Bite Me Spider: An Eight-Legged Nightmare

by Nora Penn

  Here Bigsby heaved a great sigh. “But of course, the cure was only momentary. I knew the tumor had come back because my visions returned. And this time they were stronger than ever. I even had a vision about someone coming down from Boston to visit me. Although I didn’t know that he would look like you, or that he would bring a daughter with him.”

  “If I get out of these chains I’m going to kill you…” James hissed. He knew it probably wasn’t wise to make such a declaration, but he couldn’t help himself.

  “I’m not surprised that you’re so angry. After all, there’s a great chance that your daughter may die. There’s no guarantee that my vision is one hundred percent accurate. If your daughter lives, I’ll take her to Booth Memorial Hospital, which still has a functioning MRI machine, and see if she’s cured. If she dies, well then we’ll know the answer…”

  James struggled once more against his chains, even though he knew that it would do him no good. The fact is that he couldn’t sit there silently and allow this bastard to experiment on his child.

  “Well, here goes nothing…” Bigsby sighed and put on a pair of medical gloves that he had on hand. Then he produced a large pair of forceps. He flipped the latch on the cat box and carefully opened the front hatch.

  There was a rattling hiss as the spider inside the box scuttled to avoid the forceps. Bigsby chased it around for a moment and then managed to seize the little beast. He extracted it and held it far from his body, lest he be bitten by accident.

  As dangerous as the blue spider was, James had to admit the creature was quite handsome. It was all in all a far more pleasant spider to look at than its cousin, the Black Hermit Spider that had been causing so much chaos as of late. It was a bright blue color, almost like a sapphire, and the black cross emblazoned on its back was quite magnificent, as if it had been designed by some omniscient entity.

  As Bigsby carried the beast over with his forceps, Carol’s eyes grew bigger, although whether out of fear or wonder, James couldn’t tell. The fisherman again struggled against his chains and again he got nowhere.

  “Be brave, sweetheart!” he cried out to his daughter.

  “Okay Daddy!” Carol shouted back.

  “Now little girl…” Bigsby said, addressing Carol. “I’m going to let this spider bite you on the arm. It may hurt a little, but it’s just going to be one bite, and then I’ll put him back in his cage. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” Carol said with a firm voice.

  “Okay, good. Then here we go…”

  Bigsby carried the bright blue spider over to the little girl, but then discovered, to his consternation, that he’d tied her up in such a manner that the coils of rope covered her upper arms.

  “Hmmm,” he said dejectedly. “I seem to have tied your daughter up in such a way that her arms are covered. This is a problem, you see, because according to my vision, the spider has to be put on the upper arm. I could try doing it differently…” he added. “But that might change the results.”

  The slovenly bastard paused and then reluctantly returned the blue spider to its cage.

  “Okay,” he said to Carol. “I’m going to untie one of your arms. But I want you to promise me that you’re going to be a good little girl and not try to escape. After all, we wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you or your daddy. Now would we?”

  “I promise,” Carol said.

  “You promise what?” Bigsby asked to double-check that she was on the same page.

  “I promise to be a good little girl.”

  “Okay, good,” he said and began to untie her. He got her left arm loose and then stopped there, so that Carol was still secured by the rope to the chair she sat on.

  After untying her arm, he once again picked up the forceps and once again reached inside the cat box for the blue spider. After some more chasing it around, he got ahold of it and then pulled it out. The creature wriggled incessantly as he carried it through the air.

  “This should feel like a tiny sting…” he said, and set the creature down on Carol’s arm.

  The little girl looked down at the beast. James, who was watching intently and still struggling against his chains, couldn’t fail to notice the bravery in his daughter’s eyes.

  The spider began to inch its way up her arm.

  Carol looked intently at the spider and addressed it directly.

  “Bite me spider!”

  As if the blue spider had heard her command, it reared back its little head, revealing a pair of tiny blue fangs, and drove the needle-like points into Carol’s exposed flesh. The little girl cried out in a high pitched squeak.

  “There, there…” Bigsby said. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

  He picked the spider up again with the forceps and returned it to its cage, closing the lid and sliding over the latch.

  James watched intently. He was beyond worried. His nerves were in knots as he scanned his daughter’s face for any conceivable change in her mood or condition. But for all his concern, her look remained much the same.

  “Well, so far so good…” Bigsby said to no one in particular. “I guess we’ll just wait and see.”

  At that point, the slovenly schmuck ambled over to where he had his URH radio set up and picked up the mouthpiece. He sat down and began playing with the dial. The familiar sound of static came on.

  Bigsby cleared his throat a few times and then smoothed the wispy hairs on his head. Once he was finished with his preparations, he pressed the button on his handheld microphone.

  “Dear Citizens of the United States. This is President Atticus Balthazar…”

  James couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

  “We are in trying times, America. Trying times! It must be admitted that not a single one of us – not one man, woman, or child – has been left unscathed by our current crisis. Acknowledging this sad truth, it is imperative that each and every one of us does our solemn duty to uphold our civilizational standards. Yes, we must each try extra hard. We must each go that extra mile. We must each take our middle finger and insert it EXTRA DEEP into our anus!”

