Discovering Maggie

by KT Morrison

  Max had watched it all.

  And being viewed, that simple act of her husband-to-be witnessing those actions, had turned that pleasure 180 degrees into completely shameful sin. The aftermath of that sex with Cole had left her awash in enormous guilt. And now since she was sure Max had watched, had orchestrated the whole evening, all that passion she’d felt with Cole was seen in a carnival mirror. Distorted, ugly, manipulated, shocking. Untrue. Her heart felt crushed. She’d soared to where she’d never gone, now she was realizing it was all a dream. It was all her wicked Max’s sex fantasy. He’d given her a gift, and all its allure was only rented. Not hers forever, but hers for an evening. Something in Cole’s eyes had told her it was real, and now faced with reality, she didn’t know how much of it was part of the play. She was afraid to ask.

  There was much she wanted to say, but she was frightened. So she turned her eyes back to the road, watched the fairy lights of Jamestown sail past, the muffled power of the Mercedes evident, her Cole working her father’s car with some precision, getting them onto the gravel hills that led to the southern point of Conanicut. He stopped at the gate to the house, unsure of how to open it. She’d fallen into reverie, an elbow on the sill of the door, her cheek in her palm. She reached across the console and fingered the car’s control screen. The gates to her home opened wide for them and Cole drove through.

  Walking the driveway together he took her arm. She let him. She was still unsure in her heels and the deflating events of the evening had left her unwilling to strut for him. All that little girl sass she’d left the house with extinguished. If it weren’t gravel, she would have kicked the shoes off and continued barefoot.

  “You don’t hate me do you?” he said.

  “Hate? No.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  “I don’t even know, Cole.”

  At the door she punched the security code and walked through the kitchen. Cole followed, and she didn’t stop him. They passed through the hall, under the eyes of father’s cameras though she was sure she didn’t care any more. Up the stairs and to her room, Cole was still behind her, silent and slow, keeping his distance.

  In her bedroom she kicked the heels off finally and went into her closet alone. Cole lingered by the bed, his hands in the pockets of his trousers. She shrugged off the dress, found comfortable clothes. The normal Maggie things; a comfortable, expensive sweatshirt with a wide neck and some leggings. No panties because those were in a drawer in her dresser and Cole was out there. She slipped low socks on, then a pair of pure white K-Swiss.

  She grabbed her travel bag, went into her room, threw it on the bed and rifled things into it.

  “So what are we doing?” she asked him without looking up.

  “What do you mean?” he said.

  “Well, what fucking is supposed to happen now?” she said, rifling her iPad into the bag.

  Cole came around the bed and he held her wrists.

  “Don’t, Cole,” she said, but she didn’t struggle.

  “Maggie, what’s going on? What do you mean what’s happening now? ...Why are you so mad?”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “Maggie, don’t... We didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “You did.”

  “I’m sorry. I know he’s sorry too.”

  “Take me home.”

  “Home to—”

  “Take me to Farmingham. I want to go home.”

  “Maggie, I’m not leaving Max here.”

  He stood before her in the quiet room, the sound of his suit jacket brushing against his shirt as he breathed. Both her hands came up to cover her face.

  “Max was watching,” she said.

  Cole put his arms around her, and he held her and there was that feeling again. As reluctant as she was to acknowledge it, Cole made her feel safe when she was in his arms.

  “I’m ashamed of myself,” she whispered through the gap between her hands.

  “Ashamed? Why?”

  “Ashamed of the sex we had.”

  “How could you be ashamed of that?”

  “The things we did. I did them with you. It was private...but Max watched. They were for me and you.”

  “I’m so sorry, Maggie.”

  “The things you did to me...”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ve never had sex like that.”

  He was nodding above her, then his chin coming down to rest on the crown of her head.

  She softly whispered, “My body has never reacted like that.”

  “It was incredible.”

  “Cole...it was so incredible.”

