Corrupt Idol

by Dinah Harper

  “Want to go for a drive?” he asked.

  “Yes.” She couldn’t stay in this house that felt like an empty tomb. “Let me get my purse.”

  Dad took her Jeep, which left the SUV. By mutual accord, he slid into the driver’s seat while she got in on the passenger side. The rain stopped as they left the house. The cloud cover gave them a break from the insufferable heat. She rested her head against the glass and tried to control her roiling emotions. Lynne was in a better place. That’s all that mattered, right? She sighed heavily. Life wasn’t that simple. What if Dad couldn’t pull out of this? What would he do now that he didn’t have Lynne to take care of? How would he spend the rest of his life if he didn’t have a partner by his side?

  She rolled down the window as Jesse sped down the highway. Her hair was gonna be a tangled mess, but she had a backup of everything in her purse and really… nothing mattered anymore. Not her bills, not what her future held, or what people thought. All that mattered was the here and now. Life was so fucking short.

  When he turned off the highway, she whipped her head around. “Jesse?”

  “I need a moment.”

  “But...” Her voice died when she noticed he was sweating profusely and his chest was moving rapidly beneath his shirt. “Are you okay?”

  “I can’t breathe.”

  He screeched to a stop in a small park, which was deserted this early in the morning. Before he put the car in park, he had his door open. He strode away while he yanked on his tie. He stopped beneath a tree and braced his hand on the trunk as he bent over. She watched him for a moment before she slipped from the car and walked across the wet grass. She pressed against his back and wrapped her arms around him.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  His hand landed over hers and gripped hard. She held on tight as his body shook from the force of his grief. It was hard dealing with her own emotions, but listening to him struggle to contain his pain hurt even more. She wasn’t sure how long they stayed there, but she looked up when she felt the first fat drops of oncoming rain.

  “Jesse, come on. We have to get in the car.”

  She slid around to his front and saw that he was wearing the same glazed look Dad had. She slipped an arm around his waist and led him back to the car. She pushed him into the passenger’s seat before she ran around to the driver’s side just as the heavens opened up and it began to pour. He sat back in the seat with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. He had undone the top buttons of his shirt, baring his throat. His tie hung loose around his neck.

  When she reached for the keys, he grabbed her wrist. “Not yet.”

  “But…”

  “Give me a minute.”

  She glanced at the clock and saw they had over an hour to kill. Rain tapped the windshield in an odd pattern. She was thankful for the rain guards so she could crack the window for air. She glanced at Jesse. A muscle flexed in his jaw as he fought to control his emotions. Even as she watched him, a tear slipped out of the corner of his eye.

  Her heart clenched. “Jesse.”

  “I knew when I came home that it would end like this,” he said hoarsely. “I knew what to expect, but it doesn’t get easier.”

  She stroked his cheek. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

  He turned his face into her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. He bowed his head as pulled her hand from his cheek and positioned it palm up. He traced the grooves on her hand, which made her fingers twitch. She had never realized how sensitive her palm was.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered.

  He followed a line that made a wide arc around her thumb. “Life’s so short. I wish I knew how much time we had left so I knew how to live.”

  “What do you mean?”

  His looked at her, revealing bloodshot blue orbs swirling with emotions too complex to define. Her eyes flooded with tears as she stared at him. He was in agony and she couldn’t stand it.

  “You’re gonna be okay,” she said hoarsely as the rain began to come down more heavily, hitting the roof of the car with significant force.

  “Am I?” he asked as a tear slid down his cheek.

  “You’re the strongest man I know.”

  His damp eyes lit with an unholy light.

  “I need you.”

  His voice was rough, almost angry.

  “I’m right here,” she said unsteadily, unsure what he was asking for.

  “I need you.” His voice vibrated with meaning.

  She felt a thunderbolt of panic. “I can’t.”

  “Please.”

  He carried her hand to his crotch, which was tented. He forced her fingers to close around his cock.

