Don’t leave me when you’re done
I’m beggin’ ya, don’t fire the damn gun”
After Romeo gave a solo riff, we both came in with the middle 8 section as we came together in the middle of the stage and Jax grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly as the crowd whistled and cheered their approval.
“But we’re trying to carry on and love
Gently fighting against each other for the passion
Linking together as one, no more lonely souls
And now we’re shocking heaven, just shocking heaven”
And after another chorus Jax sang the outro.
“If you’re going through hell, keep going
Keep going, keep going
Don’t ever stop, never stop
Keep going, keep going”
We finished, Jax growled, lifted me up and kissed me passionately as the room erupted in screams and a deafening applause that seemed to go on forever.
Their explosive levels of noise shook the walls.
“I think they liked it babe.”
“That’s because you did a damn fine job of writing it Jax.”
He grinned and cupped my cheek “You did a damn fine job of singing it babe.”
I returned his passionate kiss with one of my own, forging my lips violently on his, telling him just how much his words meant.
Boss came over and pulled me from Jax before swirling me round and planting a huge sloppy kiss on my cheek. “Fucking awesome hot stuff!” he cheered in my ear as I got a thumbs up and a ‘SPANNER’ from Romeo.
Bulk grinned at me then picked up all the boxer shorts, condoms and roses thrown on the stage and handed them to me.
The feeling was phenomenal. I felt euphoric, incredible and fucking electrifying.
The vitality that flowed through me, made me feel like I was high as the crowd still chanted mine and Jax’s names.
I was on a high and at that moment in my life I was seriously debating whether it might be a good idea to make a career using my voice.
Hell, why the heck not?
***
We were all sat round Room 103’s regular table after hours. The door was bolted and the centre of our table had been filled with Tequila and Jagermeister shots as we celebrated my official initiation into the band.
Boss and Romeo had picked up a couple of girl’s but Boss’s was already asleep under the table and he was currently been ribbed to death by the rest of the band.
“Looks like a hand job tonight Boss” I winked as someone rattled on the pub doors.
“Yeah, your hand E?”
Poking my tongue out at him as Jax growled at him, I slid the bolt across and pulled open the door to a fist, right it in my cheek bone.
“What the fuck!” I stuttered as I stumbled backwards.
Fran was stood in the doorway glaring at me. “You fucking Bitch!” she screamed as she swung again. Luckily I was ready this time and shifted pretty quickly.
“I swear to God Fran. You might be pregnant but hit me again and you’ll be on you back.”
No change there then!”
“Whoa!” Jax shouted before he pulled me behind him.
“The fuck Fran?” he growled at her.
She stood there, just gawping between me and Jax. Her face contorted in rage as she glanced at Jax’s hand in mine.
“So that’s it, is it? Now you’ve got a new whore?”
My mouth dropped open and I pulled my hand out of Jax’s, much to his displeasure.
“You see what I was trying to tell you?” I snarled at him. “I won’t be that bitch Jax.”
I turned my back on them both but Jax’s hand shot around my arm “No babe. Wait.”
He turned back to Fran, his eyes frantically shifting up and down her face and his hand tightened in mine, so much so it was beginning to hurt.
“What you on Fran?”
Her eyes flicked but her face remained impassive.
I frowned as I looked between them both.
She wouldn’t take drugs whilst pregnant. Would she?
She pursed her lips and glowered at Jax. “So what now?” she asked with a shrug. “You just gonna dump me for that…skank!”
Okay, now I was getting a little irritable!!
Jax sighed heavily beside me. “Fran. I can’t fucking dump you cos’ we were never together.”
Her eyes went wide and her face slackened. I had a small twitch of sympathy for her.
Just a tad.
She seemed to consider his words for a moment, her face showing each of the emotions her mind went through. “But…We’re having a baby Jax” she choked on a whisper.
“And?...”
Okay Jax. Maybe a little harsh there!
She shrugged again “And…I…I…I love you Jax.” This time it was a whisper.
I shuffled my feet uncomfortably.
“Okay you guys. I’m just gonna let you both…” I murmured as I tried to pull away.
“Stay the fuck there babe” Jax said softly.
I shook my head at him and squeezed his hand as I leaned in to whisper in his ear. “Jax. You need to sort this out with Fran. She doesn’t know what’s gonna happen. She’s fucking pregnant with your baby…”
The growl that rumbled through his throat stilted my words.
“Stay. The. Fuck. There. Babe.”
What the Hell!!!
“If you don’t want me to embarrass you in front of your ex, then I suggest you get your hand off my arm and let me fucking go” I hissed.
His head turned to me so slowly it reminded me of the girl on ‘The Exorcist’…he seemed to have inherited her eyes as well, I was hoping it didn’t stretch to the green vomit.
“Not gonna say it again babe” he growled.
“Okay fine!” I uttered through my teeth.