  Cole breathed against her, and she pressed tighter to him. His breaths came quicker. He said, “He’s not here now...”

  Putting her palms flat on his chest, she looked up in his eyes, saw him looking down at her. She made to speak, stopped, sucked her lower lip under her teeth. After a moment, she said, “No, he’s not...”

  Maybe her chin moved first, maybe his dipped low first, but her eyes were on his lips and she watched them slowly come toward her. She pressed hers to his, felt them warm and soft, plump, her heart pounded in her chest. His strong hands swept her back, up and down, settling finally, both of them, laced over the small of her back. Her hands went up the sides of his neck, her fingers working around his ears, her thumbs tracing the hard stubbled line of his jaw.

  Then they were falling back on the bed, him on top of her. A tear was squeezed from an eye and it rolled back into her hairline above her ear. She peeled her own shoes off with her toes, let her knees fall wide, let Cole put his weight over her body. His hand traveled under her sweatshirt, slipped under the tight waist of her yoga pants and she thrust her hips to meet his fingers. He worked her sex with her rapidly rising excitement. Their kisses grew with lust, their breaths heaving. A finger slipped inside her. Then two, and she squeezed them as hard as she could with the muscles of her belly. Her sex gushed around his intrusion, she felt the tickle of rolling rivulets between her ass cheeks. She ached for his cock. She felt it against her thigh. Hard and ready, the wide cable underneath it grinding into her soft flesh.

  She kissed his neck, and he lifted his chin to let her. Her hands worked the buttons of his shirt, opening them all the way down, and then she kissed his skin, took a nipple in her mouth, sucked on its tight masculine shape. He groaned, and the rumble in his chest excited her, made her hips buck against the fingers he plunged in and out of her. Nails scratched his bare skin, slipping underneath the open shirt, tracing around his back, feeling the heat of his skin, feeling the beautiful movement of his muscles.

  Then he was over top of her, his hard cock pressing into her pussy, his hand roaming up her body, under her sweatshirt, warm against her eager skin. His mouth went over hers but she gasped into his kiss for him to stop.

  “Wait,” she said, “wait, wait, wait...”

  “What?”

  “No, stop, Cole,” she said, even while speaking the words her hips were grinding against his hardness, and she could feel the width of his cock pressing her excited labia apart through the thin material of her pants.

  “Stop?” he said, breathy and disappointed.

  “Stop,” she said, “please.”

  He groaned again, this time it was defeated and tinged with disappointment and he lay his head on her chest. “Fuuuck,” he sighed, his hips still working his erection into her.

  “I know, I know...Right? ...”

  “You're right,” he sighed. Now he lay his forehead against her chest, and she let her hands smooth the hot skin of his back, enjoying it, but still attempting to de-escalate their passion.

  He rolled off her, lay side by side with her, both of them looking up at the incredibly high ceiling of her concrete bedroom. He lay a forearm across his forehead and his breathing still came with excited urgency. “What’s happening...what is happening with us...?”

  “I don’t know, Cole,” she gasped.

  She sat up, straightened her sweatshirt
, pulled it down to cover her tummy. She stared at her shoes laying on the floor next to her bed, one sole side down, the other laying on its side. Pulled off in a moment of intense passion. Evidence of what was transpiring between her and her best friend. It was so obvious though, wasn't it? So natural. The attraction between them wasn't something surprising. At one time it had been forbidden and duty and protocol had kept them on their best behavior. Only now her Max had stripped away all sense of decency and procedure...

  That wasn't true at all, really. Just one way to look at it. In fact she had acknowledged nothing she may have ever felt for her Max's best friend (and later her best friend), because she thought he was out of her league. She was just happy to be his friend so that others could see her associated with him. And while there had never been a moment that transpired between them in the years they knew each other, the moment Max had loosened her leash, she’d gone for Cole. Unzipped him, put her mouth on him while Max watched. That wasn’t for Max and none of this was Max's fault.

