Slightly Sweaty

by Amy Vansant

  “No, not the deadly daggers,” she squealed.

  He locked her tight in his arms and moved his nibbling from her neck to her shoulder. “Nom nom nom nom.”

  He chomped his way back to her neck until his mouth neared hers and as suddenly as they had appeared, the deadly daggers disappeared. He pressed his lips to hers. The grip he had around her waist loosened. She stopped struggling and returned his kiss.

  Finally. Here we go.

  “How far away do those two live?” he asked as his kisses ran the length of her jaw bone to just beneath her ear.

  “It’ll take them at least an hour to get back.”

  “Good. I only need about two, three minutes.”

  “Awesome. That’s a minute longer than I guessed.” She grabbed his hand and led him toward the bedroom.

  In the hall that led to the back bedrooms, Emily paused and sniffed.

  “Do you smell smoke?”

  He nodded. “I’m on fire for you.”

  “No, I’m serious...”

  They sniffed. Emily glanced into her bedroom and Sebastian checked her office across the hall.

  “Nothing in here,” she reported.

  “Here neither.”

  She moved to the back bedroom where Kady had spent the night and pushed open the partially closed door.

  A fog had fallen across the room. A lick of flame leaped from the outlet on the wall beside the bed.

  “Fire!”

  Running into the room with Sebastian close behind her, Emily discovered a charred marshmallow stuck to the wall, surrounded by fire. White plastic dripped beneath the flame.

  She winced. “I think that used to be a phone charger.”

  “Don’t touch it.”

  She pointed to the narrow closet in the hall just outside the room. “Grab a towel from in there, we’ll smother it.”

  Sebastian whirled and found a towel. He returned and pressed it against the wall, patting it until the flame had disappeared. When he attempted to pull it away, part of the fabric remained stuck to the melted plastic and he had to jerk away what was left of the plug with it.

  “I better douse this before the whole towel goes up in flame.” Holding the towel at arm’s length in front of him as if it were a bomb, he headed for the guest bathroom.

  Emily stared in dismay at the black smears on her wall, streaks of gray rising from the melted outlet in wild, spiky patterns. She jogged to the basement panel to kill the electricity to the bedroom, just in case.

  She returned with a screwdriver. “We’d better remove the outlet and make sure nothing is burning in the wall.”

  Sebastian retrieved another towel to dry his hands. “What kind of death trap did I just move into?”

  She laughed. “I swear this doesn’t happen that often.”

  “That often?”

  “What did you do with the charger?”

  “It’s in the tub still stuck to the towel. I’m afraid that towel is a goner.”

  She sighed. “Kady’s charger must have been faulty.”

  Sebastian felt the wall above the mangled socket. “It’s warm. What if the fire is still in the wall?”

  Emily groaned. “And we’re about to go away for a week.”

  “Garrett’s an electrician. I’ll give him a call.”

  Sebastian wandered out of the room just as the fire alarm in the hallway above his head burst into a screeching wail. He jumped and grabbed his heart before using his towel to fan the smoke detector silent.

  “Good timing. Where’d you get this detector? We’d be dead by now.”

  Emily sat on the edge of the guest bed and watched him flap at the detector.

  “So you’re saying I shouldn’t buy fire detectors off the back of a truck parked in an alley?”

  Chapter Three

  Marc eased his truck to the curb outside Kady’s house and she paused to stare at her windows before climbing out. The house was dark. Her ex-boyfriend’s car wasn’t parked on the street, but he might have been unable to find a close parking spot.

  Has Joe already moved out?

  She sighed. Don’t be sad. Catching Joe cheating had hurt, but she knew in her heart that his infidelity made her decision process easier. She’d known for a while it was time to move on.

  She wondered how long it would take to feel settled again.

  Why is change always so hard?

  She opened the truck door and turned to Marc. It didn’t feel right to invite him in.

  Too soon. Not in the house I’ve shared with Joe.

  “I’ll run in and grab my stuff and meet you back here.”

