She finally loved me. And she told me, over and over and over again.
Her heartache was written all over her face and I knew then that she hadn’t received the treatment because she just didn’t want to be here any longer. She had taken enough and she was desperate to finally let it all go. She wanted to be free.
CHAPTER 31
I slowly walked back to the man I loved…to break his heart.
My heavy legs not wanting to make the journey that would end my life.
He knew as soon as I opened the waiting room door that I was going to hurt him because he shook his head, wildly at first then more slowly, then with a sob as I took his hands in mine.
“I…she needs me here Jax” I whispered as he cried into my chest, his hands frantically pulling at my clothing when we’d dropped to the floor in the waiting room.
“Babe, no, no, no…”
“I won’t go either babe.” He said but I shook my head and cupped his face.
“Baby, you can’t back out now. The contract has been signed and they won’t let you out of it without a hefty court war, everything is set up in America and most of all, you can’t do that to the guy’s. They’ve worked as hard as us for this.”
I sobbed right along with him but I knew I couldn’t go to America. My mother would need me now.
She had relented and finally agreed to have her stomach removed and start a bout of chemotherapy and there was no way I could let her go through that alone.
My heart tore right in two on that hospital floor that day, right along with my lover’s.
My soul shattered into a million pieces in that hospital waiting room that day, right along with my lover’s.
And my life ended that day, whilst I sat on my lover’s knee and witnessed his own life end, right alongside me.
***
It was the night before the band left. Jax had taken me out for a romantic meal and we were sat, cross legged in the middle of his bed, just touching each other.
Our fingers exploring each other and committing every damn groove, every ridge, every bump and blemish to memory.
He reached behind him and opened his bedside drawer and pulled out a small blue box.
He turned back to me and took my hand, his face fighting with each of his emotions.
“You mine babe?”
“Lock, stock and barrel baby” I whispered in return.
He nodded and opened the box.
My breath caught. Inside was the most exquisite platinum eternity ring I had ever seen. It was utterly breath-taking.
He sucked on his teeth. “Wanted it to be a wedding band babe, but…well…we’ll save that for when I return.”
He took it out and slipped it over my finger.
He’d done his homework because it was a perfect fit.
“It’s beautiful” I breathed.
“Nearly as beautiful as the woman wearing it” he whispered as he cupped my face and drew my mouth under his.
I burnt his kiss to my mind, making sure I would remember exactly how perfect he felt as he joined our mouths.
He pressed us backwards onto the bed as he consumed me in his kiss, as though he wanted to soak up every part of my soul.
My hands found his hair as I held on for dear life, holding him to me, wishing I could keep him there forever.
He moaned into my mouth as I drew his t-shirt over his head, desperate to touch his skin, feel every inch of him and that’s exactly what I did.
I rolled him over and idolised every single part of him, torturously slow because I didn’t want to ever stop.
I knelt between his legs as he knelt before me and unbuttoned my shirt, slowly peeling it off my shoulders before his fingers studied me; tracing the edge of my bra, my breastbone piercing and along my collar bones.
His thumbs leisurely ran up my throat, across my jaw, over my lips and along my cheekbones before his mouth repeated their trek.
He removed my bra and as he cupped my breasts in his large hands, he just sat and gazed at me, his hands caressing me tenderly.
I arched my back and pushed into him on a sigh.
“So beautiful” he whispered before his mouth sited wet kisses over the swell of my breasts and then down to my nipples as he adored them softly.
He slid the zip on my skirt and pushed it over my hips as I wriggled out of it, along with my knickers.
He trailed a finger down the centre of my chest and stomach until he reached my Christina piercing, twirling it around his finger as his eyes held mine.
“This will always be mine” he said.
I covered his hand with my own “Always baby. Always yours.”
He nodded at my reassurance and slid his finger further down and into my vagina.
“Mine.”
“Yours” I moaned as my eyes closed.
“Need to see ya’ babe. Need to see your soul.”
I opened my eyes and gazed at him as he gave me a soft smile.
He gripped the tops of my arms and pulled me flat on top of him as he lay backwards on the bed and kissed me forever.
I slid onto him and made love to him tenderly, torturously slowly and so lovingly that neither of us wanted it to end.
He rolled us over until he was above me and continued our gentle loving, all the time holding my eyes with his.
His fingers slid onto the side of my head. “I love you so much Eve Hudson. I’ll never stop. Wherever I am, I’ll always love you.”
A tear slid free as Jax came forcefully when my own climax erupted, and at that moment I hated that orgasm with everything I was because I knew it would be the last one Jax would ever give me.
***
“Gonna miss you hot stuff” Boss said against my ear as he hugged me tight in the private departure lounge at Heathrow airport the next morning.
I had already said my goodbyes to Romeo and Bulk and now I was saying farewell to one of my best friends.
“I’m gonna miss you too Boss.”
