Shocking Heaven

by Sidebottom, D. H.

  “It’s gone babe!” Jax informed me and I frowned dubiously at him.

  “What the hell do you mean?”

  Boss shot Jax a look before Jax took my hand and led me over to one of the waiting room chairs. “It’s just blown up babe” he said quietly.

  I barked out a laugh and scowled at him “Jax. I’m not that stupid. Try again.”

  Boss crouched in front of me and settled a hand on my thigh. “He’s not joking baby” he whispered.

  My eyes shot from one to the other as it sank in. “Oh my God. That was quick” I breathed to myself.

  “What was quick babe?” Jax asked suspiciously.

  “What?” I frowned.

  “Babe. Serious shit babe. Clue me in” he insisted sternly but I continued to stare at him in shock.

  “The guys!” I cried as it occurred to me that they were in the house.

  “They’re fine E” Boss assured me quickly.

  “Babe. Need to hear you” Jax pursued urgently.

  I shook my head at him. “I…I…Oh God!” I was suddenly struggling to breathe and I grabbed at my chest as my lungs screamed in agony.

  “Breathe babe” Jax instructed softly. “Look at me E” his hands cupped my face gently as he turned me to look at him.

  He mimicked pulling in a breath “Hold!” then he blew out and I copied. He repeated for a few times, his eyes fixed on mine softly as I followed his every move.

  “Good girl” he nodded as he replicated one last breathing technique.

  Bill appeared beside me with a glass tumbler containing a shot of whisky and I downed it as I eyed him sceptically. “I keep it in for Bruce” he winked and I snorted and nodded slyly.

  My phone was ringing again and I groaned, knowing it would be Leah as the alarm system would have notified her to its activation.

  Jax pulled it from my bag and answered it. “She knows” was all he said before he disconnected.

  Boss scoffed at Jax’s bluntness but Jax just shrugged.

  It rang again and he glowered at me. “Is it always like this for you?” he asked and I nodded. “That’s my life” I told him nonchalantly.

  “The fuck babe! Even Room 103 don’t put up with this kind of shit!” he chided but I shrugged again.

  “Need to slow the fuck down babe” he told me before he answered my phone again.

  Turning his back to me, he walked over to the other side of the room and I flinched when I noticed his shoulders stiffen. The anger radiating off him soon became drowning and I swallowed desperately against it.

  Boss glanced at me and then back to Jax as Jax turned around.

  He was furious as he glared at me and I knew immediately it was ‘them’ informing me of what they had done.

  He dropped the phone from his ear and stalked across the room to me, his raging eyes never letting mine free as his jaw tensed tightly and his teeth bit his lip vehemently.

  “Words babe. Now” he growled as he loomed over me and I shrank back into the chair.

  Boss regarded Jax cautiously and Bill took a step away from the wrath of Jax.

  “It doesn’t involve you Jax” I said more confidently than I felt.

  “The fuck babe!” he hissed and I blinked against his anger. “You either tell me E, or I’ll ring the fucker back and sort it myself!” he warned and I cringed.

  “You really don’t wanna do that Jax. They’re not nice people” I warned him quietly.

  He started laughing then; indignantly, loudly and sarcastically. “Ya’ think babe?” he scoffed.

  I removed my gaze from his and just looked at the floor; anywhere would do as long as I wasn’t looking at his furious face.

  “The fuck babe. You should’ve clued me in” he chastised and I shrugged at him. “And what ya’ gonna do Jax? Go beat ‘em up. Put a couple of bullets in their heads. Tie ‘em to the train tracks?” I mocked.

  You can guess what happened can’t you?

  You’d be correct…he was pulling me through the vet’s front door within seconds, straight across the car park and then I was bundled into the back of the car, him following me into the cramped space.

  “Don’t fuck me off babe” he growled and I pushed against his chest, striving for space between us.

  “You’re fucking me off right now Jax. Move!”

  His chest rose heavily as he sucked in a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down before he looked back at me. I ignored the worry and anguish on his face and stared straight back at him.

  There was nothing he could do to help.

  It was that simple.

  “Look babe. I know you loved your dad and I know he loved you but…”

  I snorted loudly at that line and Jax narrowed his eyes on me. “Babe?”

  I cursed myself for my lack of control and shook my head at him.

  He inhaled deeply and grasped my chin. “Babe. You’re trapping those words again and I really need to hear ‘em now. I wanna help you babe.”

  “Christ Jax. Why bother? Eh? You’re fuckin’ off back to America Monday. I’ll be right at the back of your mind while you fuck some other girl so…so just fuck off and leave me alone!” I shouted at him, finally snapping at his persistent interrogating.

  His growl was loud in the confines of the car and I flinched against it. “The fuck babe!”

  His fist smashed into the headrest beside me before he flung himself out of the car and took off.

  I sat in the car, watching his body shrink further into the distance, his long legs carrying him briskly down the road and before he turned the corner, his fist smashed into the wall forcefully.

  The tears came then. Tears for our doomed relationship, tears for my house, tears for the worry of the mob I was dealing with and finally, tears for me, for my fucked up life.

