If I Fall...

by Jennifer Christy

  Matthew parked the truck at the bottom of a trail that started at a place called the Grand Wash. They hiked for about three-quarters of a mile, when Matthew turned and pointed out the Wingate Sandstone walls to the right of them. It was a sheer, flat, and vertical surface of reddish stone topped with lighter rock and sagebrush above that.

  Further on up the trail, they reached level ground, and she could see the Navajo Dome above them, which was simply a large mound of white rock. They soon came to a fork in the trail. He took the left and after a bit, stopped to point out the Kayenta Sandstone Bowl with its red and mauve strips of rock. JD marveled over the sweeping lines of the canyon walls and the intense color of the rock, which, oddly enough, reminded her of a slice of raspberry cheesecake. A bit further on, the saw Cassidy’s Arch in the distance.

  She had the impression of looking down through the gigantic pelvis of a dinosaur half-buried in the red earth. It wasn’t the grand arch she was expecting, for it wasn’t graceful and smooth. It was jumbled and twisted and odd-looking. They walked along the edge of a cliff toward the arch until they could climb up and across its rounded surface. Matthew strode across the arch and threw open his arms, breathing in the cool canyon air. She looked down. Her legs nearly buckled beneath her. It was a hundred-foot drop, or more.

  “Come on,” he called, waving her over.

  She shook her head. Matthew laughed as he jogged back to her, seizing her hands.

  “C’mon, don’t be afraid,” he coaxed.

  She resisted, digging in her heels. Matthew ducked and flipped her easily over his shoulder.

  “No, Matthew. Don’t. I’m afraid of heights,” she wailed, kicking furtively.

  “I’ll keep you safe,” he assured her as he walked out to the middle of the arch where he set her down gently. She refused to let go of him as he squatted and patted the ground next to him.

  “Sit, you’ll feel better,” he said. Her heart was hammering in her ears. She glanced past him to see how far from the edge they were.

  “We’re safe here. Sit down. You can grab my arm. I won’t let you fall,” he offered her his right arm as he sat down and crossed his legs. She lowered herself with him as she hugged his arm tightly.

  “Well?” he asked. “What do you think?” He took her left hand, and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. She managed a weak smile, looking around her at the majestic view spread before her.

  “Very nice,” she said softly. “This is where Butch hid out from the law?”

  “So the old stories say.”

  “Seems like a nice place to hide,” she muttered.

  An eagle took wing not far from where they sat. It had been nearly invisible from its perch on one of several ledges along the face of the canyon wall. Matthew shifted a little as he watched the eagle. JD shifted with him, looking down to make sure she wasn’t in any danger of slipping off the arch as she clutched Matthew’s bicep. When the Eagle disappeared, JD turned back to Matthew and planted her forehead on his shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut against her wheeling senses.

  “You’ll be alright,” he soothed. JD opened her eyes, looking along his arm to where his left hand gripped hers. She lifted her finger to trace the symbol, distracted from her fear. She felt his muscles tense, his whole body going rigid as she traced the line of his tattoo. She suddenly remembered where she had seen that symbol before. “Your tattoo,” she said as she looked up at him, “It’s the same symbol as the carving on that box in the schoolhouse,” she said.

  Matthew shrugged. “Hmm, how about that?” he said, then looked at her with his beguiling grin, but his eyes betrayed him. She could see it and knew it was something more than sheer coincidence.

  “What does it mean?” She asked as she traced it again. Matthew pulled his hand away, and covered it with his other hand, looking uneasy.

  “It’s nothing. Just some dumb thing I did a long time ago. It’s just coincidence that it looks like the one on the box.” He shrugged off his back pack, took water bottles and sandwiches out, and handed her one of each. JD looked at him, considering. She didn’t know how she knew it, but she was sure he wasn’t telling her the whole truth.

  “Come on, Matthew,” she said, as she unwrapped her peanut butter and honey sandwich. “What does the symbol mean?” She took a bite, chewing slowly.