  James had had as much as could handle. He waited until this pause in Bigby’s fake presidential presentation and then shouted: “Don’t listen to him! He’s not the president!”

  He continued to shout accusations. Even as James bellowed he realized that he was partially losing his marbles. He suspected there was more going on than just him wanting to warn the populace. He was also fearful about his daughter’s safety and frustrated at his inability to solve their dilemma.

  Bigsby quickly turned off the microphone and got up in a huff.

  “I have had enough of your shenanigans!” the slovenly bastard shouted angrily. He stomped over to where he had some supplies and picked up a roll of duct tape.

  “I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice!” he hissed and tore off a length of tape. Then he stretched the piece out in his hands and put it over James’ mouth, which of course meant that it was stuck on his mustache and beard. James realized that would be a bitch to get off later, if he somehow managed to survive this unfortunate episode.

  “And just to be safe…” Bigsby muttered to Carol, “…I’m going to tape your mouth shut also.”

  He tore off another, smaller length of tape and put this over Carol’s mouth, to prevent her from pulling a stunt like her father.

  “That should keep the two of you quiet for a while…” Bigsby said, plainly satisfied with himself.

  “By the way,” he said as an aside to James. “I see that your daughter hasn’t yet perished from the blue spider’s bite. That certainly bodes well, don’t you think? And who knows? She might even be cured of her cancer, in which case you would owe me a great deal of thanks. Wouldn’t you? That’s something for you to think about as you sit there quietly.”

  James was seething with anger, of course, but his fury had abated by at least one iota. And the reason for this incremental abatement was because he could see – out
of the corner of his eye – that Carol was quietly tugging at the rope that secured her to the chair. The fact is that Bigsby had neglected to tie her arm back up after he’d loosened the ropes to give the blue spider access to her arm. Once again, James had to hand it to his daughter. She was brave beyond words and wise beyond her age.

  Their captor sat back down at his URH radio and smoothed a few wisps of his wild hair that had popped out of formation while he shouted at James.

  “My apologies ladies and gentlemen, we’ve had a small disturbance, but everything is back in order…”

  He cleared his throat again and did his best imitation of President Balthazar. “As I was saying, I want you each to take your finger and insert it deeply into your anus. And this time, I expressly want you to each spin on your finger. That’s right. I want you each to spin, just like a top! Should you have any hesitation about doing this, just remember it is your patriotic duty!”

  As Bigsby carried on with his bizarre soliloquy, James watched his daughter wriggle her right arm out of the ropes that bound her. Now she only needed to untie her legs and she would be free. Of course, if she were to lean forward and reach down she might blow her cover, causing Bigsby to come back over and re-tie her, and so for the time being she played possum and pretended that she was still fully tied up.

  James wanted to whisper some words of advice to her, but was prevented by the duct tape over his lips. But it soon became apparent that this was the least of his concerns. Because on the other side of the rooftop, something far more drastic was occurring. Something that threatened to “change the game,” as it were. For in the far corner James could see that their giant spider steed had managed to get the chain that secured it into its mouth and was chewing away at the links. The beast had already managed to pry one of the links half way open. It was only a matter of time – perhaps even seconds – before the creature would be free.

  The fisherman’s eye shot to Carol. He could tell that his daughter had also seen the spider’s action, because she turned and looked at James with worry in her eyes. It was obvious from her expression that she desperately wanted to reach down and untie her legs, but that feared to lest she alert their captor.

  As for Bigsby, he was so involved with his imitation of the president, that he was oblivious to both James and Carol and to the spider which was well on its way to freeing itself. This was also because his back was turned to the beast. In addition, the loud static from the URH did a good job of obscuring any other nearby sounds.

  Bigsby got to the end of his presidential spiel and delivered what was considered President Balthazar’s famous sign off…

  “Until tomorrow, this has been President Balthazar. God bless each and every one you…and God Bless America.”

  Bigsby turned off the URH and then turned around his chair. A wide smile creased his fat face. It was very obvious that the slovenly bastard was very pleased with himself.

  “Sorry buddy…” he said smugly. “But not everyone survives the spider apocalypse.”

  He gave both James and Carol a little wink.

  There was a snapping of metal as the chain that held the giant spider was wrenched apart. The ravenous beast was suddenly free from its constraints. As James and Carol watched in horrified stupefaction, the giant spider shot like lightning across the rooftop towards Bigsby, whose back was still turned towards the beast.

  When Bigsby heard the commotion behind him he turned around, but it was too late. The last thing he saw was the wide open mouth of the voracious spider.

  Crunch!!!

  The spider’s mandibles closed around Bigsby’s neck, slicing through the fat folds of flesh and snapping his brittle spinal column in one swift action. Bigsby’s head was detached from his body, his truncated scream caught in his throat.

  It was a sickening sight and for perhaps the hundredth time James was sorry that his daughter had to be on hand to witness something so gruesome. For a girl of such a young age she had seen more horror and bloodshed than most military men see in their entire careers.