  I had fought so hard in the last two years to make something of myself, my final promise to my mother, but if I was honest with myself, was it everything I wanted?

  When I glanced in the direction of where Jax had disappeared I was suddenly wondering if my career was as important as other things?

  CHAPTER 45

  Boss glanced through the car window before he climbed in beside me. I had moved into the driver’s seat but I had just sat staring at nothing for a long while.

  “Jax?” Boss asked as he belted up.

  I shrugged at him then smashed my hand against the steering wheel, just for the hell of it.

  Boss squeezed my thigh and I smiled woefully at him. “Why us Boss?”

  He shook his head, sadness covering his face. “I dunno hot stuff. You two were born to be together but sometimes fates a bit of a bastard and tends to rip everything apart.”

  I nodded firmly, completely agreeing with him. “I just…I love him too much, ya’ know” I told him openly “It always hurts so fucking much with Jax. Two years and I still couldn’t forget him.”

  We both sat in silence for a while until Boss spoke “He told me he’d asked you to come with us.”

  I smiled and nodded at him. “Yeah but…life tends to get in the way” I sighed as I turned my face to the window, hiding the pain in my face.

  “Life is what you make it E. Yours alone; yours to control, yours to fight for and yours to take. Fucking take it E. Take what you can, cos’ no-one out there will give it you.”

  I frowned at him then smiled “When did you get so smart?”

  He shrugged. “I had four Weetabix this morning” he told me, nodding with respect for himself. “With a banana” he added seriously, very impressed with himself now.

  I stared at him for a while, and then we both burst out into laughter, huge rolling fits of giggles that brought tears to my eyes.

  My God I loved this man!

  “You’re gonna need to book into a hotel Boss, I’ve got something I need to do first.” I told him as we settled down and he eyed me sceptically.

  “If you think I’m leaving you alone hot stuff, you can think again” he smiled meaningfully and I rolled my
eyes.

  “Boss, I’m not gonna give in to it after eighteen months. I just need to…”

  He held up his hand. “Don’t care baby. I’m with you.” he said casually and turned away from me to end the discussion.

  Sighing heavily I started the engine “Fine but you stay in the car.”

  He turned back to me and nodded happily as he began to skim through my iPod.

  “Do you need a wee cos’ it’s a bit of a drive?” I asked him sarcastically.

  He scoffed loudly. “Bushes, hot stuff!” he declared without casting me a glance.

  Men!!!

  ***

  I cut the engine as I pulled up alongside the cemetery and Boss snorted loudly. “If you think I’m waiting in here alone you can think again hot stuff” he told me with a stern shake of his head.

  I regarded him in bewilderment and realised he wasn’t joking.

  “Boss, I think your safe in a car outside the cemetery” I chuckled and he glared at my humour.

  I sucked on my lips to bite back the giggle, but he was as white as a sheet and my eyes widened in astonishment. A big brute like him and he was frightened of being alone in a graveyard.

  “Fine” I huffed.

  He nodded frantically and clambered out of the car, eyeing the churchyard warily.

  “You wanna hold my hand Boss?” I mocked but he nodded again and grabbed for my hand.

  It was getting really difficult to bite down the laughter so I just walked towards where I needed to be.

  “Your Mom?” Boss asked as he felt the falter in my step when we approached a gravestone.

  I nodded solemnly. “And my Dad.”

  I squeezed Boss’s hand and he dropped mine. “I just need a moment” I asked. He nodded and took a few steps back but I noticed not too far.

  I smirked when I saw his fearful eyes flitting from gravestone to gravestone with horror.

  “You’ll be fine” I told him as I took a step nearer to my parents.

  “Hey Mom” I started as I traced her name on the stone. “You’ll be pleased to know that thanks to you, I now have a gang of merciless bastards blowing up things around me” I told her sardonically.

  I half expected the backhander at my cheek but all was quiet so I carried on.

  “Jax is back. He wants me to move across the world with him but…well, you understand. You’re the one that would understand but you’re not here to tell me so…” I sat down at the edge of the grave and started uprooting all the weeds and tidying the spot.

  “I shouldn’t have put you in here with him. I’m sorry, I just didn’t think at the time. I’ve been trying to find my father’s resting place Mom but no luck so far. It’s pretty hard when all I have is a name and ‘Gerry Smith’ is pretty common…who knew?”

  Taking a deep breath, I moved on to the other person sharing the spot in the ground with my mother.

  “Dad.”

  The words seemed to be struggling to come out and I stared at his name for a while.

  “I loved you Dad. Hell, I idolised you but…”

  I blew out long deep breaths as the tingle in my veins started itching and my brain released the usual jolts of electricity.

  “How could you…?” I whispered as a tear rolled down my cheek. “Thirteen years of trusting you, thirteen years of worshipping the very ground you walked on. You ruined her life, took everything from her, which in turn ruined mine Dad. You…You took my father from me, took my mother’s love but what hurts the most is…you took my life when you sent those men into me…you turned me into something I don’t…I don’t really like.”