  Matthew took a long drink from his water bottle and shook his head. “I told you,” he muttered. “It means nothing.” He looked down, slowly removing the plastic wrap from his sandwich.

  “Then why did you get the tattoo?” she persisted. If she kept it up, she felt she might be able to get past Matthew’s resistance and get to his core, the true Matthew. Everybody had secrets, JD knew. She longed to know his.

  He lifted his head, angled it a little away from her and looked at her askance, as if sizing her up. JD smiled, waiting.

  “If I told you, would you keep it secret?” he asked in a low voice. He didn’t crack a grin, and JD wondered if he was playing another joke.

  “There are no such things as secrets,” she retorted. “Once told, it’s not a secret anymore.” She grinned at him.

  Matthew’s eyes narrowed and his voice deepened. “Not unless you stake your life on it,” he responded. Her smiled faded as she quickly reassessed the conversation. He suddenly grinned. “Just kidding, sweetheart,” he said and gave her a sudden, firm push.

  The push was hard enough that she dropped her water bottle to brace herself to keep from falling backwards. The water bottle rolled away and drop off the edge of the cliff. Matthew tried to snatch it, but missed. JD leaned back and scrabbled away from the edge, heart racing, terrified and shocked by what he had just done. Matthew laughed. “Just joking, darlin’,” he drawled. “I wasn’t really going to hurt you.” Matthew offered her his bottle of water. She ignored it, trying to control her breathing to regain her composure.

  “Can we go now?” she said, shaking visibly.

  Matthew cast her a strange look. “I’m sorry I scared you. Really,” he offered, but it didn’t sound sincere. JD started to rise on shaky legs, her arms outstretched to keep her balance as she inched across the arch to the safety of the wide path beyond. Matthew rose and gathered up their things. Then catching up to her, he reached out, grasped her hand and led her back to the path. Once they were on the path, he wouldn’t let go of her hand.

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

  JD looked up at him. “You scared me. I don’t like that. I just don’t like heights. I don’t like to be scared.”

  Matthew nodded and released her, letting her lead the way back to the truck. JD tried to shake the unease that had settled upon her and darkened their moment together. The look on his face when he gave her that push toward the edge, bothered her. He obviously thought it was funny, but she thought it was immature. She climbed inside when Matthew opened the door for her. Before he shut the door, he apologized again.

  “Just take me back to the campsite please,” she said and stared out the passenger side window. She wasn’t so sure she liked this side of Matthew. All she had wanted to know was what he was hiding and what he did made her wonder if he did it on purpose to derail her from pursuing the meaning of the symbol on the box and on his hand.

  It was almost evening when they returned to their campsite. Matthew rigged a hammock between a tree and the back of his truck. He climbed in it and as it swung gently, he held out his arms for JD to join him. She hesitated, still feeling upset about his childish behavior earlier. Matthew seemed to sense the reason for her resistance.

  “C’mon. I said I was sorry. You going to hold that against me for the rest of my life?” His gentle smile and outstretched arms were too much for her to resist, especially when he gave her a pouting look and blinked his eyes rapidly. She sighed and awkwardly climbed into the hammock with him. It swayed drastically and threatened to dump them both. JD screamed with laughter as he grabbed onto her.

  With a few more adjustments, they managed to get coordinated and soon
she was resting comfortably at his side with her head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her and stroked her cheek as they swung slowly back and forth. The sensation lulled her to sleep, but somewhere in the realm between consciousness and slumber, she thought she heard him whisper, “You’re mine, JD.”

  Chapter 18

  Sunlight streamed in through her bedroom window, warming her eyelids and beckoning her slowly from sleep. In that delicious moment between sleep and wakefulness, JD’s thoughts were already in a state of confusion. Something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t quite sort it out. She drew in a deep breath as memories began spilling into her mind. Matthew had brought her home late Saturday night, and then picked her up again early Sunday morning for breakfast and a tour of Wayne County in his truck. They had stayed up very late to watch the stars from cliffs above Torrey as they talked about all their favorite things. She remembered being dropped off at her apartment and the passionate kisses of farewell before Matthew drove away and she stumbled off to bed, too tired to change into her pajamas.