  Marc leaned across his center console. “You want some help?”

  She shook her head. “No. Joe might be in there. That would be...weird. I don’t want him to think I broke up with him because of you. He needs to know it was because he was a terrible boyfriend.”

  Marc’s eyes grew wide. “Boy, you girls really think about things don’t you.”

  She shrugged.

  “Okay. I’ll be here if you need to teach him a different kind of lesson.”

  “Duly noted. I’ll be back.” She slid out of the truck and jogged up the path to her door.

  She tried the knob and found the door open. Inside, beer cans and a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels littered the top of her coffee table.

  That can’t be good. Either someone had broken into her house to get drunk or Joe’d thrown himself a party.

  She peered in the kitchen. No sign of life other than a pizza box that hadn’t been there when she left.

  On her way upstairs to pack, she paused on the landing to listen to a faint grumbling noise. Tip-toeing to her bedroom, she put her ear against the partially closed door.

  It sounded like a fat bear was trying to extract itself from a springless sofa seat.

  Grunt. Snort. Grumble. Repeat.

  She pushed open the door.

  Joe lay, passed out on the bed, snoring.

  Great. It wouldn’t be easy to pack without waking him. Though...the room smelled like a brewery. She wasn’t sure he’d ever wake up, but she was certain he’d regret it if and when he did.

  Moving like a packing ninja, she stuffed clothes into a small, soft suitcase as quietly as possible. It was slow going. She had no idea what she should bring. She wanted to look casual and sporty for competing on the show, and yet ravishing for the cameras. It was a delicate balance.

  “You’re back,” said a sleepy voice.

  Kady turned. Joe’s eyes were open, slits in a puffy face.

  “Have a little pity party last night, did we?” she asked.

  Groaning, he inched forward to peer down at the bag at her feet. “Are you leaving?”

  “No. This is my house, idiot. You’re leaving. But you got a reprieve. I’m going to be gone for a week. I expect to find you out by the time I get back.”

  Joe struggled to sit up, rubbing his hair into a poofy nest. “Gone, where?”

  She straightened. “If you must know, I’m going to be on a reality TV show.”

  “Really?”

  “Channel Six is doing a competition with local people.”

  He scowled. “Why does that sound familiar?”

  She threw a pair of socks into the bag and started counting out underwear. “I have no idea.”

  “When did this happen?”

  “This morning. Sebastian’s brother needed more couples. His wife is running it. You know Sebastian, right?” She opened her mouth into a surprised O and put her hand over it. “Oh, right, of course you do. You were sleeping with his now ex-girlfriend.”

  Joe grimaced. “Greta’s not my girlfriend.”

  “Right. You were just sleeping with her while you were living with me. My bad.”

  Joe dropped face-first into the mattress and mumbled. “It isn’t like that.”

  “I guess not since she found out you were lying to her about me, too. Hey, how many people can you cheat on at the same time? What’s your personal
best?”

  He lifted his head. “Wait, did you say couples? How are you a couple?”

  “I have someone. Don’t worry about it.”

  He swung his legs over the bed and raised his hand to his head, groaning. “How could you have someone? Were you cheating on me?”

  She shook a bra in his direction. “You’re kidding, right? You have the nerve—”

  He held up his hands. “I’m sorry. Look, Kady, we need to talk.”

  “No, we don’t.”

  “Kady...the thing with Greta has made me realize a lot of things. It wasn’t—”

  She shook her head. “I don’t care. We were over before this. I don’t know why I needed you to cheat on me before I could end it, but thank you. Be gone when I get back.”

  He set his jaw. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Kady returned to packing. “Yes you are.”

  “You can’t make me.”

  “Yes, I can.”

  “You just need a few days to get over it.”

  Kady felt her face flush with rage. “I’m not going to get over it. I don’t want to. Sorry, but for once in your spoiled life you’re not going to get what you want. You get over that.”

  Joe stood and Kady could see he’d moved too quickly. For a moment his pained expression belied his throbbing head.

