Starlight

by Bolryder, Terry

  “I mean… about children of your own.”

  He set down the fork and furrowed his brows as he sat back to think about it. His gaze flicked to hers and then at his plate. “I’ve never… pictured that for myself. For one, I’m pretty sure it’s biologically impossible.”

  “But if it wasn’t?”

  He shuddered. He actually visibly shuddered. “Then it should be avoided at all costs.” His eyes met hers, conciliatory. “I’m not averse to adoption, I suppose, but I never want to have my own biological child.” He shook his head gravely. “That would be bad.”

  “Why?” She set her fork down, frustrated. She’d known he didn’t like kids, but not that he hated the idea of having them this bad. “You would be a great father.”

  “You don’t know that,” he said. His expression looked lost, irritated, and she knew she had somehow tripped a live wire. “You don’t know about my history, where I’ve come from.”

  “Because you won’t tell me,” she said, exasperated.

  “Because it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to get you pregnant.”

  You already have, you jerk.

  She glared at him and then went back to taking a stubborn bite of her lasagna, chewing it while avoiding his eyes.

  When he spoke again, his tone was softened. “Do you want babies? Is that a deal breaker for you?”

  “I pictured having a family,” she said softly. “I mean, doesn’t everyone?”

  “Not me.”

  “I get that now, and I would never insist on it for you. But yeah, it’s something I’ve wanted.”

  He thought for a moment. “I mean, as I said, I could consider adoption.”

  At least he was willing to consider the future with her. That had to mean something.

  “I know I haven’t spoken much about my intentions,” Theo said, clasping his hands and looking up at her. “I’ve just been trying to enjoy our time together. It’s been more than I ever dreamed of. Every moment with you has been one I cherish.”

  “I’ve enjoyed it, too,” she said, wondering why her throat felt so tight.

  “I told you I wanted to show you something, and when you’re done eating, we can go.”

  Odd nervousness tightened her chest muscles. What could there possibly be for him to show? Was he just trying to distract from their conversation, or did it have something to do with that?

  “I… We do need to talk about it, Theo. I was always planning on still going…”

  “I know, but give me a chance, though,” he said eagerly. “I think I have something in mind that you’ll like. Something that would work for both of us.”

  Was it a wedding ring? As scary as that would be, she sure hoped so. It was the only way she could see all of this working out.

  “Okay, then, I’ll finish up here and we’ll go,” she said, getting back to her lasagna.

  Theo sat back in his chair, looking lost in thought, and she focused on her food, trying to regain her strength in case she got nauseated again.

  After all, knowing Theo, who knew what awaited her at his “surprise.”

  Chapter 14

  Theo’s heart raced as Ada joined him on the bike, and he knew after this moment, nothing would be the same.

  He’d been working on this in his spare time when he wasn’t out with Ada having fun together, and he thought he’d found the perfect solution for a human and a monster to live together.

  At least for some of the time.

  The house he picked was closer to town in a small community overlooking a golf course that surrounded a lake. Each of the houses was small, modern, luxurious, and a good distance from the one next to it.

  He thought it was a good mix of the things he liked about his home and Ada’s apartment, and they’d have a beautiful deck to sit on, with plenty of room to have people over if she wanted and an intimate, well-appointed space inside.

  As they pulled up and he parked in the driveway, he felt Ada’s arms tighten around him in surprise.

  He helped her off the bike and took her hand, practically dragging her up to the front door so he could ring the doorbell for show.

  As they stood on the porch, he admired the clean, quiet community in the evening light. Perfectly cut grass, modern steel railings around the stairs and front porch, cement accents mixed with artistic stone.

  The minute he’d seen it, he’d thought of her, a quiet, homey life together after work. At least most nights.

  She wrung her hands nervously as she followed him up the steps. A few wayward curls blew out of her ponytail, disturbed by the helmet she’d been wearing, and her brown eyes seemed upset somehow.

  She’d been acting odd ever since he saw her at the hospital that day, and though he hadn’t read her mind out of respect for her, he badly wanted to.

  But in a real relationship, you had to wait for your partner to tell you what was wrong.

  He was hoping it was just that she was having second thoughts about moving and she just needed more reassurance about what awaited her if she stayed.

  Fingers crossed anyway.

  “Does someone live here?” She looked around them, absorbing the quiet, peaceful night.

  But it didn’t relax her. Hopefully, this next part would.

  “You’ll see,” he said, taking a key out of his pocket. He heard a small intake of breath from her when he put it in the door and unlocked it. “Welcome home.”

  He held the door open, and she walked in, jaw hanging in shock. Then she pressed small hands to her mouth, walking forward as if in a daze. For some reason, one hand dropped to her stomach.

  Perhaps she was still feeling a bit sick? Maybe he shouldn’t have brought over Italian…

  “It’s… What is it?” She turned in a slow circle, noting the black-accented lighting fixtures, the gleaming white and gray marble, the dark hardwood floors.

