Shocking Heaven

by Sidebottom, D. H.

  His breath hitched when I nodded. “They’re what drew me here” I said and then I took his hand. “I want to show you something.” I said as I inhaled deeply.

  I had to do this.

  I led him towards the meadow and we made our way through the mass of bluebells towards a huge tree that spanned the back section.

  It was a large and dominant Major Oak and it was absolutely perfect for the memorial monument I needed it to be.

  I walked him over to it and showed him.

  “It’s for everyone special to me” I whispered as his fingers outlined the name ‘Mary Ann’ that I had carved lovingly into the trunk.

  He stood silent as he read his sister’s name aside my parents and then he looked lower down the trunk. I could see the confusion on his face before realisation hit him.

  He palmed the tree for support when he saw it, but then fell to his knees.

  “Oh Christ…” he choked out as he read the name.

  ‘Kara Ann Cooper’

  “I didn’t find out until after you had gone.” I whispered sadly “I lost her at 22 weeks and she was so utterly beautiful.”

  His head was drooped but I carried on as Bruce came bounding up, but he always showed his respect at the tree and he sat immediately.

  “I didn’t tell you because I wanted to surprise you when you came home but…you never did…and…and she died.”

  “You should’ve rung me when she…when you lost her babe.”

  I scoffed loudly. “What? I tried Jax but they wouldn’t put me through to you, your damn PA kept declining my calls to you.” I explained and I saw him stiffen.

  He released a sob, just a simple exhale of a choked cry, and I dropped to my knees beside him and grieved with him for the daughter he never met.

  “The whip?” he breathed as he took my hand and gazed at me. I nodded and smiled sadly “Yeah. It all got a bit too…too much and after Kara died…well I wanted to…go with her.”

  My hands shook as did my body, but he held on tight. “I can’t have any more. They had to do a hysterectomy when they got her out. Everything inside was just too ravaged to save, and now…now I’ll never…hold my own…”

  He bundled me up and held me as tight as he had ever held me. “Babe…I…you were never out of my heart or head. You were always with me E.”

  He lifted his shirt over his head and I stared at his chest, my mouth wide open.

  A tattoo now inked his left pectoral muscle, just over his heart.

  ‘Lock, stock and barrel baby’

  My finger traced the words and he took hold of my hand and followed it with me.

  “You mine babe?” he whispered.

  “Lock stock and barrel baby” I whispered back as I slipped off my shoe and lifted my foot so he could see the sole of my foot.

  Inked up the centre were the words ‘Lock, stock and barrel baby’. “It’s written on my soul” I disclosed, giving him the reason it was under my foot.

  His forehead came to rest on mine and we stayed there for an age, our eyes just holding each other’s until eventually Bruce muzzled in and we laughed.

  ***

  We made our way back to the house, hand in hand and silent, but as I opened the front door my breath gushed out.

  “Shit” I hissed as I took in the state of my home.

  Bruce growled and went off in front, protecting me as usual.

  “Fuck…” Jax spat as he grabbed my arm and pulled me behind him.

  “Stay here” he ordered as he went to check the house.

  Everything was thrown everywhere. The furniture had been slashed, the contents of every single drawer in the house was scattered everywhere. The fridge and cupboards had been cleared but luckily they hadn’t contained much food due to me being away. The carpets had been ripped up and all the pictures from the walls were thrown about the room.

  “They were looking for something” I said slowly to Jax as my eyes spanned the room.

  He spun around as he hadn’t heard me enter behind him. “Fuck babe.”

  I stood silent and calm as I narrowed my eyes. “She told them.”

  “Shit!” Jax hissed and came over to me.

  “She tell you she’d told them?”

  I shook my head and nibbled my bottom lip furiously “No…if she wasn’t dead, I’d fucking kill her right now!” I growled.

  I was so damn angry with her!

  “How could she do this to me? After everything we sorted out before she died!!”

  I walked over to the fireplace and picked up the smashed photograph of Aaron, me and Luce, taken on Luce’s twentieth birthday.

  “God Damn it!” I screamed as I threw it across the room.

  Bruce started barking wildly and Jax held a hand up to me as he went to investigate.

  Sinking into my ruined sofa I gazed around my home.

  Everything I had worked for, every piece of love and devotion I had put into it had gone…ruined.

  I knew they hadn’t found what they were looking for but I also knew that they wouldn’t stop the hunt until they recovered the prey… Me!

  “Shit Hot stuff” Boss gasped when he walked into the room.

  I looked up at him and shrugged “Just stuff right.”

  He gave me a pained look and came and sat beside me “Disadvantage of being famous E.” he said and I scoffed. “Disadvantage of having a mother like mine” I rectified.

  He gave me a confused expression but I shook my head as the others came in.

  “I have to clean up” I said unemotionally and Jax grabbed my hand. “I’ll get someone in babe” he offered but I shook my head.

  “No Jax. It’s my stuff” I said and then I saw it and my lungs gave up.

  Jax caught me and followed my gaze to the small framed picture that had been ripped in two.