  “You can make it all go away. Help me.”

  Her mouth went dry. “Jesse.”

  A trembling hand cupped her cheek. “I need you so much I can’t breathe,” he said through clenched teeth.

  She looked at the windshield, which had turned into a mini waterfall from the heavy downpour and then back at Jesse. Sweat dotted his forehead and chest. He was breathing heavily, as if he was wounded and couldn’t breathe past the pain. She knew exactly how he felt. When her fingers moved to his zipper, he closed his eyes and moved his hands away so she could do what she needed to. She didn’t let herself think. She leaned over the console as she pulled him out of his slacks. Her tongue swirled around his tip before she closed her mouth over him. His groan was loud enough to be heard over the rain and the distant crack of thunder. His hands landed in her hair and tugged restlessly as she worked him.

  When he cursed, she lifted her head. “Jesse?”

  His thumb moved over her wet lips. “I need more.”

  “What?”

  He had the same lust crazed expression he’d worn after she picked him up from the airport.

  “I need your pussy. I need your arms around me, your legs squeezing me so tight I can’t breathe. I need it all,” he said as he gripped his dick and squeezed.

  “Jesse—”

  He pressed his lips against hers. “Don’t fight me,” he pleaded as he kissed the corner of her mouth and then her cheek, ear, and chin. “Please, give me this. I’m not going to survive this if—”

  “Shh,” she soothed and pushed against his chest. “Let me go in the back.”

  For a moment, he froze and then he whispered, “Thank you.”

  He leaned back so she could crawl into the back seat, which was still in position from their last hookup. As she pulled her shirt over her head, Jesse awkwardly shimmied his way between the narrow opening and crawled toward her.

  “Let me—” she began, but she didn’t get to finish.

  He swung her to the ground, lifted her skirt, and thrust inside her. She screamed, but the sound was cut off when his mouth crashed onto hers. He ground into her, sinking so deep she fought back. He yanked on her hair and devoured her mouth savagely as he pumped feverishly until he climaxed. He threw back his head and roared, pounding his fist into the ground until it passed and he collapsed on top of her.

  She swallowed hard as she stared up at the familiar car ceiling. Thunder rolled overhead while the rain came down in sheets, obliterating her vision of the forest around them and turning the trees into obscure, watercolor paintings.

  Jesse groaned. “I’m sorry.”

  “Do you feel better?”

  He shifted his head so he could kiss her cheek. “No.”

  Her hand slid into his sweaty hair. “I’m sorry.”

  He shifted his hips and she gasped.

  “I don’t think I can feel okay today, but now I can breathe,” he said against her ear. “Thank you.”

  “We should—”

  He grabbed her face and turned it toward him. His lips covered hers and when she opened her mouth to protest, his tongue interrupted. Thoughts of the funeral slipped away as he paid homage—sucking on her nipples until she screamed and fucking her so slowly that she almost ripped his shirt as she urged him on. No matter what demands she mad
e or what she did to him, he kept his pace slow, almost reverent, and nudged her into a climax that made her shudder as if she was having a seizure.

  He brushed back her tangled hair. “I love you.”

  She tensed beneath him.

  “I’ll keep saying it till you believe me,” he said.

  “We should go.”

  He made no move to get off her. On the contrary, he began to rock against her. He was hard again and clearly not going anywhere until he came. His eyes searched hers with such intensity that she looked away. He pressed his lips against her cheek.

  “You can’t hide from me, Violet.”

  “Hurry up, we have to go!” she snapped.

  He ground her against the hard floor. She punched his shoulder.

  “Jesse!”

  “You can choose a different path for us,” he said hoarsely. “You can choose to forgive me, to love me, but you reject me instead. Anything you ask of me, I’d give. You’re all that I want, Violet.”

  “I can’t do this!”

  “You have to,” he hissed before he lifted her thighs and stabbed as deep as he could and spilled in her womb.

