by Bella Andre
She had a brother? She hadn’t noted any next of kin on her application. Daniel had never mentioned a brother either. Or that she was searching for him.
Maybe he shouldn’t get any more embroiled in her life. But in this past week he hadn’t just desired her, he’d also come to care about her. Which was why he needed to know, “Why would he be looking for you?”
For a long moment, only the sound of the TV filled their silence. Finally, she said, “My brother joined up right out of high school, when I was eight. My mom and I moved around a lot. When she died, they couldn’t find him.”
And she’d entered the foster care system. “I’m sorry.”
She shrugged, and he knew that shrug. It was what you learned to do when you were used to losing everything. It was the shrug you gave when you had to suck it up and move on with your life, even if it felt like there weren’t a hell of a lot of reasons to keep moving anymore.
“How did you lose your parents?” he asked softly.
She swallowed. “My dad died in a car accident when I was real little. Mom never got over it. The only thing that made her feel better was drugs.”
A deep ache curled around his internal organs. His hands itched to comfort her. If Noah hadn’t been glued to the TV in the same room, he might have given in. But he could only listen, the way she’d listened to his story about Irene.
“She started losing jobs all the time. We moved around a lot. Gideon remembered the good times, and he used to tell me about them. But I didn’t remember my dad. I only remembered my mother…like that. When Gideon turned eighteen, he joined up so he could take care of us. He said he’d send money.”
“But he never did?” It must have been a huge double blow.
“I’m sure he tried. But we got kicked out of our place right after he left.” She pressed her lips together. “I don’t think my mom’s landlord ever told him where we’d gone. I’m not even sure if my mom gave the guy any information to pass on.”
His heart broke for her. She’d never even had a childhood. His chest ached with his inability to reach out and fold her into his arms.
“How old were you when she died?”
“Twelve.” She blinked slowly. “It was a drug overdose. They tried to find Gideon, but Jones isn’t exactly an uncommon name. I didn’t know which branch of the service he’d gone into. I didn’t even know if he was still in the military.”
Jesus, what she’d been through—a drug-addicted mother, losing her brother, losing her home over and over, never feeling safe. He saw clearly now why she empathized so easily with Noah’s pain over his mother’s aborted visit. And with him.
In so many ways, their childhoods mirrored each other—the instability, never knowing how his dad would react, a mother who was emotionally absent. They’d both been abandoned. But he’d found the Mavericks and Susan and Bob. Whereas Ari had gone into the foster care system.
“I’m so sorry,” he said again, knowing his words were completely inadequate. “How were your foster homes?”
He got another shrug. “I got moved around a lot, but I was used to that after living with my mom.” She deliberately left out every detail but that one.
Yet another thing they had in common—Matt never gave people the details of his shitty childhood either. He didn’t want their pity. And he didn’t like to have to go back there, even in his head, if he didn’t have to.
“But I met some really good friends,” she continued in a brighter tone. “I don’t know what I’d do without Rosie and Chi.”
He saw so many things now. Her desire to help with the youth home for foster kids coming of age was rooted in her own experience. He called Bob and Susan his foster parents, but they were far more than that. They were Mom and Dad. A kid needed tremendous luck to find people like the Spencers.
But though Ari hadn’t been lucky, she was resilient. She’d taken care of herself all on her own. She’d grown and thrived. She was bright and enthusiastic and full of joy, laughter, and hope. They came from the same beginnings, but while Ari had the strength to step out into the light, too often Matt still remained in the darkness of his past.
That was the biggest reason why he needed to leave her alone. Drawn to Ari’s brightness as if he needed to feed off her, Matt knew he could so easily drag her down. Just as Irene had always accused him of doing to her.
But God, how he admired Ari for the woman she’d made herself into. “You’re amazing.”
She tilted her head, her lips parted. And he felt the denial coming. But he wouldn’t let her say it.
“My parents were alive,” he told her, “but we barely had enough money to eat sometimes. We lived in Chicago, and usually my coat and boots had holes in them when I walked to school.” There’d been so much worse, but he wouldn’t burden her with his father’s cruelty or his mother’s indifference. He just needed her to know she wasn’t alone. “I understand how hard it is. But the Mavericks and I had Daniel’s parents. Without them, I wouldn’t be here.”
She shook her head, her hair falling over her shoulder. “You’d have found a way.”
Without Susan and Bob’s solid presence, without the Mavericks going to bat for him, he would have remained the kid his father hated. The Mavericks and the Spencers had helped him to value his love of learning.
Who had helped Ari?
“Rosie and Chi sound like your Mavericks. They kept me sane in an insane world. We all need people to help us through.”
He allowed himself one gentle touch, taking her hand in his. He couldn’t be with her again, but there was something else he could do. Something that would mean the world to her.
“I can help you find your brother.”
Chapter Fourteen
Ari wasn’t a speechless kind of girl, but Matt stole the words from her lips.
I can help you find your brother.
Matt Tremont was a man who made the impossible possible. Look where he’d come from—a childhood where there wasn’t enough to eat and his feet had nearly frozen through the holes in his shoes. That had to be why he was so good to the people who worked for him, respectful with Doreen, and sweet with Cookie. Now this, an offer to help return her brother to her.