  Her feet slipped back into the sneakers, and she hunched forward, sighed heavily and Cole sat up next to her. He rubbed her back and then hugged her to his side, kissed the top of her head.

  “I have to get out of here,” she whispered.

  He helped her gather up her things, and they went back downstairs. In the kitchen she found a fresh sheet of paper and she used a pen to leave her parents a note. She thanked them for the hospitality and she thanked her mother for taking the time with her today to help her select a wedding dress. Told them she would call them tomorrow, that Cole was passing through the area and that they’d gone to dinner and she might as well get a ride back to Vermont tonight rather than shuttle her way back tomorrow. She thanked her father for the talk they had today. She signed it, slapped the pen down and shut the lights, left without looking back.

  They climbed up into Cole’s Jeep and went out the gate and down the gravelly road, the headlights bouncing along the towering trees that lined the way.

  As they passed through Jamestown, she turned to Cole and regarded him again. Watched his handsome face as he eyed the road, lit from the gauges. His hand worked the gearshift. When he finally looked over at her, she smiled. He smiled back.

  She told him she would go to Harvard for law next year. The happiness didn't leave his face, but it washed with a darkness, his eyes narrowing, his jaw muscles flexing. He held his open hand out, palm up, and she put her fingers through his and squeezed.

  10

  Midnight

  Sunday, October 8th

  He woke from sleep with the sound of the heavy door of the suite closing. He snapped upright, a sharp intake of breath scoring through his nose. Maggie and Cole stood at the door. Maggie in front, Cole behind her, one hand on her waist.

  The fire had dwindled, and they glowed in a dark orange. He stared at them a long moment and they stood blankly, watching him. He looked away, over to the side of the bed, the clock turned over to midnight.

  Out of bed, he crossed to the steps that led to the lower level. Paused there. Maggie bit her lip, her eyes watching him, blinking. She wore a sweatshirt now, leggings and sneakers. She tossed her purse onto the couch and stepped toward him. With fearful hesitation, he put a foot down, came to her level, stepped toward her. Now they were both moving, walking with restraint and stiffness towards each other. Her brow furrowed, her eyes gleamed with wet, and her mouth curled in a wriggling bow as they came together and his arms circled her. His heart exploded in his chest at the feel of her against him. Thin arms went around his back and she hugged him weakly.

  “Oh, Maggie,” he whispered in her ear, “Maggie, I'm so sorry, I don't know what I’m doing anymore...”

  “Why did you do that to me, Max?”

  “I don't even know...I thought...you wanted that...”

  “Maxy, I cheated on you. I really cheated on you.”

  Now he felt the sting of betrayal. As if it hadn't been clear to him before, like it was a blurry picture and he thought he could make it out, could see the shapes that warbled in the image. But now, hearing her words, it was razor sharp. She knew she had cheated. And if she knew it, then it was. It was true. She had cheated on him. Didn't know this was a game at all. Her infidelity was real. Cole had sold him on it being acceptable because it was safe and they all loved each other. But it was profoundly wrong. And they were both party. A hard lump formed in his belly, and his breath came with struggle. But instead of recoiling, instead of suffering, he hugged her harder. The more he squeezed her the greater the joy he felt. He loved her completely, and he would never let her go. If that was also true then this evening was nothing. All that was left was her hurt but he could soothe that.

  “I did it, I made it happen, Maggie. I knew you would. I knew it was okay...”

  “How can it be okay, Maxy?”

  “Because I love you so much.”

  “I love you too, Max,” she whispered, and her hand clawed the back of his neck. They kissed. It was stiff, awkward, but he welcomed her cool, wet lips.

  Cole said, “You two are okay, right?”

  Max turned to see him, arms folded, leaning his butt on the back of the couch, the dim fire glowing behind him.

  Maggie said, “We’re fine.”

  “We are. We’re fine, right?” Max said to her, turned back to look in her eyes.

  “You tell me,” she said, her mouth poised neutrally, afraid to smile.