  “You can decorate it however you like it. It’s our place now. At least it could be, if you say yes.”

  Her eyes shuddered, and she turned to him, her pretty pace flushing slightly. “Say yes to what exactly?”

  He blinked. Wasn’t it obvious? He held out his hands. “To this place. To me. I want to live together. At least some of the time.”

  She’d started to smile, but then her face fell. “What do you mean some of the time?”

  “We can keep our own places but still own this one together and spend most of our time here.”

  She cocked her head, using her teeth to worry her lower lip. “But… what does that mean?”

  “It means I want to show you I want to keep seeing you. Spending time together. I want us to have something going forward. I’m serious about us.”

  She just stared at him for a moment, her small hands tightening into fists, her full lips pursing. When her gaze met his, it was fiery. “Then why not marriage? Why not move into one of our houses? Or move into this one and sell them?”

  His heart felt like the Titanic right after it hit the iceberg. About to crack in half and sink to the bottom of the ocean.

  It had meant so much to him to offer this to her. It was the riskiest thing he could imagine, allowing himself to live even part time with a human.

  Full time was just impossible due to the fact the he still needed a place to clean up after he fed. A place to come back to himself without anyone seeing him.

  He hadn’t known it would be such an insult to offer this to her. Not when it was the most connection to another being he had ever offered in his life.

  The cold walls he used to keep his heart protected rose around him like silent sentinels, and he folded his arms in protest. “I thought you would like it. It’s a big step for me.”

  She blinked, and he wondered if those were tears sparkling at the edge of her lashes. “I know. But it’s not… everything.”

  His throat was tight. “I’m not sure everything is for someone… like me. I have responsibilities. I might be gone some nights. I still need time to myself sometimes. I don’t… know wh
at you’re asking.”

  She swiped at her lids and lowered her head. “Neither do I.” Then she straightened, facing him like a warrior ready to do battle. “No, I do know what I want. I want everything. I want normal. And I want it with you.”

  Too bad that was impossible.

  * * *

  Ada knew Theo had tried to make a grand gesture, but despite his intent, it might have been the worst thing he’d done so far.

  It was so close to what she’d wanted, everything she’d dreamed up, everything that was right for the baby. She didn’t see why he was hesitating. He already seemed to want to spend every waking minute with her, and that was after only a week.

  Why would he think they couldn’t live together, couldn’t get married?

  What the hell was holding him back?

  What he said and how he acted were two different things. When he held her, she felt love and commitment and a mutual longing for forever. For sticking together through everything as a team.

  At times like this, as he faced her, both stubborn and vulnerable, she felt only distance. Denial of what both of them seemed to want.

  He paced back and forth by the window in the front room. He’d picked a beautiful neighborhood. Immediately, her mind had gone to pleasant places, barbecues outside, maybe with neighbors. Quiet nights watching the golf course.

  He’d really picked the perfect place for her, if she could have chosen anything. But it wasn’t the perfect situation.

  “So what am I, some kind of mistress you meet up with here?”

  “No,” he said harshly, whipping around to face her. “How could you say that? You’re everything to me, Ada.”

  “But this isn’t everything,” Ada said. “This is half a life and you still hiding from me. If you set up a separate house to meet up with your lover, it sure looks like a secret.”

  “I just wanted a place that was just for us, that represented us having something. We can sell your apartment if you wish, and you can live here. And when I’m not at my place—”

  “But why would you ever be at your place? Why wouldn’t you want to be with me? Are you worried you’d get sick of me? Are you worried about making things permanent? Because that makes no sense. You’re irritated whenever you can’t come over.”

  He sighed. “I knew this wouldn’t be the usual human arrangement for cohabitation, but I had no idea it would be so insulting.”

  She shook her head. “It’s just not normal. It’s not what I was wanting.”

  “So if I can’t give you a home, a marriage, a normal life like any other human, you don’t want me? You’re going to move?”

  If he couldn’t even commit to both of them owning an apartment and no other separate residences, how could she ever hope for a commitment involving a child?

  How could she ever hope for a marriage, which was what her traditional-leaning heart had always wanted?

  She hadn’t really expected Theo to commit to her. She’d just wanted to spend a few good days with him. But throughout those days, she’d started to have hope.

  Now that hope was unbearably painful. More so than she ever could have thought.

  She felt like Icarus, flying so high that the sun had punished her with an awful, mortal fall.

  If only they’d used protection that first night.

  The thought made her angry because stupid, know-it-all Theo had been wrong about something so important. But she knew it was her fault, too, because she’d been too caught up in the moment to think about using protection as well.

  “Theo, why do you think you’re infertile?” she asked quietly.

  He cocked his head. “I’d rather not discuss that. But let’s just say I’ve done some tests.”

  “But is it one hundred percent certain?”

  “No,” he said. “But as close to certain as I can be, based on my research.”

  “And that’s all you’re going to tell me?”

  He stared at her blankly, looking very trapped. As he often did when the question was about him. Him, his work, his family, his history… anything.