She simply nodded, with all her gratitude shining in her gaze.
“What have you learned so far?” He squeezed her hand, and his comfort touched her deep inside.
Finally, she found her voice. “I started looking for him about three years ago.” With her college tuition, books, and day-to-day living, even with Daniel’s fabulous scholarships, it had taken a long time to put a little money in a savings account.
After her mom died, she’d been shuffled between so many foster homes she couldn’t count the parents or the kids. She was like a transient, losing everything again after a few weeks or months. Between her mom and foster care, she’d learned to live and pack light. She’d run out of places to hide her meager stash from the other kids. Another lesson in traveling light: They couldn’t steal what you didn’t have. One of the fathers had tried to molest her, but she’d been able to get out of there fast, mostly because she’d had so little to take with her.
She’d not only survived, but she’d been lucky to find Rosie and Chi, her best friends in all the world. After high school, when Daniel had given her the job at Top-Notch, she’d lived paycheck to paycheck, and she’d clung to the little studio like she did to Rosie and Chi. In a world where she’d never had anything, the small room was hers, a hideaway, a place to run to. And it was the only place where Gideon could find her, if he ever got one of her letters.
“I didn’t know whether he’d gone into the Army, Navy, or Air Force, so I called them all. I even went to recruiting offices for help. Finally, someone was able to tell me that he was in the Army, but he’d gotten out nine years ago.” She’d spent hours on library computers until she’d saved enough from Daniel’s scholarships for a laptop she’d waited for six hours in a Black Friday line to buy. “I’ve used free people searches an
d a few cheap subscriptions. I sent emails and letters, or called if I could find a phone number.” She felt as helpless after three years of searching as she had in the beginning. “But nothing.”
The frustration of all those years welled up in her. But Matt’s hand was still on hers, warm, reassuring, the soft cadence of his voice soothing. “I’ve got a private investigator. Rafe Sullivan has access to special databases.” Before she could say she didn’t have the money for an investigator, he added, “He’s on retainer whether I use him or not.”
She still didn’t know how to thank him. “I tried everything. Gideon Jones. G. Jones. Gideon R. Jones. G.R. Jones. Gideon Randolph Jones.”
“Randolph?”
It was a relief to smile. She felt like she’d put too much emotion into the air, clouding everything. “My mom loved old Westerns, and Randolph Scott was her favorite cowboy.”
She’d watched with her mom, who usually wasn’t capable of doing more than lying on the couch. Ari loved books, and her mother loved movies. They couldn’t afford cable, so they’d watched TV on an ancient black and white that still had rabbit ears. That TV was the only thing they took with them when they left yet another apartment, and it had worked for years, even if it was a little snowy.
Oddly, those Saturday afternoon matinees had been some of their best times together. Her ribs squeezed tight around her heart. Gideon had watched too. He hadn’t been like regular brothers who found their little sisters totally annoying. Maybe it was because he was so much older. He was her big protector, watching over her. Always there. Until suddenly he wasn’t anymore. He’d been gone twice as long now as she’d even known him, but he would always be in her heart. And she would keep on looking for him, no matter what.
“It’ll be okay, Ari.” Matt looked deep into her eyes. “We’ll find him.”
Oh God, she was going to cry. He was so good to her. Without any strings attached. Not that she wouldn’t give him anything he asked for.
She needed a moment, alone, without his kind eyes on her, or the waterworks would really start flowing. “Popcorn. Noah needs popcorn. I’ll be right back.”
She dashed for the kitchen. There had to be microwave popcorn somewhere.
“Ari.”
Matt’s voice stilled her. Hands on the two open doors of the fully stocked pantry, she stared at shelves of canned goods, sacks of flour, sugar, oatmeal, boxes of cereal—enough food to feed an army. She felt him so close behind her that her hair ruffled with his breath.
“Family is the most important thing in the world. I want nothing more than to help you find your brother.”
“Thank you.” She sniffed softly as she turned to face him. “No one’s ever done anything like that for me.” She bit her lip as a tear slid down her cheek. In Matt’s arms, for a few wonderful hours, she’d felt like she mattered. But this was more. “Thank you,” she whispered again. From the bottom of her heart, from the well of her soul, and from her gut, which had suffered the worst. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
He brushed the wetness from her cheeks. “We haven’t found him yet.”
“But you will.” She blinked through her tears into his breathtakingly handsome face and what she saw in his eyes made kissing him again completely unstoppable.
Up on her toes, she wound her arms around his neck and hung on through the storm raging inside her as she kissed him. No one had ever tasted like Matt. No one had ever felt so hard or so perfect against her. No one had ever consumed her. She wanted him ferociously.
Fearlessly.
Matt backed her up against the shelves. The cans wobbled, but he cupped her face and kissed her openmouthed, stealing her breath, making her knees weak. With her palms to the backs of his hands, she held him close. She didn’t hear the clatter of cans falling on the shelves or the doors banging against the wall—there was only him, his delicious scent, his roughened hands, his hard body pressed against her.