  He pressed his forehead against hers as he tried to catch his breath.

  “You know what hurts worse than saying goodbye to my mother today?”

  She stilled.

  “Knowing that the one person I love more than her is still here and doesn’t want to be with me.”

  He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips before he rolled off of her. She lay there for a full minute as pain lanced her heart. Minutes passed. She listened to the sound of his harsh breathing steady before she reached for her bag filled with everything she needed to make herself presentable again.

  She felt his eyes on her as she redid her makeup, smoothed her hair, and cleaned herself with a pack of Kleenex. She didn’t meet his eyes as she tended to him as well, brushing back his tangled hair and wiping away smears of lipstick.

  When she tried to move away, he wrapped an arm around her waist. “You can’t forgive me?”

  “We need to go,” she said in a monotone.

  “Violet.”

  She turned her face away as her eyes burned with tears. “I can’t do this today, Jesse.”

  When she pushed against his chest, his arm dropped away. She nabbed her shirt as she crawled into the front seat and slipped it on. Jesse followed and took his spot behind the wheel. She closed her eyes as he pulled away from the park and headed to the church. The short drive seemed to take an eternity. When the pulled up, they saw a bunch of cars in front, including her Jeep.

  Jesse reached for his jacket and shrugged it on before he grabbed an umbrella and came around to her side. She stepped out of the SUV and grabbed hold of him when her heels sank into the soggy grass.

  They walked into the church and were greeted by the funeral organizers and close friends who had arrived early to see if they could help with anything. She made small talk for a few minutes before she walked toward the stage where her father stood. There was a riot of flowers everywhere along with a photo of mom and a collage of images from her life.

  “Hey,” she said as she stopped beside her father.

  He didn’t acknowledge her. She wrapped an arm around his waist and squeezed.

  “Dad?”

  He stepped away and walked out the back door of the church. Her heart thudded in her ears as she watched him stand on the small landing, hands clasped behind his back as he stared out at the rain.

  An arm slipped over her shoulders. “Don’t take it personally,” Pastor Sonny said.

  She brushed away a tear and tried to cover up her hurt with a smile. “Right.”

  “He’s grieving. Everyone reacts differently. I’m working with him.” Pastor Sonny chucked her under the chin, something he used to do when she was a little girl. “It’s good to see you, Violet. Jesse, too.”

  “Thank you,” she said and tried to breathe past the pain.

  “I hope to see you in church in future.”

  She nodded because she couldn’t speak. As someone called his name and he moved away, she knew there was no way in hell she would step foot in this building again unless there was a wedding or funeral. She looked down the aisle and saw Jesse watching her from the opposite end. She turned away and tried to rein in her emotions. She wanted to be anywhere but here.

  Too soon, people began to arrive. She and Jesse took their posts near the stage to greet everyone and accept condolences. She was very aware of the fact that her father stayed on the back porch. Some of his friends went to talk to him, but no one could bring him inside the church. She glanced at Jesse who showed no trace of grieving. The tears and vulnerability he’d shown earlier had disappeared. She had never felt so alone.

  Pastor Sonny managed to bring Dad inside for the service. She sat between Dad and Jesse in the front row and stared straight ahead with her hands fisted on her lap. The service was mercifully short. She could barely hear the pastor talking with thunder cracking overhead. Neither she or Dad got up to speak, but Jesse did. He quoted one of Lynne’s favorite scriptures and spoke fondly of the woman who had made him into the man he was today. He made everyone laugh through the tears.

  When the service was over, she turned to Dad. “Can I ride with you to the wake?”

  He walked away as if he hadn’t heard her. She watched him walk through the rain to her Jeep, get in, and drive off without saying a word to anyone. Several people cast her sympathetic looks and pat her on the back.

  “Let’s go,” Jesse said.