  “How could I think we could start a life when there is still so much you aren’t telling me? Sometimes I get the feeling you’re unbearably honest. Other times I feel you’re hiding something so big it could crush us. Are you sick, Theo? Is that it?”

  He shook his head. “I just don’t want children. And this is what I can give you. Why isn’t it enough?”

  She folded her arms. “I think we should go back now. I’m feeling tired, and I need to think about all of this.”

  He opened the door so she could go outside and then locked it behind her, sighing. He followed her down the driveway.

  “I don’t understand, Ada. You’re attracted to me and I to you. You want me. I can feel it every time we touch. You care for me, or you would have gone long ago. Why are you so determined to leave?”

  She had no way to answer him that didn’t leave her even more vulnerable, so she just straddled the bike and pulled on her helmet so she didn’t have to talk to him.

  When they arrived at her place, she had slightly calmed down. Or maybe it was just resignation to the situation.

  It had taken five years and her giving her two weeks’ notice for Theo to even make a move on her, so it made sense that even having a love nest would seem like a commitment.

  But that combined with the fact that he hated children made him a bad candidate to be a dad.

  Still, she knew she would have to tell him, one way or the other.

  She palmed her stomach as she fished out her keys and put them in the lock to open her door as Theo shifted back and forth nervously behind her.

  As she opened it and turned to say good night, she saw him standing rigidly, hands in fists at his sides, legs spread shoulder-width apart.

  “I don’t… I don’t understand. I can’t give you everything, but I’m trying. This is huge for me.”

  “I know,” she said. “I’m not saying it wasn’t. It’s just… That’s not the kind of girl I am. I never expected anything, really. I knew I would still have to move. You’re wonderful, Theo, but I don’t want you to force yourself into a life you don’t want for me. Even if you could just because you don’t want me to leave.”

  “It’s more than that, Ada. Can’t you feel that?”

  “I thought so,” Ada said. “But I can’t be sure. And… I can’t just wait here, hoping for something that’s not going to happen.”

  “We can have an amazing life together if you stay,” Theo said. “The only thing I can’t give you is a normal, boring life.”

  Her heart twinged at the way he’d just downplayed all her dreams. “I want a normal, boring life. Theo, I’m pregnant.”

  Whatever reaction she’d been expecting, it wasn’t the one she got.

  Theo stepped back so hard he hit the railing and had to grab on not to fall off. His face went ghostly white, and his eyes dropped to her stomach. “M-mine?”

  She nodded.

  His jaw clenched as he lowered his head, slumping slightly against the railing. As she looked closer, she realized he was shaking.

  She reached out for him, wondering why he suddenly looked so… scared.

  His eyes met hers, wild with panic, and he dodged, avoiding her touch. “Are you sure? Are you positive?” he asked rapidly.

  She nodded. “I took a test. It’s odd it came back so soon, but I guess the timing was perfect.”

  He was so still it was like a ghost had appeared in front of him, something unbelievably scary and impossible to face.

  He shook his head, facing away from her, and uttered one word. “Shit.”

  Then he was running down the stairs away from her and hopping on his bike.

  Before she could even run after him, he was speeding away into the darkness, disappearing out of sight as the roar of his motorcycle faded.

  Holy shit, she’d told the father of her baby she was pregnant and he’d literally run from her.

  What the
hell was she supposed to do now?

  Chapter 15

  He’d killed her.

  The one woman who meant more to him than anyone else in the world, and he’d killed her.

  Had he killed her?

  He wracked his brain as he rode his bike in the direction of Nathan’s mansion, not knowing where else to go at this moment.

  He knew it was hypocritical that he’d stayed away from his brothers because it benefitted him and that he’d said awful things about them settling down with human women.

  Now he’d been trying to do what he thought was a smarter version of that, and it had backfired. How the hell had he gotten her pregnant?

  He wasn’t even supposed to ejaculate, though he had that first night with her. He assumed that was just part of actually being with a woman, but then again, what did it mean?

  He had assumed he was infertile, based on the fact that he wasn’t even close to human and on tests he’d done on his own body and semen.

  Dear God, what would a creature like him do when it was growing inside her? How had he not picked that up?

  There was no one else he could talk to at this moment. He couldn’t tell Ada he had impregnated her with a monster and that he didn’t know if it would take her life.

  He couldn’t tell her he’d made a terrible error and that after one hundred years of trying to be so very careful, he’d fucked up in the worst way possible.

  If he could trade his life for hers, he would.

  But perhaps he was being dramatic. For a second, he considered the thought that she had been with someone else, but in his heart, he knew that was wrong. She’d been with him all the time. The way she looked at him… it was like she wanted everything.

  He felt guilty for even considering the thought.

  Perhaps it had been a bit of wishful thinking. He’d rather her carry another man’s baby, no matter how enraged it made him, as long as she was safe.

  She meant everything to him. The little house he’d bought them might not be much to her, but to him it was a huge step toward a normal life not meant for a nightmare like him.