Mad (Real name Gavin, but you can guess why we call him Mad. Even though he was soft as a brush with me), my drummer, put his hand in mine “You gonna be okay E?”
I smiled widely at him and nodded. “Yeah, all’s good” I lied.
Was it?
Christ, I didn’t think so.
CHAPTER 33
I had locked myself away in my dressing room since I had arrived at the Southbank Centre just in case I bumped into…people I didn’t want to.
A knock came on the door and Jack, one of my security guys, answered the door and spoke quietly to someone. “They’re about ready for you E” he said as he turned to me.
I nodded and smiled and I entered the corridor where Sed was waiting for me.
He smirked when he saw my outfit. “You like?” I asked with my tongue in my cheek, before I pulled on my leather jacket and zipped it up.
My costume team had kitted me out in tight black leather hot pants, a black leather bustier and a floaty, cream sheer top with knee high four inch boots.
Sex on a stick, Mad had said.
“I like what’s underneath it E” Sed whispered in my ear.
“I know you do, you dirty boy” I winked as we approached the stage and took our positions.
The set was a pub scene. A long bar ran across the back and a few tables were scattered around. The dancer’s had already taken position at their tables and I was to sit on a bar stool.
Sed blew me a kiss as he walked across to his spot and I perched on my stool, touched the ring that was hidden in my bra, and whispered to myself ‘Lock, stock and barrel baby’; my ritual before any performance.
“And here with an exclusive performance of their new single, ‘Please me, baby’, Give it up for Sed Tyler and Eve Hudson” Tom Holder introduced. The crowd applauded as the light strobes hit us and Sed’s guitarist brought Sed in.
I swivelled around on my stool, my legs provocatively crossed as I tried to pull off a sexy pose, and Sed started his verse.
“You shock it baby
Make me wanna rock it baby
Demanding me on my knees
Beggin’ you for the release
The pleasure’s so damn fine
I’m gonna put ya’ on a hell of a shrine.”
I hopped off the stool while the guitarist played a harmony and I slowly unzipped my jacket, whilst keeping my eyes on Sed, and slung it aside before I started on the chorus.
“So breathe me baby
Just feel me baby
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Just god damn feel me baby
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Let me ease it baby
And just please you baby
Oh yeah.”
I wowed the crowd, and myself, when I took to the huge pole in the middle of the stage and threaded myself around it, as I began to dance round it while Sed sang the next verse.
“You ace it baby
Make me wanna taste you baby
Always such a cold hard tease
Gives me the need to please
The thrill is so god damn great
You always make me take the bait.”
I started the chorus again as I slid down the pole to a waiting Sed at the bottom and at the end of the chorus, Sed took hold of my top and ripped it straight down the middle, leaving me in just the black bustier.
The sultry smile on his face lit my insides.
The crowd roared as I came in with my own verse.
“I’ll give it ya’ baby
Make ya’ wanna feel me baby
Give in to my temptation
Concede to my flirtation
My touch’ll make you such a bad guy
But I’ll make you feel so damn high.”
Sed and I sang the chorus together this time, our hands roaming over one another as we hip grinded and then Sed sang his last verse, as I pole danced for him whilst he knelt before me, as if worshipping me.
“You work me baby
Make me wanna jerk it baby
Surrender to the deep desire
Needing to put out this fire
The need’s so god damn hard
I know I’ll always be badly scarred.”
The crowd went ballistic as we both finished together.
“Just please me baby
Please me baby
God damn ease it baby
Just please me baby
Please me baby
Feed my release and please me baby.”
The audience were up on their feet as Sed and I took to the front of the stage and took the applause.
Tom Holder walked over to us and waited for the clapping to die down before he spoke.
“Wow guys” was all he said. The crowd roared again.
“I’ve got a feeling that’s gonna knock you off the top spot Eve” Tom joked. “How you doing?” He asked as he thrust his microphone in front of me.
“I’m really good thanks, but these boots are bloody killing me! Would anybody mind if I took them off?”
Tom and the audience laughed as Sed shook his head in humour.
“Go for it” Tom said.
I grinned as I unzipped them and then pulled them off “Oh God, yes.”
The crowd cheered and as I turned to smile at them, I spotted a beaming Boss stood in front of the stage. He saluted me. “Hot Stuff” he mouthed with a wink.
A small bubble popped in my chest and I swallowed back the lump.
Before I could think about it, I was running across the stage, leaping off the edge and launched myself into his arms, wrapping my legs tightly around his waist as he spun us both round.
“God, I missed you hot stuff” he shouted in my ear as the crowd erupted in whistles, cheers and appreciation.
Tears were streaming but I didn’t care a shit what I looked like. I had missed this man with my entire soul.
“Boss!” I whispered. He squeezed me tightly.
“That was fuckin’ epic E. How ya’ doing baby?”