  Speaking of Carol, James looked over and noticed that his daughter was reaching down and hastily untying herself. In a few seconds she would be free.

  Having removed Bigsby’s head, the spider set about eating the spherical object, spinning it around with its two front legs and nibbling on it here and there in much the same way a raccoon eats an apple. The spider cleaned the object of its skin, so that only a bleached white skull remained, and then popped this morsel into its mouth like a big piece of popcorn. There was a loud crack as Bigsby’s skull was shattered and then the soft popping sound of his brain being chewed. James grimaced as he heard the sound.

  When the spider finished the head it moved on to devouring the rest of its meal. Needless to say, it was a nauseating spectacle and James felt his stomach turn. He worried not only that his daughter would have post-traumatic stress disorder for the rest of her life, but that he would as well. But when he shot a glance at Carol he saw that she was diligently working her way out of her confines and was almost free.

  The spider made short work of Bigsby. Although James felt bad about Bigsby dying such an awful death, the fact is that the spider attacking Bigsby first is precisely what gave him and Carol a chance to live. But alas, now that the spider was done with their captor it lifted its head to look at James.

  At that very same instant, Carol untied herself and sprang away from the scene. James might have yelled for her to come back and untie him, but he knew that such an action would have been futile. The spider would eat both of them before she could even begin. The fisherman swallowed a lump in his throat as he realized that Bigsby was just an appetizer. It was plain that he – James – would be the spider’s main course.

  The spider proceeded to the scamper across the rooftop. As it approached, James could see Carol rummaging in her One Direction backpack, although what she was looking for, he hadn’t a clue.

  The spider lurched forward with James’ fishing knife still sticking out of the top of its head. It seemed a bit slower than just a moment before, when it had attacked Bigsby. Perhaps this was because it was full from its first meal. Or maybe it was because it had some recognition of James as its former rider, and perhaps had the sense of primitive loyalty that a pet has for its master. James banished this thought as the spider opened its mouth to engulf his head.

  From having observed how the beast ate Bigsby, James knew that its method was to pull off its prey’s head first and then eat the body. In a weird way he was almost thankful this was the case, since this meant that his death would be quick. He might even have given up hope at that point were it not for the desperate urge to break free so that he could rescue Carol. He knew that as brave as the little girl was, there was no chance that she would survive by herself in the world, or that she would be able to make it back north to be with her mother. And so it was that he bucked and struggled against his chains. It was so he could rescue his daughter.

  The spider’s mandibles were just about to close around his head when they suddenly opened back up again in what could only be called a spider’s scream. James closed his eyes although this hardly helped shield him from the terrible sound.

  The spider’s scream was something uniquely awful, like a million bats being doused with lava and a trash can full of rodents being dragged over gravel. It chilled James to the core. And what’s more the spider’s breath was a stink worse than shit and rotting meat combined. And this blew in a gust directly into his face.

  As to what caused the spider to scream, James would soon find out. As he opened his eyes back up they were met with a sight that he had never in a million years expected to see. Carol was standing under the spider’s belly. In her hand was the long fang that she had taken from the giant spider they’d killed inside the 7-11. His brave daughter had somehow managed to drive the point of the fang into the belly of the spider, cutting it open like a knight cutting open the belly of a dragon.

  Great globs of black
slime fell from the beast’s cut open stomach and James worried that this disgusting fluid would get on his daughter, but she adroitly stepped aside and let the gore slide onto the rooftop.

  The spider, mortally wounded, proceeded to throw a tantrum as it died. It continued to scream, although with less and less verve. It was basically running out of steam, like a broken down and rusted machine. Its legs continued to thrash, but they were wholly ineffective, and its mandibles opened and closed like the mouth of a fish struggling at the bottom of James’ boat after a big catch.

  Carol ran over to her father. James wanted to say something to her but his mouth was still taped up. His daughter pulled the tape off in one swift movement, which still hurt like hell but was a hundred times better than if she did it slowly.

  “Unlock this padlock, dear,” James said, indicating the lock that held the chains in place. “The key is over on Bigsby’s table.”

  “Okay Daddy!” Carol ran over to the table, retrieved the key, and returned to open the padlock. As soon as the lock was opened, James freed himself from the chains.

  The giant spider, meanwhile, continued to twitch in a heap beside them. To hasten its departure to whatever spidery hell awaited it, James walked over to it, grabbed the hilt of the fishing knife, and drove it deeper into the spider’s brain. There was a loud SQWUNCH and the light in the spider’s eyes went dark. Black blood oozed from its mouth and it sank into a pile of bent legs and slime.

  “We did it!” Carol said to her father. “We killed the spider!”

  “Correction,” James said. “You did it. You killed the spider all by yourself.”

  Carol smiled bashfully.

  “How is your arm, sweetheart? Did that spider bite hurt you?”

  “Just a little,” Carol said and glanced down at her arm. Two tiny red spots were visible but they weren’t bleeding. As for the blue spider, the beast was still alive and watching them from its cage.

  “Well, we’ll get it checked out at the hospital as soon as we can. The important thing is that you’re alive. We’re both alive and that’s something we should be grateful for.”