He leaned back and studied me. “Take care of him for me Boss” I whispered as I kissed his cheek.
He squeezed my hand and headed through the gate.
And then there was my man, stood before me, his beautiful face white with pain and sorrow, as we both silently gazed at each other.
He stepped into me and I felt my throat close in.
God, I couldn’t do this. It was too fucking hard.
He kissed me so heart-wrenchingly we were both drinking my tears as they slid down my face, over my lips and into our mouths, their saltiness penetrating our taste buds.
“I love you Eve Hudson. I’ll always love you babe. You’re in my heart so deep; a piece of you injects my veins with every beat. You’re in my head so intensely; every time I close my eyes, I see your beautiful face and you’re in my soul so entirely, I feel you inside me.”
Christ!! This was so unfair…so fucking unfair.
I wanted to claw at him, scrape him under my fingernails just to keep a part of him.
I wanted to learn the art of osmosis so I could absorb him.
“You hear me babe?” he choked out, his own rough and sexy voice breaking before me.
“I hear ya’ Jax. I’ll always hear you, wherever you are baby. I love you so damn fucking much Jaxon Cooper and don’t you ever forget it!”
I couldn’t see him through the ocean of tears I was spilling and I frantically wiped them away. I needed to see his beautiful face, burn it memory and take as much of it as I could while he was this close.
My heart was now shattered and my soul died as he stepped back, his hand still tight in mine as I desperately clung onto him.
He stepped back into me and pressed his lips to my forehead.
“Christ…” he sobbed.
“Go…” I whispered. “Please…” I couldn’t let him see me fall to pieces, I wouldn’t let him witness my breakdown and I didn’t want him to hear my screams.
“You mine babe?”
“Lock, stock and barrel bab
y.”
He nodded once, walked to the gate, turned, pierced my soul with his…
…then left me.
I sank to the floor. My heart in shattered fragments around me as Cam scooped me up and held me as I screamed and screamed and cried and cried and yelled for him, hollered for him to come back.
I refused to move for three hours in case he changed his mind and came home, came back to me.
He didn’t.
He couldn’t.
He never would.
***
Jax phoned every day for the first four weeks.
He phoned once the next month.
He phone once in the next six weeks.
And then he never rang again.
And he never came home.
My Mom died six months after Jax left.
Cam left to chase a career in Australia.
Aaron and Luce moved in together.
I fell back into my old routine of submitting to the whip and hating myself, along with hating Jax.
The day I buried my mother, I laid a pink rose on her coffin and swore to myself I wouldn’t turn out like she did; desperate for something, anything in her life, so I pulled out my phone and dialled a special someone.
“Saul…I need your help…..”
PART 2
CHAPTER 32
2 YEARS LATER
“Christ Leah” I flapped her away as she touched up my make-up. “It’s a bloody radio interview. No one is gonna see me.”
“Pete fuckin’ Burrows is gonna see ya’” she nodded wildly as she smeared lip gloss over my already primed lips.
“You ready Eve?” A studio technician asked and then led me through to the studio.
Pete waved as he spoke through the microphone then someone ushered me into the seat opposite him and donned a pair of headphones on my head.
So much for Leah’s hair style!
“You okay Eve?” Pete asked while he waited for a track to finish. “Just gonna be routine questions Eve, boring stuff really” he smiled and I relaxed a little.
This kind of thing wasn’t my thing and I always hated doing interviews, so Radio 1 was ecstatic when my manager, Brent Howard, had agreed to it, much to my displeasure but I knew it was needed.
I fidgeted with the headphones as Pete introduced me and the interview went as followed.
P: We have a special exclusive now that I know you’ve all been waiting weeks for, so let’s not hang on any longer. A Huge welcome to Eve Hudson from Hell’s Eden.
E: Hey Guys.
P: How you doing Eve?
E: I’m good thanks, apart from these damn headphones, they really hurt your ears ya’ know.
P: (laughs) Well us here at radio 1 have been excited since we knew you were gonna give us this exclusive. What a whirlwind of a year you’ve had. Five number ones, one of those ‘Let me Breathe’ is currently at number 1 this week, and the fastest selling album in the last ten years. How’s it been for you?
E: God, absolute manic. It’s been brilliant though and I just wanna shout out to my fans…what can I say? But god, thank you, each and every one of you. I love you all.
P: What everyone wants to know is how it feels to duet with the one and only Sed Tyler from Platform 2?
E: He’s great. I was scared to death at first but he’s a real sweetheart, and he made me relax instantly and that voice…God, that voice does things to a girl you know.
P: (laughs) I bet it does. Your duet comes out tomorrow and we’ve got an exclusive coming at the end of this interview folks but I can reveal it’s a little bit raunchy. Now, I’ve seen the video Eve and I must say I really like your outfit.
E: Thought you might Pete.
P: You’re singing your debut performance with Sed tonight at the Bafta’s; please tell me you’re wearing that outfit Eve.