I was so going to kill him when Fran had gone!
He turned back to Fran, his eyes narrow and blazing and I saw her swallow heavily.
“E and me are together…fucking like animals Fran. All. The. Fucking. Time. You got that?”
Wow. That must have hurt.
I squeezed his thigh and he glanced at me “Need to say it babe.”
I screwed my face up at him. “Not like that though eh?”
I risked a quick look at Fran and I cringed. She was white, her fists were tight and sweaty and I could see the tremble in her legs.
“You…you wanna sit down Fran?” I asked quietly.
She flicked me a glimpse, her eyes full of tears but she shook her head before she turned and left, closing the pub door quietly behind her.
Jax shrugged and turned back to the table but I stood immobile, stunned at what had just occurred.
He turned back to me, a confused frown on his face as he tilted his head in query.
“Clue me in babe.”
I gave him an incredulous look before I shook my head at him. “You gonna treat me like that when you’re done with me Jax?”
His eyebrows hit his hairline and his eyes widened before his lip curved up into a wicked smile. He took two steps to reach me, the darkness in his eyes made my stomach heat and my other bits squeeze tight.
He deliberately shook his head twice and leant into my ear. “Never gonna stop needin’ you babe…never. You’re always gonna be there for me, with me; whenever, however and wherever cos’ you’re in here babe” He grasped my hand and held it over his heart. “As well as here.”
Then he put my hand elsewhere…use your imagination!
I gulped and nodded wildly.
“You hear me babe?”
Fighting past the lump in my throat I took a breath. “Yeah, I hear ya’ Jax.”
He gave me his dirty grin before he took me in a mouth-watering kiss that blew my socks off…well my stockings.
CHAPTER 23
It was late Sunday morning and Jax and I were snuggled in his bed, relaxing under his huge fluffy duvet whilst he fork fed me fresh fruit and coffee…the coffee wasn’t via a fork t
hough!
We had made a declaration that neither of us was leaving his bed for the day.
We had a pile of DVD’s and CD’s piled up beside the bed, a mass of chocolate which Jax had ran to the shop to get for me…sweet, I know, and the numerous remotes for each of his gadgets lined up on the bed.
“You gonna clue me in then babe?” he asked after he popped another slice of peach into my mouth.
“What would you like clueing in on baby?” I asked him as I slid a blueberry in between his very kissable lips.
The way he pursed those lips made me think I wasn’t going to like his topic of conversation.
“Where and why you went babe?”
My top teeth sank into my bottom lip as I diverted his attention with a piece of apple.
He lifted his eyebrows, telling me he knew it was a diversion but I refused to look at him.
“You know I need to go and see my mother soon. I might be gone for a few days” I told him out of the blue, using it as a distraction.
“The Fuck babe!”
How did I guess that’s what he’d say?
“She’s ill Jax. She might need me” I argued.
“Yeah, she needs you, but not for care…” he growled.
“Jax…don’t…”
I hid my shame as I turned my head and studied the TV remote, my finger outlining each of the buttons to shift my concentration.
“Babe…” he lifted my face towards him with his fingertips but I shook my head “Jax please, just…just don’t.”
He huffed loudly but nodded. “Then I come with you babe.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Jax” I warned and he scoffed.
Yeah right E! Not a hope in hell.
“So babe…where?”
God this man was relentless. Push, push, push.
I sighed heavily. “I went to Cornwall for a few weeks” I divulged as he scowled.
“Cornwall?”
I nodded.
“You ever think about finding your Mom Jax?” I asked quietly as my fingers tugged on a loose thread on his duvet.
Please just change the damn subject!
He rolled me over so I was pinned underneath his magnificent frame, as his hands took my wrists and held my arms above my head, his solid body held me prisoner underneath him.
He glared at me as my heart and breath stuttered simultaneously.
“Why babe?”
I looked away “It doesn’t matter Jax.”
His nose twitched before he ran the tip of it down the length of mine “Think it does babe. Need to know.”
“Why do you need to know Jax? It doesn’t concern you.”
I ignored the deep rumble in his chest, it was just wind!!
“Tell me babe.”
“No.”
“Tell me.”
“Nope.”
His tongue trailed a delicate route across my bottom lip and my body hummed in delight as my vagina argued with me about divulging information.
‘Just bloody tell him so he fucks the living daylights out of you’ it was saying!
Damn hormones!
“Babe…Tell. Me.”
“Jax please” I whined as his tongue now trickled down the centre of my throat, my breathing speeding to a pant.
“Need to know babe.”
“Why?”
He had now reached the edge of the ‘V’ neckline of my shirt and he tortured the swell of my breasts ruthlessly, planting lots of open mouthed kisses along the edge of the hem.
“Oh God…” I breathed as I slid my hands around him and cupped his glorious backside through his shorts.