  I screamed, loudly and uncontrollably as he went to retrieve the two small pieces of paper with the footprints of our baby.

  His fingers gently swept across the pink paint, dried long ago, as he bit his bottom lip and his chest heaved.

  He approached me, passed them to me, and then disappeared.

  Just walked out.

  Just…left.

  CHAPTER 39

  The guy’s had been brilliant and within a few hours, my house was liveable again and Mad had scoured the internet and ordered a replica suite but nothing would replace my baby’s footprints and it was the fact that some bastard was cruel enough to do a thing like that that hurt me.

  It just went to warn me who I was dealing with.

  Merciless bastards!

  Jax had returned an hour later, his eyes bloodshot and his shoulders stiff but he had swallowed it back and pitched in to help everybody else after Boss had dragged him into a private room to let loose.

  Mad had started to worry me. He was frequently plying for my attention in front of the others, touching me and wanting to be near me continually and I knew it was because of Jax’s presence. He had even grabbed the bedroom next to mine before the others could claim one; causing Jax to glare at him but Mad had just smirked back.

  Boss and Bruce had bonded like best buddies.

  No surprise there then!

  Jax wisely kept out of Bruce’s way as he worked his way around my home and I stalled at my bedroom door as I watched Jax quietly staring at the framed photo of him and me when we had attended a charity dinner dance, back when Room 103 had made it big in Britain; him in all his gorgeousness as he wore a tux and I had sprayed on a tight red cocktail dress.

  “You were so beautiful that day” he said softly without turning around, sensing my presence behind him. “Still are babe.”

  “As were you. As are you” I replied and he turned to me, a small smile lifted his lips as his eyes twinkled.

  “Jax?” I said softly.

  “Babe?”

  “I…I’m really struggling right now” I confessed awkwardly. His eyes lifted to mine and the pain in them was indescribable.

  “You nee
d it babe?”

  I nodded and clenched my fists. “It’s been over a year but this…and Kara’s picture…it’s…it’s eating me Jax, choking me” I stifled a sob but I knew it was coming, threatening to rip me apart.

  He strolled towards me and took each hand in his. “How do you feel babe?”

  I frowned in confusion but he nodded slightly, encouraging me to tell him but it wouldn’t help, just saying the things I felt out loud. It never did.

  “Angry. Scared. Consumed. Empty.” With each of my words he planted a small kiss against my jaw, his tongue flicking out to taste my skin and every one generated a huff of air from my lips.

  “Unloved. Guilty. Disgusting. Sad” I just wanted to keep going to earn another sweet but hot kiss.

  My body was firing on all cylinders as his mouth crept nearer to mine; each individual erotic graze launched another hiss of air from my lungs.

  I could feel the itch in my blood turn into a heat and the pressure that was pulsing through my body transformed into arousal, each of my words and every one of his kisses dampened down the craving of release and built the hunger for him.

  “Hot. Aroused. Desperate. Needy. Stimulated.”

  He groaned before his lips crashed onto mine and I whimpered at the contact but clung to him, feeding from him as he devoured me hungrily and dominantly.

  “Jax” I breathed as his mouth trailed down my throat, his hot lips wetting a route down to my collar bone and I held onto his strong biceps to hold myself up.

  “Babe…” he murmured as he found the swell of my breasts above the V in my t-shirt and ran his tongue across the edge. “…you smell fuckin good. I need you E. All the damn time babe, I need to breathe you, I need to feel you. I need to consume you and take you. Take you under me until you lose your damn mind and I find mine.”

  Holy Fuck! I was on fire.

  “I need you too baby” I whispered.

  His chest rumbled loudly as he came back up and took my mouth, making love to me with just his tongue.

  I couldn’t get enough of him as I fought back with my own, both of us duelling passionately as our hands roamed over each other, ravenously exploring one another’s bodies, taking our fill after such a long withdrawal.

  My back hit the wall and I hopped up and embraced his waist with my legs, pulling him further into me.

  It was like I could breathe, finally after two long years, I could take a breath; a huge inhalation, a ginormous gulp of air that slammed into my lungs and flooded life throughout my whole body. Synapses lit my brain and brought my dried ravaged nerve endings to life, feeding each of them voraciously and my heart finally took a beat, like a lightning bolt had unfrozen it and restarted it.

  He turned and walked us over to the bed, laying us slowly down as he continued his own brand of kissing. The brand I thought had gone bust and sold out so long ago.

  My shirt was lifted over my head as he lay next to me, his eyes roaming every inch of my bare torso with a blaze that ignited my own fire.

  He cupped my breasts with both hands, softly caressing them as his mouth found my ribcage and his tongue moistly travelled down to the waist of my jeans where it continued to idolise me around the edge of the band.

  My hands found his hair and I moaned as he undid the button and lowered them down my hips with my knickers, immediately slipping a finger into me, prompting a loud groan from me.

  He took them off completely, then crawled back up to me and slung each of my legs over his shoulders and growled…deep and gruffly.