I leaned back a little and nodded as he wiped my tears away with his hand, both of our gazes said everything we felt.
I could see Jack, my bodyguard beside us and I glowered at him. “It’s fine Jack” I assured him.
“Need to get you back up E” he said as my brain kicked into gear and I took a glance around at all the people watching us.
Boss dropped my feet to the floor and I palmed his cheek and smiled softly. “We’ll catch up later hot stuff” he said as Jack helped me back up on stage.
“Make sure you find me at the after-party.” He nodded.
Tom grinned at me as I smiled guiltily and walked back over to him “Sorry about that.”
Tom shook his head “No problem Eve. I take it you know Room 103’s drummer?”
Smirking, I nodded. “Yeah. Something like that.” I said softly.
Tom turned to Sed “So Sed. What’s it been like to duet with the Hell’s Eden goddess, Eve Hudson?”
Goddess? Seriously?
Creep!
Sed lifted his eyebrows and smirked. “Fun!”
I blobbed my tongue out at him but gave him a smile and a wink.
We’d had some fun alright!
“Fun” Tom repeated and smirked at Sed, as if he understood the innuendo in Sed’s words.
I shook my head at the pair of them before Tom turned back to me.
“And you’ll be back in a short while to perform a new charity song you have written Eve?”
“I will. I’ll tell you all about it later” I smiled in confirmation.
“Okay. Show your appreciation for Sed Tyler and Eve Hudson” Tom said to the stars in the audience and they clapped loudly as we left the stage.
Leah was flapping about as usual when I had descended the stage steps.
“Quickly. You need to get changed for your next song” she flustered.
“My God, Leah. I’ve got forty five minutes yet. All I’ve gotta do is get out of these clothes and put others on.”
&nb
sp; She stared at me as though I’d just told her the Prime Minister was a transvestite and I rolled my eyes.
“Your hair. Your make-up” she scoffed as she gestured to each section on me with a wave of her hand.
“Of course, Leah. I’m so sorry.”
Sed nudged me and I held back as Leah scurried ahead.
“You wanna catch up later?” he asked quietly and I smirked at him.
“Catch up? What would you like to chat about Sed?” I teased as I strode in front of him and swayed my hips seductively.
I heard his low growl behind me and giggled as I rounded the corridor and slammed into Romeo.
“Spanner!” he cried and I laughed and smiled.
“Christ. Romeo!”
He lifted me up and hugged me tight.
“Fuck E. It’s been forever” he sighed as he refused to let me go.
I could sense Sed patiently waiting behind me but I continued to embrace this huge hulk of a man.
“It has” I breathed. “How have you been?” I asked as he put me down.
He nodded determinedly. “Good E. I’ve been following you. You’ve done really well. Jax…” he stopped himself and seemed to curse under his breath.
I felt his discomfort so I diverted quickly. “Romeo, this is Sed Tyler. Sed, this is Romeo, lead guitarist of Room 103” I introduced.
Sed cocked his head. “We’ve met” he said with contempt and I frowned at his behaviour.
Romeo lifted his eyebrows at him but didn’t say anything.
“Problem Sed?” I asked with a hint of a warning.
I wouldn’t have him offending my friends; they would always come before Sed.
Sed glanced at me and shook his head slightly. “Not with him, no. His vocalist? Oh yeah.”
“Why?” I asked hesitantly.
Romeo looked really uncomfortable and I suddenly didn’t know if I wanted to find out the reason for Sed’s disdain.
“Let’s just say, the prick can’t keep his hands off other people’s women” he hissed.
My brows rose and Romeo glanced at me uneasily.
“Don’t worry about it Romeo. I didn’t expect him to wait…I certainly didn’t” I divulged. “Hell, I’d be dead before then” I added resentfully.
Romeo gave me a pained look, as Sed glimpsed between the two of us, and grabbed my hand. “I…I…Shit E…”
I scrunched up my nose and shook my head in sadness “I know Romeo. Don’t worry about it. I’m all good.”
“E.” Leah shouted from a doorway down the corridor and I smiled up at Romeo. “Gotta go. Catch you at the party later?”
He smiled and nodded. “Of course E. Free booze” he winked.
He stroked his thumb over my cheek as though an apology for leaving me, his eyes held mine and silently asked for forgiveness.
I nodded and smiled softly before I walked away.
CHAPTER 34
The costume people had grumbled at me when I returned to my dressing room, whining about the time limit I had to change.
Christ. These people really pissed me off at times.
I wasn’t a diva, far from it, that’s why I couldn’t understand all the commotion about not having at least an hour to climb out of some shorts and a bra and slip a dress over my head.
They had put me in a dark blue silk Chinese style dress. I admit it was exquisite and I had loved it as soon as it had arrived.