She couldn’t help herself. Didn’t even want to. Not when the only place that felt right anymore was in his arms.
She was his.
All he had to do was take her.
* * *
Matt wanted Ari so badly that he was almost beyond reason. She was so beautiful. So sweet. So perfect.
But somehow, some way he had to find the self-control to do the right thing…even if nothing had ever felt more wrong than the two of them going to separate bedrooms tonight.
It nearly killed him to step back from her. His breath was harsh and hard in his throat as she stared up at him with half-closed lids, her lips red and lush from his kiss, her skin flushed.
There was so much more to her than a typical twenty-four-year-old. She’d suffered, she’d overcome, and she’d kept her humanity.
Yet again he had to remind himself that she was not only his son’s nanny…but that he was a man who would inevitably suck all the joy out of her. Because while she had overcome her past, he still lived with all its vivid scars.
“Ari, I promised you I wouldn’t—” he began, but she shook her head to cut him off.
“I should probably go to bed now,” she said in a shaky voice.
She was right. It wasn’t safe for the two of them to sit in the family room on the couch together. Even with Noah in the room, Matt would drink her in. Want her. Need her.
God, yes, he needed her.
But he wasn’t good enough for her.
* * *
God, that kiss.
Ari put her fingers to her lips. Even after she’d made herself walk away, she still tasted him, still felt his hard body against her.
As she turned over in her dark bedroom, the covers tangled around her legs. The soft sheets caressed her skin, and she imagined his flesh on hers.
That kiss hadn’t been about comfort, or even gratitude. It was pure desire. Instinctive need. Hot emotion ready to boil over.
She knew all the arguments. He was her boss. She was Noah’s nanny. This was supposed to be business. He was paying her. She was a decade younger than he was. He couldn’t take advantage of her. She didn’t need to hear him say it all.
But after that kiss, none of it mattered. Not after the way he’d looked at her. As though he wanted to sink inside her right there against the shelves.
And as though helping her find her brother was now as important to him as it was to her. She was positive that Matt would find Gideon.
And she would help Matt find his way to her.
Chapter Fifteen
Over the next couple of weeks, Matt had to make two business trips, but he was home on the weekends. Ari took Noah to school, returned to set lunch and dinner menus with Cookie, then made up lesson plans for the afternoon.
There was plenty of playtime as well. Noah loved his huge sandbox and was quite the little builder, making tunnels to drive his trucks through and shoring them up with big cardboard tubes. He built sand skyscrapers and roads and stuck in red, green, and yellow lollipops for signal lights. Someday, he told her, he wanted to build real skyscrapers, and she encouraged him to dream big. After all, look at what his father had accomplished.
Noah was interested in everything. When Cookie was baking one afternoon, he wanted to help. The three of them had a wonderful time, even if there was cake batter all over the backsplash because Noah lifted the beaters before they were turned off. And he’d learned another lesson by helping to clean up the mess.
They kept up their swimming too, but when Ari mentioned the water wings to Matt, his answer was, “When he’s a little older. Maybe next summer.” She had to bite her tongue to keep herself from saying, Next summer? He’s a strong enough swimmer now.
The trampoline still remained, though Irene hadn’t called Noah or texted. She’d flown off to Paris and disappeared. Ari’s heart ached every time Noah asked when his mom would be back.
When Ari suggested a net would make the trampoline safe, Matt’s answer was, “I’m getting rid of it. The removal company said they’d be here within the
week.” There would be no bouncing in Noah’s future. The only thing she could do was wean Noah off his training wheels and hope Matt saw the light, finally understanding his son was capable of so much more.
That was life with Noah. But there were also her evenings with Matt when he was in town. They talked about Noah and Ari’s favorite parts of the day and after dinner, the three of them would play a game or go for a walk. After story time, when Noah was asleep, Matt would give her an update from his private investigator, Rafe Sullivan, who was tracing Gideon’s military record. The information Matt relayed to her each night made her feel as if they were actually getting closer to finding her brother.
And every single moment they were together—and most of the moments they weren’t—Ari dreamed of Matt kissing her. Touching her. Whispering sensual commands like, Go to my room, strip off your clothes, and be waiting naked for me when I get there.
Alas, he always said a polite good night and went to his room alone. There were no intimate evening conversations. No glasses of wine. No more baring of souls and confidences.
But she did catch him watching her when he thought she didn’t notice. With a very male get-her-down-to-her-bare-skin look that made her whole body tingle with awareness. It was just enough to help keep hope alive that he might someday stop looking at being with her as a mistake.
She’d dreamed about those looks every one of the three nights he’d been gone on his latest business trip and was impatiently waiting for his return tonight. She and Noah were spending the afternoon at Rosie’s so the kids could play. Chi had dropped by too, and they all sat on Rosie’s tiny patio, drinking lemonade and watching the boys.
“Is Jorge still using training wheels on his bike?” Ari asked.
With her Latino heritage, Rosie was a beauty, with thick, curly dark hair and cocoa eyes. “He’s been off them since he started kindergarten in September. But I still watch out.”