  I felt Boss sit beside me and I realised I was crying louder than I thought. He didn’t speak, or even look at me, just took my hand in his for support.

  I swallowed loudly and stared at the etching on the gravestone. “I…I…don’t know what to do Dad? Do you want me to give in and give it them? Do you want me to hang on to it? I…just…”

  Christ, it was such a mess, and all I needed was some direction, but I knew I would get none here today.

  “Is it worth it?” I finished quietly. Boss squeezed my hand tightly and I returned the gesture.

  “I think I forgive you Dad, but I’ll never forget what you did to my Mom or my father…never. But I’m the one that has to live with that, not you. I’m the one left behind to deal with your betrayal, your selfishness and all the lies, all the damn secrets that changed my life forever.”

  Plucking the last weed from the ground, I ran my fingers over both their names. “Anyway, I’m here to say goodbye. I won’t be back. You’re in my head and my heart, not here, under the soil, under the weeds and dirt. My heart.” I whispered.

  I stood blew them a kiss each and walked away. Boss’s hand held mine tightly as he guided me back to the car.

  He took the keys from me before we both climbed in and after scrolling through his iPod he played Amy Grant’s ‘I will remember’ as we pulled away.

  ***

  I groaned as I saw all the paparazzi camped outside our hotel but Boss circled round to the backstreet and pulled into the underground car park.

  Luckily my car had tinted windows, so the small group that had resided here didn’t know who we were as we drove straight past them.

  I frowned when I saw Jack waiting beside the elevator and Boss shrugged at me.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked him as I climbed out.

  “Heard what happened so thought I’d come up.” I smiled appreciatively at him “I’m back down tomorrow though.”

  He nodded in acknowledgement “Yeah, I know but I’ve come up to sort everything out with the police and insurance people. After what happened, you need me here E.”

  I sighed and nodded as we entered the elevator and rose to the main foyer.

  The receptionist smiled widely at me as I approached. “Oh my, Eve Hudson” she gushed and I grinned at her. “Hey.”

  She leaned forward “I know you’re probably sick of this, but could you sign something for my daughter, she adores you?”

  I nodded and signed a slip of paper, adding a personal message for her daughter, before she handed me my key card.

  “Mr Cooper and his friends have already arrived and are currently in residence” she told me and I nodded.

  Jack escorted me into the elevator, his hand placed at the bottom of my spine protectively. “Hold on” he said as he checked out the lift before we entered.

  Rolling my eyes, I followed him in. “E, Christ, you need to be more alert now” he scolded and I nodded dutifully.

  “I’m driving you back down to London tomorrow so I’ll send someone for your car. Leah has had some clothes and basic necessities sent to your room here.” He told me and I smiled at my PA’s initiative.

  She was sometimes a bloody nuisance but I knew I wouldn’t survive day to day living without her.

  “God bless Leah” I said and Jack nodded then turned to Boss. “She also had some things delivered for you guys.”

  Boss reared back and regarded him “Wow. I’ve changed my mind about your PA, E.” he chuckled and I nodded slyly at him. “I’ll give her that, she’s damn efficient” I agreed.

  Boss hugged me tight as we stopped at his door on the way to mine. “I’m leaving about 4am tomorrow, so I’ll see you down there” I told him. He nodded at me before I made my way to my room.

  Jack entered before me and scoped out my room before he left me alone, but before I relaxed, I phoned everybody I needed to, then kicked off my shoes and after ordering coffee, I slumped on the sofa.

  After my coffee was delivered, I pulled off my clothes and stepped in the shower, relishing the beat of the water on my back.

  I sighed in relaxation as the stream massaged my aching back and legs. Before I knew what I was doing, I was sinking to the floor, my body heaving in heart-wrenching sobs, as everything came to a head in my frazzled mind.

  I knew the main reason was the thought of having to say goodbye to Jax and the guy’
s once again.

  My heart was hurting already and I hoped my mini breakdown now would stop it from happening when they actually left.

  Don’t lie E. You know damn well that wasn’t gonna happen!

  I was suddenly lifted and pulled onto Jax’s naked lap. I stared at him in surprise for a while, then gave in and wept uncontrollably into him as he took all my sorrow and pain.

  “How did you get in?” I hiccupped eventually.

  He smiled softly as his thumbs swept under my eyes and removed my tears.

  “We’re sharing babe” he stated bluntly.

  Oh okay.

  His fingers started massaging my scalp as he turned me around so my back was to him and I moaned in delight. “That’s nice” I breathed.

  He chuckled softly and I smiled slyly as I felt his erection grow beneath me.

  “You like it too Jax?” I smirked.

  He growled playfully as he reached up to the shelf for the shampoo.

  My groans got louder as he continued to wash my hair, then he lifted me and sank me down onto his firm cock.

  “Oooh that’s even better” I sighed as he groaned when he reached the tip of me.

  We didn’t move, just stayed like that, him inside me, as he finished my hair.

  “I feel ya’ babe” he whispered in my ear as he took my lobe between his teeth and bit down gently.

  “I feel ya’ too baby” I replied.