“What’s up?” Boss asked without turning around.
“He asked why I’d gone” I divulged.
“Uh huh.”
“I told him, he realised it was because of the argument we’d had about Fran, which of course didn’t help” I sighed and frowned, still baffled by Jax’s behaviour.
“Then he said he’d hurt me and took off” I finished with a shrug.
Boss sighed and sat in the chair next to me, gently placing my coffee in front of me on the table.
“The thing with Jax is…he kinda’ grew up without any attention what so ever. Nothing from both parents and the only interaction he got was with Mary Ann” he started to explain.
I nodded but my heart was breaking for the huge strong man that wanted to protect me before himself, always before himself.
“His emotions, mental state and social skills have always been…stunted because of it. Hell, even his speech skills never developed past the childhood stage because he’d only ever had a child to communicate with.”
Boss traced the rim of his cup with his finger as he divulged private information about his friend, the awkwardness of it was making him guilt ridden but he was telling me for my benefit, now his friend as well as Jax.
“He was never sent to school you know” he shook his head sadly “That’s why he started singing. It was really the only thing he could teach himself. That and guitar.”
I took a huge gulp of my coffee, just to force down the lump that was forming.
“When his mum took off, then his dad and Mary Ann…Well, he kind of forced himself to educate himself. Think he thought he needed to prove something to himself. That he wasn’t a deadbeat like his dad used to call him. It was his way of coping with the grief I suppose.”
I nodded silently again, my teeth frantically chewing on my bottom lip to encourage the tears to stay in their ducts.
“Because Mary Ann was his life, he’d hate himself every time he hurt her because it was the only time he never had anybody. She’d lock herself in her room and refuse to talk to him and it…it killed him. They never talked things through, she would just come back out, hug him and that would be that. He just doesn’t know how to deal with emotions, feelings and it kinda’ sends him crazy when he has these feelings he doesn’t know how to deal with.”
The tears had been flowing for a while now and I swiped my hands over my face.
My strong Rock God; so tough and confident on the outside and yet so destroyed and lost on the inside.
So emotionally alone and abandoned that he didn’t realise just how clever and compassionate he really was and that people loved him for who he was, for exactly how he was.
Boss grasped my hand tightly. “Be patient with him E. Everybody left him. To him, even the sister that loved him immeasurably disappeared. I know she didn’t do it intentionally but in his head, she still left him alone just like his parents did.”
Boss frowned at his own words “It’s hurt him because he knows he hurt you and he’s just trying to deal with that. Maybe he thinks you’ll leave him as well if he hurts you. I dunno what goes off in that head of his.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“He loves you E” Bosses declared on a whisper.
“I know. I love him more than life Boss, more than my soul can consume, but I don’t know how to…how to find him. Not where he’s gone now, but just him. Ya’ know?”
He nodded sombrely and squeezed my hand tight.
“He’s gotta find himself E.”
I nodded in agreement.
I had to step back and let Jax establish who he was for himself. Not for me, not for his group, not for his friends but for himself.
I just hoped I could cling on while he made that discovery.
CHAPTER 24
I decided to stay and took myself back upstairs, stripped naked and pulled out Jax’s old G N’R t-shirt, tugging it on as his male huskiness enveloped me, and I curled up on the bed to watch some movies.
Jax’s DVD compilation genre consisted of action, action or action (Oh, and a few porn), so I settled on an action movie after much deliberation.
I was near the end of my second film when his bedroom door suddenly opened and he stood there, all hardness and hot, simmering sex.
Good God!
His narrow eyes found mine and he crooked a finger in the air. “Get up.”
My eyes widened and he repeated his command “Up, babe.”
Clambering off the bed, I kept my eyes trained on him, trying to gauge his mood but his eyes were like black pits, pools of darkness and the intensity in them burned straight through his t-shirt and singed every hair on my little body.
“Shirt off” he growled at me as his tongue swept across his bottom lip.
I wanted to follow its route with my own but I answered his demand and lifted the shirt over my head, revealing my naked form to him.
A low rumble rattled his chest as his eyes scrutinised every part of me.
I swallowed harshly, trying to draw in what air remained in the room.
“Come here!”
I liked this next command. It brought me nearer to him, close to the raw sex he was radiating.
I stumbled on the first step but managed to drag my trembling legs across the room until I was stood before him, my chest heaving with every hard intake of air.
Suddenly he lifted his own shirt over his head and then he removed the remainder of his clothes, sweeping his jeans and shorts down his legs whilst he silently commanded I never left his gaze.
His stern stare wouldn’t allow me to look at his glorious body as he held me firm in his eyes.
He took a step closer and I whimpered involuntary, desperately trying to stay upright as my whole body shook in pure unadulterated need.
Every puff of his warm breath lit another synapse in my body, stimulating each of my neurons until my very essence was screaming at him to touch me.