  “Why do you have to be like this?” He reached out and grabbed her arm.

  Kady jerked away from him. “Are you crazy? Get away from me.”

  “We need to talk about this now.”

  She ignored him and pulled another hangered shirt from her closet. He made a move to grab the shirt from her.

  “Get away.”

  They began a tug of war with the blouse.

  “Dammit, Kady, you have to listen—”

  “Hey, tough guy,” came a voice from the hall.

  Marc strode into the room, moving like a freight train. Joe’s mouth fell open, his eyes flashing white as he tried to back away.

  “Who the f—”

  Before Joe could finish his thought, Marc slapped him across the face. Not hard, but hard enough that Joe released Kady’s blouse and raised his fingers to his cheek.

  “Hey, what the hell?”

  “You like hitting girls?” asked Mark. His hand shot out and slapped Joe on the side of his head before Joe could dodge.

  Joe fell back on the bed. “Cut it out. I didn’t hit her. Kady, tell him.”

  Though she enjoyed watching waves of fear ripple across Joe’s expression, Kady put a hand on Marc’s arm. “He didn’t hit me.”

  “I can still slap him around a little—”

  She zipped her bag. “No, it’s okay. Let’s go.”

  Marc stomped in Joe’s direction. Startled, Joe scrambled back on the bed. Marc laughed.

  Kady tapped Marc on his shoulder and handed him her bag before guiding him out of the room. She followed, slowing a moment to look over her shoulder and stick out her tongue.

  Joe glowered at her.

  “So, is that Neanderthal why you’re breaking up with me?” Joe called as Kady and Marc made their way down the stairs.

  “Nothing to do with him, everything to do with you.” spat Kady, “Remember, be out in a week.”

  “Oh, he’ll be gone,” Marc assured her, grinning.

  She smiled, despite herself. Marc wasn’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but she had to admit—right now, the Neanderthal thing was working for her.

  Outside, about to enter the truck, Kady heard the sound of her bedroom window raising.

  “I’m going to burn all your stupid stuff,” Joe yelled from the safety of his perch.

  Marc slammed shut the driver’s side door he’d opened and stomped back the way he’d come, heading toward the house.

  Joe’s eyes grew wide and he closed the window, disappearing inside.

  Marc paused at the steps and looked back at Kady. “Do you want me to go make sure he doesn’t touch anything?”

  Kady shook her head. “He won’t. He doesn’t have the guts with or without the threat of you.”

  Heading back toward the truck, Marc flashed her a grin. “That was fun, huh?”

  She nodded. Parts. Yes.

  He hopped in the truck and paused to look at her. “You were right. He saw me and accused you of cheating on him.”

  She nodded. “Yep. I don’t know if I’m supposed to let you in on this little secret, but you guys aren’t all that hard to figure out.”

  Marc shrugged. “Hm. Who knew?”

  Chapter Four

  Garrett arrived at Emily’s house ten minutes after Sebastian called him for electrical fire advice. After ensuring the threat had passed and capping the wires, Garrett sat in the living room watching television while Emily and Sebastian took showers, dressed and packed.

  Emily stared into her closet, unsure what to pack. So much for alone time. Now the house was willing to burn itself down just to keep them apart. All she had to show for their moment of privacy was a scorched wall and a socket that looked more like modern art than an electrical outlet.

  Onward and upward.

  She’d never had to pack for a television reality show before. What if she was the girl people watching the show nicknamed the bad dresser? Tweeting What is that girl wearing?? #fashiondisaster every time she appeared on camera?

  Social media could be brutal. Her stomach felt tight.

  What have I done?

  She strode to the front room to interrogate Garrett about what she should pack. Sebastian entered a minute later. He looked at her and did a double-take.

  “Uh oh. We have a shirt problem.”

  She glanced down at the red shirt she’d decided upon for her television debut and scowled. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m wearing a red shirt.”

  He wore a red polo. Hers was a V-neck tee.

  “But this is a totally different kind of red shirt. It’s darker, and they have different logos on them.”