It was knee length with a split up to my hip on the right hand side, showcasing the tattooed sprinkle of stars all the way up.
It was high-necked but there was a teardrop shaped section cut out at the chest, which showed off my dermal piercing and the swell of my breasts.
The back was completely missing and I had specified this as a requirement when I had ordered the dress for a specific reason.
Along the hem and up around the side split it was embellished with a beautiful cherry tree design.
I adored it and I wore it with pale pink heels. The hair people had pulled my hair back into a severe bun, until every single strand was screaming in pain.
I looked elegant.
First time for everything. Shame my gob wasn’t.
Mad was bouncing on his heels beside me as we got the all clear to take the stage.
“Mad, cool it. You’re making me nervous” I disciplined softly.
He sighed heavily “Sorry. Just really nervous for you E.”
I nodded “Yeah. My stomach’s like the Bermuda fucking triangle. Am I doing the right thing Mad?”
I was totally nervous at what I was about to do.
People would either love me or hate me and I knew the statement I was about to make would cause uproar. But I had to do it…for me and for some of the other people I had met recently.
The set technician rolled his arm around and we all established our places.
I turned and smiled at the violinists and they nodded in welcome.
I then looked to Hunter who gave me a thumbs’ up on the piano, and Angel and Mad nodded from their places.
Tom started to introduce us “Now we have another performance from Eve Hudson with her band, Hell’s Eden. But this song is a little bit special and I’ll let Eve tell you all about it.”
Tom turned to look at me and nodded.
I took a step up to the mic as I touched my ring, this time in the palm of my hand because I needed the strength I always drew from it. ‘Lock, stock and barrel baby’ I whispered before I took a huge breath.
The lights in the crowd dimmed and a spotlight appeared on me.
I smiled and swallowed the nerves.
“Hi all” I started.
Everyone shouted ‘Hi’ and I nodded in thanks.
“About seven years ago, I started to self-harm” I confessed bluntly.
Gasps and shocked murmurs extended through the room and I gave everyone time to come to term with my words.
My legs and voice wobbled but I grit my teeth and carried on.
“The appeal of self-harming is different from victim to victim. I say victim because that’s what we are. We are victims of whichever reason we each harm for.”
The room lights rose a little so I could make out each person in the room.
“The appeal for me? Well, it’s kind of hard to explain but I’ll try my best.”
Each eye in the room was trained on me and I felt like I was being swallowed whole, each of the individuals wanting a piece of me but I needed to speak out to raise awareness of something that was considered taboo, unmentionable and baffling to most.
“Each victim that self-harms does so in many different ways. Some cut, some burn themselves, some people even stay in violent relationships for it. My personal method of self-harm was to be whipped…severely.”
My voice broke and I clenched my fists to control myself but I turned around and showed everyone the scars on my back.
The spotlight illuminated my back and the image was mirrored on a huge screen behind me.
Gasps rang out again and out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone walk across the stage towards me. I turned to see Boss striding over to me with a soft smile on his face.
When he reached me he slipped his hand in mine and squeezed before nodding for me to continue.
At that moment I couldn’t love that man more. Even after two years he continued to support and love me.
The damn lump in my throat that had appeared the same time Boss had was proving difficult to remove.
I blew out a long breath as I turned back round. “Why we do it? I can’t speak for each individual but as recent statistics tells us, for most us, it helps us cope with some sort of emotional or physical pain.”
I paused and looked around the room.
“Since an incident that happened to me in my childhood, I held a lot of pain and anger inside. To me, the internal pain actually felt like a physical pain. Sometimes it grew to such an extent that my body physically seemed to boil. My veins would scream at me that they were burning with the a
gony. My brain would send electric synapses into my nerve endings that actually, to me, felt like genuine electric shocks and my bones would literally vibrate as a pressure inside me built to a roaring degree.”
I took another scan of the room and each and every person was giving me their whole attention. I noticed some people, mostly women, were crying and my heart surged at their understanding.
“Someone once asked me why the whip. Well for me, the external physical pain seemed to, if only for a few hours, engulf the internal pain. But it wasn’t just that. I’m going to get descriptive now but I need to, to help you understand.”
I paused to see if anybody wanted to leave the room but the whole place remained still and silent.
Boss leaned into me whilst I paused. “Proud of you, hot stuff.”
I turned to him and it was those very words that brought my tears.
I took another breath and he nodded firmly, encouraging me to do this, so I did.
“Each time the whip brought my blood flowing, it released all the build-up of pressure and pain. Every drop of blood that fell rid a small fragment of torture and every time that whip slashed through my back, it made me feel I was repenting for some guilt I carried about inside me.”
I faced Boss for my next words. “Quite a while ago, I hit a really bad spot and if it wasn’t for my friend here I wouldn’t have survived the episode I subjected myself to.”
Shocking Heaven Page 22