He prowled around me until he was stood directly behind me and I jolted as I felt his lips brush the side of my neck.
“You mine babe?”
I nodded as I struggled to breathe never mind answer him.
“I asked if you are mine?” his rough sound penetrated my core.
“Yes” I whispered harshly.
“How much babe?”
My chest rose and fell vastly and goose bumps erupted over every part of me as I closed my eyes to attempt some sort of control.
“A...All of me. Everything I am Jax.”
He sucked air savagely through his teeth before his fingertip brushed from the nape of my neck, straight down my spine to my bottom.
“Even this babe?” he asked quietly as he cupped one of my buttocks in his large hand.
Oh God! Oh God!
I sucked on my lips as my breath stuttered wildly, right along with my heartbeat.
“Well…”
He mouthed the soft flesh under my earlobe, his tongue dipping out to taste me as he ran his finger along the groove of my backside. “I need all of you babe. I need to take Every. Single. Piece. Of. You.”
A tiny groan reverberated from my lungs as they deflated in a single gush.
“I need to own Every. Single. Inch. Of. You, Eve Hudson.”
Could I really give him this part of me? A part that had never been touched before; a forbidden zone of me. I mean it was my…my…
Oh just say it E…Your arse!
“But…it might hurt...” I choked out, feeling utterly stupid. I mean, here was a God of sex that had probably had more women, in more ways than I’d ever dreamed about. And here was little old me, a quivering wreck because he wanted to…take me there!
“Won’t hurt you babe, I promise” he breathed against my ear.
I took a deep breath before I nodded.
“Need to hear you babe.”
I swallowed again and pulled myself together….well tried to.
“Yes” I puffed out.
I heard his breath hitch before he swept both hands up my bac
k and circled the back of my neck with them, both of his thumbs rubbing along my tat.
“I’m gonna make you feel so good babe…so damn fucking good” he growled.
I nodded again as my mouth dried and my insides vibrated.
“Bend over and hold on to the chair babe” he ordered softly.
I closed my eyes and took a calming breath before I did as he asked and bent forward, placing my palms flat on the seat of his song writing chair.
I felt him kneel behind me and I cringed as he viewed me openly, every part of my sex on display for him.
“Fuck!” he hissed. “So fucking beautiful.”
My eyes shot open as I felt his face bury against me, his whole face in my lady parts.
“Oh God” I whimpered.
He inhaled then moved back a little before he circled my inflamed clit with his tongue, then travelled it upwards and dipped it into my pussy, lapping at my already formed juices.
I whimpered again before he carried on his voyage over my perineum and then he reamed my anus.
I sucked in a huge shuddering breath as he inserted a finger into my slick vagina.
“Oh my God” I panted.
“Yeah, you like that” he stated “You’re gripping my finger tight babe.”
His tongue continued its exploration of my ass before he suddenly stood and disappeared. “Stay there” he ordered.
I couldn’t move if I tried.
He returned with a tube of lube and slid behind me again before I felt his cold slippery finger teasing my tight hole as his tongue idolised my clit.
He sucked on my nub as he inserted his finger into my backside and I gasped at the intrusion but he ventured on gradually, painstakingly slow.
His talented tongue brought my attention back to my clit as he rolled his finger inside me, preparing my anus for his penetration.
He pulled out and then I felt a tightening as he joined it with another finger, increasing the pressure as well as the access.
“Oh Shit Jax…I…God…” I was a spluttering fool. The pleasure hadn’t been expected but it was very much welcomed.
“Ready babe?”
I nodded. God yes, was I ever?
He came to stand behind me and I felt the tip of him press against me and I whimpered.
This was going to hurt!
“Relax babe” he whispered as he leant over my back and nudged in gently.
“Oh, Oh, Jax…Shit…”
“Easy. Bear down and push against me babe” he instructed softly in my ear.
Gulping, I did as he asked until he was fully inside me.
He remained motionless, completely still as my body acclimatised to the intrusion.
The pain lessened and when his finger found my clit, I gave out a deep guttural growl.
Shit. Had I just made that sound?
Jax growled in reply before he slowly pulled out. “You okay babe?” his voice was a low rasp and I nodded.
He pushed back in so slowly it was near torturous.
“Baby…Jax, for god’s sake…move!”
The groan that left his lips was animalistic and inhumane.
A huge turn on and I pushed back onto him as he pushed into me.
“Fuck me damn it!” I ordered.
His right foot landed on the seat of the chair beside my hand then he went for it!
Christ! Did he go for it?
We were sweaty, loud and brutal as he took my virgin ass.
His power and lust worked me into a panting, groaning mess.
“Jax…Fuck! Fuck! Christ…I…Oh God. Oooh Goddd…”
I’m sure he laughed at me…Bastard!
I exploded ferociously, screaming wildly as my whole body bucked and shivered violently.