  JD’s eyes snapped open. “What day is it?” she asked herself, looking around and noting how light it was in her room. She fumbled for her phone to check the time. Ten o’clock! “Stink!” she nearly shouted. She scrambled out of bed and hit the shower for a quick scrub down, growling and berating herself for slacking off.

  With her hair up in a ponytail and lips glossed, she dashed out the door, into her car, and floored it to the site by ten-fifteen. Matthew and his crew were already there.

  Matthew was sitting in the cab of his truck with the door opened conversing with his crew when she pulled in. He shot her a strange look, but said nothing. She couldn’t fathom what his look meant as she climbed out of her car. Was he irritated that she was late? She gave him a questioning look, but he ignored it as he continued speaking with his crew. She shrugged it off. She was the boss after all - she could come and go as she pleased.

  Once in her office and settled into her chair, she checked her phone messages and e-mail. She sighed in relief when she found no messages from Rick or anyone else for that matter, but her reprieve was short-lived. The moment she stood up to get a cup of coffee, the phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID. Dread seized her as she recognized the number and picked up the receiver.

  “Hello Mr. Blackwell,” she said with as much brightness as she could muster, which wasn’t much.

  “Ms. Halstead,” Mr. Blackwell responded in a booming voice. “I stopped by earlier for our 8 am progress meeting, but you weren’t in.”

  JD closed her eyes as she felt her stomach knot up. Her mind raced to come up with a convincing lie to explain her absence. Matthew’s strange look at her earlier now made sense to her. It had been a you-are-in-trouble look.

  No reasonable ruse came to her. She was going to be forced to reveal the truth. She wondered what Mr. Blackwell’s response would be if she told him that she had overslept because she had spent every possible waking moment with one of her contractors who she had completely fallen in love with. Would Mr. Blackwell possibly understand?

  Not likely, she thought.

  She opened her mouth to respond, hoping for something to come to her, but Mr. Blackwell continued, “Your demo guy said that you had gone to get them coffee and donuts. Ms. Halstead, you are the project manager. They can fetch their own coffee and donuts.”

  “Uh, yes sir,” she stammered. She didn’t know whether to thank Matthew or throw a box of donuts at him.

  “Don’t forget that, Ms. Halstead. I will be by soon to go over some things I want changed. I’ve already spoken to Rick, but I want to go over them with you personally,” he said.

  “Sure,” she responded automatically. He was the client after all.

  “Good. See you then.” He hung up. JD set the receiver down and sank back into her chair; she was shaking when Matthew poked his head in through the door.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Donuts?” she asked with her brows raised, tapping her fingers on the desk.

  Matthew spread his hands helplessly. “Best I could come up with. He was really mad you weren’t here. That guy is really uptight.”

  “Tell me about it,” she grumbled.

  “He’s not your biggest problem right now, though,” Matthew said JD heard the tone in his drop to a level of seriousness that wasn’t like him.

  “What?”

  He shrugged a shoulder. “We cleaned it up as best we could, but I thought you should know.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Come on out here,” Matthew motioned with his head. JD followed him outside. He headed for the building and waited for her just outside the doors. When she joined him on the threshold, he pointed at the walls. She smelled it before her eyes registered what she was seeing. The walls were smeared with animal dung and garbage. Black flies buzzed over the filth. She covered her mouth and nose in shock and disbelief.

  “What the…?”

  “You’ve got vandals,” Matthew said.

  JD quickly stepped back out into the parking lot to cleanse her lungs of the stench. Matthew reached out and touched her arm. “You going to be okay?”

  Turning away from him, she broke his contact. “I’m fine,” she said. Just great! She fumed. Matthew followed her into her office and shut the door as she sat down and whipped out the yellow pages.

  “What are you going to do?” he asked, sitting down on the corner of her desk and reaching out a comforting hand on her shoulder.