  “You tell me,” he said. Also not smiling. Also not sure. What happened was a big mistake and everything in him wanted to pick her up and be the way they were before she left but there was some sort of unseen barrier between them. Nothing was stopping them from embracing and forgetting, but a film had slipped in between them, coated them, made each other too slippery to hold. He’d wanted to watch her cheat. He’d been rewarded. But that meant she had cheated. She was mad at herself for cheating, unsure what it meant that he wasn’t mad she’d cheated, and then also struggling with the anger that her two best friends had orchestrated the whole thing. He imagined that, given she had not one other person in the world to turn to, she was stuck accepting what they'd done to her for the moment. He hoped deep down, she felt the way he did, she wanted to move past this and return to their feelings before she left Farmingham.

  “I’m fine,” she said quietly.

  “I’m fine too,” he said. Their bodies had come away, and he wanted so much to pull her back, squeeze her tightly again, but part of him worried she would reject him, part of him worried that she didn’t want that right now. He let them part farther, but he took both her hands in his. She had trouble meeting his eyes.

  “Well, what the fuck,” Cole said. “I guess...I guess we’re staying here tonight.” He crossed from the couch, passed them, stepped up to the raised end of the room, onto the quiet carpet.

  Max said, “Is that okay, Maggie? You okay to stay here?”

  “What else are we going to do? It’s midnight...”

  Over his shoulder, Cole said, “I’m way too tired to drive. I’m crashing.” He shrugged the suit jacket off and threw it on to the couch at the foot of the bed. The place where all those wonderfully bad things had transpired. He put his hands on his hips and regarded both of them. Max noticed his shirt had been re-buttoned so it was aligned properly, and he had a sudden punch in his stomach, wondering what transpired while they were away. Maggie changed clothes. They’d gone to her house. Were her parents home? What if they fucked again behind his back?

  He squeezed her fingers between his and looked in her eyes again. “Maggie, I love you so much.”

  She cocked her head, winced. “I know, Max. I love you too.”

  He ventured, “Maggie, I didn’t want to hurt you...we wanted you—”

  “I don’t want to talk about it, Max.”

  “Okay,” he said, everything in him wanting to gush his feelings to her. He’d drop to his knees and plead if Cole wasn’t here watching.

  “It's fine, Max,” she said a
gain before slipping her fingers away from his. She turned and stepped up to the raised end, walked to the side of the bed.

  Cole still stood, hands on hips and she walked right past him, Cole’s head swiveling to follow her. He looked back to Max and shrugged, chewed his lip.

  At the side of the bed, she loosened her ponytail, took the tie out and shook her hair free. Unclasped her jewelry and placed it on the bedside table, then pulled her shoes off with her toes. Turning her back to them, she pulled her shirt up over her head and tossed it to a padded chair sitting again the wall. She covered her breasts with a forearm and slipped under the sheets. Her knees came up as she dug her heels into the bed, working under the covers to take her yoga pants off. A bare arm came out and flung them to the chair. She tossed, turned, lay on her side.

  Cole’s eyes held Max’s, and he couldn’t tell what his friend was feeling. Were they both mad at him? This was Cole’s idea. But then again there had been the big revelation about Jay Carmichael. He supposed Maggie spilled her guts to Cole while they were away together. What could she have said? Were the two of them working against him now?

  Cole moved to the opposite side of the bed, undid his shirt, pulled off his pants and socks. Got into bed next to her completely naked. They didn’t touch, didn’t acknowledge each other. Cole lay on his back, looking at the canopy of the bed, Maggie lay facing him, her eyes closed.

  “Yeah,” Max sighed, joined them, coming to bed on the same side as Maggie, slipping his sweats off, getting naked and slipping in behind the woman he loved. He lay a hand on her waist and she didn’t shoo him away. No one made a move, all of them laying there quietly breathing. Eventually Cole leaned to the side and switched off the light. Soon they were all asleep.