  Neither of them said a word as they drove to the wake, which was being held at one of Lynne’s friend’s house. The wake wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to be. It was relaxed and casual. They ate and lounged around while telling stories about Lynne. Everyone wanted to know what her plans were now that she had moved back. She had no answers and said she was going to take it a day at a time.

  Dad showed his face at the wake only long enough not to be rude before he disappeared again. Jesse followed him outside and leaned on his window and spoke to him before he came back inside. When he caught her eye, he shrugged, indicating he wasn’t worried. She hoped he was right.

  When they pulled up to the house that evening, the Jeep was missing. She rubbed her aching temples.

  “Should I call him?” she asked Jesse in a voice hoarse from crying.

  “He’ll be fine. He just needs to be alone.”

  She walked into the house and looked up at him. Even he was showing strains from the draining day.

  “Are you going to be okay?”

  Moody eyes moved over her. “Eventually.”

  The darkness threatening to erupt from him made her stomach flutter. She stepped back and started toward her bedroom. She locked her door before she fell face first on the bed and bawled her eyes out.

  Fourteen

  She stared at the mess she had made of her room and threw her hands up in the air. It had been three days since the funeral. In an effort to keep herself busy, she unpacked, which had turned her room into a disaster area. Without Reese’s organizing skills, she had somehow barricaded her closet and bathroom door shut and couldn’t even make it to the bed without stepping over piles of crap. There were boxes everywhere and belongings she had no place for. She kicked a pile of clothes before she walked out. She felt as if she was coming out of her skin.

  She peeked in her parent’s bedroom even though she knew what she would find. Dad wasn’t there, of course. He left every morning before she and Jesse woke up and didn’t come home until they were asleep. She was alarmed, but Jesse wasn’t, so she wouldn’t call for an intervention just yet. She knew losing Lynne would devastate her father and had been prepared for many things, but his withdrawn coldness wasn’t one of them. She moved home to be here for him during this time and he deserted her. She felt as if she lost both of her parents and didn’t know how to handle it. She thought they could deal with this together, but he made it clear he wanted to be
alone, leaving her with no one to turn to.

  She glanced into Jesse’s bedroom, which was also empty. She felt a spark of relief when she found him sitting on the couch in the living room. He sat with his hands folded in his lap, eyes closed and head tipped back. She knew he wasn’t sleeping. He was trying to escape in his head, but it wasn’t working. She could feel grief radiating off of him. If Dad was here, she could focus on him, but he wasn’t so Jesse would be her substitute. She needed a distraction. Against her better judgment, she started forward.

  “Can I get you anything?” she asked.

  He opened bloodshot eyes and stared at her for a beat before he shook his head. He said little since the funeral. He was always around. She had a feeling if she wasn’t here, he would be out of the house like Dad. If she had really tight friends here, she might be with them, but she hadn’t reconnected with anyone enough to barf her feelings out on them. So, she was stuck in the house with pent up energy and her emotions tearing her in every direction.

  She settled on the opposite end of the couch and stared blindly at the blank TV. She clasped her hands between her knees and rocked back and forth to alleviate the pain. She felt so damn lost. Crying didn’t help. Keeping busy didn’t work either. She slept little in the past few days and couldn’t remember the last thing she ate. She wished Dad would stop avoiding her and just talk to her. She needed him more than ever.

  “Violet.”

  She whipped her head toward Jesse and saw he was watching her. He lifted his arm in an unspoken invitation she desperately needed. She dove at him, burying her face on his chest, and burst into tears. She cried so hard, she couldn’t catch her breath. His arms came around her, giving her the hug she craved, the comfort she felt she would perish without.

  “Shh, it’s okay,” he said as he stroked her hair.

  Contact, comfort. She needed it so badly, she was shaking.

  “I m-miss her s-so much,” she stammered.

  “I know. Me too.”

  “I-I don’t know what to do and Dad… I don’t know how to help him.”

  “Let him be, Vi.”

  “But he shouldn’t—”

  “He’ll work it out on his own.”