Christ, his arse was pure sin and I raked my nails over the taut muscle, triggering a groan from deep within him.
“Tell me babe” he reiterated tenaciously.
“You’ll be cross” I whispered.
He elevated slightly, his face expressing confusion.
“Never babe.”
I nodded solemnly at him before his finger stroked along the edge of my face, his eyes tracking his movements.
“Promise babe” he whispered gently as he cupped my cheek tenderly.
He held my eyes with his own as he vowed by his pledge, urging me to trust him.
“I…I had a…relapse. A bad one” I whispered and he had to turn his ear towards me to hear my words.
The fire lit his eyes and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip so forcefully I thought it was going to pop under the pressure.
In for a penny…
“I made a bit of a…mess.”
His breath stunted as he knelt up and narrowed his eyes on me.
He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to really; his eyes told me his exact thoughts.
“You promised…” I reminded him cautiously.
He ground his teeth but nodded and grasped my hand, his beautiful green eyes held mine as he fought against his own temper.
“Turn over” he ordered gently.
Shaking my head at him, I tried to nudge backwards up the bed but he gripped my hips and flipped me right over, no effort needed.
Damn his strength!
I desperately tried to escape from his hold but the back of my shirt was already around the nape of my neck.
Shit!
He sucked in a large breath as he studied my scars and I could feel the full body flush that ascended from my toes to the crown of my head.
The humiliation of my actions was now coming back to haunt me in front of the man I loved, the man I was so desperate to please. His pride and faith in me meant everything and the shame of disappointing him was aching my heart.
“I’m sorry” I threw out, more sternly than I meant to.
His fingertip traced along each welt whilst he remained silent, his harsh heavy breaths sounding loud against the silence of the room.
“I’m sorry baby” I repeated distraughtly, trying to hold back the feeling of failure.
“Babe…” he choked out eventually.
I burrowed my face in the pillow as I echoed my apology on a sob.
His body dropped beside me with a loud thunk on the mattress before I was huddled tightly into his protective embrace.
“Need to see someone about this now babe.”
I nodded. “Yeah. The hospital has made arrangements for me to see a councillor” I shrugged.
His fingers softly swept the outer edge of my arm, up and down, up and down, its hypnotising rhythm was extremely comforting and I felt myself relax into him.
“You…Hospital babe?” He stuttered out and I nodded against him.
“Yeah…I told you, I made a…it was too soon after the last session and it kinda’, well it…tore me up a bit and I passed out…” I trailed off as I felt him stiffen, his whole body clenching rigidly beside me.
His fingers now moved down to my hip, continuing their soothing strokes along the edge of my knicker line.
“Why?”
I was dreading this question and I was frantically trying to come up with a lie to cover the embarrassment of the truth but the thoughts filtered through my ears again as Jax said “Truth babe.”
Crap!
“I dunno really…just things that had built up” I said, a little economical with the truth.
Jax nodded lightly then tucked his thumb in the edge of my knickers. My pussy moistened in anticipation as my womb yelled at him to rip them right off.
“You fucked off right after our argument about Fran” he divulged.
No flies on this man!
Swallowing heavily I relented and nodded. “Yeah” I whispered against his ribcage.
He was silent for the longest time and I was internally trying to gauge his emotions but Jax was always closed off and good at hiding every damn thought he had.
“I hurt you.”
I wasn’t sure if I had heard him correctly.
“What?” I said softly.
He growled and gently pushed me off him before he abruptly clambered off the bed, picked h
is jeans off the floor and pulled them on with his t-shirt before slamming his bedroom door behind him.
Well that went well then.
I sat immobile and stunned in the middle of his bed, not quite sure what to do.
Hell. I really hadn’t expected that reaction from him.
I thought he might have been a bit irate but I hadn’t anticipated this.
He seemed angry with himself instead of me and my frazzled brain couldn’t work out how to respond to it.
I hated the fact that I had upset him and I sat still, not knowing what to do.
Did I stay? Did I go home?
I just sat there tracing the buttons on the bloody remote.
Eventually I climbed off his bed and pulled on my own jeans, and ventured down for coffee.
Boss was sat at the kitchen table with a skinny blond girl, both of them silent and staring through the window in an awkward silence.
Boss’s head turned towards me and relief flashed over his face as if my presence would shift the uncomfortable atmosphere.
“Hey hot stuff” he grinned a little too happily.
I smiled at him and his eyebrows drew in.
“You okay baby?” he asked softly.
Blondie huffed and stood. “I’ll get off then shall I?”
Boss and I glanced at her, not appreciating the attitude rolling off her.
“Sure, see ya’” Boss shrugged.
She huffed again and left via the kitchen door.
Boss shook his head as if to clear his thoughts then stood and lifted the kettle, waggling it at me.
I nodded and slumped into a chair, tracing along the edge of the scuffed table with a finger.
Shocking Heaven Page 15