy with need. I am beyond words, having lost all thought in the shock of his confession but also in the desire he is building in me.
“Make love to me.” I say as I pull at his arms to get him close to me. His mouth is on mine, I taste myself on his tongue but I don’t care.
“I need to get a condom.” He says and tries to get free of me but I don’t let him go.
“No Cal flesh to flesh.”
He doesn’t waste a second at my request and I feel him nudge my legs far apart as he lines up against me and thrusts inside. I cry out in passion I never thought he would give me. I have fucked him so many times but only once have we made love and he denied me when it mattered. I see his face as he holds still inside of me like he is taking in the feel of me, and I can see he is as desperate for this as I am.
His mouth falls to mine again and I am overwhelmed by the sensation of it all. Every time he breaks the kiss he tugs at my hair like he needs closer. “Fuck I love you Tay."
“Show me.” I whisper and draw my legs up so he can get deeper. He pushes into me, moaning at every thrust and his mouth is on mine, tasting every inch of my mouth and trailing his lips and tongue along my neck.
His hands cup at my breasts and his mouth is on my nipples tugging and biting with gentleness I never knew he had. He was slow with purpose. Every thrust was calculated and drawn out; he touched me with a delicate intention and whispers of promise that I was his forever.
“I love you too.” I say and even though I know that he has known that for some time now, saying it to him in this moment was overwhelming and tears fill my eyes.
“Shhh babe.” He says and kisses my tears as they slip down my cheeks. “It took me forever to get here and I lost you in it. Feel me baby, feel me in you loving you. I am here and I love you so fucking much.”
I came right then. I don’t know if it was him telling me everything I ever wanted to hear or if it was the passion but I felt myself tighten on him and my body went weak.
“Oh fuck yeah Tayla. You coming for me babe?” He asked and the pressed harder and faster, excited to know he took me there.
“Yes, you too Cal. Come for me.” I say and feel him lock his hips and explode inside of me.
“Flesh to flesh baby.” He groans and I am reminded that he is coming inside of me for the first time with intent to mark me as his. This isn’t a mistake this time, he owns me now heart and soul.
And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was your
I was so yours for the taking.
Chapter Thirteen
Cal
I wake up before Tayla because I am too excited for sleep. We exhausted our bodies last night and our hearts, bore our souls and never in my life did I feel as free or accomplished as I did making coffee in her tiny cabin. I don’t know what to expect from here on out other than the fact we are a united front and together, everything else will work itself out.
I grab my phone and hope I have service, with one little bar I send a mass text to the guys. CAL: I did it. I got my girl back. We will be home in a few hours.
Right as it sends I feel her hand on my bare back and her lips on my shoulder blade. “Good morning.” She says in a sleepy voice. I turn and pull her against me for nothing more than the feel of her in my arms.
“Good morning.” I say and motion to the fresh coffee. “I made breakfast.” I say and laugh.
“What a chef.” She says and laughs kissing my chest because it’s as far as her lips reach. “I’ll have some coffee breakfast in a minute. I am too busy basking right now.”
“Bask away baby.” I say and reach for my phone when it chimes.
I read the message from Shamus first before it goes off again and again as everyone replies. I turn my phone to Tayla and show her.
SHAMUS: fuck yeah bro congrats. That’s how it should be.
CASSA: About time. Congrats sweetie.
CHAD: Hell yeah. I knew I gave instruction well.
CARRIE: Don’t listen to him. You did this congrats.
NOAH: Good job. Don’t fuck up again asshole.
We both laugh at Noah’s response. “I think you did pretty good getting me back.”
“Oh yeah?” I say and lean down to kiss her. “I wasn’t so sure for a while there. I don’t think I have ever been more scared than the idea you wouldn’t come back to me.”
“Cal what do we do now? I mean about Axe and this legal shit with Jenny and where the band is heading? There are so many factors at play... I don’t want to be on the sidelines anymore. I am in your corner fighting with you.”
I know what she is saying and I also pick up on the real fear in her voice. “You think I won’t be able to handle it all. You still don’t believe me?” I am not angry, maybe a little bummed, but if anything I am scared she won’t ever let me in all the way.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I am so sorry I want to believe but I am scared. I can’t have a night like last night and then lose you again. I barely survived these last few months, knowing what I know now I can’t do it again.”
I hate knowing how bad I hurt her and pushed her.
“I’ll prove it babe. I have no desire to go another night without you beside me.”
“It’s not just that Cal. I know you. I know that if you vow to be there or do something, I know you will die proving it. I’m scared that this is fear talking. Fear of single parent life, fear of business going bad. I don’t want to be the Band-Aid.”
I rub my eyes and stand pulling away from her. I know that my needing space right now was hurting her, but she is pissing me off. “What do you want from me? I bore my soul last night Tay. I gave you every ounce of me. I want our lives to merge as one. I have always wanted that baby. I know you think that Axe is the change in me but he is a bonus to me Tay. I knew if business went bad between us, that I would let one of the guys take the lead and I’d do shit from behind the scenes because you to me and you to business are two different things. Noah may not be back, that’s something we will deal with when we have too but its business baby. We are us and everything outside of us is our life together. You have to tell me what you want from me that I haven’t made abundantly clear?”
“I deserve to be somebody’s world Cal.” She speaks so quietly and I can hear the pain in that one desire. I want to hold her and tell her she is mine. Tell her that I am that somebody. But she needs to do it her way and so I let her. “I deserve that somebody to go crazy thinking about me and can’t wait to see me again.” Her lashes spike from the tears building in her eyes. “I deserve that marriage proposal in the rain, under the orange glow of the street lamp from a man who cannot live without me.” She places her rose tattooed hand over her heart to affirm how deeply she wants these things. “Babies. I want babies from a man who knocked me up for equal parts knowing I was the one he wanted a family with, but also because his love and desire for me results in the impossible fact he can’t keep his hands off me. I want and deserve to make him my world, my everything because it is a gift Cal. It is fragile and delicate and easily broken gift that I have given to you.”
Release Me Page 11