15 – LEAVING THE SANCTUM
Two days later, Dr. Sadowsky deemed me safe to return to society. No traces of Makanza remained in any of my samples, unlike the Kazzies, who’d carry the virus until they died.
Since I never had any personal belongings, there was nothing to pack. My heart hurt, knowing that in a few hours, I’d once again be separated from Davin and my friends. It could be weeks before we’d see each other again.
Dr. Hutchinson and I had worked out a plan. We’d fly to D.C. and speak with the president about the new law. We’d bring more evidence and data – science was on our side. If that didn’t change things, we’d begin a campaign to sway the public. Cate had already begun recruiting other MRI employees and members in the public who wanted the Kazzies free. There was power in numbers, and if that was the route we’d have to go – we’d do it.
Luckily, Dr. Sadowsky was supportive of our plans. He granted me a leave of absence so I wouldn’t need to worry about missing work.
An hour before I was due to be discharged from the Sanctum, Davin and I took the elevator to the fourth floor and walked to the end of the forgotten corridor. In a short time, I’d be leaving. This was the last time I’d see him for who knew how long.
We sat cross legged on the floor.
I sat opposite him. The cold floor seeped in through my pants as I tilted my chin upward toward the small patch of sunlight streaming in through the windows above. Neither of us made any attempts to look out them.
It was funny that in all the time I’d lived in the Sanctum, the only time I’d seen the outside was that day I sat on Davin’s shoulders and peered out the above windows. How quickly I’d become detached from the outside. In here, that world did not exist.
Davin played with his fingers in his lap. He’d been strangely quiet all morning. He clasped his strong hands together and met my gaze. “What will you do when you leave?”
“Dr. Hutchinson and I are heading back to D.C. tomorrow afternoon. We have a meeting with the president scheduled in two days.”
His eyebrows shot up. “The president? As in, President Morgan?”
“Yeah, crazy isn’t it?” I tucked a stray wisp of hair behind my ear. “Dr. Hutchinson has a lot of power within the MRI. She was able to arrange the meeting. I’m sure if I’d asked, they’d have laughed at me.”
He made a disgruntled sound. “Don’t discredit yourself. You’ve done a lot for this country. Without you, the vaccine would have never been discovered.”
“No, without us.”
He rolled his eyes.
It was a bit ironic. Any time I tried to give him credit for the vaccine, he brushed it off and said it was all me. Even though we both knew why his sample had been stable enough to generate a vaccine, we’d never spoken about it.
Love stabilized the virus.
Whether that be platonic love or romantic love – it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that the person infected with Makanza be in a peaceful state feeling a strong surge of love. If they were, the virus would be stable enough to use traditional DNA methods to extract the genome. Dr. Hutchinson’s theory of mind-body genomics had proven correct.
I’d never asked Davin if he’d felt platonic love or romantic love that day I took his sample. I hoped more than anything that it was romantic love, and sometimes when he looked at me a certain way, I felt certain he loved me as deeply as I loved him, but…
It can never be.
We’d never spoken about that day. Not once. A part of me wondered if we ever would. After all, an invisible barrier separated us regardless of how we felt for one another. I lived in the outside world. His life was ruled by the MRI.
We could never be together in our current circumstance.
And since it had now been many months since that day I took his sample, I didn’t have the guts to bring it up. So like a lot of things in my life, I swept it under the rug and didn’t think about it. Or tried not to think about it.
“This place won’t be the same without you.” He smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.
My breath caught in my throat. I’m really leaving, and it may be weeks before I see him again.
“I know. It’ll be strange to leave here. Even though I’ve only been here a week, it’s started to feel like home in a weird way.”
“Have your parents been worried?”
I ducked my head. “They don’t know I’m here.”
“What?”
“I know. I know. It’s just been so busy… with me getting sick and then planning for what I need to do when I leave–”
“Meghan, you should call them.”
I sighed. Davin was always trying to repair my relationship with my parents for me. “But they’re not like your mom. They don’t care like she does.”
“How can they not care? You’re their only child now.”
I flinched.
Davin swore under his breath. He reached for me, as if instinctually, but dropped his hands at the last second as if aware of what he was doing. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”
“No, it’s fine.” Already the pain was evaporating, but Davin didn’t know that. I’d grown stronger over the past year. I no longer pretended that my brother was alive. I no longer had imaginary conversations with him. I’d made a lot of progress.
“No, it’s not. That was a dick thing to say.”
I tentatively laid a hand on his arm. His muscles clenched underneath and his breath stopped. “Jeremy’s dead and gone. Nothing will change that. I need to learn to not react every time it’s brought up.”
His fingers brushed my arm. “Still…”
“It’s fine, Davin, really it is. And, hey,” I joked, “I’m doing better than I used to. I haven’t hallucinated in months that Jeremy’s around. I’m not completely crazy.”
His brow furrowed, but he didn’t say anything.
“And you’re right. I should probably call my parents. For all I know, they’ve tried to call my cell phone in the past week and may be wondering where I am.”
His hand settled on my leg, and he squeezed lightly. The heat from him felt deliciously hot. Licking my lips, I inched closer.