Jax growled, grunted, and then roared as he spilled his load into my backside, pumping for what seemed like forever.
“Fuck babe” he wheezed as he collapsed on top of me, squashing my cheek into the seat cushion.
“I…Wow…I…”
He chuckled as he pulled out gently, then scooped me up in his arms and curled us both up on the bed.
“You okay babe?”
I nodded into him as I struggled for composure. My body hummed delightfully and I had never felt so relaxed in all my life.
***
“Babe” his warm breath whispered against my cheek and I grumbled at him.
“Bugger off.”
His deep throaty chuckle brought a smile to my lips.
“Babe. You need to eat” He tried again, forcing my eyes to squeal as I opened them and was greeted to his gorgeous smiling face.
“Mmmm” I mumbled as I palmed his cheek. “Hey beautiful” I whispered.
The grin that lit his face fluttered my heart.
“What time is it?” I jolted upright, dragging myself out of my slumber.
“Relax babe. It’s only 4 O’clock.”
I nodded to him as he perched on the edge of the bed and handed me a mug of coffee.
“Gotta go out babe” he informed me as I blew lightly over the rim of the cup before I took a sip.
I frowned and pouted. He tilted his head and shrugged an apology “Sorry babe.”
“Will you run me back? I’ve got to get ready for work.”
He kissed my forehead and took a huge sniff of my scent before he stood up “No time babe. Boss will run you back.”
I smiled and nodded to him “Okay.”
He turned to leave but halted in the doorway.
I watched him intently when he didn’t turn. “You okay baby?” I asked hesitantly.
He seemed to be struggling with something but then he turned to me and his pain was written all over his face.
I clambered up and knelt on the bed, my heart in my mouth. “Jax?”
He scrunched up his nose then sighed heavily “Fran…”
I closed my eyes to the torture in his voice. “Oh God. Go Jax” I urged.
He turned towards the door again but then flashed back over to me, surrounding my whole body with his as he kissed me so passionately I thought he was trying to consume me.
He stroked my face as he pulled away. “I...I’m still yours babe” he choked out.
I nodded and took his hand. “I know Jax. And I’m still yours, every single molecule of me. Lock, stock and barrel Baby” I reassured him.
He puffed out a breath and rested his nose on mine. “I love you Eve Hudson” he whispered and before I could replicate his sentiment, he had gone.
CHAPTER 25
My shift at Z Bar had never gone so slow before. I had been constantly watching the door for Jax but by midnight, my stint was over and he was still nowhere to be seen.
I had texted Boss to see if he had returned home yet but no joy there either.
“You go Rach, I’ll lock up tonight. I owe you for covering for my few weeks off anyway” I said to Rachel as she plonked some dirty glasses on the bar top.
“You sure Hun?” she asked seriously, but I could see the excitement in her eyes.
She had just got together with the hottest member of the university football team and her eagerness at leaving early had made me chuckle.
“Go hump your man Girl” I winked.
She squealed joyfully, grabbed her bag from behind the bar and shot out before I changed my mind.
I piled the glasses into the dishwasher, wiped down the tables and made sure the shelves were restocked before I poured myself a glass of vodka and settled on a stool at the bar.
I checked my phone again but nothing.
Surely he had news by now. I wasn’t even sure what had actually happened but I presumed she had lost the baby.
Hating to be that pushy woman but I needed to know, I braced myself and decided to send him a quick text.
Me:
Hey baby. Any news? x
I left it at that. Didn’t really need any more but I was tempted to tell him all sorts.
The simplicity of expressing yourself via a text was so much eas
ier than actually saying the words in front of them.
I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How proud I was of his utter strength to carry on after losing everyone he held close. To tell him I would die for him, walk through hell for eternity to see his brilliant smile. Tell him I would drag him back from the darkness when he was swallowed by it, but then I wanted to tell him how frightened I was of our relationship, how totally consuming it was. How it ate at my soul and I was terrified I would somehow lose him, not be able to keep my hold of him.
After another half hour of phone silence, I seized my bag, locked up behind me and trekked across the student village back to my dorm.
As I passed through the passageway between the shop and the tennis court I heard a stutter of a footstep behind me.
I turned to look but shrugged and carried on when there appeared to be nothing there. There was always students hanging about at all hours and I put it down to an amorous couple in the bush.
The more my feet moved the more I was sure there was someone behind me and my heart was starting to surface through my throat, so I pulled out my phone from my bag and dialled Jax.
I knew with every instinct in my body that there was someone following me and my legs were starting to tremble.
Jax didn’t answer and I cursed under my breath as I tried again. I sped up, desperate to get out of the walkway and into the open area behind my halls.
“Fuck Jax” I scolded when he still didn’t answer.
I dialled Boss and as soon as I heard his voice answer, I felt a hand around my mouth, my phone skidded across the pathway and I was dragged into the bushes from behind.
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