  Christ! Why did he do that? I was practically begging.

  I moaned long and loud as his tongue swept the length of me.

  “Missed your honey babe” he breathed as he began his tongue fucking and I arched into him, my pussy controlling my hips as I lifted them further onto his mouth.

  He worked me in a wild, panting mess as his tongue flicked rapidly at my clit whilst his fingers stroked my internal walls, forcing my orgasm to build hastily.

  “You ready to scream babe?” he smirked up at me sexily, before he slipped his finger into my anus and wrapped his lips around my nub and sucked.

  And I did just as he’d predicted…I screamed, loudly, breathlessly and wildly as my body fought between the pleasure and the pain.

  “Jesus” I whispered as he suddenly straddled my body, his huge cock in his hand, as he pumped it urgently until he shot his spunk all over my chest. The warm creamy liquid covered the whole of my breasts and I climaxed again just at the sight of him.

  “Eve” he roared out as his head flung backwards fiercely and his hips flexed until he’d emptied everything he held.

  He stayed spanned over me as he placed the flat of his hand into his own cum and started to spread it around my upper body, smearing it over my breasts and up my throat. It was utterly dominant and brazen and I loved it.

  I took his hand and licked it with the whole of my tongue, from bottom to top, devouring every single drop of him.

  His eyes darkened as his cock bounced to life again and before I took a breath he was inside me, his hips rocking into mine urgently and frantically, as our carnal appetite ruled us both and we rode each other hard; him over me, me over him, back to chest, hands and knees and then chest to chest as I straddled his hips while he knelt before me.

  His hands and mouth were everywhere, tasting and touching every single inch of me as he moaned out erotic words and shameful requests in my ear and my body loved every single fucking second of it.

  My climax built so fast it shocked me when it surged through me and I did something stupid as I was overtaken in the moment…

  I told him I loved him!

  Loudly, angrily and passionately.

  Just shouted it out there at him, not to him. In fact I think I screamed it at him and as soon as it left my mouth he exploded into me, a loud cry burst from him as he hit the tip of me, rebounded off it and then filled every single bit of me with his sperm.

  I had stiffened as soon as I had said it and Jax eyed me curiously after he had come back down to earth. “Babe?”

  I smiled tightly and shook my head “I’m good.”

  He sighed and rolled over but then turned on his side and looked at me deeply, his eyes boring into mine and seeking out my soul.

  “Need to hear it again babe.”

  I cringed and shook my head. “Was just habit Jax” I lied.

  His breathing deepened and I watched his chest rise and fall heavily as he bit into his lower lip like his life depended on it. “The fuck babe?”

  “God damn it Jax. What the hell do you want from me?” I leapt off the bed and pulled everything back on as he lay and just watched me. “You babe. Just you.”

  I stared at him incredulously. “You gonna give up America for me then Jax? Stay here and break the guys’ hearts?”

  His face said it all.

  No!

  “No. Didn’t think so” I turned away from him so he couldn’t see the pain on my face.

  I was so stupid. Such a bloody fool for letting him back in once more.

  I knew he would break me all over again and I shouldn’t have risked it, should have bit back the urge but he was like a damn drug, my need for him was too intense and I couldn’t fight the hunger and the ache.

  I had swapped one addiction for another and this one would be harder to overcome.

  This one could kill me.

  “I have to get to the hospital. It’s near visiting time” I said bluntly before I left the room, left him immobile and quiet on my bed, as he realised the truth in my words.

  We were both stuck in a vicious circle.

  Our careers destroyed our hearts.

  CHAPTER 40

  Evie was snuggled against her Mummy as me and all the guy’s entered the hospital room, weighed down with balloons, teddies and chocolates.

  It had only been because they were famous rock stars that the Duty Sister had let us all in, and I had rolled my eyes at each of their flirtatious banter to
suck up to her.

  I stood and took a steady breath before I approached her. My heart was both soaring and breaking at the same time.

  Luce gave me a sad but encouraging smile as I emotionally settled my hand on my niece’s mass of brown hair.

  “She’s beautiful” I whispered.

  Luce stood up and handed her to me, resting her into my arms so I could cradle her.

  “Hey Evie” I breathed as Jax came to stand beside me, his huge frame supporting me both physically and emotionally.

  This should have been me with my daughter, but now, it never would be and Jax knew exactly how I was feeling as he leaned into me. “You’re the cool aunt” he murmured and I smiled and nodded.

  He was right. I would be the cool aunt; the aunt who Evie could go to when she needed to talk about sex and boyfriends, when she couldn’t tell her mother. The aunt that would take her to the park and the zoo, and shower her in the gifts that had been refused by her parents.

  I would be that aunt. And I would love every single day with her.

  “Evie Kara Hudson” I told Jax whose eyes widened and a gentle smile lifted his lips. “Evie Kara Hudson” he repeated softly as he palmed her tiny head.

  “Jax” Aaron muttered from the corner of the room and I groaned to myself as Jax turned and Aaron tilted his chin towards the outside corridor demanding Jax outside the room.