E: God no, I think I’d get arrested for indecent exposure, but something close enough.
P: (laughs) I’ve heard that Room 103 are over from America and will also be performing tonight. Nobody forgets the epic number 1 hit, Shocking Heaven, you had with them. We know you value your privacy Eve, but I heard you were all quite close before they hit the big time.
Oh God. Oh Shit. He’d be there…tonight!
I hadn’t seen him in two years, apart from on the TV.
E: Well. It’s true I sang a few songs with them way before they made it big in America and yeah, I owe those guys a lot. They were the ones that encouraged me to get up on stage and well, I wouldn’t be here without them really.
Pete nods.
P: What’s it gonna feel like to see them again after, what is it 2 years?
E: Yeah about two years, and it’ll be great to see the guy’s again.
P: Can you tell us why you never went to America with them?
E: It was because of some personal issues that I was going through at that time.
P: You got quite close to a certain member of room 103.
Shit! Divert!
E: Boss and I became good friends. He tries to make out he’s a bit of a tough guy, but I’ll tell you Pete…he’s all soft and gooey. But don’t tell anybody I told you, he’ll tie me up and beat me.
P: (laughs) So what’s happening in your life at the moment Eve?
E: Well. I have just finished my tour, so for a few weeks I’m gonna kick back and relax at home and concentrate on the new song and snog the hell out of Bruce.
P: Bruce?
E: My cocker spaniel. I miss him so much when I’m away. He’s my monster.
P: Right gotta hit you with the usual rapid fire questions the listener’s sent in and I must say, some of the questions have me cringing so be prepared. By the way you can’t pass.
Groan.
P: Ready?
E: Hit me.
P: Bikini or snowsuit?
E: Bikini.
P: Classic rock or hard rock?
E: Both, all rock.
P: Love or sex?
E: Definitely sex.
P: I finish at 4.
E: I can’t wait that long.
P: I’ll get some cover.
E: (Laugh)
P: Who would you rather bed, Sed Tyler or Jax Cooper?
Cringe. Already done them both!!!
E: God! One of them, the other can watch.
P: Ahh, but which one?
E: Either way round.
P: Chocolate or fruit?
E: I’m a girl…chocolate.
P: Chest or arse?
E: I’m definitely an arse girl.
P: Against the wall or in bed?
E: Christ. Who sent these in? Both.
P: What’s the weirdest thing a fan has ever sent you?
E: Oh God, I don’t think I can tell you that live on air.
P: Go for it, it’s my job on the line.
E: Well, one guy sent me his…his foreskin.
P: (laugh) you are joking?
E: Uh uh, he’d just had a circumcision and thought I might like…his most prized possession.
P: Okayyyyy.
P: Final one, you ready for this…you have a piercing and tattoo on your lady parts…yes or no?
E: OMG! You can’t ask me that.
P: Apparently we can. (Laugh)
E: Well…Oh God…okay…yes.
P: Oh Christ…I’ll let you all know what it says tomorrow folks.
E: (Laugh)
P: Well a huge thank you to the one and only Eve Hudson. It’s been an absolute pleasure. Good luck on your new single and here’s our exclusive performance of Eve Hudson and Sed Tyler singing, Please me baby.
“That’s it Eve. Thank you so much” Pete held out his hand and I gripped it and smiled at him.
Leah propelled me through the building when I exited the studio. “God Leah! I’m not on wheels.”
“We’ve gotta get round to the Bafta venue and get sound checked before rehearsals” she said severely.
God, I was knackered.
She practically pushed me into the wa
iting car where the guys from my band were already clamped in.
“E. How’d it go?” Angel, the lead guitarist asked, his pure white hair stuck up in different directions. Each time I looked at it, it made me smile. It was the reason he got his nickname ‘Angel’.
“Yeah, was okay” I yawned, whilst Leah shoved some correspondence on my lap to sort through.
Sponsor for a clothing range…No.
Sponsor for a cosmetic range…No.
Duet with Ted Candy…Definitely no.
Attend a TV interview with somebody I had never heard of…No.
Perform at a cancer charity event…Yes.
Respond to mail from H.A.S.H T.A.G….Yes.
H. A. S. H. T.A.G. was a self-harm charity I was president of. It stood for Help. Against. Self. Harm. Therapy. And. Guidance.
When I had been determined to take control of my life two years ago, they had been an enormous help and comfort, and I now put my name to their company. So far I had managed to raise over £2 million for them.
I handed the papers back to Leah and spotted Hunter, the keyboard player for Hell’s Eden, staring at me, the numerous piercings in his eyebrows lifted high on his forehead.
I lifted an eyebrow in query and he smirked at me.
“Gonna clue me in Hunt?”
He grinned mischievously. “Room 103. Tonight.”
I shrugged at him and peered out of the window. “Actually I think I have the penthouse suite, not room 103” I smirked.
Shocking Heaven Page 21