  “I’m going to call a security company, because obviously, the law enforcement in this town isn’t capable of doing its job,” she said with bite. Matthew chuckled. JD smiled grimly in return as she found the number to a local security office. Before she could dial the number, Matthew put his hand over the phone and pulled her to her feet. He drew her in for a tight hug and kissed her once, then twice, and smiled at her smile, and had just leaned in for some more serious kissing, when someone outside called for him.

  Matthew growled with annoyance and then kissed her nose before he hurried out. She watched him go and sighed involuntarily. Matthew was too distracting.

  Turning back to her desk, she called the security company and got a very friendly lady on the phone who said they’d send someone out that evening. JD smiled with satisfaction, thinking how nice it was to have such a prompt reply for once.

  Next, she dialed Rick’s number and as she waited for him to pick up, she opened her laptop and retrieved the file that contained the electronic versions of the blueprints.

  “This is Rick,” he said automatically.

  “Hi Rick, it’s JD. How are things?” she asked routinely.

  “As good as usual. How about yourself?” he returned.

  “Good. I got word Mr. Blackwell made some changes to the plans?”

  “Minor things only. Cosmetic stuff which won’t affect the schedule,” he said. JD could hear the rustling of paper as Rick opened his notes. He went over them with her. He was right, much to JD’s relief. Nothing too difficult.

  “Other than that, how about you tell me how things are really at the site?” Rick said. JD hesitated to answer right away. He had known JD her entire life and with that familiarity, she feared he might be able to sense what was really going on. Did he suspect her relationship with Matthew? Impossible, she thought. He hadn’t been to the site since that first meeting with Mr. Blackwell before the project began and hadn’t met any of the contractors.

  “Everything is progressing as planned,” she related easily.

  “I saw in your report that demo was delayed two days. Why?”

  JD swallowed. Should she reveal the hidden room and the box inside it? She remembered Matthew’s warning and without a moment’s hesitation, decided to go against her better judgment and say nothing about it.

  “My fault. I forgot to order in dumpsters. The contractor had to use his truck for the first couple of days to haul away the debris,” she said, apologetically.

  “
Julia,” Rick said softly, “That doesn’t sound like you, forgetting little details like that. Is everything ok?”

  “Yes,” she said quickly, now wishing she hadn’t revealed her lack in planning. “Everything is fine. Just anxious to get going on the project that I overlooked that part. I’m sorry.”

  “I know you want to make a good impression on Mr. Blackwell and your grandfather. Slow down. It’s not a race, ok? Measure twice, cut once,” he said gently.

  “Yes Rick,” she intoned automatically. There was a long stretch of silence on the phone before Rick said, “Is there something else going on, Julia?”

  “Everything is good,” she insisted. “I’ve got this, Rick. Really.”

  “Ok,” Rick acquiesced. “I won’t push, but if you need to talk, please call. I’m here to mentor you through your first project.”

  “I know, Rick and I thank you,” she responded brightly. “I’ve got to go. I’ve got a meeting in just a few moments,” she lied. She instantly felt odd and dismissed it. She didn’t need Rick’s scrutiny.

  “Ok. Go get ‘em tiger,” he said. JD said her goodbyes and hung up, feeling ill at ease. Rick was suspicious and she knew she hadn’t given him any good reason not to be.

  With a stomach growling from a lack of breakfast, JD snacked on donuts until waiting for Mr. Blackwell’s arrival. She didn’t dare leave in case she missed him again and it annoyed her that he hadn’t given her a confirmed time for their meeting.

  Mr. Blackwell finally arrived at lunchtime when Matthew and his crew took a break to head to the local café for lunch.

  “Can I get you something?” Matthew had offered before he left.

  “A chocolate milkshake,” JD said, then pinched the skin at the bridge of her nose, “and a salad. But I really need that milkshake,” she looked up at Matthew with desperation.

  “It must be bad,” he said, reaching out and cupping her cheek. “I’ll be back with your order.” With a wink and a quick peck at her cheek, he was gone.