He stared at my mouth, his gaze darkening.
I leaned forward more.
Cursing under his breath, he stood in a blurred move and was suddenly several yards away.
I leaned back, realizing how close we’d come to kissing. But while that made my heart flutter in anticipation, it seemed to do the opposite to Davin. He paced the hallway width, his hands fisted into tight balls.
It can never be. I slumped back onto the floor.
“It’s possible I’ll never see you again.” His voice was harsh.
My breath stopped. “What? No, that’s not true.”
His pacing grew faster. If he kept it up, he’d soon be a blur, unable for me to see at all. “It is true. If you’re going on some quest to free us from the reservation and it fails, and they move me before you return, I may never see you again.”
I pushed to a stand and approached him slowly. “Davin. They allow visitors on the reservation. Of course, I’ll see you again.”
He stopped, his body rigid as skepticism lined his face. “Are you sure about that? The MRI is notorious for making promises they don’t keep.”
My shoulders sagged. I knew it didn’t matter what I said. Davin’s experiences over the past seven years had shaped his cynicism. He’d told me once that I was young and naïve, but so far, I’d proven his beliefs wrong on several occasions. I intended to keep doing that.
“I’ll see you again. That’s a promise.”
He just nodded yet it didn’t take a genius to see he wasn’t convinced.
Tentatively taking his hand in mine, I squeezed. He squeezed me in return.
Only inches separated us. My gaze sought his. Fear and anger warred in his irises, and before I could change my mind, I stood up on my tiptoes and whispered, “I promise,” before pressing my li
ps softly against his.
The kiss seemed to take him by surprise. He stiffened, but he didn’t pull back.
I was about to put distance between us when I felt something in him change. His lips softened under mine. His mouth opened.
Feeling emboldened, I placed my hands on his shoulders and ran my tongue along his lower lip, and in that second, I felt his control snap.
He groaned and crushed me to him, his arms like steel bands around me. The sudden shift made me gasp before I closed my eyes and let the feel and taste of him consume me.
Heat from his body pressed against mine as his powerful arms molded me against him. I felt every inch of his raw power. His strength, scent, and the feel of his lips returning the kiss created a longing in me so deep, I thought I’d die from my sudden pulsing desire.
But as abruptly as the kiss started, it stopped.
Panting, he pulled back. “Meghan…” He breathed harshly. “We can’t.”
I ran an agitated hand through my hair. I wanted to scream in frustration. My body suddenly felt empty. Cold. Not complete without him.
“We could do long-distance.” The words tumbled out of me. “Just because you’re on the reservation doesn’t mean we can’t be together. Sooner or later, you’ll be free, and then–”
“No.” His word was low. Harsh.
I flinched.
“I’ll probably never be free, Meghan. I admire your determination and optimism, but I said it before and I meant it. I won’t let you waste your life on me. It can never be.”
And in those four, hurtful words – I heard it again. His resolve. His absolute and complete conviction that a world in which we existed together was never possible.
Tears filled my eyes. I turned abruptly so he wouldn’t see them. It took a moment before I could speak. “Um… We should get back. They’re sending me through the decontamination process soon.”
He nodded tightly and raked a hand through his hair. “Right. Yeah. Let’s go.”
We walked back to the cells, yet the tone between us had changed. What used to feel caring and playful, now felt raw and exposed.
We’d opened Pandora’s Box and there was no going back.
It didn’t matter that he’d reacted as passionately to me as I had to him. He was one hundred percent convinced that we’d never be together, and despite me being willing to give up everything, he wouldn’t have it.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m a foolish dreamer. After all, what kind of life could we have with him on one side of a fence and me on the other?
But still, I didn’t care. Deep down, I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with him.
When we reached my door, he turned toward me. Regret filled his eyes.
I longed for the easiness that we’d shared only an hour ago. More than anything I wanted to reach for him and wrap my arms around him, but that honest moment had passed. For a few brief minutes in the forgotten corridor, we’d exposed how we really felt – I loved him, and I think he loved me too, but once again our reality came crashing down.
He lived in here. I was leaving. He was a carrier. I wasn’t.
It can never be.
“I guess this is goodbye.” His voice sounded raw.
“It’s only goodbye for a few weeks.” I swallowed the tears that wanted to rise.
He frowned, that simple look conveying all of the warring emotions within. “Travel safely.”
“I will. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
His breath hitched as he reached for my hand. At the last moment, he stopped. Once again, resolve grew in his features. “Bye, Meghan.”
THREE HOURS LATER, I was once again on the other side. The decontamination process hadn’t taken long. Since Makanza was so unstable outside of the human body, it never lived on surfaces for more than ten minutes. However, the MRI never took chances. Even with the population being vaccinated, their strict policies hadn’t changed.
Consequently, I’d been hosed down like a forest on fire with the special solution that destroyed all virus particles. It wasn’t pleasant, but at least, I was out.
I headed back to my lab with everything that had happened between Davin and me swirling through my mind.