  Sebastian shook his head. “Sorry. Can’t do it. If we show up on television wearing the same shirt we’ll be that couple.”

  Hm. He has a point. A flurry of social media bombs again popped across her mind’s eye like flak bursting across an evening sky. #twinsies #dorkycouple

  Emily had grown up in a beach town, went to college in a tourist town, went to grad school in another tourist town and now lived in yet another tourist town. She knew something about matching clothes because she’d mocked tourists her whole life for wearing matching outfits.

  Her parents had once commissioned a family portrait in which they all dressed in white. Now it hung in her parents’ house and she swore it grew bigger and more embarrassing every year. Her family looked like a graduating nurse class.

  “So this isn’t like the prom, where you want to match your cummerbund to my dress?” she twirled in her imaginary gown.

  “I skipped my prom just to avoid that.”

  “Wait, does this mean no matching Hawaiian shirts when we’re old?”

  He shook his head. “Sorry. I also decided not to get old, so that’s a moot point.”

  “Hm. Party-pooper. Well, there’s not a chance I’m changing. It took me an hour to decide on this.”

  He sighed. “I’ll change. Not a problem.”

  “Don’t go changin’ to try and please me,” she called after him as he turned to go.

  He raised a hand to show he’d caught her Billy Joel lyric reference.

  Garrett snorted. “You two are perfect for each other. You’re both total dorks.”

  Emily glanced at him. Had he been reading her mind? #psychic.

  She made a mental note to wear the same shirt as Sebastian the next time she wasn’t about to be on television, just to see how long it took him to notice.

  The front door opened and Kady and Marc entered.

  “It’s about time,” said Emily.

  Kady rolled her eyes. “Long story.”

  “I bet.”

  “Let�
�s get going,” said Garrett, looking at his phone.

  Emily bent to kiss Duppy goodbye. Her mother had agreed to watch the dog for the week. “Later old man. Nanny’s going to be here to pick you up in a little bit.”

  Duppy appeared non-plussed, suffered her kiss and wandered off to bed.

  “Okay, let’s pile in the van,” said Garrett, ushering everyone to the Channel Six van parked in Emily’s driveway.

  Sebastian appeared wearing a new, navy shirt. “How did you end up being our chauffer?”

  Garrett held his palms to the sky. “Ask Nicole. She gave the kids to her mother and got me a job working for this production like I don’t already have a job. Said it was a vacation.”

  “They needed a freelance electrician?”

  “Not really. I think I’m mostly here to fetch things, keep Nicole calm, and maybe as a goon to keep fights from breaking out.”

  Sebastian scowled. “Fights?”

  Garret shrugged and hopped in the van.

  Kady took a seat behind Emily. “Where are we going?”

  “Everyone is staying at the Cherry Lodge on the Eastern Shore for tonight.”

  Emily recognized the name—the resort was high-end. She slid closer to Sebastian and leaned towards him, whispering. “They won’t have fights at the Cherry Lodge. It’s much too fancy. We’re fine.”

  Sebastian pointed to the back of his brother’s buzz-cut head. “You didn’t grow up with him.”

  “That place is pretty swanky,” said Emily, this time loud enough for everyone to hear.

  Garrett chuckled. “It’s all downhill from there. Believe me.”

  “Now what does that mean?” asked Sebastian.

  “I can’t tell you. I don’t know much and what I do know I’ve been sworn to secrecy.”

  When all fingers, toes and suitcases were safely inside, they pulled out of the driveway, the van echoing with chatter as they speculated about what awaited them. Sebastian remained mute, his arms crossed against his chest, watching the rest of them as if he were Greek mythology’s Cassandra. He’d warned them all, but been cursed to have no one believe him.

  They drove over the Bay Bridge from Annapolis to the Eastern Shore of Maryland toward St. Michaels. An hour later, they pulled onto the long, winding driveway leading to the Cherry Lodge. Emily spotted the glamorous, columned building overlooking the Chesapeake as the van chatter dropped to a hushed awe.