Davin wasn’t in his cell when I passed it. I had no idea where he’d disappeared to after we parted ways. My heart ached to see him again, to mend whatever rift had started between us, but I knew that wasn’t possible.
Only his freedom could fix that.
Knowing these emotions would only lead to a downward spiral, I shifted my attention. Concentrating on the door that opened my connection to Sara, I knocked.
She opened up readily. Hey, Meghan, I hear you’re out.
Yeah, I’m heading back to the lab now. I nodded to a guard who admitted me through an access door. He had no idea I was carrying on a conversation with a Kazzie inside my head while my palm flashed green on the monitor.
What’s the plan from here? Sara asked.
Dr. Hutchinson and I are returning to Washington D.C. We have a meeting with the president in two days.
The president? Wow, you two aren’t messing around.
I laughed on the inside, or thought I did. The guard gave me a funny look. I muttered my thanks and hurried down the hall.
Once I knew the guard couldn’t see me, I continued my conversation with the twin. No time to waste. If we fail, you all move to the reservation in less than two months.
I could feel her tense through our bond. I know. I keep thinking about that, but I want you to know that no matter what happens, I know I’ll be okay. It’s just Sophie I’m worried about. You know she has this fear that they’ll–
They’ll what?
Sara cursed quietly. Nevermind. She didn’t want me to tell anyone.
I sighed. Sara tried to keep secrets from spilling, but she managed so many people in her head, she occasionally messed up. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d given something away she promised not to.
Changing the subject, I said, I’ve been wondering how Sophie will do with the change.
Sophie had always been the quieter and softer of the twins. Sara was pretty tough and usually did the talking for the two of them, but Sophie was more like me. She turned inward and dealt with her problems on her own. There had been multiple times in the past where she’d stopped eating or refused to interact with anyone as she battled her own demons.
Yeah, Sara replied. I’ve been wondering that too.
A few researchers approached, walking the opposite direction to me in the hall. I better go. I’m in the main hall and you know how my expression turns funny when we’re talking.
Sara chuckled. Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Keep me posted on how things are going, and I’ll spread the word to everyone else.
By everyone else, I knew she was referring to the other Kazzies.
We both closed down the connection, and once again I was alone in my head.
I sailed down the halls, stopping at the multiple access points that admitted me through various areas within the Compound. The blazing white walls followed wherever I went. That was one thing I definitely hadn’t missed while imprisoned with the Kazzies. The muted grays in the Sanctum were much more preferable.
By the time I reached my lab, at least fifteen minutes had passed. I was slightly winded since I’d walked so fast, but the sight that greeted me when I stepped onto the metal platform overlooking the lab below left me speechless.
“Surprise!” Amy yelled.
Balloons, a cake, and a large banner that read, “Congrats! You survived Makanza and lived to tell about it!” hung across two lab stations.
Amy, Mitch, Charlie and at least three dozen other researchers cheered and threw confetti, which really appeared to be computer paper that someone had run through a shredder.
Celebratory music followed. Mitch hit a button on his stereo and the old classic song, Eye of the Tiger rolled through the speakers.
My mouth dropped before I burst out laughing. It didn�
�t matter that so many people crowded the room. It didn’t matter that Davin and I had just had our most tumultuous encounter. The surprise cut through my anxiety like a sharp knife through warm butter.
“When did you do this?” I still stood on the metal platform. Everyone else mingled below me. I hastily gripped the railing and hurried to Amy’s side.
A few researchers clapped me on the back when I passed. Someone had started cutting the cake and was passing pieces around. The music continued to blare while conversations erupted amidst my co-workers.
“It was Amy’s idea.” Charlie handed me a plate with a piece of cake. Chocolate with chocolate frosting. My favorite. “She felt the least we could do was celebrate your non-death.”
I rolled my eyes at his joke but couldn’t help my laughter.
“We’re just happy you’re back and okay.” Amy handed me a drink. Lemonade from the looks of it. “You had us scared for a while when you were going through the phases.”
I took a bite of the cake. Chocolate goodness coated my tongue. “Yeah, I guess I was one of the lucky ones that got to experience stage two symptoms.”
“Meghan!” Mitch’s voice boomed through the crowd. He shouldered his way past a few researchers. In his hand was a gift. “I bought something for you.”
“You got me a present?” My surprise was evident in my tone. It also occurred to me that I still hadn’t set things straight with Mitch. I set my cake down and hesitantly took the present in his outstretched hand.
“Yep, and I think you’re gonna like it.” He grinned as a lock of shaggy blond hair fell across his forehead.
The music switched to another classic from the past.
“What is it?”
“Ah, you generally open it to find out.” Charlie raised a midnight eyebrow.
I tore open the wrapping paper, which was really newspaper since wrapping paper was hard to come by these days. There was a large pink satin ribbon around it, though. I had no idea where Mitch had found that.
When I pulled out what was inside, I grinned. I couldn’t help it.
“Do you like it?” Mitch’s eager tone only made me smile wider.
A green t-shirt with the phrase, Always give 100% unless you’re giving blood, with the picture of a heart behind it stared back at me.
Reservation 1 Page 15